Friday, February 02, 2007

More Bad Luck for Melo

Carmelo Anthony and J.R. Smith were involved in a fender bender on their way to the team shootaround.
Neither player was injured and both will play against Portland.
They missed the shootaround so they could take care of paperwork following the accident.
Team spokesman Eric Sebastian said Smith was driving one of Anthony's cars but didn't have any other details.

That's Not a Hair Question

The two douches responsible for the Boston bomb scare held a great press conference after their court appearance. They emerged and said they wanted to talk about a very serious issues "hairstyles of the 1970s." Watch and enjoy the rest.

The NFL Hates Jesus

The NFL's ban on mass viewings of Sunday's Colts-Bears Super Bowl game is forcing some churches to cancel their party plans for fear of violating copyright laws.
NFL officials spotted a promotion of Fall Creek Baptist Church's "Super Bowl Bash" on the church's Web site
The league sent an overnight letter to the pastor demanding the party be canceled.
The league at first objected to the church's plan to charge a fee to attend and that the church used the license-protected words "Super Bowl" in its promotions.
Pastor John D. Newland said he told the NFL his church would not charge anyone and that it would drop the use of the forbidden words.
But the NFL objected to the church's plans to use a projector to show the game, saying the law limits it to one TV no bigger than 55 inches.
"We want to be supportive of our local team," Newland said. "For us to have all our congregation huddled around a TV that is big enough only for 10 or 12 people to watch just makes little sense."
NFL spokesman Greg Aiello said the league's long-standing policy is to ban "mass out-of-home viewing" of the Super Bowl. An exception is made for sports bars and other businesses that show televised sports as a part of their everyday operations.

Foul-Mouthed Slut Cashes In

The hottie who appeared on Fox's telecast of the Eagles-Saints playoff game wearing a shirt that said "Fuck Da Eagles" has posed for Maxim (just the website, not the magazine).
Fuck Da Eagles Heather (Rothstein, a jew?) may not have the career of Jenn Sterger but they both have Maxim spreads and Paul's Poop posts.

Great Actress

I must admit I was duped on this one. Normally I never believe this crap but this emotion was just so real.

The recent "Bride Has Massive Hair Wig Out" video was an initiative from Sunsilk Haircare Brand.
The video was created to dramatize that "bad hair" is one of the challenges faced by young women, many of whom have experienced their own "wig-out" moments.
It was never Sunsilk Canada's intent to portray anything other than a dramatization.

Billy Loves Mrs. Poop

When I asked Mrs. Poop if she wanted to wear my Dwight Freeney jersey to Nailsfest for the Super Bowl, she declined.
Because "Billy likes the Bears and I don't want to be mean to him."

Speaking of Nailsfest, I know he has a big TV and a big apartment but how are 350 people going to fit, sit and see the TV?
JayLeary says he is going to camp out in front of his building Saturday night.

SCZA's Debut

SCZA got his big on air break because he was the only one in his newsroom who knew enough to speak intelligently on viral marketing campaigns and "Aqua Teen Hunger Force."

I thought he was good but I don't know why they kept showing wide beauty shots of the city. If you don't have pictures of anything, just show your reporters. I also wish SCZA hadn't been such a local media flak and used the "post-9/11 world excuse." No one in their right mind should have thought this was a bomb.

Super Bowl Prediction

Everyone seems to be picking the Colts to win this game easily.
I always go with defense and I always go against Peyton Manning (though I am 0-3 doing so this postseason).
The Bears defense has to hit -- and hit hard -- early and often.
They need to shake up the Colts timing.
I think the Bears can force turnovers and run on the Colts.
Plus I can't go against Billy.
Chicago Bears 27 Indianapolis Colts 23

Thursday, February 01, 2007

San Francisco Sex Scandal

Gavin Newsom is the Mayor of San Francisco. His campaign manager, Alex Tourk, resigned after he learned that Newsom had been banging his wife, Ruby Rippey-Tourk.

Ruby Rippey-Tourk

The affair started, and apparently ended, a little more than a year ago, and occurred while Newsom was getting a divorce from his wife, Kimberly Guilfoyle, a reporter for Fox News.

Kimberly Guilfoyle

Who would you rather be banging, the wife or mistress?

Too Bad It's Not 1987 Anymore

The New York Mets signed outfielder Ruben Sierra to a minor league contract with an invitation to spring training.
Sierra, 41, played in 14 games with the Minnesota Twins last season, hitting .179 with four runs batted in.
He has a career .268 average with 306 homers and 1,322 RBI in 2,186 games, spanning 20 seasons, with Texas, Oakland, the New York Yankees, Detroit, Cincinnati, Toronto, the Chicago White Sox, Seattle and Minnesota.
The value of Nails' Ruben Sierra autographed ball just increased 100% from 50 cents to $1.

