Saturday, November 02, 2013

Leave Vabilla Ice Alone

6 years ago Billie, aka Vabilla Ice, performed his last hurrah at his own wedding, famously performing to "Ice Ice Baby" and doing two splits in one dance.
Shortly thereafter, I posted the video on youtube under the heading "Vabilla Ice Gets Married."



Today, I got a copyright claim since the video contains the music in the background.



Obviously the record companies do have a claim against me because my video does contain a portion of the work that they own the distribution rights to. But one of the considerations is whether the potentially offending usage impinges the copyright owner's ability to make money off the original work. So ask yourself, would anyone not buy the "Ice Ice Baby" because of the 90 seconds of poor quality audio that can be heard on my video? Seeing as how only 700 people have viewed in 6 years, of course that can be it.

The real threat, is that Vabilla Ice is such a good dancer, Rob Van Winkle is obviously threatened.

Thankfully they are allowing my video to stay on youtube, but may place ads next to it.

Friday, November 01, 2013

Who Are These Guys

Player A: 73 1/3 inn 48 sv 0.61 ERA 1.34 FIP 603 ERA+ 8.96 K/9 0.49 BB/9 .213 BABIP 3.1 WAR
Player B: 70 2/3 inn 39 sv 1.40 ERA 2.03 FIP 316 ERA+ 9.81 K/9 0.76 BB/9 .218 BABIP 3.3 WAR
Player C: 74 1/2 inn 21 sv 1.09 ERA 1.61 FIP 376 ERA+ 12.23 K/9 1.09 BB/9 .188 BABIP 3.3 WAR

Notes: 1) Numbers are all jumbled, but its easier if you read it as columns, than straight across. 2) I use Fangraphs WAR, other calculations differ slightly. 3) These are from 3 different seasons.

Would You Bang? Heidi Klum (In Her Old Lady Costume)

If I asked if you would bang Heidi Klum the answer would surely be a resounding yes. But she wore such a frighteningly realistic old lady costume to her Halloween party that it actually throws the question into doubt. She had wrinkles, varicose veins, and even saggy boobs.







I Hope You a Good Halloween, Cuz I Know We Did

Two years in a row bad weather (ice storm, Hurricane Sandy) left us impotent (it literally means without power) on or around Halloween, making normal trick-or-treating impossible. The last time Julian experienced a normal Halloween he was not even 3 months old. This year the weather was our friend (though we had a brief drizzle) and we got out for about 2 solid hours of trick-or-treating. We could have done even more had Chase not started to feel sick and had Julian not tired of walking. The great thing about my neighborhood is the vibrancy during events like this. Yes, there are tons of families with young kids walking around. But there are also elderly people whose kids did this 40 years ago, who give out copious amounts of candy and compliments.















Wednesday, October 30, 2013

The Best Method of Birth Control

Dr. J often had no problem scoring against the toughest defenders in NBA history so it should be no surprise that he had no problem scoring on a proverbial open net.
In the late 1970s Dr J. met Samantha Stevenson, “a smart single woman — a pretty white girl, a bit of a hippie giving off a vibe of availability”, who was covering the 76ers for Sport Magazine.
She became a great friend to Dr. J. According to his new book "Dr. J", when he felt stressed or high-strung he would drive over to her place and she would suck his dick to help him relax. ("I can drive over and spend a relaxing evening that might even include oral sex."
But one night Stevenson got braces and couldn't blow Dr. J. So instead they had sex.
According to the book, that was the only time they ever had intercourse.
And 9 months later along came a baby.
And 19 years after that, Alexandra Stevenson made the semifinals at Wimbledon.
And 9 years after that, Dr. J met his illegitimate daughter for the first time.

TP For My Bunghole

The night before Halloween is often referred to Mischief Night as teenagers too old for trick-or-treating try to have some fun by wreaking havoc on the neighborhood.
Tonight, after we put the kids to bed Mrs. Poop noticed a police car parked in front of our house and about ten teenagers milling about on our lawn and in the street.
After the police car left and the kids dispersed, I went out to look around. This is what I saw in my bushes:



I would have only been mildly annoyed if I'd had to clean 7 rolls of TP out of my hedges in the morning, but it's a lot better than a carton of eggs, or damage to my personal property (Snoopy dog house).

I actually think I heard one kid try to encourage the others to go through with it after the cop pulled away, but I heard one say "it's not worth it."

Seven rolls of toilet paper ditched in the bushes, I'm not one to waste so I brought them inside and I'm going to use them to wipe my ass.

Song of the Week

"Applause" - Lady Gaga
I'm a little monster and I love it. I can't help it, I just think Lady Gaga is great.

What really clinched it for me was when she was taking questions from the crowd after one of the concerts on a morning show. She was asked what she would be doing were she not a famous singer.
She said "I would be a singer who wasn't famous. It would be a shame if I stopped doing what I love just because I couldn't make a lot of money doing it."

