Friday, November 14, 2008

The Tip of the Iceberg

I recently had a discussion with Master Bates about the coming Global Economic Depression. I offered the closure of 155 Circuit City Stores as evidence (they've since declared for bankruptcy).
He replied that he doesn't shop at Circuit City.
So I offered to e-mail him when Best Buy closes stores.
That hasn't happened yet, but here's what Best Buy thinks about the current economic situation.

"Best Buy cut its full-year profit forecast, citing continued weakness in consumer spending that it says has been exacerbated by the 'recent turmoil in the financial markets.'
'In 42 years of retailing, we've never seen such difficult times for the consumer,' Brian Dunn, president and chief operating officer of Best Buy, said in a statement. 'People are making dramatic changes in how much they spend, and we're not immune from those forces.'"

I guess you could say that DVDs of all the seasons of "Full House" and 60-inch flat screen TVs are quite reasonably the first things to go when times get tough. But I honestly believe this is a warning shot for what's about to happen to consumer spending.
The fact is, millions of people are going to lose their jobs, and many more will suffer sharp drops in their income. Even those who are unaffected financially, will be a little scared and spend less, thereby continuing the vicious cycle of the financial crisis.
And in other countries, it's going to be even worse.

Note: this post was written before I lost my job. How's that for irony.

A Little Side Boobie Action to Get You Through a Dreary Day

I think Mariah Carey might need to wear a more supportive undergarment. Normally, I like overexposed boobs of any kind, but this just doesn't look nice. Maybe she should try the Very Sexy Extreme Me and keep those puppies pushed up and in.


I got laid off yesterday. Originally, I wasn't going to write about this here, but decided I can't be honest for the next four months without explaining what happened.
The only thing I ask is that no one make any mention of the name of my former employer or any specifics about what I do or places I should be looking. Anything like that or any other questions or comments can be addressed in private e-mails.
My employer was cutting back and given my time at the company (more than 8 years) my salary was much higher than other people at my position, making me a prime candidate for a cutback.
I'm not bitter or angry about what happened, but I'm mad at myself that I let them catch me before I left. I'd been pretty unhappy there for the last year or so and knew this was a possibility. The fact that I wasn't proactive enough really kills me.
I have 16 weeks of full pay to find a new job, and if I can there's a good chance I can find a job with improvement in one of the following areas: better chance for advancement, more fun, better hours and the chance to work in sports possibly.
Sure there are a lot of ways this situation could turn out very poorly, but I'm ignoring those for now.
Thanks for all your kind words and support.

As for the Poop, I fear this will have a negative impact on this blog. First of all, being at my old job was a great easy source of material, and now I'll have to work a little harder. Also, I won't have as much downtime, because the free time I have now will be filled with Chase and Mrs. Poop. But hopefully you'll keep reading and I'll still come up with interesting stories to tell.

Did They Forget We Have a Baby?

So I'm sleeping last night at about midnight and all of the sudden Diesel starts going nuts. I try to ignore him but this is not like him. Then the doorbell rings. I'm still 90% sleeping and I ask Mrs. Poop "did someone just ring the doorbell? Is it midnight?"
I answer the door and my neighbor is there asking me to dispose of a mousetrap. Apparently they (she lives alone with 2 teenage daughters, the oldest daughter is the one who actually came to the door) caught a mouse in a glue trap (which is incredibly inhumane to make the mouse suffer like that) and none of them wanted to touch the trap. So I go over there, grab the fuckin thing and toss it in a paper bag, still not sure why they felt it was ok to disturb me.
Then she asks if I'm going to work, I said no, she apologized.
When I came back home Chase and woken up, Mrs. Poop was rocking him.
But it never quite worked, he only slept til about 5.
I can see they saw the light was on and expected me to be awake.
But even so, if you're going to ring the bell and risk waking a sleeping 15-month old you better have a lot better reason than that.

Fantasy UFC

It's the biggest fight in UFC history. What's going to happen?
Thanks to UFC's fantasy game you can predict the outcome of the Brock Lesnar - Randy Couture match, as well as all the other fights on the card.
You pick the winner, plus when and how it ends.
You will have to sign up for an account (but it's totally painless).
After you've created your account and made your picks try to join the league Paul's Poop. You may not be able to find it though. If you can't join the league, go the comments section and post the screen name you used to sign up for the game.
I will find you and invite you.
Evidently, they do this for every major card so for those of us interested in MMA, we will have lots of chances to compete against each other.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