Super Bowl Betting Tip

One of our favorite Poophead's, Freedo, who will be attending the game on Sunday says his spies told him that about 10 Colts were spotted at Miami strip club Solid Gold until 3am one night this week.
Not sure how that portends for the game. I think it could go either way. Some teams, like the 85 (regular season) Bears partied all week and kicked ass on Sunday because they were "loosey-goosey." Some teams had strict curfews like the 2000 Giants and got killed because they were "tight." Other teams had players doing coke (1989 Bengals) or hiring hookers (1998 Falcons), neither of which worked very well.
The team that plays the best will win, not the one that saw the most (or the fewest) titties during the week.

As Opposed to All the Other Black Candidates

Sen. Joseph Biden of Delaware torpedoed his Presidential hopes with comments he made about Barack Obama.

Biden said "I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy."

Clean probably wasn't the best word to use. He said he meant fresh. I think he meant unsoiled as in there isn't much dirt on him.

Never use the word articulate to describe a black person. It is often taken to mean that the speaker is surprised that a black person can speak well.

So fresh and so clean

Only 170 Days Away

The final book in the Harry Potter series, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," will be released on July 21st at 12:01am.

Song of the Week

Over It - Katharine McPhee
I don't love this song but I love her so I'm hoping she will catch on, or fail miserably and turn to porn

Bomb Scare

The city of Boston was thrown into a panic when people mistook a promotion for the cartoon "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" for a bomb.
The device was a series of lights that looked like a face giving the middle finger.
Because it had 4 batteries people thought it was a bomb.

The plan was a guerilla marketing effort on the part of Adult Swim Network which airs on the cartoon network and like CNN is part of the Turner Broadcasting System.
Because the ad campaign was supposed to be underground the devices were just left in places.
The devices displayed a "Mooninite" -- an outer-space delinquent who makes frequent appearances on the cartoon -- greeting passersby with an upraised middle finger. But the discovery of nine of the light boards around Boston and its suburbs sent bomb squads scrambling throughout the day, snarling traffic and mass transit in one of the largest U.S. cities.
Boston Mayor Thomas Menino was indignant, threatening criminal charges and saying "It's all about corporate greed."
Just for the record, there is no way anyone in their right mind would have mistaken this for a bomb. Which is why dozens of other like devices were placed in other cities and in Boston over the past two weeks, and no one overreacted.

Look at the going rate on eBay, though I'm as in 99% of eBay stories this sale will never be consummated.

Reporter Harassed

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Last Year on the Poop

Paul and Smokey star in Twins

SI Gets Pittsnogled

Denny Neagle gets a hooker

Big Ben's dog, Zeus

The best of the first 500

Josh and Erin profiled for their big screen TV

Picture of Josh and Erin

Put a Jersey On

One thing I forgot to add about the Ohio State trip:
Derek loved the fact that the football coach, Jim Tressel came to the game in a #20 Greg Oden football jersey. And that he showed it off to ESPN hottie Erin Andrews.

Now let me see your chest

Media Day Darling

The hottie who wowed the crowd's at this year's Super Bowl media day was Ines Sainz of TV Azteca.

Hockey Fans Like to Puck

A clever female Penguins fan carried this sign to a game. I guess Sidney is welcome in her crease for a little high sticking.
Before we get carried away trying to count the other 4 holes, it should be noted that in hockey jargon the 5 hole is the one between the legs.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

My Trip to The Ohio State University

12:55 pm (all times approximate) – Arrive in Columbus, Ohio. (Read my thoughts on the city of Columbus). I make my way to baggage claim where Pizza Parlor Derek (he’ll be just Derek for the remainder of this post) is waiting serenely with his Contented Face on. Not his Gay Picture Face. His Contented Face.

Friday 1:30 pm – Arrive at Pizza Parlor Daren’s house. Yes, he is shrewd enough to be the owner of his own home (single guy, for the time being) at the age of 27. His house is really nice, on the small side, but what you’d expect for a first house. The kitchen is great with all new appliances. He’s got a nice living room with two sofas, two rooms on the first level, an office and another room which he rents out to a friend. Upstairs is Daren’s bedroom and the guest room. But the best part is the basement. That’s where the house becomes an Ohio State alum’s bachelor pad. He’s got a sofa, an easy chair, a leather recliner and another OSU chair; plus an OSU area rug. And the last piece of guyhood, a pool table.