It is for that explanation, and the awesome songs she regularly churns out that I ignore her questionable fashion sense.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

The NFL is Poop - Week 8

Game of the Week
Detroit Lions 31 Dallas Cowboys 30

This category is finding a nice home for itself atop this column as it would be foolish for me to recap the week that was without starting with this game.
The thing that makes this one so interesting with the weird play that allowed it all to happen. Detroit got the ball down 3 with 2:24 remaining, and two time outs. Stafford got sacked, completed a pass then threw 2 incompletes.
Dallas takes over with 1:24 remaining, already in field goal range. Dallas ran on first and second and Detroit called timeout. It was the third down play that really made this strange. Dallas was called for offensive holding, and Detroit declined. The clock should have run down, all the way to about 25 seconds, but because of the penalty the clock stopped. That gave Detroit about 30 extra seconds, which Stafford took advantage of, completing 3 long passes, the last one to Megatron who was tackled at the goal line.
That set up one final play when Stafford feigned a spike, and then jumped over the top for the game-tying touchdown. The extra point gave the Lions the win.
Reminds me of another great comeback win Stafford led earlier in his career. If you haven't seen this, please watch it. Let's hope he was mic'ed up for this one as well.

One of the Best Ever
No one will ever be a better wide receiver than Jerry Rice. He's like the Michael Jordan in the regard. You will never convince the people who saw him that anyone who comes along is better. LeBron will never be better than Jordan, though physically he is more impressive. If we are to keep that analogy, Calvin Johnson is the LeBron James of NFL wide receivers.
He has all the physical tools, he's big, he's strong, he jumps high, and he runs fast. In this game, those qualities were on display. He showed his speed on a 87-yarder (though he did get caught from behind at the 3). He showed his leaping ability and hands on this 54 yard catch.



All told Johnson caught 14 passes for 329 yards, falling short of the single game record of 336 set by Flipper Anderson, in an overtime game.

A Lot to Learn
Dez Bryant has the physical tools to match Calvin Johnson but he lacks the maturity. His antics on the sideline as that game slipped away from the Cowboys were inexcusable. I know a lot of people have compared Bryant's outburst to Tom Brady's earlier this season, but they were different in many ways.
But the most important is this: Bryant has a history of being a selfish asshole, Brady has a history of being a great leader. That means he can yell at people and it's seen as encouraging. He can yell at people and they silently take his criticism. He can yell at people and be doing it for the good of the team. But when a prima donna wide receiver does it, and real team leaders like Jason Witter and Demarcus Ware can't get him to stop, we know Bryant isn't "passionate" about winning, he's belligerent about his stats.
NFL Films did capture the tamer of the exchanges with Romo, where Bryant just tells Romo he was open. I would love to hear what he said when he was getting into it with Witten.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
This game was the ultimate tease. We actually had a 21-7 lead over the Broncos in the third quarter, and then everything went completely to shit. Robert Griffin III played a horrible game. I know he had no time but he made some horrible and decisions. And even when he wasn't under duress his passes were going everywhere, except to his receivers.
I know the team is bad, but RGIII is so much worse in so many ways than he was last year, it makes me wonder if he will ever get to those heights again.
The defense is bad, but actually played great for 2 and a half quarters, before it got tired from being on the field all the time, and stopped tackling on screen passes, particularly two to Knowshon Moreno and Demaryius Thomas.

Picture of the Week
Baby dressed like Andy Reid for Halloween.



Bonus Picture of the Week
Excellent use of darkness and light in this picture of Darnell Dockett in the tunnel waiting to be introduced before the game.



Obligatory Cheerleaders in Costumes Pictures
Only the Cardinals, Patriots and Vikings dressed up their cheerleaders in slutty costumes. What a huge disappointment.







Strength (or Weakness) of Schedule
Remember Week 3? We were questioning the San Francisco 49ers after they had just been blown out two straight weeks, by the Seahawks and then the Colts by a combined score of 56-10. Maybe nothing was wrong with the 49ers, maybe those teams are just good. Since then San Francisco has won 5 games in a row, winning by at least 12 points in all of them, average score: 35-12. But those opponents are a combined 12-24 (skewed slightly by Jaguars). I kind of wish a college basketball type RPI were available for the NFL, because even though schedules are balanced, what we often think of as good, or "hot", is often just playing the right teams at the right time.
The Chiefs also bear watching in this regard because they have yet to beat a team with a winning record during their 8-game winning streak.

Game of Next Week
Chicago Bears at Green Bay Packers

The only game next week featuring two teams with winning records. Plus it's a great historic rivalry. The only problem is that Jay Cutler is not going to play and the Bears don't have a capable backup. Josh McCown is going to have a hard time keeping up with Aaron Rodgers.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Kansas City Chiefs 23 Seattle Seahawks 17

Neither of these teams has looked too dominant recently but they both keep their spots by being a game better than their division rivals. I expect both teams to keep these spots for a couple weeks before things get a little tougher.

