Friday, September 01, 2006

That Buys 10,000 Glasses of Belvedere

New lawyers can expect higher pay than in the past. The going rate at large firms in New York has reached $145,000 — apart from starting and year-end bonuses.

No Sir, You Are a Pack of Lies

Some assclown sent an op-ed to the New York Times, very critical of my boy Cesar Millan. His argument is full of holes and embellishments about what Cesar actually does.

Cesar does "flood" dogs, but it seems to work. A dog terrified of water was dragged into the pool. But a little while later that same dog was jumping into the water willingly, and frolicking with a wet-suited Cesar. This douche is just jealous that he can't whisper to dogs. Plus, the author doesn't offer one alternative method. Just blasts Cesar. Player hater.

Kosher Tramp Stamp

It's a little hard to see in this picture but Christina Aguilera, who is married to Jew Jordan Bratman, has a tattoo on the small of her back (in Hebrew) that translates to "I am my beloved and my beloved is mine."
A very nice sentiment though most rabbis wouldn't condone it since tattoos are against the laws of Judaism.
But its a lot better than the stupid designs or the "insert dick here" (with an arrow) that some sluts have.

Another Disappointment

The men's USA basketball team lost again, meaning no gold for the third straight international competition. This time it was Greece who knocked them off. Greece has zero current NBA players on its roster. Once again USA was done in by poor 3-point shooting (9-28) while Greece was on fire, shooting 14-18 in the third quarter while outscoring the U.S. by 26 points.
Melo led the team, again, with 27 points.
The USA will try to salvage a bronze medal against Argentina.

Scores Won for the Kids

Strippers at Scores in Las Vegas raised $2,500 for local schools.
Scores raised the funds at an Aug. 23 back-to-school event called "Detention" that featured strippers dressed as teachers, schoolgirls and librarians.
"It's back to school time and you know what that means. Detention for everyone who has been bad!" one advertisement read.
The performers peeled off clothes and offered lap dances to customers. Patrons also left more than $1,000 donations in a jar that the club said would go to the Clark County School District. Scores matched the donations roughly dollar for dollar.
"In this town, money is money, regardless," Cohen said. "We're a respectable business. We pay taxes like everybody else. We have a business license. It's for a good cause." "Education is very important," he said.

One of My Favorite All-Time Moments

Sometimes You Just Have to Laugh At Yourself

Slightly embarrassed CNN anchor Kyra Phillips lampooned her unfortunate bathroom incident by reading a Top Ten List on The Late Show with David Letterman.

Thanks For Not Using a Trojan

Apparently, having it written on her jersey wasn't enough to remind Brynn Cameron to use a Trojan.

But her bad defense was my good fortune. The explosive popularity of Paul's Poop this week, (14,000 hits yesterday) is all because of her.

When you do a Google Images search for Byrnn Cameron, the third picture (and the most flattering) is from Paul's Poop.

Interestingly, the link takes you to the archive page that includes her picture, not to the actual post. That means thousands of people saw (by scrolling past) Justin's mastery of Photoshop.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

I Didn't Even Have to Use My AK

Yesterday was a good day. This blog got more than 29,000 hits. I guess that means a lot of people are going to be interested in Scott's Bachelor Party. I assume the page was linked somewhere, but that was still 10 times the hits I got the day I was mentioned on Deadspin. If someone reading this can explain this phenomenon I'd love to know how you came to venture into my corner of the blogosphere.

And the Verdict is In

Got great reactions to the Bachelor Party Preview, but since none of you chose to use the comments section I thought I would share your thoughts here:

Reissberg: "Funny stuff. I particularly enjoyed Sobel and Matt's weaknesses although I dispute that Dylan's belief that I am a self-hating Jew is a strength."

Jay Leary: "whats up--that was very good. i dont know if you knew--but may-may and i got engaged."

PudgyScat: "Dude, very good!!! I was laughing out loud alot. Awesome"

Dylan: "Dude, this is great. Nice work."

Jay Sobel: "you should have used this picture instead."

Juice: "Unreal dude...still laughing my arse off.....great work...VEGAS BAAAAAABY!!!!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Scott's Bachelor Party Preview

The TallSkott Bachelor Party promises to an event for the ages. We'll be previewing and of course reviewing the action (what we can relate safely). To start, let's introduce the cast of characters.

