Friday, August 15, 2008

I Am Feeling Very Olympic Today Coach

The Olympics are a week old and I haven't said a word yet. Unfortunately I've been unable to watch as much as I'd like. I prefer to record huge blocks of coverage and watch what interests me.
I don't care about a lot of the sports, but for 2 weeks every 4 years I become a big fan of volleyball. I'm rooting very hard for the U.S. men's team which is playing through tragedy as their coach's father-in-law was killed in Beijing.

I enjoyed watching fencing and badminton. I've seen a few table tennis matches and marvel at the speed and spin on the ball.
I like the swimming and gymnastics, but track and field is more enjoyable to me.

I love the dominant beach volleyball team of Kerri Walsh and Misty May-Treanor, and their biggest fan.

Misty May-Treanor shows President Bush the ready position

But the beach volleyball match between Georgia and Russia isn't quite what it was cracked up to be. The matchup was billed as everything right about the Olympics; countries putting aside differences and coming together in the spirit of competition. But the Georgian team of Cristine Saka and and Andrezza Rtvelo is actually made up of two mercenaries from Brazil. The only thing Georgian about them is those made up names. Their real names are Cristine Santana and Andrezza Chagas. But no Georgian is complaining about having Rtvelo on their side.

The U.S. has some interesting pairs of teammates. Cox (Stephanie) and Boxx (Shannon) go together perfectly for the women's soccer team. Definitely a little better than U.S. sprinters Gay (Tyson) and Dix (Walter).

But those aren't my favorite names of the Games. I prefer Japanese volleyball player Yoshie Takeshita, whose jersey I'm sure would be a great seller.

The ladies love Australian boxer Brad Pitt.

But I like Israeli swimmer Nimrod Shapira Bar-Ar. In fact, interest in Nimrod was so high that Israeli journalists covered the swimming events. Michael Phelps was the big story so one Israeli paper put its own spin on Phelps's accomplishments, using this headline after the incredible 4X100 meter freestyle relay: "Two Jews and a Black Man Help Phelps Fulfill Olympic Dream."

Other than Phelps, the biggest U.S. star of these games is gymnast Nastia Liukin. A lot was made of her close relationship with her father a former gold medal winner for the former Soviet Union. But this picture of celebration after she won the all-around gold medal, was a little discomfiting to many who saw it. Once your daughter becomes a teenager I think a kiss on the cheek will suffice.

Nastia Liukin has daddy issues

Maybe more excited that either of the Liukins was Bela Karolyi. A lot of people have criticized him for bias towards the U.S. team and the fact that he behaves like a fan, when traditionalists believe he should behave as an impartial observer. But NBC knew what they were getting when they hired him, and if they didn't like his enthusiasm, they wouldn't constantly replay his off-air moments. I think viewers are smart enough to understand he's the former U.S. coach, his wife is still a coach, and he's going to root for the U.S. As long as he's honest, I've got no problem with him. In fact, he may have been too honest when he called out the Chinese for using underage gymnasts.

There is one picture that surpasses the above Liukin kiss in terms of stomach-turningness. Hungarian weightlifter Janos Baranyai injured his elbow while trying to lift 325 pounds.

Hungarian weightlifter Janos Baranyai's gruesome elbow injury

It's Official

Mike and the Mad Dog have officially split up, as reported on The Poop on June 23rd.
Mad Dog is leaving WFAN, presumably for Sirius-XM, whenever they merge.
The new show will be called "Francesa on the FAN."
And it will start immediately meaning no farewell for the Dog.

Pizza Parlor Derek is Going to Outlive Us All

Ernest Borgnine, still kicking at 91 years-old reveals his secret to life.
In an interview with Fox News, the star of JLeary's favorite show ever "The Single Guy," explained his fountain of youth to Steve Doocy in an Irish Whisper.

"I just shook his hand!"

Thursday, August 14, 2008

All Moms Are The Same

While watching the Olympics with my mom she commented that she found Michael Phelps to be unattractive because of the shape of his mouth. Mrs. Poop's crazy mommy friends are calling him a "butter face" and when you look at him, his teeth are kind of fucked up.

This is not the best picture to illustrate my point, but it'll remind you if you've seen him.