Friday 3:30 pm – After watching a little TV, Derek and I decide to play pool. Minnesota Fats, we are not. We each lose one game on a scratch of the 8 ball and then I secure victory with 8 ball corner pocket to win the best of 3 affair.

Friday 4:15 – Nap time

Friday 5:15 – Around the Horn. Woody Paige is the decider.

Friday 5:30 – Pardon the Interruption. Of course Chris Harris owes that guy a ticket. As Dan Greco would say “a verbal agreement is legal and binding.”

Friday 7:00 – The door opens. In walks AnnMarie (Daren’s lovely – inside and out – girlfriend), and her dog, Bentley, a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, the breed favored by the Poop’s favorite actress, Courteney Cox-Zucker. Derek loves this dog. He was constantly petting and holding Bentley all weekend.

Friday 7:15 - Daren comes home from work. Brothers don't shake hands...brothers gotta HUG!

Friday 8:30 - We meet up with the rest of Daren's crew.
This includes Jamie, who lived with Daren on my two previous visits to Columbus. Great guy, exceptional gymnast (more on that later) and a great needler of people which I really like him about him. Then there was Jamie's wife, Laura who I really liked. She was so hurt that Derek didn't mention her in the blog of his last trip to Columbus that she offered to show him her tits if he'd mention her this time. I'm not sure if this ever happened but if you read Derek's blog and her name is in there, you can assume he saw her knockers.
Jon Marc, the aforementioned roommate/rentor of Daren and his future wife Abbi. Abbi seems to be worried about the impending bachelor party especially Jamie's vision of it. And the last couple joining us is Rac and his wife who is expecting (congratulations) and as such she opted for the salad instead of the raw meat smorgasboard. Rac was also a very accomplished gymnast in his heyday which I later learned much to my surprise, was in the late 1980s.

The group hit BD's Mongolian Barbecue for dinner. If you are unfamiliar with this restaurant style here's how it works. Buffet style, all the food is laid out, chicken, steak, pork, shrimp, scallops, lamb...all raw. You throw it in a bowl. Add some vegetables, pick your sauces and spices (I think Derek overdid it with the cayenne) and they cook it for you on a huge steam table in the middle of the restaurant. If the food sucks, it's your fault.

8:45 - Derek orders the Mongo-tastic Margarita, which is blue and comes in a huge glass. The gay waiter thinks this is a sign and spends the rest of the night flirting with Derek, forcing Derek to order a beer (in his deepest voice) for his next drink.

9:30 - After stuffing myself to the point where I feel like I am going to vomit, I go up for one more bowl of food.

11:00 - We head to Ugly Tuna for some after dinner drinks. A cool bar with a combination of college students and alums. One hot waitress had huge tits and a big ass and I told Derek that he deserved more than a chick who was just tits and ass. I was lying to boost his confidence.

11:00 - Head over to the basketball arena to catch ESPN Gameday. Not quite the same as college football (this would be a theme for the weekend) but the band was there, the cheerleaders were there, some fired up students were there, some cute kids in OSU outfits were there. Mostly the hour was spent chanting and singing songs of hatred towards Michigan. Read more about the hatred towards Michigan.

12:00 - We walk around the arena to see some of the history. There's a computer with an interactive menu on the history of OSU athletics but it wasn't updated. We saw a picture of Rac commemorating his achievements. We saw Archie Griffin's Heismans.

12:30 - Eddie George's new restaurant/sports bar for lunch. Great sports bar atmosphere, tons of TVs, good food at reasonable prices. On each TV were the logos of the two teams playing in that game on that TV, and the logos of the teams that would be featured next. One guy was standing in the corner and his only job seemed to be to print those logos and play a song during commercial breaks. At night Eddie George's turns into Bungalow 27. I have no idea what that entails.

1:30 - After lunch Derek and I encounter some gastro-intestinal problems related to last night's supper. That's all I'll disclose.

2:00 - Daren's crew comes over, we hang out in the basement watching the Senior Bowl (people seem more interested in Troy Smith than Greg Oden), watch some other college basketball, play pool and listen to a Columbus pop radio station.

2:15 - "Irreplaceable" by Beyonce on the radio. Derek says "this is a good song, too bad it gets no radio airplay." I fall for it. Derek giggles.

2:20 - "Walk Away" by Paula DeAnda.

2:25 - "Fergalicious" by Fergie.

2:30 - "It's not Over" by Daughtry.

3:15 - "Irreplaceable" by Beyonce.

3:20 - "Walk Away" by Paula DeAnda.

3:25 - "Fergalicious" by Fergie.

3:30 - "It's not Over" by Daughtry.

4:15 - "Irreplaceable" by Beyonce.

