Saturday, November 17, 2007

No, He's Not Our-Vit

There has been a hangup in the Mets signing of catcher Yorvit Torrealba. It's not clear yet if he failed a physical or what, but he will not be signing with the Mets. I'm not disappointed because other than his name, he was grossly overpaid. But I am praying the Mets insulted Lo Duca so greatly that he will sign elsewhere and the Mets will be "stuck" giving the starting job to Ramon Castro.
The lesson from this, as always, don't listen to sportswriters. They get everything wrong.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Brokeback Basketball

Phil Jackson described the Lakers loss to the San Antonio Spurs as a "Brokeback Mountain" game.
"We call this a 'Brokeback Mountain' game, because there's so much penetration and kickouts."
Jackson apologized, but I don't know, he didn't quite seem sincere.

Bonds is Fucked

Barry Bonds used steroids.
If you don't believe that please stop reading this blog right now.
The only person in America who is convinced that Bonds never used steroids is Bonds himself.
Somehow Bonds has said it so often that he believes it.
But it's not true, he knowingly took steroids because he was pissed that Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa were getting all the attention.
But that's not the point here. The point here is that Bonds could very well be going to jail.
In December 2003 he told a grand jury that he never knowingly used steroids.
Now federal investigators indicted him on perjury charges, meaning they have enough evidence to prove he took steroids (postive tests) and that he knew he was taking steroids (witness testimony).
Right after the Bonds indictment was announced, Bonds former friend and trainer Greg Anderson was released from prison. Anderson was in jail for not testifying against Bonds.
Because there's no such thing as a coincidence I think this means Anderson finally agreed to flip on Bonds.
But Anderson's lawyer says that's not what happened. I guess it's possible the Feds have the case without Anderson so they didn't need him anymore. Or maybe they want to scare Bonds into confessing by making him think Anderson dimed him out.
Either way I think Bonds is fucked. I don't think the Feds are going to let this go without sending him to jail for at least 9 months.

This indictment does pose a major problem for Major League Baseball. If for some reason Bonds should admit his steroid use they would have to take his records away. Especially if he says he was juiced during 2001 when he hit 73 homers, a 49% increase over high previous career high. The problem with that is, that would give the single-season crown to another juicer, Mark McGwire. Unless they can catch McGwire and Sosa and roll back the crown to Maris, an admission by Bonds would be disastrous for baseball.

One last issue, I don't want to hear that Bonds is being unfairly targeted. He lied to the grand jury, he deserves what he's going to get regardless of whether Palmeiro and McGwire are unmolested and regardless of whether the Feds should be chasing a murderer somewhere.

I also hope the idiots in the media who defended Bonds for no other reason than because he's black and so are they, will apologize also when Bonds is found guilty.


Alex Rodriguez and the Yankees are perfect together.
The two sides agreed on a 10-year, $275 million dollar deal with another $25 million in incentives based on A-Rod passing Ruth, Aaron and Bonds.
This comes after A-Rod opted out of his original deal with the Yankees costing them about $25 million in contract subsidy from the Texas Rangers.
It also comes after Yankees owner Hank Steinbrenner said that if A-Rod opted out the Yankees wouldn't resume negotiating with him.
But after a few weeks on the free agent market A-Rod and the Yankees resumed talks, without A-Rod's agent Scott Boras. Incidentally, the news of the renewed talks was first reported by Master Bates's childhood friend Mark Feinsand of the New York Daily News.

Initial reaction is to think that A-Rod came crawling back to the Yankees but I actually think the Yankees were the ones who caved here.
Yes, A-Rod did ask for $350 million but I'm quite certain he knew he would never get that and he was just starting the negotiations high. I also think A-Rod wouldn't have gotten more than $225 million from any other team, meaning the Yankees overpaid by as much as 33%. The only team that seemed to have more than marginal interest was the Angels, but they didn't seem to want to pay A-Rod so much more than what their current star Vladimir Guerrero is making.

But the psychology of Alex Rodriguez is so interesting to me. As Jems pointed out, it seems as if he wants to be loved by the fans, that he doesn't understand why Jeter is so popular and he isn't, yet everything he does makes people hate him.
All of his actions are contrary to his goals. If he really loved New York the way he said, and he really wanted to stay with the Yankees, and if he really wanted the fans to love him, why didn't he try to work out this deal with them without all this free agency bullshit.

