Wednesday, November 06, 2013

What Do You Give Me For? Ryan Riess and Dirk Nowitzki

What do you give me for World Series of Poker Main Event Champion Ryan Riess (Da Beast) and Dirk Nowitzki

Bill Simmons gets the credit for this because he was the first one to say it publicly, but I know a lot of people were thinking it.

When Your Kids Hand You Broken Crayons, Make Awesome Ones

Crayons break, that's just a sad fact of life. And when they are just little nubs they are very hard to color with. But instead of throwing them away I decided to melt them down and make new ones.

Here's how to be the coolest dad/mom on the block:

1) take a bunch of broken crayons

of the same color, or you can use different colors if you want to bring the funk to your kids' drawings

2) cut them into little tiny pieces

You can use a regular kitchen knife, the crayons bits will wash right out

3) Put the little bits in cans

I used soda cans, but tin cans from vegetables or soup work much better because you can see and stir your mixture to make sure it's liquid and uniform throughout

4) Melt them in the oven, depending on how many crayons you have this could take 15 minutes, or 30. You'll want to check and stir. I used 225 degrees, I'm sure you could go a little hotter, but 225 seemed right.

5) Pour them into molds. I used cheap plastic candy molds, because they are cheap. Let them harden for 15 minutes, less if you put them in the fridge. Julian did not have patience for this step and got covered in orange goo.

The other school of thought here is to go with silicone molds, so you don't have to pour the crayons (you do lose some in the transfer process), they'll melt in the shape you want them, but silicone molds that could withstand the temperatures of the oven were too expensive for this project.

We did some awesome Halloween shapes.

Note: the little stick on the bottom of my fingers is for where you would put the stick if you were making a lollipop. Some extra melted crayon oozed into that canyon. I wanted to break them off but the kids insisted I keep them and they actually made good points for coloring.

They color just like regular crayons.

The long, skinny shapes are the best, but they do tend to break. But when they do, you can just cut them up and make more crayons.

Song of the Week

"Wasted" - Gucci Mane featuring Plies

Gucci Mane became a hot topic on the internet when this picture of him reportedly telling a judge "Bitch I Might Be" when asked if he was guilty made the rounds. But the photo was doctored. A lot of silly white people fell for it.

Tuesday, November 05, 2013

The NFL is Poop - Week 9

That Was Pretty Crazy
Right before halftime of the Colts-Texans game, Houston head coach Gary Kubiak collapsed on the field. They're still not sure what happened to him, perhaps a stroke. But his family says he is "feeling good" and hopefully whatever was wrong will never recur.
Maybe he was just so shocked at Case Keenum's performance and his team's 21-3 lead that he was literally floored.

Can't Figure Them Out
I previously pointed out the Colts helter-skelter nature in that they dominate good teams and do poorly against mediocre ones. That form held as the Colts got down by 18 points to the miserable Houston Texans (though they might be upgraded to just bad if Case Keenum can keep playing this way).
But Andrew Lick's greatness superseded the malaise of the rest of the team and when he hit T.Y. Hilton with a 58-yard touchdown, you just knew they would complete the comeback.

Can't Figure Them Out Part II
The Jets are another impossible team to figure out, perfectly alternating wins and losses, 5 wins in odd numbered weeks, and 4 losses in even numbered weeks. And most puzzling in the past three weeks they beat the Patriots and the Saints (combined record 13-2 against everyone else), but then got absolutely destroyed against the Bengals. The Jets schedule actually gets a lot easier after their bye. If they can buck this trend, they are a serious threat to make the playoffs.

He's Not Incognito Anymore
The most visible guy in the NFL is a guy named Incognito. Richie Incognito was suspended by the Dolphins for repeated harassment of Jonathan Martin that eventually prompted Martin to leave the team. When the story came out most people thought Martin had emotional problems and was acting like a child in a league of men. But as more information emerged, it became clear that Incognito had crossed the line on several fronts, including racial and homophobic slurs.