4:20 - "Walk Away" by Paula DeAnda.

4:25 - "Fergalicious" by Fergie.

4:30 - "It's not Over" by Daughtry. You get the point.

5:00 - Quick 5 person poker tournament. I see a flop with pocket 4s, flop is a-10-4, I go all in, knock out Derek (pocket queens) and cripple Daren (A-10). But I couldn't do much else and Daren survived several all-ins to win the title.

7:00 - SU - Louisville. We watch the first half and record the rest for later.

8:00 - We head to Value City Arena at the Schottenstein Center for college hoops action, Ohio State vs. Michigan State. Read more about the game.

8:30 - Popcorn at the arena, almost as good as at Target, but not quite.

8:45 - Drunk old dude walks by us to go to the bathroom. He did this like 5 times.

9:00 - Dippin Dots (The Ice Cream of the Future!) When my server bends down to scoop my dots, I see a picture of Jamie on the wall heralding the great 1999 season the gymnastics team had.

9:15 - Derek loves the second half because the band plays "Hang On Sloopy" and we spell out O-H-I-O with our hands above our heads. Like YMCA, only less gay. Or more gay? I'm not quite sure.

11:15 - Derek walks aimlessly around the parking lot even though he has no idea where the car is parked. Daren has to direct him about 4 times before I finally encourage him to just walk behind Daren and follow him.

11:30 - Late night snack at Buffalo Wild Wings (Bee-Dubbs). Exactly the type of wings/sports bar I would love, but pompous New Yorkers think they are too sophisticated for. I was very excited for this place because I'd been hearing about the stock for years. I ordered the boneless wings (I hate mess) but Derek chose the hottest sauce for his wings. The waitress was incredulous and tried to talk him out of it. He would not be deterred. And he actually ate all the wings with no problem. Almost no problem. Derek failed to sufficiently wipe his hands of the sauce. Then he rubbed his eye and had to rush to the bathroom for emergency eyewash. He was tearing up, his eye was red and burning. It was freakin hilarious.
I played an interactive trivia game and little did I know it but they would broadcast my username (Poop) on several of the TVs. AnnMarie thought this was hilarious. The waitress brought the checks (Columbus restaurants are big on separate checks) and she put AnnMarie's food on my bill, assuming that she and I were the couple. I was flattered, AnnMarie was disgusted.

1:30am - Derek and I watch the end of SU - Louisville. SU blows a huge lead. I get pissed, Derek saw the result at Bee-Dubbs so he is calmer. But he doesn't blame me. This team sucks.

1:00pm - We go to Buckeye Corner for some souvenirs. I buy Mrs. Poop a hooded sweatshirt with a picture of Brutus the Buckeye whom she later calls retarded and tells me she'd rather have had the plain Ohio State sweatshirt that I passed up. This store has everything. As Daren explained, everything you need for your house, you can buy with an Ohio State logo on it, and you often do. Bathmats, cookie jars, grill covers, I even saw a kitchen table, with an OSU logo.

The sweatshirt Mrs. Poop will never wear

1:30 - Buckeye Cafe, what a cool place. It's an arcade, with a fancy room for banquets or dinners. It has a souvenir shop, and a display case for Ohio State athletics in which both Jamie and Daren were recognized for their accomplishments. Out front is a brick inscribed with Daren's name and feats, courtesy of Bob and Judi.

2:30 - Lunch at a cool little Irish place in downtown Columbus.

3:30 - I hate goodbyes! Read Pizza Parlor Derek's version of the events.

Fuck Michigan

One of the most pervasive and fun parts of my trip to Columbus was the hatred for "that school up North."

Here are some examples:
The staff at the Mongolian BBQ had shirts that said "Wolverine tastes like Chicken"
State Farm advertises "In case you hit a Wolverine"

At Eddie George's restaurant logos are used to identify which TV will show which game. The Michigan logo was upside down. This happens everywhere Big Ten schools' flags are flown. Michigan is always upside down.
Also at Eddie George's, the urinals in the men's room had Michigan logos as piss targets.
The cool thing to have in your bathroom is a Michigan toilet plunger.
At the Gameday event, they showed a story on Michigan and when Chris Webber called his ill fated timeout, everyone cheered.

But the coup de grace, was the new song I learned: "We don't give a damn for the whole state of Michigan, the whole state of Michigan..."

Ohio State 66 Michigan State 64

As part of my trip to Columbus we took in a basketball game featuring the 5th ranked Ohio State Buckeyes and the Michigan State Spartans.
Two big reasons for my interest: my wager on the Buckeyes to win it all and the presence of one of the most promising freshman to hit college in years, Greg Oden.