While discussing this issue with some other people I realized that all moms are the same. Whenever they see someone famous with fucked up teeth, a mom will always say "he's got so much money, why doesn't he get his teeth fixed?"

Note: This is not a scientific poll, several moms may be counted twice or even three times if Poop On Me reads this.

Even EZE Didn't Do This

There's a famous story of EZE's termination from Burger King. It involves a customer asking for extra pickles (policy says that means 4, instead of the standard 2) then complaining that wasn't enough. EZE then picked up a handful of pickles and put them on the burger. The customer complained to the manager who documented the incident, counted 24 pickles in total, and fired EZE.
But EZE looks like Employee of the Week compared to this guy.
Timothy Tackett aka Mr. Unst@bl3 is a former Burger King employee after taking a bath in the restaurant's utility sink. The sign said "employees must wash..."

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

China's Accidental Capitalistic Moment

The cute little girl who sang at the Opening Ceremonies as the Chinese team entered, didn't actually sing. Turns out she was lip synching because the girl who had the good voice, wasn't cute enough to be the face of the Ceremonies.
China said it was in the national interest to put on their best face, so to speak.
And the little girl who wasn't cute enough was happy that her voice was deemed excellent enough to be used in the ceremonies.
So as China relied on the most Communist of principles (the good of the nation) they unwittingly became a lot more like the West then they ever intended.
First off, it became a meritocracy, the best person for the job got the role. Second, they put personal appearance above all else, how very American.

Wilbon's 7th Inning Stretch

PTI host Michael Wilbon singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" at Wrigley Field. He also threw out the first pitch with his jersey tucked in. He said he tucked it in because it was too long. But he still looked kinda douchey.

Another Benefit of Facebook

Facebook has lots of pros and cons.

Pro: Slutty pics of slutty chicks
Con: They're very cautious about friending you, denying access to those slutty pics

Pro: You can see what everyone else is doing
Con: Everyone else can see what you're doing

Pro: Bubbletown
Con: It's addicting

Pro: All the groups you can join and games you can play
Con: The people who constantly send you suggestions of games to play, groups to join and people to friend. I don't want to be friends with that red-headed douchebag.

But the worst part might be that people you haven't seen for years can track you down and get in contact with you. But sometimes those people have something really cool to share.

For instance, this picture from JCC Camp from 1984 is a hidden gem posted by someone who had a whole bunch of JCC pictures.

See if you can identify not only The Poop, but The Concierge is in this picture as well. Take a guess, and I'll put the answer in the comments section.

Song of the Week

"Do You Love What You Feel" - Rufus featuring Chaka Khan
Chaka before she became a superstar on her own.
Check out those shorts, those gloves and that guy's Steve Yeager jersey.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

It's Gonna Be a Thing

I'm sick of people using the overly played out "I just threw up in my mouth" line whenever something disgusting or unpleasant happens.
From now I will be saying "I just lost my erection" in those circumstances instead.
This new catchphrase was actually derived from something TON said when the man in the rabbit suit was blowing the old guy in "The Shining."
I encourage you all to jump on the bandwagon.

And if that phrase doesn't suit you, I'm also working on something else.
When your DVR is full and programs either need to be watched or erased in order for new programs to record, that predicament is called "DVR-mageddon."

It's gonna be a thing.

Gas Pains

The summer of Poop is over and I finally tallied up our gas purchases. This begins with the fillup before we left for Baltimore and includes all gas purchases ending with the tank that got us home the rest of the way from Toronto. It includes some driving around which is why the final total is higher than the $504 I projected.

June 26 - Fair Lawn - $44.56
June 29 - Baltimore - $34.70
June 30 - Manchester, CT - $53.05
July 3 - Saco, ME - $55.95
July 3 - Tarrytown, NJ - $13.52
July 4 - Fair Lawn - $63.36
July 6 - Hellertown, PA - $60.63
July 7 - Montvale, NJ - $40.51
July 10 - Fair Lawn - $43.27
July 10 - Fair Lawn - $67.81
July 11 - Waterloo, NY - $53.60
July 14 - Mississauga, ON, CA - $61.33
July 14 - Cortland, NY - $47.10

Final Total $639.39