I guess you could blame Scott Boras, but that absolves A-Rod of a lot of other greedy actions in the past. Most significantly, according to reports when he signed with Texas the deal was supposed to be for 10 years and $250 million. A-Rod asked for $2 million extra because he wanted his contract to be worth twice as much as the previous record sports contract (Kevin Garnett's $126 million).

One other thing about A-Rod, the jury is still out as to whether he is a winning player. He has never won a World Series. I really believe that having A-Rod on a team fosters a fractious clubhouse atmosphere because everyone hates him. They hate that he is making so much more money than them. He hates them because everyone likes them more than they like him. And he doesn't produce in the playoffs when it matters most.

I hope A-Rod and the Yankees are very happy together for the next ten years...with no World Series rings.

He's Not Just Yorvit, He's Our-Vit

The Mets signed former Colorado Rockies catcher Yorvit Torrealba (yor-VEET tor-EE-all-buh) to a 3-year contract worth $14.4m. There are a few great things about this signing. First, that means no more Paul LoDuca. Second, it saves the Mets a little over what they paid LoDuca last year. Third, it will be a lot of fun to say Yorvit Torrealba over the next three years.
But the downside is the Mets refuse to give Ramon Castro a chance to win the starting job. However, they did keep Castro with a 2-year, $4.6 million deal.
2007 was the first season in which Torrealba played in more than 66 games.
Here are 2007 stats for the three catchers:
Torrealba: 396 AB 8 HR 47 RBI .255 BA .323 OBP .376 SLG .699 OPS
Lo Duca: 445 AB 9 HR 54 RBI .272 BA .311 OBP .378 SLG .689 OPS
Castro: 144 AB 11 HR 31 RBI .285 BA .331 OBP .556 SLG .887 OPS

From those stats you can see that LoDuca and Torrealba are comparable and both are far inferior to Castro, for 2007.

It's clear the Mets think two things about Castro. They think he isn't a good defensive catcher, and they think he can't continue his offensive performance for an entire season.

I'll concede point one only because it's subjective and impossible to prove (you have caught stealing percentages, but you can't judge how someone handles a staff) but I disagree with number 2. The best way to figure out how someone will hit in the future is to look at how he's hit in the past. That is why I think the Mets should have given Castro the starting job. But I will embrace Yorvit and hope he provides steady hitting and good defense behind the plate for the Mets.


How Motherhood Has Changed Mrs. Poop

Mrs. Poop took Chase to the mall yesterday, because he was being good and it was raining and she had nothing better to do. She decided to go into Abercrombie & Fitch to buy a present for her 8 year old godson.

Digression: Mrs. Poop's godson is for some reason incredibly interested in fashion and popularity. He wears cologne and wants to use deodorant. And unlike other 8 year olds who want video games for Christmas, he wants a shirt from Abercrombie. Maybe because he gets in trouble so often he's never allowed to play video games.

Anyway, Mrs. Poop went into A&F and said the music was so loud that Chase woke up. She immediately turned and ran him out of there and he went back to sleep. Then she said "I don't know how people work all day in that store with the music blasting like that."

Thursday, November 15, 2007

The Band Is On The Field

The second best thing to ever happen with a band in a game involving the Cal Bears.
During halftime the Cal band does a tribute to video games. It's just incredible. I know it's more than 6 minutes long and slow moving at times, but well worth sticking it out.
At some points you may need to imagine you're sitting on the other side of the field, but this really is incredibly impressive.

Scaredy Cat

A cat took shelter under an sport utility vehicle as a mule deer buck grazed in the cat's front yard.

Not a game of cat and mouse

Yo, It's a Lovely Fuckin Merlot

According to the New York Times, the Staten Island Botanical Gardens wants to bring a little taste of Tuscany to S.I.
The plan is to create a 2 acre vineyard and eventually produce red and white wines there.
The link between and Italy and Staten Island makes sense considering that nearly 38 percent of Staten Island residents are of Italian ancestry, according to the 2000 Census, more than any other county in the United States.


soaped up with a faux hawk

Diesel hates the shower, he likes the hose but it was too cold for that

And if you want to see Trey's first bath, click here.