NBC Tries to Shove Its Green Garbage Down My Throat

NBC is once again doing a "Green Week" to try to appeal to the hardcore liberal audience it thought it would win over by turning its NBC News programs into Obama campaign ads.
It helped Obama win but NBC and MSNBC still did shitty in the ratings.
They did one of these Green Weeks last year but I don't remember and I'm not sure it even affected any NBC shows I watch ("Deal," "Earl" and "Office").
But this year it starts with the Sunday Night Football Game between the Redskins and the Cowboys.
The pregame show may be broadcast without lights (that's what they did last year) and Bob Costas, Chris Collinsworth, Dan Patrick, Jerome Bettis, and Tiki Barber will discuss how they each personally green their own routines.
The gimmick ends the following Saturday with the Notre Dame - Syracuse college football game.
The broadcast will reportedly be carbon neutral.
And the two schools are competing off the field as well.
For the entire month of November, both campuses will participate in the NBC Universal Green Your Routine challenge, hosted on Students, alumni, faculty, and fans will have the opportunity to take eco-challenges and help reduce carbon emissions and save energy. NBC Universal will donate $10,000 to the winning school, which will be designated to their campus sustainability efforts.
So far SU is getting smacked, as they only have about 300 people participating. Not good in a school of 12,000.
In addition, NBC Sports will host an online video contest, in which students from Notre Dame and Syracuse will produce short commercials promoting sustainable practices. The best submissions will be displayed on the NBC Sports website,

They Got Syracuse Downpat

So ESPN was casting for a new series of college basketball commercials. The premise: "students" from a bunch of schools were cold-calling people getting them to watch more college basketball. The casting director issued a list of requirements for each school, hoping to capture the essence of that university. Here's a few of the better ones:

MALE. Our guy for Duke UNIVERSITY is a smart, with it, young WHITE male. He's handsome. He's from money. He is, in short, the kind of guy, everyone can't stand. He is the kind of guy everyone wants to be.

MALE. Connecticut is all things Connecticut. He's a little bit older.
He's a little bit thicker around the waist. He's WHITE. He's also competitive. Very. Waspy, blue blood.

FEMALE. Tennessee is orange crazy. The ice tray in her orange fridge, that freezes the water she dyes orange, is that orange. The party girl cowboy hat she wears is a white and orange zebra print. The tattoo on her lower back is Pantone 3 for that Tennessee orange. The only thing that's not orange is her dog, which is the20mascot Smokey. Did we mention she's crazy? A slutty girl who would hang out at the cowgirl hall of fame.

FEMALE. Georgetown, a 4.36 GPA who's lived in 9 world-class cities, but all the time in her sister's shadow (her GPA is 4.37). She's sort of the female Duke, except most people like her. Think Reese Witherspoon.

MALE. What can we say about Memphis? He's a southern BLACK kid, really culinary and polite. He's artistic, and draws comic books really well.

MALE. He looks like Jim Tressle (head coach of Ohio State football) in the dress code. Red sweater vest. Always. Doesn't care for swearing either — of course we never really test this out as they are commercial advertisements and no one swears in them, but it's true nevertheless.
A Republican.

FEMALE. She's a fun loving girl, Oklahoma born and bred. Decided not to travel out of State so she should be closer to home. She's a flirt.
She's a hot chick.

MALE. Jewish kid from Long Island that is loving the college experience. It has opened up a world he never knew existed. All you can eat buffets in the cafeteria — who knew? To Syracuse, everything is a party.

ESPN decided not to go with the ad campaign, evidently not approving the racial and school stereotyping of the casting director.

The full list.

Mister, I mean Mrs. Mayor

Stu Rasmussen is once again the mayor of Silverton, Oregon. Rasmuessen previously served two terms as mayor, but came back for another term to vanquish his rival, Ken Hector.
And this new Rasmussen regime will have a new look to it. Stu now has breast implants and he wears dresses and 3-inch heels in public.
Because Rasmussen's appearance was no secret, the campaign was dominated by policy issues.
"I've blackmail-proofed myself," Rasmussen said.
"I am a dude," he said. "I am a heterosexual male who appears to be a female."
Looking at this picture, I'd have to disagree.

Stu Rasmussen, the transgendered mayor of Silverton, Oregon

American Idol Finally Pushes Someone Over the Edge

Paula Goodspeed audtioned for American Idol back in 2005, admitting her love for Paula Abdul.
She was given the treatment reserved for the worst of the worst auditioners. Nearly 4 minutes of embarrassment.

