Saturday, April 07, 2007

Ken Phelps Would Never Do This

Jay Buhner tries to get a couple Mariners to make the "Pizza Parlor Derek Picture face."

Friday, April 06, 2007

It Must Be Allergy Season

If you can watch this without getting a little glassy-eyed please let me know so I can stop being friends with you.

Not a Good Day for a Sea Dog Biscuit

The Portland Sea Dogs home opener was postponed by snow but someone had a good time building 11 snowmen at the various positions on the field, including a batter and an umpire.
The pitcher's delivery looks a little wooden and the third baseman seems to have lost his head in the excitement.

Snow place like the ballpark in Early April

Every year we catch a Sea Dogs game when we are in Maine. This year we'll see either the New Hampshire Fisher Cats (Blue Jays) or the Connecticut Defenders (Giants). The team will be returning from a trip to Binghamton the week before.

As always I plan to have a Sea Dog Biscuit.

He Never Did This For Us

Mike Piazza broke a 3-3 tie in the top of the 9th with what proved to be the game winning home run off Francisco Rodriguez.

Oliver Perez Gets the Call

The man who will play a big role in the Mets season and in the near future, if he can succeed, will make his first start of the new season against the Atlanta Braves on Friday.
If Perez can live up to the potential he showed in 2004 with the Pirates and in Game 7 of the NLCS last year, then the Nady trade will look like one of the biggest steals of all time. If he can't find the plate (like his problems in 2005 and early 2006) then he'll tax the bullpen and probably cost the Mets a playoff spot.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Dave Justice Almost Cost Me The Chance to See Halle Berry's Boobs

In a recent interview Halle Berry said she contemplated suicide after her marriage with Dave Justice broke up.

"I was sitting in my car, and I knew the gas was coming, when I had an image of my mother finding me. She sacrificed so much for her children, and to end my life would be an incredibly selfish thing to do. It was all about a relationship. My sense of worth was so low. I had to re-program myself to see the good in me. Because someone didn't love me didn't mean I was unlovable. I promised myself I would never be a coward again."

It's well known that Halle Berry has been unlucky in love, starting with a boyfriend who beat her so bad that she lost some of her hearing. Then there was Dave Justice, her second husband, Eric Benet, an admitted sex addict and then Michael Ealy of Barbershop fame. Now she's dating some white model.

If she had really killed herself we never would have gotten to see her tits in Swordfish, or her in that orange bikini in the Bond movie, and she never would have won an Oscar for letting Billy Bob Thornton make her feel goooooood in Monster's Ball.

make me feel gooooooood
a throwback to ursula Undress

Watching Baseball

Because the Mets are off Thursday night SNY is showing the New Orleans Zephyrs game. In case you don't know this is the first year the Mets Triple A team is in New Orleans, ending a long relationship with Tidewater/Norfolk.

Game wasn't too interesting, I like to see young players but the lineup was full of guys like Ben Johnson and Ricky Ledee (batting cleanup). I did see Carlos Gomez steal a base though.

A-Rod did it again, or didn't do it again. Bases loaded two outs Yankees down by 1 run in the 8th, and A-Rod pops out. I know you can't expect him to come through every time but he fails more often than not and he's never gonna get over with Yankees fans if he doesn't start producing in those situations.

It's snowing pretty heavily at Yankee Stadium. The shots they showed from the top of the stadium looked pretty cool. I actually liked what Michael Kay said for once. He said it looked like a Yankee Stadium snow globe that someone just shook.

I'm Surprised This Didn't Keep Her Out of the Bottom Three

How does she get her legs so shiny?  She must use lotion
a little side boobie action never hurt anyone
looks good from back here
spread the legs
feet together

Song of the Week

"One Shining Moment" - Luther Vandross
2007 edition, congratulations, Florida

And for all you hopeless dreamers out there, here is the 2003 version, in honor of the National Champion Syracuse Orangemen

He Wanted the Mesquite Chicken With Bacon

A coyote walked into a Quiznos in downtown Chicago and laid down in the drink cooler. He didn't order a sandwich, drink a Gatorade or bother any patrons. But still they led him out of there by his neck.

It's Gonna Suck When She's Constipated

The people at Ringling Bros. thought it would be a great idea to give elephants some Matzo for Passover.
Asia (in the foreground) obviously loves Matzo.

Asia loves Matzo so much that she ate the whole box. And by the whole box I mean the whole box, with the Matzo inside it. The handler had to offer her a melon to coax her into opening her mouth so another handler could remove the box.