Ohio State - Michigan Preview

The annual Ohio State - Michigan game has lost some juice this year because both teams lost last week.
The game doesn't have the meaning of last year's contest, when both teams were undefeated and the winner earned a spot in the national title game.
But despite last week's losses and Michigan's early season embarrassments (Appalachian State, Oregon), the winner of this game wins the Big 10 and goes to the Rose Bowl.
I have previously documented how much these schools hate each other and now HBO stole my idea and turned it into a documentary.
When we went to Columbus in January, I found a onesie I thought would be great for a little kid, but because we had recently had a miscarriage scare I was afraid to buy it or to tell Pizza Parlor Derek that Mrs. Poop was pregnant.
I asked PPD to get it for my child someday and he came through once Chase was born.
When we go to Buffalo Wild Wings on Saturday, I will be wearing my lucky Ohio State sweatshirt and Chase will be wearing this:

scary eyes
thank you Derek

Whom Do You Believe?

It's been too long since an O.J. Simpson trial captivated the nation. But O.J. is back, thank god. A judge ruled that there is enough evidence in the case against him to go to trial. O.J. is accused of leading a group of armed men in to a Las Vegas hotel room to reclaim memorabilia O.J. said belonged to him. This case is already famous because of the audiotape in which O.J. can be heard uttering his now famous soliloquy "you mother fuckers think you can steal my shit and sell it?"

The witnesses who testified against O.J. at the preliminary hearing were described as "crackheads and groupies and pimps and purveyors of stolen merchandise and gun carriers and con artists and crooks" by the lawyer of one of Simpson's co-defendants.

Fairy Tale

Kevin Colvin, an intern at the Anglo Irish Bank of North America e-mailed his manager on the afternoon of Oct. 31 claiming "something came up at home" in New York and that he needed to miss work the next day. For whatever reason, perhaps managerial intuition, his boss decided to inspect Colvin's Facebook page on Nov. 1 and apparently found pictures of the intern dressed as a fairy, beer in hand, at a Halloween party in Massachusetts.

Rather than reprimand him, the manager decided to have a little fun. He shot Colvin an e-mail back stating: "Thanks for letting us know -- hope everything is ok in New York. (cool wand)" with the fairy picture attached. And if that weren't embarrassing enough, the manager reportedly BCCed the rest of the company.

Fairy good excuse douchebag

Dwight Schrute & Gerry McNamara, Perfect Together

Pizza Parlor Derek unearthed this gem. On the desk of Dwight K. Schrute, is a bobblehead of former Syracuse star Gerry McNamara. It's right behind the nameplate next to Dwight's bobblehead of himself.
McNamara as you may know, is from Scranton, Pennsylvania (where "The Office" is set) and he is a god in that town.
I hope they do a flashback episode to 2003 and have Dwight be one of those idiots who took a bus from Scranton to Syracuse for every home game.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Syracuse on SI Cover

Sports Illustrated is covering rivalries in their college basketball preview issue. As usual, they did several different regional versions. The Northeast version features Eric Devendorf and Georgetown's Roy Hibbert. And as you can tell from the column on the left SU doesn't make their preseason 20. But I think the same thing happened in 2003 and this is SI's season review cover.

they fuckin superimposed me man

Song of the Week

"The Good Life" - Kanye West featuring T-Pain
I normally hate Kanye's sellout rap (he used to be an awesome producer before he sold out), but since his mom died (during cosmetic surgery) and because this actually is a pretty good song, I'm feeling badly for Kanye.
But if you want to see what Kanye was capable of before he discovered how much money he could make with catchy, meaningless pop tunes, click here.