The Wussification of Halloween

Halloween night, after trick-or-treating and inspecting the candy for apples with razor blades, millions of parents and kids will watch "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" on ABC. But not the wussy daddy blogger, Dad Camp, who says it's time to stop airing the Halloween classic. He says it is "no longer appropriate."
He says it has nothing of value for our kids. As if every TV show, movie and book needs to end with low music and an important life lesson delivered by Bob Saget.
In fact there are plenty of great lessons for children in "It's the Great Pumpkin."

1) Never jump into a pile of leaves with a wet sucker:



2) Always have important signed documents notarized



3) Keep your lips away from dog lips



In all seriousness, I do see his point. Were this show made today, parents would never show it to their kids, it no longer fits with our new standards and sensibilities.

The author says Charlie Brown is bullied, not just by the kids but the adults too.
I never saw the rock-getting as persecution, I thought it was just bad luck.



To me Charlie Brown is a poor unlucky schmoe, not someone who is picked on, after all, they are his friends, they tease him in good fun.

He even criticizes World War I Flying Ace the Red Baron (Snoopy) for all the war imagery. The Red Baron is a war hero. Does this guy shield his kids eyes when a man in uniform walks by, so he doesn't have to explain war to his precious angels?

Dadcamp says stupid and dumb are as bad as [fuck]. And maybe most new age parents would agree. But they're wrong. I think my main argument against his argument against "It's the Great Pumpkin" is: this is why we're raising a generation of wussies.

It's ok to expose our kids to "bad" words, and mistreatment of others. We can demonstrate how hurt Charlie Brown was by their words and actions, and teach them to be nicer and more inclusive. We can also show them how Charlie Brown handles the insults, he deals with it and moves on. He doesn't get depressed and cut his forearm. He remains hopeful that one day he will get invited to the parties, and that Lucy will let him kick the football. It's actually a good lesson.

But that's not why we watch the show with our kids every year.

The truth is we've spent too much money on Peanuts themed Halloween decor to turn back now.





Sunday, October 27, 2013

The Right Call

A very strange ending for a World Series game, but the bottom line is, the umpires got this call correct.
The Cardinals have 2nd and 3rd and one out with the scored tied 4-4 in the bottom of the 9th. John Jay hits a hard grounder, Dustin Pedroia grabs it, fires home to get Yadier Molina. Jarrod Saltalamacchia sees an injured Allen Craig limping to third and throws it down there, his throw gets away from Middlebrooks and as Craig gets up to try to score, he trips over the feet of Middlebrooks. He gets up again and runs home but is thrown out.
The Red Sox think they've just pulled off a miraculous double play but in fact third base umpire Jim Joyce called Middlebrooks for obstruction. The run scores and the Cardinals win.



I agree that it's an unfortunate way for a World Series game to end, but it was absolutely the right call. Intent does not matter, even the baseline doesn't really matter. All that matters is that the fielder obstructed the runner's path.

And it's not even one of those calls that they can ignore because of the pressure of the moment. If it hadn't been called the outcry this morning would be twice as loud, as the umpires would have blown what was essentially an obvious call.

If you're a Cardinals fan you're thrilled. If you are a Red Sox fan you're furious. If you just love baseball then you're probably a little disappointed but you got to see something you've never seen before.

Weekly Picks

I can't put a good week together but I feel like I am starting to figure some things out. Just got to find the right situations and get a couple of breaks.

CINCINNATI -6 new york jets
I have liked the Bengals this year, but mostly this is a pick against the Jets. How do you get killed by Pittsburgh one week and beat New England the next? It's because they're horribly inconsistent and football can be like that sometimes.

NEW ENGLAND -6 1/2 Miami
This is kind of the opposite of the Jets pick. After a bad loss I fully expect New England to come back and pound a Miami team that is in a tailspin after a good start.

atlanta +2 1/2 ARIZONA
Maybe I should drop my preconceived notions about what the Falcons were going to be, especially because of all their injuries. But I think this is a very winnable game for them.

ST. LOUIS +11 1/2 seattle
I know this pick sounds crazy with Kellen Clemens against the Seahawks defense. But he is a pro who should at least be steadying and cut down on turnovers, and that could be enough to keep the game close.

BEST BET
KANSAS CITY -7 1/2 cleveland

This is the opposite of my backup quarterback theory. That's because the Browns are starting Jason Campbell and I know he sucks. Also the Chiefs got taken down to the wire by a bad team with a backup QB last week. I don't think that will happen again.

Last Week: 2-3 (3 points)
Season: 15-20 (14 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (3-4)
Home Favorites: 1-0 (6-5)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (0-1)
Road Favorites: 1-1 (4-6)
Road Underdogs: 0-2 (5-8)