Asia is pissed that they wouldn't let her eat the box so the clown had to calm her down.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Curb Your Draft Needs

According to NFL Network, Larry David has been peppering Jets general manager Mike Tannenbaum and coach Eric Mangini with his opinions about the Jets' draft needs. Last year, David called the Jets' front office and suggested that they should trade up to select quarterback Vince Young. Although the Jets ignored that suggestion, the NFL Network report said that this year, the Jets' staff actually took the time to talk to David.

Idol Chatter

Do they forget that this is a show watched mostly be teenagers and young people?
Tony Bennett week?!

Mack the Knife is an awesome song but I don't really like the way Blake did it. I did think it was funny that Tony Bennett felt the need to point out to Blake that the song pre-dates rap music.

On Phil Stacey:
Tony Bennett: "He's one of the best singers I've heard in a long time."
Mrs. Poop: "You need to turn up your hearing aid."

Phil Stacey is the only person who can prevent Sanjaya from going home this week.

Melinda was awesome again, but we are definitely tiring of her act. Everytime someone says something nice about her she pulls her head back, tucks her chin, squints her eyes and mouths "thank you."

Paula is in rare form this week and she's wearing a weird ascot. Do you think she has a hickey?

Who the hell are squiddly and diddly?

Did they cut Sanjaya's hair? He looks normal this week. The thing with Paula was kinda gay but I think this was his best week. If you didn't know everything that happened before you wouldn't know how godawful he is.

His parents had a sign that said "Sanjaya is My Papaya." What the fuck does that mean? Just because it's the only thing even close to rhyming with Sanjaya?

I can't wait for one of Melinda's fans to bring a sign that says "Hey Melinda, Do Me a Little." I definitely think they can slip that by the producers.

Evidently, Haley did not want to go home this week. If Sanjaya's hair can keep him around then that dress should definitely have earned her one work week.

No wonder the troops love her.

I thought Simon's comment "you have great legs" was a little sexist, but I agree. And this week she decided to show off some boobie as well. A winning combination.

not the best picture, I'll look for better

Bottom three this week will be Phil, Gina and Sanjaya. Phil will go home.

Michigan Fans are Gay Pedophiles

Look at his hat

Hates Water, Loves Tennis Balls

What kind of dog hates water?

One Fewer Bush at the Playboy Mansion

New Orleans Saints running back Reggie Bush has been bee ay en dee, band from the Playboy Mansion for an undisclosed conduct violation.
It is said that the violation did not involve a Playmate, which is how you want to get banned if you are going to get banned.
Perhaps some dude was hitting on Ciara and Bush got into a fight.

TON Loves Frivolous Lawsuits

A woman is suing her dance partner, claiming he dropped her on her head after flipping her into the air at an office party.

Lacey Hindman, 22, was a victim of "negligent dancing," says her lawyer, David M. Baum.

In the suit, Hindman claims that during a party at a Chicago bar and restaurant in April 2006, David Prange grabbed her by the forearms and tossed her in the air, and then she crashed to the wood floor.

"I was in the air, over him," Hindman said. "I fell hard enough you could hear the impact of me hitting the floor over the sound from the jukebox."

Hindman said in the suit, filed in Cook County Circuit Court, that she suffered a fractured skull and brain injuries. She is seeking damages for medical bills and lost wages for time missed from work.

Hindman worked for Prange's wife, Kate Prange, at Shop Girl, a women's boutique.

There was no immediate response to a call seeking comment from David Prange on Tuesday.

Real Names

For those of you that foolishly believed that Nomar and Mia Hamm named their little girls Ramon and Aim, I'm pleased to tell you the real names are Ava and Grace.
Of course Ramon and Aim are Nomar and Mia backwards.
Nomar was named for his father, Ramon, who gave his son his name in reverse.
Maybe someday Ava can do the same for a daughter of hers.

Another Close Call

The Rutgers women were the second team in two nights to take me almost to the mountaintop, only to fall short.
They pulled off that exciting upset over Duke, then powered past Arizona State and LSU.
Tennessee was just too much for them, similar to Florida over Ohio State.
Rutgers, like Ohio State had their chances, but like Ohio State they couldn't hit any outside shots.
This is not the first time a female Rutgers student teased Juice only to leave him with nothing.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Michael is a Master Prognosticator

Congratulations to Michael for winning Paul's Poop Group in ESPN's tournament challenge.
Michael got off to a slow start but went two straight weekends - 15 games - without getting a single game wrong.
Michael's 1500 points were good enough to put him in a tie for 1606th place.
That may not sound like much but there were approximately 3 million entries.
Derrick Fleming was the winner with 1610 points, he got 58 of the 63 games right.
But back to Michael for a second. His prowess in Tournament Challenge is unparalleled. It all started in 1999 when Scoonie Friedlander led Ohio State, a 4 seed, to the Final Four, which Michael correctly predicted.
Four years later when Syracuse won it all Michael had that as well.
Thanks to all who participated, it was fun tracking the group throughout the tourney. If this were Little League you'd all be getting participation trophies.