Name: Scott
Known Aliases: The Groom, TallSkott, FatScat, ObeseScott
Height: 6'5"
Weight: 290 lbs.
Favorite baseball team: New York Yankees
Favorite NFL team: New England Patriots, Indianapolis Colts, Seattle Seahawks, Pittsburgh Steelers
Favorite college football team: Syracuse Orange, Michigan Wolverines
Marital Status: That's why we're here
Affiliation to Scott: Self
Strengths: Height, willing to do anything for a laugh, eats like a normal person
Weaknesses: Impatient gambler, weak drinker, sharp pointer finger

Name: Matthew
Known Aliases: The Organizer, Focks, Dice
Height: 5' 8"
Weight: 155 lbs.
Favorite baseball team: New York Mets
Favorite NFL team: New York Giants
Favorite college football team: Michigan Wolverines
Marital status: Single
Affiliation to Scott: Friends since first day of high school/roommate for 4 years
Strengths: great dice roller, smells nice
Weaknesses: designer wardrobe, quiet

Name: Jason S.
Known Aliases: Jay, Shine
Height: 5' 7"
Weight: 180 lbs.
Favorite baseball team: New York Mets
Favorite NFL team: Miami Dolphins
Favorite college football team: Miami Hurricanes
Marital status: Single, but wants to live by "The Principle"
Affiliation to Scott: Met Scott on a field trip to the Bronx Zoo
Strengths: can talk for hours about nothing, great organizer, brother of Michael, has a way with strippers
Weaknesses: thinks he has none, sweats profusely, sometimes talks too much, arguing with Paul

Name: Michael S.
Known Aliases: Nails
Height: 5'7"
Weight: 190 lbs.
Favorite baseball team: New York Mets
Favorite NFL team: Miami Dolphins
Favorite college football team: Penn State Nittany Lions
Marital status: married
Affiliation to Scott: Grew up on Shaolin
Strengths: Great drinker, all-around nice guy
Weaknesses: brother of Jay Sobel, temper

Name: Justin G.
Known Aliases: Juice
Height: 6' 2 1/2"
Weight: 190 lbs.
Favorite Baseball team: Los Angeles Dodgers
Favorite NFL team: New York Jets
Favorite college football team: Rutgers University
Marital status: Single as a mutha
Affiliation to Scott: His personal trainer
Strengths: Irrepressible optimism, fun to watch
Weaknesses: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

Name: Justin L.
Known Aliases: Ton, Big Ton, JusTON
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 200 lbs.
Favorite baseball team: Mets (for the 1.6 games per year that I watch)
Favorite NFL team: Giants (actually a fan)
Favorite college football team: Cuse (by default since I went there)
Marital status: Recently engaged
Affiliation to Scott: I believe I met him freshman yr of H.S., and over the years we've bonded because 1-Whether the rest of you know it or not, all tall guys like each other. 2-Similar tastes in quality cinema...such as Scary Movie 2. We were also roomies for a year in Jersey City, where I gave him lessons on canned vegetables, and The George Foreman Grill.
Strengths: Funny, laid-back, self-deprecating
Weaknesses: very hairy, not much of a sports fan, shares every detail when telling a story

Name: Jeremy
Known Aliases: Richard Collins, Reissberg, Face
Height: 5' 8"
Weight: 150 lbs.
Favorite Baseball Team: New York Mets
Favorite NFL team: New York Giants
Favorite college football team: Penn Quakers
Marital Status: Married
Affiliation to Scott: Friend since high school
Strengths: likeable and agreeable
Weaknesses: Sometimes says stupid things, s-s-s-s-s-stutter

Name: Jason L.
Known Aliases: Jay
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 145 lbs.
Favorite baseball team: New York Mets
Favorite NFL team: New York Giants
Favorite college football team: Penn State
Marital status: Engaged
Affiliation to Scott: High school friend
Strengths: speed, toughness
Weaknesses: temper

Name: Paul A.
Known Aliases: The Poop, Diddy, Loose Cannon
Height: 6' 2"
Weight: 190 lbs.
Favorite baseball team: New York Mets
Favorite NFL team: Washington Redskins
Favorite college football team: Syracuse Orange
Marital Status: Married
Affiliation to Scott: Known since high school
Strengths: Knowledge of grammar and math, this blog
Weaknesses: Streaky gambler (can light the gas or mush the whole casino), obnoxious, thinks he knows everything, arguing with Jay

Name: Chris
Known Aliases: "C", Chicken Francese
Height: 5' 9"
Weight: 200 lbs.
Favorite baseball team: New York Mets
Favorite NFL team: Buffalo Bills
Favorite college football team: If I had to pick one, Syracuse
Marital Status: Single
Affiliation to Scott: Pace University friend
Strengths: Born and raised in Brooklyn, good salesman, can bench 300 pounds, once owned a Camaro
Weaknesses: Now lives on Staten Island, Buffalo Bills fan, actual height it 5'7"