The humiliation for Paula Goodspeed is over now. She committed suicide in front of Paula Abdul's house. The car with the "ABL LV" (Abdul Love) license plate, and the picture of Abdul hanging from the rearview mirror.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I Wonder What My Secret Service Name Would Be

A great list of code names given to Presidents and their familes by the Secret Service.
The names are a throwback to a time when electronic communications were not encrypted, and they no longer serve a security function. Still, they give an occasional peek at the players' personalities, in addition to serving as great trivia questions.
One thing you'll notice, each family member's name begins with the same letter (a detail missed by the creators of the last 3 names on this list).
So I'm not sure if Poop, Mrs. Poop and Baby Poop would qualify.

"President-elect Barack Obama: Renegade
Michelle Obama: Renaissance
Malia Obama: Radiance
Sasha Obama: Rosebud
Vice President-elect Joe Biden: Celtic
Jill Biden: Capri
President George W. Bush: Tumbler
First Lady Laura Bush: Tempo
Bill Clinton: Eagle
Hillary Clinton: Evergreen
Chelsea Clinton: Energy
George Bush: Timberwolf
Barbara Bush: Tranquility
Jimmy Carter: Deacon
Rosalynn Carter: Dancer
Amy Carter: Dynamo
Ronald Reagan: Rawhide
Nancy Reagan: Rainbow
Gerald Ford: Passkey
Betty Ford: Pinafore
Richard Nixon: Searchlight
Pat Nixon: Starlight
Lyndon Johnson: Volunteer
Lady Bird Johnson: Victoria
Lynda Bird Johnson: Velvet
Luci Baines Johnson: Venus
John F. Kennedy: Lancer
Jacqueline Kennedy: Lace
Caroline Kennedy: Lyric
John F. Kennedy Jr.: Lark
Dwight Eisenhower: Providence
Harry Truman: General
Ted Kennedy (during 1970 campaign): Sunburn
Kitty Dukakis: Panda
Scott McClellan: Matrix
Jed Bartlett: Eagle and Liberty
C.J. Cregg: Flamingo
Zoey Bartlett: Bookbag"

Who knew Sasha Obama liked "Citizen Kane?"

The NFL is Poop - Week 10

Not At All What We Expected
The knockdown dragout defensive battle promised by the Giants and Eagles never materialized. Instead we got an offensive shootout. But the Giants defense stiffened at the right time, stopping the Eagles on 3rd and 4th and 1 to seal the victory. Knowing they were going to go on 4th down anyway, I think the Eagles should have passed on third down.
But the Giants still continue to find ways to win, and they are now in great position to defend their NFC title at home.

One if By Land, Two if By Air
The Tennessee Titans showed a new versatility in defeating the Chicago Bears (and conventional wisdom) at Solider Field 21-14. The Bears shut down the Titans' vaunted rushing game, holding LenDale White and Chris Johnson to only 22 yards on 24 carries. They dared Kerry Collins to beat them, and he did. He threw 41 times, completed 30 passes for 289 yards and 2 touchdowns. And most importantly no interceptions. I've heard talk of Collins for MVP, which is preposterous because he only has 5 TD passes, but his skills in leading this go fat beyond his ability to not fuck it up.

Chris Johnson couldn't escape the Bears grasp, but the Titans found another way to win

The Jets offense exploded once again beating the Rams 47-3, shutting it down in the second half after entering the locker room up 40-0. That topped their first half performance against Arizona when they led 34-0 at the break. Overall the Jets scored 103 points in those 2 games, and 142 in the other 7. They are explosive.

And We Let Em Off the Hook! No, We Let Em Off the Hook!
In a game no one wanted to win the Cardinals defeated the 49ers 29-24. The Cardinals cost themselves several times (one INT return for a TD) with a series of penalties, including several for lining up in the neutral zone. Thankfully for them the 49ers wanted to win this game even less. Mike Singletary is showing he is not ready to be an NFL coach. I don't care what you say about becoming a smashmouth team, 3 passing plays have a much better chance to score than 2 running plays, especially since one of them was a dive play from the 2-yard line.

Mike Singletary blew it

You Play to Win the Game
Amazingly Herman Edwards, who doesn't want Mike Singletary to steal his title as worst coach in the NFL, is being defended for his ridiculous decision to go for 2 instead of tying his game against the Chargers. The thinking is, you play to win the game, so you try to win right there. That's absurd. He played not to win. The 2-point conversion has less than a 50% chance of succeeding (usually around 30%), whereas you have to feel your chances are good if you can win a coin toss in OT, so he cost his team its best chance to win the game. I don't know how he looks the players in the eye after that. And he said he didn't think his defense was good enough to stop them if they went to overtime. They may not have had to.
Just a horrible decision by one of the worst game coaches ever.