Freshman Phenom

Hope is high in Syracuse where a great freshman class led the Orange to two early victories.
Point guard Jonny Flynn has been most impressive, scoring 28 points in the first game against Sienna (on 10-13 shooting).
He scored only one basket in the win of St. Joe's but what a basket it was.
Flynn's 3-pointer with 5.3 seconds left gave the Orange a 71-68 lead.
Fellow freshman Donte Greene added 18 points and 8 rebounds.
And super sophomore Paul Harris (who played with Flynn in high school in Niagra Falls) is proving to be a great and versatile player. Harris had 18 points, 14 rebounds and 6 assists.
Eric Devendorf played a solid game and sophomore Arinze Onuaku played the best game of his career.
SU has three other freshman (Scoop Jardine, Rick Jackson and Sean Williams) and I worry that Boeheim's propensity to play a short bench will force Jardine and Jackson (who played together in high school in Philadelphia) to transfer, if they continue to get short minutes.

Some other thoughts on the St. Joseph's game:
Bad move: Boeheim electing to kill 10 more seconds with a 2 point lead and just over a minute left. That resulted in a bad shot by Flynn which got blocked and almost turned into a game-tying layup.
Bad move: Fouling the shooter on a layup with 25 seconds giving St. Joe's a chance to tie the game, they did.
Bad move: Taking a 3-pointer with 6 seconds left in a tie game.
Good move: Making a 3-pointer with 6 seconds left in a tie game.
Good move: Fouling the ball handler before he can shoot a game tying 3-pointer.
Bad move: Making a free throw to take a 3-point lead with .8 seconds left. The chances of a 90 foot heave to beat you are much less than a 30 foot heave to tie.
Good move: Winning!

Next up: Ohio State in Madison Square Garden.

Diaper Dandy Jonny Flynn scores one basket, one HUGE basket in Syracuse's win over St. Joseph's

Good Riddance

Thankfully, Stephon Marbury's days a New York Knick might be over.
Marbury apparently got into a heated argument with Isiah Thomas on the team plane after he foudn out he would no longer be starting.
According to the Daily News, Thomas delivered the message to Curry first, which set off Marbury.
The argument continued in the team hotel and at some point Marbury asked to leave the team and Thomas gave him permission to do so.
Marbury left Phoenix and flew home to New York. It now seems like he will never return.
While I agree that the Knicks do not have a better option on the court to replace Marbury, I think the team could possibly improve by unlocking value from other players.
And if not, I'd rather win 25 games without Marbury, than 35 games with him.
If the team's slide continues, maybe Thomas will be the next to go and then the healing can begin.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Following in Focker's Footsteps

Mrs. Poop took Chase to the Visiting Nurse Association, where he got this hat.
Maybe he will grow up to be a male nurse like Focker, but at least he's starting out with a better name than Gaylord.
Ok, so Mrs. Poop is also a nurse, maybe he'll follow in her footsteps.

More Chase pictures posted on his blog.

Reissberg Reflects

So Reissberg finished the New York City Marathon. And unlike Katie Holmes, he was sweaty, and he was wearing a bra.
And the next day instead of dressing up and walking the red carpet in high heels, Reiss instead got a massage. Sounds like a question for "Which is Gayer?"

I offered Reissberg the floor to talk about his marathon experience and this is what he had to say:

"Just an unforgettable experience, having thousands of people cheer for you on the street. I tried acknowledging every single person with a wave or a fist pump or something -- the first half of the race. By the end I could barely muster the energy to lift an arm.
Nothing can prepare you, no matter how well you trained, for the pain of the last few miles. Basically, my leg muscles just broke, and then my abs started to feel strained for some reason. Somehow, though, looking back after a week or so, all I remember is the thrill of crossing the finish line, and not the pain. Amazing that I finished it, and helped sick kids in the process.

Pretty much recovered now except my right knee hurts when I try to run.

Would I do another one? I wouldn't rule it out, but not next year. The pain is too much to willingly endure again, and it's too much of a time commitment, which isn't fair to Mrs. Reissberg, and time is tight as it is. Nothing could ever duplicate the experience of my first time, but I'd consider doing it again if there was something new -- like a different city, or different people to run with. So if any of you Poopheads want to try to run a marathon some day, I'd gladly train with you."