TallSkott is a Dick

In an effort to jinx my Ohio State win ticket, which I bought at his bachelor party, TallSkott sent me a text message after Saturday's win over Georgetown.
"Easiest 80 dollars you ever made," it said.
Fuck You Fat Scat.

CNN Shooting

A man shot a woman Tuesday at the CNN Center complex.
A witness who is a CNN employee saw a male shoot a female twice in a street-level lobby area at the northeast end of the building, near the Omni hotel, which is part of CNN Center.
Police have a suspect in custody.
The condition of the woman is unknown.
Two people were transported on stretchers to separate ambulances. It was not known whether one of them was the shooter.
Police said the woman shot was taken to Grady Memorial Hospital.
The newsroom, which looks out over the Omni area, was temporarily evacuated.
Turner Security said a male and female were engaged in an argument and shots were fired.
Charles Williams, who works in technology services for Turner, saw a man dragging a woman by the hair one level above where the shooting occurred. The man told him to get out of the way. Williams went to get a guard, and then saw the man apparently take the woman downstairs. He heard gunshots less than a minute later. writer Brad Lendon said he heard a loud bang, and then saw a woman on the ground next to a potted plant near a back entrance to the newsroom. A man stood over her "and fired at least two shots into her," he said.
After the shots, Lendon said, the gunman "looked around, his head turning in my direction. I don't know if he saw me, but at that moment the gravity of what I'd witnessed hit me. I turned away and tried to find the safest way I could out of the newsroom."

NCAA Title Game Disappointment

So I won't be winning my September Vegas bet on Ohio State, but they gave me a good ride and I had a lot of fun following the team this saeson. It was nice to have a team to root for in the tournament.

Greg Oden finally played like a dominating big man. He could not be stopped on offense and his defense was great too, and he played without fouling.

The difference in this game was the three point shooting. The final numbers were 4-23 for Ohio State and 10-18 for Florida. And those numbers were padded by 2 late makes by the Buckeyes.

Considering those numbers I'm surprised the game was as close as it turned out to be.

Florida made every big play they needed to keep OSU from getting the lead with 6. they are a worthy repeat champion and probably have to go down as one of the greatest 5 man teams in NCAA history.

Does Lee Humphrey ever miss? 15-28 from downtown in the last three games. He is the record holder for made 3-pointers in NCAA tournament play.

I'm pretty sure Oden played maybe his best college game as his last college game, but what a game it was.

Even without Oden Ohio State should have a good team next year like by Mike Conley who will be one of the best point guards in the country.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Michael Ruffin is a Douche

With about two seconds left, he catches the ball, throws it in the air, only not high enough. Morris Peterson catches it, chuecks up the game tying three and the Raptors win in OT.

Maybe He Is Both

Anchor misidentifies what's remarkable about mountain climber.

Big Surprise

If you thought there was any chance that Trump was going to have his head shaved, you should have yours examined. But Pizza Parlor Derek makes an interesting point, you saw how much pub Wrestlemania got when they brought Trump in, imagine the crazy coverage it would have gotten had Trump agreed to do the job?

Mets Win!

Diesel was in midseason form, immediately hopping up to receive his treat as I said "Mets Win!" when Wagner recorded the last out.
Many of you enjoy Howie Rose's "Put It in the Books" but even though he was in a deep doggy slumber, Diesel enjoys a "Mets win!"
Hint: if you are ever taking care of Diesel and he should happen to run out the door, call "Mets win!" and he will come running back.

Your treat? The first happy recap of the 2007 season.

Reissberg is a Good Person

The following is a message from Reissberg:

"I am training to run the 2007 NYC marathon. In order to try to gain guaranteed entry into the race and to support a cause that is very important to me and my family, I have joined Fred's Team, an organization run by Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, to raise money for cancer research (in honor of Fred Lebow, the founder of the NYC Marathon, who died of cancer). I have pledged to raise a minimum of $2500 and am hoping to gain one of the limited guaranteed spots in the race for members of the team. (If worst comes to worst and I do not get into the marathon, I will have (hopefully) raised a lot of money for a good cause and I will run the DC marathon as an alternative, which is the week earlier. So either way this is a win-win. You get to contribute money to a good cause, and I get to be in excruciating pain.)
Thank you for your support."

This is the link to Reissberg's fundraising page. There are a lot of affluent Poopheads reading this blog, I hope you will join in and help the long-faced Jew reach his goals, for a good cause. And so his father doesn't yell at him, asshole.

The marathon is months away so I'll post about this again during the summer and right before the race I'm sure.

Fascinating Weather Report

Narcoleptic sports guy falls asleep during weather report.