I Came Back For This Shit?
Daunte Culpepper spent the season on his couch, and probably wishes he were back there right about now. After enduring another loss, the Lions are now 0-9 and poised to make a serious run at the first 0-16 team in NFL history. Their next 5 games all come against teams with winning records (CAR, TB, TEN, MIN, IND) and they finish against New Orleans and Green Bay. I don't see a win out there for them.

Daunte Culpepper boards the Titanic mid-sail

Game of the Week
Indianapolis Colts 24 Pittsburgh Steelers 20

I chose this one over a couple of other more exciting games because it had the benefit of being well-played. Except maybe by Ben Roethlisberger who threw 3 interceptions. But those interceptions gave this game a certain amount of drama. The Steelers are going to be haunted by Mannings, 2 of their 3 losses came at the hands of them.

Game of Next Week
New York Jets at New England Patriots

A new contender the AFC could emerge in this one. The winner will be 7-3 and a serious threat for the number 2 spot now that Tennessee has run away and hidden from the rest of the conference. It will also be a contrast in styles as the Jets have gunslinging Brett Favre (though they toned him down the past 2 weeks) and the Patriots have game manager Matt Cassel. Plus, there's still a little grudge match at work here.

Brief Rant About the Redskins
I'm still smarting over the loss to the Steelers, but evidently the players are not. Chris Cooley and Jason Campbell spent the bye week visiting Magic Kingdom. Hopefully they're rested and ready to play as a loss to Dallas would throw the Redskins into very tenuous playoff position.

Chris Cooley and Jason Campbell sit together, with Christy and Mercedes behind them

Cheerleader of the Week
Lauren of the San Francisco 49ers Cheerleaders
Lauren is a nutrition student and personal trainer at a Bay Area gym. She loves to travel, run, and watch "Deal or No Deal."

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Tennessee Titans 24 New York Giants 20

Both teams look excellent but that one loss gives the edge to the Titans. And each week they seem to give you a new reason to believe.

That's My Boy

Just received this e-mail from Mrs. Poop:

"You will be very happy, your son just said "poop."
I asked him if he did a poop and he repeated back "poop"
No mama, no mommy, but freaking poop!"

I've taught the young man well. Next, we work on "boobies."

This Story Is Not as Big as It Seems To Be

A group of angry women are filing a class-action lawsuits claiming they've experienced very uncomfortable symptoms, like rashes, hives and permanent scarring from Victoria's Secret bras.

"I had the welts ... very red, hot to the touch, extremely inflamed, blistery. It itched profusely," said Roberta Ritter, who describes herself as a longtime Victoria's Secret shopper. "I couldn't sleep, waking up itching.

"I was just utterly sick," she added.

Ritter, 37, filed a lawsuit against the company May 14 in relation to the Angels Secret Embrace and Very Sexy Extreme Me Push-Up bras she said she purchased.

What the fuck is wrong with these bitches? Most women have to undergo surgery, have their breasts cut open, then stuffed with a saline-filled bag in order to have jugs big enough so that men will notice them. Victoria's Secret does these women a favor and eliminates the need for all that with innovative products such as the "Very Sexy Extreme Me" push-up bra and these women want to complain over a couple hives. Just like a woman, no matter what you do for them they always want more.

Song of the Week

"It's a New Day" - Will.I.Am
The man who was immortalized as a hologram (though that's technically an incorrect description) is already out with his Obama celebration video.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Jim Nantz Shaves His Beard

I have long suspected that Jim Nantz was gay (not that there's anything wrong with that) and was always told that he was married (as if that was proof).
Well, not anymore.
Nantz filed for divorce, claiming his marriage with Anne-Lorraine Carlsen has broken down irretrievably.

Obama Baby Boom

The media is full of stories that aren't true, but aren't provably false, and they sound good.
The latest of these is that people so inspired by Obama's victory had sex on Election Night, leading to a coming baby boom in late-July/early-August.
One article I read at least admitted it "It's long been believed that nine months after celebratory nights, and even blackouts, hospitals can expect to see baby booms. However those expectations and predictions rarely come true."
But I might believe that women who had long denied their husbands sex were asked once more by their deprived husbands "can we have sex tonight."
To which those women with Obama still ringing in their ears replied, "YES WE CAN!"