On the first play of the second quarter of Syracuse's 41-10 loss to South Florida, USF's Aston Samuels took the handoff and ran 75 yards before he was chased down by Dowayne Davis and tackled at the 3-yard line.
It wasn't quite the stage of Bebee vs. Lett but in a terrible season, it's nice to see guys like Davis still making the effort.
Thanks to two goal line stands and 3 penalties, USF had to settle for a field goal, meaning Davis's effort saved 4 points. It could have been 45-10.
Plus, I thought this picture was really cool.

Dowayne Davis shows a lot of heart by never giving up and tackling Aston Samuels just short of the endzone

The NFL is Poop - Week 10

At Least We've Still Got the Dolphins
The St. Louis Rams beat the New Orleans Saints for their first win, so now the Miami Dolphins are the only remaining winless team in the NFL this season. But even they had a chance to win, taking a 10-2 lead into the fourth quarter against the Buffalo Bills. And the Dolphins even showed some resilience after they blew the lead. Ted Ginn returned the ensuing kickoff for a touchdown, but it was called back a penalty, and that killed the Dolphins hopes. The Dolphins play the Jets, Ravens and Bengals at home and if they are going to win a game this season it has to be against one of those teams.

Death by Penalty
For the entire first half the New York Giants hung in against the Dallas Cowboys and fought right back when Dallas took a 24-17 lead. On the ensuing kickoff, Ahmad Bradshaw took it back for a touchdown, but the return was called back by a penalty. This was a bad call. The player was falling anyway, before the final push to the ground. Later on that drive Brandon Jacobs scored a 6-yard touchdown, but that was also called back by a penalty. This was a good call, Chris Snee grabbed Roy Williams. Throw in 3 delay of game penalties and the Giants cost themselves this game and a chance to win the division.

Will They Win Another Game?
In addition to the Dolphins, the Detroit Lions are a team that may not win another game all season. Starting off 6-2 as the feel good story of the league was great, but after a miserable loss to the Cardinals, the Lions now face a murderous schedule and would be lucky to get to 9-7 and make the playoffs. Their next 7 games are: New York Giants, Green Bay (Thanksgiving), at Minnesota, Dallas, at San Diego, Kansas City and at Green Bay. Kansas City at home is winnable so is Minnesota on the road but I give them no chance in the other 5 games.

Take It To the Cribbs
In Cleveland's near-win over the Steelers, Browns kick returner Joshua Cribbs had himself one hell of a game.
In the first quarter, Cribbs returned a kick 90 yards to the 3, to set up a Browns touchdown.
During the return, Cribbs tight-roped the sidelines while delivering a vicious stiff arm.

Joshua Cribbs delivers a nasty stiff arm

And in the fourth quarter, after the Steelers took a 24-21 lead, Cribbs took the ensuing kickoff back 100 yards for a touchdown to give Cleveland back the lead. Once again Cribbs nimbly avoided stepping out of bounds. That's 190 yards on two kick returns.

The Agony of Defeat
Unfortunuately for Joshua Cribbs and the rest of the Cleveland Browns the Steelers took a 31-28 lead on a great touchdown run by Ben Roethlisberger, and the Browns last effort to tie the game came up just short, as did the Phil Dawson field goal attempt.

Phil Dawson personifies the agony of da feet

Game of the Week
San Diego Chargers 23 Indianapolis Colts 21
Peyton Manning played possibly his worst NFL game, and the Colts almost won anyway.
In the first quarter alone there were 2 kick returns for touchdowns and 4 interceptions (3 by Manning). In the first quarter each team got the ball 4 times, never held onto it for more than 4 minutes. Manning threw three more interceptions (though the last one was irrelevant) but he also led the Colts on 2 touchdown drives and with a defensive touchdown the Colts were only down by 2. But when Adam Vinatieri missed a 29 yard field goal (he'd missed a 42-yarder earlier), the Colts lost their second in a row. And the Chargers, as bad as they've played, are in first place in the AFC West.

Game of Next Week
New York Giants at Detroit Lions
Not a strong slate of games for Week 11. But with these two teams both at 6-3, they are both in second place in their divisions, but they are both two games behind the division leaders. But, they also have better records than the leaders of the other two divisions. The winner will go to 7-3 which especially for Detroit would go a long way to getting them into the playoffs. Both teams have great passing games and we could see a lot of points in this one.