Name: Ray
Known Aliases: Chinese Ray, "Rayz"
Height: 5'8"
Weight: 175 lbs
Favorite baseball team: New York Mets
Favorite NFL team: New York Giants
Favorite college football team: The "U"
Marital status: Single as can be
Affiliation to Scott: College mate
Strengths: Been to Vegas many times, definitely not a c-ck block, been to most baseball stadiums in the US, looks like Hideki Matsui
Weaknesses: Not a good gambler, can spend hundreds at strip club

Name: Paul D
Height: 5' 8"
Weight: 185 lbs
Favorite baseball team: New York Mets
Favorite NFL team: Oakland Raiders
Favorite college football team: Notre Dame Fighting Irish
Marital status: Single
Affiliation to Scott: Friend
Strengths: Played in a WSOP event in 2005, Very knowledgeable about sports, Fantasy football guru, Can drink like a fish
Weaknesses: Doesn't always double down with 11

Name: Harry
Height: 5' 8"
Weight: 198
Favorite baseball team: New York Mets
Favorite NFL team: New York Jets
Favorite college football team: Notre Dame Fighting Irish
Marital status: Single
Affiliation to Scott: Friend
Strenghts: Great poker player, cashed in 2005 WSOP event, good drinker
Weaknesses: Brazilian women, always late

Height: 5'9"
Weight: 180 lbs
Favorite baseball team: New York Yankees
Favorite NFL team: Buffalo Bills
Favorite college football team: Cornell
Marital status: Married
Affiliation to Scott: Met through spouses
Strengths: Excellent blackjack player, holds alcohol well, good debater, good golfer, thinks Reissberg is a self-hating Jew
Weaknesses: Not very sports knowledgeable, Republican

Leinart's Boys Can Swim

While the whole world thought Matt Leinart was banging Paris Hilton, he was knocking up his old college girlfriend Brynn Cameron.
The couple reportedly broke up last year, but the baby is due in November, meaning Matt was hitting that around February.
She is going to have sit out the season (she plays on the women's basketball team at USC) and her dad says she wants to finish school, and doesn't want to get married to Leinart.

Leinart's babymama

Pennies From Heaven

Early this morning I went to the soda machine to get a coke. I put my card in (cashless machines, sort of like college only my dad refuses to add any money to my card) and I start getting all these error messages. Error 11. Error 13. The last time this happened it erased $52 from my card and I had to find a supervisor to replace it, she did. So I took my card out, and pressed the button to see if I could at least get my soda. I did. All of a sudden the machine started going nuts. The window where it displayed the total on my card, $44.50, started counting down in intervals of 25 cents, and quarters started spewing forth. You know vending machines have very small coin return slots, so pretty soon quarters were rolling everywhere. I had to get a coffee to cup to hold them all. I felt like an old lady hitting the slots in Atlantic City. Turns out my card wasn't erased but I did have to carry around 50 pounds of quarters in my backpack.

Can't Find Em Anywhere

Didn't He Learn His Lesson the First Time?

According to OnMilwaukee, a 21-year-old female alleged that she and Latrell Sprewell were having consensual sex Tuesday aboard his yacht, "Milwaukee's Best," when he began to strangle her. Police allegedly observed red marks on the woman's neck.

As Seen on CNN

Embarrassing moment for CNN yesterday. Anchor Kyra Phillips was in the bathroom girl-talking during a President's speech. One problem. Her mike was still on. Her conversation can be heard intermingled with the President. We just hope her sister-in-law knows she's a control freak.

Here's a transcript of what was said:

Kyra Phillips: ""assholes.Yeah, I'm very lucky in that regard with my husband. My husband is handsome and he is genuinely a loving, you know, no ego.[unintelligible] you know what I'm saying. Just a really passionate, compassionate great, great human being. And they exist. They do exist. They're hard to find. Yup. But they are out there."

[unidentified woman]: "We'll see. He's going to come, you know, he's set for an extended visit.[unintelligible]"

Phillips: "I mean, that's, that's how you figure it all out, those extended visits. [laughter]"

[unidentified woman]: "Yeah, but my mom, I think she really likes him."

Phillips: "Mom's got a good vibe? Good."

[unidentified woman]: "Yeah, my brother's the one that.[unintelligible]"

Phillips: "Brother-of course, brothers have to be, you know, protective. Except for mine. I've got to be protective of him."