Election Highlights

The Famous Fist Bump:

Obama's fist bump

Another great video from JibJab:

Terry Moran talks about Barack Obama's parents:

And my personal favorite, Joe Biden thanks Chuck:

It's Finally Here

After 4 months of waiting we finally get to see the Final Table of the Main Event of the World Series of Poker.
The event is over by now, but somehow I've restrained myself and haven't read any updates about the Final Table.
I cannot wait to watch the 2 hours of coverage on ESPN tonight.
The favorites are pros Chino Rheem and Ivan Demidov (who had a 3rd place at the WSOP-Europe Main Event). Chipleader Dennis Phillips and another experienced player, Scott Montgomery (he has a WPT Final Table finish) are also top contenders.
But I'm going with the Jew from Brooklyn, Ylon Schwartz.
I think most of the guys who made the final 9 did so with loose, aggressive play. I think the layoff will make those players tighten up a little bit. Also more information is available on these players, (even the previously unknown ones), another factor that contribute to tigther play.
So I think the guy who is more methodical, more mathematical will have an advantage under these circumstances.
But a little luck can't hurt.
Please if you know the results don't comment.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Chef Paul Cooks Pot Roast

As part of my newfound commitment to cooking (and eating) a wider variety of dishes, Mrs. Poop and I brought our slow cooker out of the basement.
Few things are easier than dropping (and pouring) a bunch of ingredients into a slow-cooker, then in 6 or 8 hours, enjoying a delicious meal.
And as an added bonus, you get a delightful smell the whole time, better than anything they sell at Yankee Candle.
For this one all you need is a roast, some potatoes (we bought the small ones so we didn't even have to cut them), some carrots (we went with baby carrots) and some red wine vinegar or beef broth (anything to add some liquid to the bottom).
And Mrs. Poop even bought these plastic slow cooker liners. You just put it in the slow cooker before you add the ingredients. Then take it out when you are done. The slow cooker still needs to be cleaned, but a simple wipe and rinse will do it.

Note: Mrs. Poop actually did this one.

I Have No Regrets, If That Counts for Anything

Back in 2000, when she was just 17, Jessica Biel posed for this racy spread for Gear Magazine.
She was trying to shed her good-girl image (she was on "7th Heaven" at the time) by shedding her clothes.
Now she regrets it.
"That photoshoot was just a really bad decision on my part and I got myself involved with people who weren't thinking about me and were instead thinking about what kind of a story they could get out of it. I learned a whole lot from the experience, so it was definitely a blessing in disguise."
I don't see how she could look at these pictures and have an ounce of regret. Does she really think she'd be as successful as she is today without these pictures? Doesn't she realize most of her fans first saw her when they were jerking off to this spread?

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Mrs. Poop is a Douche

Or in her preferred language, Senora Poop es una bolsa de douche.
Mrs. Poop bought Olivia Chase's favorite toy, but she bought the Spanish-only version.
El cochinito solamente habla espanol.

I know she is going to say this is my fault because I ran ahead to buy Guitar Hero. But I am not taking the rap for this one.

Weekly Picks

A good bounceback week as we got back to basics. The basis for all my success in picking games is my understanding that teams do not play the same way every week. The goal is to find those teams that played against type the previous week, and to predict a return to form this week.

jacksonville -6 1/2 DETROIT
The Jags are an incredibly disappointing team this year and their playoff hopes are fading fast. They need this game, they had a tumultuous week and they lost to the previously winless Bengals last week. I can't see them giving another loser its first win. Detroit will start Daunte Culpepper which complicates things somewhat. It seems very likely that Culpepper doesn't know the offense all that well, but that could mean he'll run a safe, scaled-down version that will reduce turnovers and keep this close. But with the spread under a touchdown I'll give the points.

OAKLAND +9 carolina
The Raiders played one of the worst offensive games in history last week. That won't happen again. The Panthers are one of the NFL's perpetually disappointing teams. This seems like the kind of game they'll keep close and win at the end on a field goal.

new york giants +3 PHILADELPHIA
I've fallen into so many traps this year and I might be stepping into another one. But I just don't see how anyone in the league could be favored over the Giants right now.

MIAMI -8 1/2 seattle
Seems like there might be something to this whole "Seahawks can't play on the East Coast" theory. And maybe Seattle (especially with Seneca Wallace) is just so bad they can't play anywhere.

tennessee -3 CHICAGO

This defense against Rex Grossman? Unless he throws nothing but screen passes (or had a lobotomy) I don't see any way Rex throws fewer than 2 picks. I might get burned if the Titans go for nothing but field goals again but I expect them to open it up on offense a little more this week.

Last week: 3-2 (4 points)
Season: 24-21 (29 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (7-2)
Home Favorites: 1-2 (9-8)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (2-0)
Road Favorites: 2-0 (8-5)
Road Underdogs: 0-0 (5-7)
Road Pickems: 0-0 (0-1)