Brief Rant About the Redskins
This is about the third game this season in which Joe Gibbs overly conservative late game management has cost them. The Redskins were cruising early, having finally got some production from their wide receivers. James Thrash and Keenan McCardell caught the first three TD passes thrown to wide receivers this season. The Redskins missed the extra point on the first touchdown, and when they scored again to take a 12-7 lead, Gibbs went for 2. Stupid move. There is no reason to chase points early in the game. It's just as likely that the Eagles would kick two field goals as score one touchdown. That was a bad decision, but it didn't come back to haunt them.
What did haunt the Redskins was when Gibbs started to kill the clock with 8 minutes left from the Philadelphia 24. A touchdown puts the game away but Gibbs went for 7 running plays in row. In fairness, he did call one pass but it was negated by a penalty. With 3rd and goal from the 7, Gibbs didn't even try to win the game (Philly would have had to score twice in 4 minutes), he called a conservative running play to save 30 seconds. A horrible play.
But all the blame isn't on Gibbs. The Redskins defense gave up two huge touchdowns (a 45 yarder to Reggie Brown and a 58 yarder to Westbrook) in the fourth quarter.
All game it seemed like the Redskins should have put one guy on Westbrook and forced the other guys to beat them, but they never did and Westbrook gained 183 total yards.

Cheerleader of the Week
Kate of the St. Louis Rams
Kate is a rookie who hopes to continue her education and someday become the CEO of a company. Like every other cheerleader in the NFL she enjoys dancing, traveling and spending time with family. One of her lifetime goals is to be in a movie or a music video. I can definitely see her in a movie credited as "stripper #2." If she won the lottery the first thing she would do is meet with a financial advisor. I think Master Bates would welcome her business.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
New England Patriots 41 Dallas Cowboys 30
I don't see this changing for the rest of the season.

Possibly My Favorite Joke Of All Time

A man is eating dinner in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous woman sitting at the next table.
He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye flies out of its socket toward the man.
He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back to her.
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Thank you so much. Please let me pay for your dinner to thank you," she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he listens, he shares his and she listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap.
The have sex and in the morning she cooks a gourmet breakfast.
"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

Road Rage

A Westchester dentist flips out over a parking space (listen carefully to the reporter acting like a complete pussy):

Here's the unedited version of what happened.

You can hear his defense, the now frequently used "n-word defense."

More random Joyce Brothers appearance, here or in the broadcast booth during the baseball game in "The Naked Gun"?

Richest Man in Erie

I know this sounds ironic but right now is a great time to live in Erie, Pennsylvania.
An anonymous donor has given the city $100 million.
There are only 102,000 people in Erie meaning if the benefit is spread evenly, and only to residents of Erie, each person's share is about $1,000.
And like an episode of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" the donor has asked to be anonymous.
And the man who is responsible for giving out the money has vowed to keep the donor's identity secret.
46 charities will split the money, and many of the charities have resisted trying to figure out the donor's identity to honor his or her wishes.

Here is what the Associated Press has to say about Erie:

"Erie was once a bustling iron and steel town, and later also made machinery, plastics, paper and furniture. But many factories eventually closed or moved overseas. The paper mill, which employed more than 2,000 people in the 1950s, shut down in 2002 after more than 100 years in business.
The city has a growing service industry and has tried to remake itself as a tourist destination with a new slots casino. But its poverty rate is about 19 percent, or twice the national average, median household income is $31,196, versus $48,451 nationally, and as of 2006, it had an estimated 400 homeless people."

How I Met Your Mother "Spoiler Alert"

I'm actually kind of pissed that I didn't decide to follow this episode with a running diary because it was pure genius. I loved the premise, I loved the jokes, I loved everything about it.

But I will say there were a couple parts that hit a little too close to home.

The episode started with Ted saying how much he likes his new girlfriend (played by Lindsay Price). You may recognize her from the American version of "Coupling" or from "Beverly Hills, 90210" when she was married to Steve Sanders. But because Price is half-Asian and neither me nor those kids whom Bob Saget is talking to is a quarter-Asian, I knew she was not my mother.

