Saturday, June 05, 2010

I Scream for Ice Cream

It used to be that the minor league Toledo Mud Hens were famous because Corporal Klinger often wore a Mud Hens jersey on MASH, that is when he wasn't wearing a lovely green taffeta dress.

But now the Mud Hens have a new claim to fame.

FIFTH THIRD FANATIC FREEZE SUNDAE (15 SCOOPS) - 3 flavors of your favorite Toft's ice cream x 5 scoops of each delicious flavor = 1 colossal sweet treat and a souvenir helmet! Topped with whipped cream, hot fudge, rainbow sprinkles, peanuts, and cherries. Served in a souvenir full-size helmet - this sundae is the perfect treat for 4-8 people or one Paulo!

This thing looks freakin awesome. I really think I could eat an entire one with a couple of stipulations:

1) I'd need to do it in a meat locker. If this were at a summertime baseball game, it would melt and turn to soup before I was able to finish it
2) they'd have to remove the peanuts (just to be safe) and the cherries
3) I don't know if there are three flavors I like enough to eat 5 scoops so I might just ask for 15 of mint chocolate chip

How do they expect 8 people to eat this? Would there be a lazy Susan involved?

How cool of a souvenir is the full-size helmet you ate 15 scoops of ice cream out of? Much better than the hats and t-shirts John Candy got for eating the old 96er

Friday, June 04, 2010

What Do You Say?

What's the best fruit/vegetable euphemism for testicles?

Note: the winning word will be featured in an upcoming Facebook status update.

When You Have More Dollars Than Sense

To renew their vows on their second anniversary Nick Cannon bought Mariah Carey a ring pop, only it wasn't candy, it was a real ring.
The ring is made of white gold, diamonds, and pink sapphires, and comes in a special box with a "spinner" so "you can see it sparkle under the lights inside," according to Jason Arasheben, the CEO of the Jason of Beverly Hills jewelery store where Nick purchased the ring.
No word on how much it cost.

Thursday, June 03, 2010

Nobody's Perfect

Armando Galarraga loses a perfect game on a terrible call. Fact is; Jim Joyce blew it. Galarraga had 26 outs in his back pocket. And he had his foot on the bag and the ball in his glove. He was seconds away from celebrating until Jim Joyce blew the call. In Joyce’s defense, he is looking at the play but mostly listening for the sound of foot on base and ball in glove. The way Galarraga caught it, the ball got snow-coned in his glove, maybe not making the sound Joyce is used to hearing.

Armando Galarraga clearly had the ball and was on the base before the runner

A lot of people are saying Galarraga was “robbed” of a perfect game. As Archie Bunker pointed out, you can’t be robbed of something you never had. He made that point referring to the perfect game of Harvey Haddix. Haddix pitched 12 perfect innings but since the game was tied at zero, he went to the 13th and ended up losing the game on a home run to Joe Adcock (who passed Hank Aaron on the bases and only got credit for a single). So that’s not a perfect game.

Neither was Ernie Shore’s. In 1917 Shore entered the game after the starting pitcher was ejected after walking the first batter. That pitcher was Babe Ruth by the way. The baserunner was thrown out trying to steal and Shore retired the next 26 batters in a row. But’s that not a perfect game.

Nor will Galarraga’s game be marked in the history books as one. There are calls for Bud Selig to retroactively reverse the call and restore the perfect game. That’s preposterous, and unnecessary. Everyone knows Galarraga pitched a perfect game. He can sleep at night secure with his accomplishment and will be remembered that way. In fact, the uniqueness and misfortune will assure him an even better place in the memories of baseball fans.

Who cares what’s written in the record books? Those are the same record books that say Barry Bonds is the all-time home run king.

Really? That Many People are Watching These Shows?

With the spring television season recently completed I thought I would point out something I noticed in the ratings every week that I simply cannot believe. Consistently each week American Idol and Dancing with the Stars top the ratings, understandably so. But right below those shows every week is NCIS. The ratings say 20 million people watch this show every week. But I have never seen it, and I don't know anyone else who watches it either. How is this show pulling 20 million viewers?

Also, every week SpongeBob SquarePants is at the top of the cable ratings. 4.5 million kids are watching this show each Saturday morning.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Song of the Week

"I'm So Happy, I Can't Stop Crying" - Sting
"Something about the universe and how it's all connected"

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

One Obnoxious Yankees Fan I Find Amusing

Never say I am not an unbiased journalist. I hate the Yankees but I have to give credit where credit is due. This guy biting the pork chop right out of Kim Jones's hand is an unparalleled act of bravery and humor.

Bernie Carbo Wanted to Break Keith Hernandez's Arms

Former Red Sox outfielder Bernie Carbo, best known for hitting a game-tying 3-run homer in the epic Game 6 of the 1975 World Series says he was high during the game, and basically his entire career.

"I probably smoked two joints, drank about three or four beers, got to the ballpark, took some [amphetamines], took a pain pill, drank a cup of coffee, chewed some tobacco, had a cigarette, and got up to the plate and hit . . . I played every game high. I was addicted to anything you could possibly be addicted to. I played the out field sometimes where it looked like the stars were falling from the sky."

When Carbo went to the St. Louis Cardinals in 1980 he introduced Keith Hernandez to cocaine. When Hernandez testified in the 1985 Pittsburgh drug trial he identified Carbo as his supplier. Evidently that made Carbo mad enough to seek revenge.

"I knew some people, and I had $2,000, and I asked them to break his arms." Carbo said.

"When I went to an individual to have it done, he said, 'We'll do it in two or three years if you want it done, but we're not going to do it today, Bernie. If we went and broke his legs today, or broke his arms, you don't think they would understand that you are the one that had it done?' "