[unidentified woman [unintelligible]

Phillips: "Yeah. He's married, three kids, but his wife is just a control freak."

[unidentified woman #2]: "Kyra."

Phillips: "Yeah, baby?"

[unidentified woman #2]: "Your mic is on. Turn it off. It's been on the air."

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Jew on First

Denis Leary and Lenny Clarke make a big deal when they find out that Kevin Youkilis, the Greek God of walks, is actually the Jewish boy of schlepping to first.

Bad Taste or Bad Timing?

NBC is being criticized for not shelving it's pre-taped for the Emmys which begins with Conan O'Brien being on a plane that crashes, landing him on a desert island. This aired the same day a plane crashed in Kentucky.

I don't see why it's such a big deal. How long are we supposed to wait? Is it ok to show hurricanes on TV? I think once in a while intent should come into play, and there were no intent to be insensitive. But the owner of the Lexington, Kentucky NBC affiliate didn't feel that way.

Monday, August 28, 2006

As Seen on CNN

CNN will mark the fifth anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks by replaying on the Internet the cable network's coverage of that day's events.
Viewers can watch how events unfolded starting at 8:30 a.m., minutes before the first reports of an airplane hitting the World Trade Center. The feed will run in real time, as the network showed it five years ago, until midnight.
For the day, CNN will make its online video service, CNN Pipeline, available for free. Normally, viewers pay $2.95 a month or $24.95 a year for four separate video feeds.
Online viewers will be able to watch live reports of memorial services through one of the feeds. So that viewers won't accidentally stumble upon graphic footage from 2001, the replay feed will be covered with a notice instructing users to click only if they want to watch.
"Our users may choose to view the stream of coverage from Sept. 11, 2001, or live coverage of memorial services at Ground Zero, or they may click through the numerous interactive elements on the site," said David Payne, senior vice president and general manager of "They have the power to determine the best way for them to remember the anniversary."

Getting Well Against the Mets

On Thursday St. Louis Cardinals catcher Gary Bennett had 2 hits including a home run agains the Mets. Including that game Bennett is 9 for his last 13 with 3 homers and 8 RBI (he hit a walk-off grand slam on Sunday).
Prior to that he was batting .195 with 1 HR and 14 RBI.

It Happened!

TON and Special K got engaged. That is something some people thought they would never hear in their lifetimes.
Let the groom-to-be tell it:

"we went camping on friday night....expecting some nice woodsy campfire shit....and were gonna kayak the next morning...then hike on sunday...and i was gonna pop the Q on the hike. what actually happened.....we get there...its kinda cloudy and threatening to rain (like 10:30 at night)...there's AT LEAST 4 entire families of Jamaicans next to us...blasting Fantasia Barino (from american idol), and about 12 college kids on the other side, partying their faces off. It was kinda funny, to me anyway...there's shitloads of people being totally loud...then me and kelly with a tiny tent, in the middle.
Anyway, i couldnt get a fire was drizzling....we just tried to go to sleep, while the college kids kept partying
Very uncomfy..starts pouring....pretty much the whole night, we both get very little sleep. Kelly is like like "i want to go home" i didnt even try to dissuade her, cuz i didnt wanna fight etc when i was about to pop the Q.
So we essentially went there, got wet, barely slept...then left in about 11 hours total...with about 5 of driving....although i did manage to make a quick fire and cook eggs in the morning. Soooo shitty start
I work on plan B, basically take her to dinner that night in Hobo, its nice etc...take a walk on a pier after....wait till some peeps cleared out...then dropped the biz-omb.

Oy Is This a Schmuck

Jackie Mason filed a lawsuit against Jews for Jesus for using his name and likeness in a pamphlet.
The $2 million lawsuit seeks the immediate destruction of the pamphlet, which members of the missionary group have been handing out at various points around New York City.
"While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami," the 75-year-old comedian said in documents filed in state Supreme Court in Manhattan.
Founded in the 1970s, Jews for Jesus practices Judaism but regards Jesus as the Messiah.
The pamphlets feature an image of Mason next to the words "Jackie Mason ... A Jew for Jesus!?" with information inside that outlines the similarities between Jews and Christians.
"The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my 'shtick' (if you will), and my very act, which is derived from my personality, to attract attention and converts," Mason said in an affidavit.
Susan Perlman, a spokeswoman for Jews for Jesus, said the pamphlet was "good-natured."
"Shame on him for getting so upset about this," she said Friday.