But what makes this particular episode so genius is the fact that all the little things they didn't like about each other are genuine scenarios.

Before I go on let me first say that I don't think a dog pooping on a baby is funny. I love dogs, I love babies and I love poop, but not all three at the same time. I hope I never see a video like that, or see it happen in real life.

Back to the show. I think everyone has a friend whose girlfriend or wife talks too much. You wonder if he doesn't notice or doesn't care. And unlike in the show in real life you can't say anything because there are no glass-breaking sound effects and immediate recognition.

But that was just an appetizer, the real humor started when the gang started discussing each other's pecadilloes.
Mrs. Poop frequently complains that I chew too loudly, but what does she expect when I'm chomping on Nerds, pretzels and jello.

I loved all the similies, metaphors and analogies used to describe Lilly's chewing:

"sounded like Jurassic Park"
"what's in that cereal besides dry twigs and small animal bones?"
"sounds like a garbage disposal full of dry wall screws"
"sounds slightly like someone put a screwdriver in a pencil sharpener, but in a cute way"
"what are you eating gravel?"
"sounds like cuff links going up a vacuum cleaner"

And the correcting, that is something I knowingly and willingly do and the literally/figuratively mistake is one of my favorites to point out.

it figuratively blew your mind

The ensuing scene pointing out every annoying things each person does was so freakin funny, I literally died laughing.

Robin uses literally too often. "Don't they teach vocabulary in Canada." "They literally don't"

Marshall singing what he does all the time. (Mrs. Poop admitted to doing this one but claimed it was only because she wants to keep Chase entertained.) "my laundry and a roll of quarters."

Barney speaks in a high voice, uses lame catchphrases (awesome and legen...waitforit...dery are not lame) and spaces out. "I'm sorry what?"


"Lawsuit Up!"

That was kind of fucked up for Ted to ruin Kathy for the deaf guy.

All in all a brilliant episode. I give it a 9.1. The new best episode of the season.

And guess what? Next week is Slapsgiving!

Monday, November 12, 2007

Slutty Coach Gets Slutty Student To Join Her in Topless Photo

High school can be an interesting place. Everyone wants to be liked, especially by members of the opposite sex. So maybe having recent graduates come back as 19-year-old coaches isn't the best idea.
A 19-year-old assistant football coach at Goshen High School in Ohio got fired for hosting a party at his house which was attended by current students. And of course, they were drinking alcohol.
But it's not just teenage guys who try to impress teenage girls with booze.
Teenage girls try to impress teenage guys with the best tools at their disposal, their tits.
A 19-year-old cheerleading coach took a picture of herself and her 15-year-old student and they were both topless. Of course, as always happens, the titty picture got passed around the whole school and the coach of course was fired.
The NSFW picture is here but please remember that because the girl on the right is 15, I think this technically qualifies as child porn.
A SFW work picture of the coach Victoria Schattauer is below.

Oh Shit!

An Israeli security guard falls on the ground after a firecracker exploded in his hand during a basketball game in Jerusalem. Reports said he lost three fingers on one hand from the blast.

Israeli security guard loses three fingers when a firecracker explodes in his hand

This next picture is not for the faint of heart.

I'm warning you. If you have a vagina you probably won't want to see this.

Scroll past it if you get queasy.

Ok, here it is!


Texting Trouble

A 17 year-old girl is suing the St. Louis Cardinals for publishing on the scoreboard that she has a Sexually Transmitted Disease.
During games, the Cardinals allow fans to send text messages which will be displayed on the scoreboard.
The girl was on a field trip with her high school last year when one of the other students, a girl of course, texted "A.B. (her name is not being released) has an STD! Eww!"
And that message was posted on the scoreboard for everyone in the stadium to read.
The lawsuit seeks at least $25,000 saying the Cardinals should have screened the message.
Clearly, the Cardinals did have a responsibility to review the texts and that never should have been cleared. So if this chick gets $25,000 for college that's fine with me.
But more interesting is the motivation of the texter. Did A.B. steal her boyfriend? Did her and A.B. like the same guy and this was her effort to eliminate A.B. from the competion? Maybe A.B. is the class slut. Maybe A.B. really does have an STD (the lawsuit says she doesn't).
But it's nice to see someone other than DT (do we have to call her DL now?) bringing glory to the term "eww!"