Ohio State got off to an early lead by feeding Greg Oden. He hit two hook shots and a couple other shots, had OSU's first 7 and 9 of their first 15. But then he sort of disappeared on offense, he had no field goals in the last 33 minutes of the game. He sat for long stretches, then when he came back he didn't try hard to get open. He did get fouled a few times and ended up shooting 11-14 from the line, not bad for a big man who still shoots with his off hand due to injury.

Oden's hook shot

But in the first half they didn't need Oden's offense, everyone was clicking and they had a 43-23 lead, as my man Daequan Cook nailed a 3-pointer.

Daequan Cook has sick moves

But then the game devolved into the other OSU games I've seen this season. Too many good players, only one ball and not enough effort on defense.
Led by Drew Neitzell (a cross between Mike Nardi and Kevin Leitzell), who went off scoring 24 of his 29 in the second half (one more point than the whole OSU team had in the second half), Michigan State made a furious comeback.
Ohio State had no field goals in the final 6 minutes, but hit 7 free throws to hang onto the lead.
A good close game but more exciting than what we wanted to see.

But we did get what we paid for. At one point a Michigan State player went up for a layup and Oden blocked it, but not just blocked it. He caught it. Picked it out of the sky. I loved it.

One thing I didn't love was the crowd. They clearly lacked enthusiasm, especially as compared to the football crowds. This was more like a Carrier Dome crowd. Even though it was a 9pm start on a Saturday night there weren't enough drunk students. Apparently, this is due to an SU-esque policy in which the best tickets are sold to rich old boosters and the students are stuck behind the basket. And there are no alcohol sales at the arena during college games. Those seated behind the basket did however wear red and white warmup jerseys provided by the school to create a big red O into which the opposing team had to look when shooting.

Great Place to Visit, and I Would Want to Live There

I really liked the city of Columbus, so for those of you who have never been there, let me try to explain it's charm.
It's a classic Midwestern city with a good enough population (about 730,000) to have some cool things, without being too big.
It has the university which pretty much dominates everything.
But it also has a lot of things that keep alumni, like Daren in the area after graduation. Hey SU alums, could you imagine settling in Syracuse?
There are some major employers, AEP & Nationwide, as well as four major hospitals, that add money to the city.
It has college bars and restaurants, but it also has more upscale places, in the Arena district, where the Columbus Blue Jackets of the NHL play their games.
And of course it has the older alumni who keep coming back year after year.
The real estate market is good, affordable but a good investment.
I would equate Columbus to cities like Austin, Texas and Charlottesville, Virginia, college towns, with other things around to attract people.

Chris Harris is a Welcher

Bears safety Chris Harris promised a Super Bowl ticket (should the Bears make it) to a local cable host during an interview during the summer.
But now Harris says he was just joking.
But this is what he said:

Lange: “If you guys make it to the Super Bowl, I’ll sell my Harley to go.”

Harris: “You won’t have to sell it. I’ll give you tickets.”

Lange: “I’ll hold you to it. It’s on tape.”

“We win. He’s going,” Harris said, looking into the camera.

Lange says he will sell his Harley and pay Harris face value.
But a ticket broker came through for him and gave Lange a ticket at face value.

I'm a Douche

Just spent the last 10 minutes trying to figure out why the links and ads on the blog had been pushed down to the bottom.
Usually this occurs when a picture is too wide. But I checked all the pictures and all the youtube clips and they all seemed to be ok.
Turns out I had too many Os and too many exclamation points in the headline of the Barbaro post. I had to truncate it, but I still think it sufficiently expresses my grief and despair.

Monday, January 29, 2007


Bride freaks out when she has a bad hair day at the worst time. Her friends are such bitches.


Barbaro lost his battle with the series of complications that arose from his broken ankle at the Preakness.
He was euthanized today.

Barbaro 2003-2007

Another Michigan Alum Gone Bad

Robert Traylor, 29, a former NBA basketball player, pleaded guilty to aiding and assisting in the preparation of a false tax return, federal law enforcement officials announced today.
According to court records, Traylor's name was used to make it appear that he had purchased two rental properties in Detroit, Michigan, when, in fact, the purchases had been funded and the properties owned by Quasand Lewis. Lewis has recently been sentenced in federal court on charges of narcotics trafficking and money laundering. In his plea today, Traylor admitted the properties for which he claimed deductions where titled in his name to conceal Quasand Lewis' ownership of them from law enforcement. Traylor also admitted as part of his plea that on his 2004 federal income tax return, he claimed a loss of over $205,000 from the rental properties, which he knew to be false.

Tractor Traylor