How Far is Too Far?

Mrs. Poop and I are considering traveling to our nearest Buffalo Wild Wings to watch Saturday's Ohio State - Michigan game which is still for the Big 10 title and a berth in the Rose Bowl even though both teams lost on Saturday.
We need to check it out because we are now shareholders in the company. Stock is down 10% since I bought it (damn high chicken costs), but I'm in it for the long haul.
After reading Pizza Parlor Derek's rave review of B-Dubs, Mrs. Poop has been wanting to try their wings (but she will not go for blazing, nor will she rub her eyes before washing her hands).
The problem is, there are no B-Dubs in New Jersey, so we have to travel into New York for the nearest location.
But we have a 3-month old child. He is very good in the car, and he usually will take a long nap when we're in a restaurant, but how far is too far to travel to a restaurant with a small kid?

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Weekly Picks

I was one gratuitous field goal by the Patriots away from another great week. Instead I had to settle for disappointment and a serious cooling down from my 4 week Patriots induced hot streak. This week I prepare to do battle without the Patriots and hope that I can make it on my own.

cleveland +9.5 PITTSBURGH
A lot of things are different since the last time these two teams played in Week 1. The biggest change is that the Browns replaced Charlie Frye with Derek Anderson and have been scoring points in bunches ever since. If you are ever going to take a team getting a lot of points, this has to be it. The fact that the Steelers killed the Ravens on Monday Night makes me like this one even more. I dismiss the short week thing but I think Monday night performances are always inflated because everyone saw them. Plus, the Ravens made so many turnovers the Steelers had no choice but to blow them out. I expect the Browns to take better care of the ball and keep this one close.

These two teams are also reprising their matchup from Week 1 when 80 points were scored in a 45-35 Dallas win. Similar to Cleveland though, the Giants have turned their season around by playing much better defense. However, I really think the Cowboys are the best team in the NFC and if they were the team who had the Patriots in Week 17, instead of Week 6, they could be undefeated right now. The spread is only 1 so it's basically a pick em game and though it's in the Meadowlands and I hate picking against the Giants because I will be doubly pissed if they win, I think the Cowboys are going to win this game. The only potential flaw in this plan is that Master Bates gave up his ticket to this game, turning a guaranteed loss into something much less certain. For five straight weeks, I've lost the game that was the second one down on this list of picks.

detroit +1 ARIZONA
Another road team and another very small spread. The Lions are 6-2 with their losses coming in huge blowouts to the Redskins (34-3) and Eagles (56-21). The Lions defense played great last week against Denver and if they can keep that up against Kurt Warner they should be able to force him into turnovers. I really wanted to make this game my best bet, but I don't like to change my selections after I put them down. Also, the game I've chosen in this third slot has been a winner for 6 straight weeks.

SAN DIEGO +3 1/2 indianapolis
This is why they call it gambling. I know I've gotten killed by the Chargers twice this year, once against the Chiefs (which knocked me out of's eliminator pool) and last week against the Vikings but I still believe in them. I usually don't pick an underdog unless I'm more than 50% sure they are going to win the game. But I am going against the philosophy twice this week and hoping the Chargers at the worst case, lose by a field goal.

buffalo -3 MIAMI

I love the Bills this season because they got killed twice by the Steelers and Patriots and covered in their other 6 games. They should have beaten the Broncos and Cowboys and been 6-2 right now. If that were the case they'd be giving 7, not 3. Still I worry about a push in this situation. I also worry because I think this pick is a little too obvious. But I have heard enough people say this is the week the Dolphins will get their first win so it appears not everyone is banking on the Bills. Hopefully Lynch and Evans can carry the Bills to at least 21 points because I don't think the Dolphins can score that many.

Last week: 3-2 (2 points)
Season so far: 25-20 (28 points - tied for 4th, 3 points out of 1st)
Best bet: 0-1 (6-3)
Home favorites: 1-0 (10-5)
Home underdogs: 0-0 (2-0)
Road favorites: 1-1 (11-9)
Road underdogs: 1-1 (2-6)