This is the text of a phone message Incognito left for Martin in April, after Martin had played a full season with the Dolphins.

"Hey, wassup, you half n----- piece of shit. I saw you on Twitter, you been training 10 weeks. [I want to] shit in your fucking mouth. [I'm going to] slap your fucking mouth. [I'm going to] slap your real mother across the face [laughter]. Fuck you, you're still a rookie. I'll kill you."

I thought Incognito could rebound from abusive bullying, but not a white guy calling a black guy the n-word. There is no recovery from that. Incognito has played his last game in the NFL. The Dolphins should welcome back Martin with open arms.

And teams should really consider eliminating rookie hazing as an unproductive and cruel relic of a bygone era when coaches thought drinking water at practice made players weak. That kind of thinking is so wrong-headed and dangerous it has no place in today's more enlightened society, even as it relates to a vicious, violent sport like football. You don't need to tape a rookie to the goal posts and douse him with ice water to make him tough.

Might As Well
I think Greg Schiano is a horrible coach whose overbearing college antics have not done well with NFL players. But I have to admire the way he coached this game. His team is 0-7, they had nothing to lose and he took some big risks to try to win this game. After the ECPs scored to take a 7-0 lead he did a surprise on sides kick, which they recovered, but were offsides, so they had to rekick. Then after taking a 14-0 lead and recovering a fumble, he called a halfback jump pass, and it worked, giving the ECPs a 21-0 lead. Eventually they blew it and stayed winless, but I like Schiano's playing to win.

One Thing to Like About the Eagles Win
I hate the Eagles. But as far as the NFC East is concerned, they're my second favorite team in the division. But that wasn't the only reason I was happy to see the awesome 7 touchdown performance of Nick Foles. I am hoping this spells the end for Michael Vick. I would love to see him get packed up and shipped out on the same truck as Richie Incognito. I have never forgiven him for the dog-killing, and I never will. I did think he would have a good season under Chip Kelly, but that hasn't materialized and I really can't see the Eagles keeping him next season. Would any other team pick him up? Doubtful.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
A crushing late game collapse was averted thankfully. The Redskins offense played much better, as RGIII looked the most like himself than he has all season. Even better than the Bears game I thought because he was doing those things that made him such a great passer last year, throwing on the run, hitting receivers over the middle, in stride. His one interception was a bit of a fluke, it was a batted pass, and its impact was magnified because it occurred in the end zone for a pick-6.
Albert Morris is a damn good running back. He is not simply benefiting from teams paying attention to RGIII. He's a fast, strong back who hits the hole hard.

Pierre Garcon and Jordan Reed are the main beneficiaries of RGIII's return to form.
After a great debut, Kai Forbath has reverted to the suckiness of all Redskins kickers since Chip Lohmiller.

Game of the Week
Dallas Cowboys 27 Minnesota Vikings 23

Say what you want about the Cowboys, hate them as much as I do, but they sure do play some exciting games. This time Tony Romo saved them from a loss to the woeful Vikings (the Redskins' Thursday night opponent) with a 90 yard drive in 9 plays and just over two minutes. The Cowboys are 5-4 with 2 of those losses by 1 point, and the other by 3 against Denver in a game they definitely could have won. With a little bit of luck they'd be 6-3, with a lot of luck they'd be 8-1.

Game of Next Week
Carolina Panthers at San Francisco 49ers

The 49ers are on a 5-game winning streak. The Panthers have won 4 in a row, scoring at least 30 points and never giving up more than 15. I love the way the Panthers are playing and Cam Newton may have things figured out, but I don't like their chances against San Francisco in San Francisco.

Picture of the Week
Philip Rivers pass is too high for receiver Keenan Allen

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Kansas City Chiefs 24 San Francisco 49ers 21

I think a lot of people would choose Denver and Seattle here. But the Chiefs are undefeated so I feel they deserve the spot. And even though the Seahawks have a better record than the 49ers and beat them head-to-head, I can't feel confident about a team that just squeaked by St. Louis and Tampa Bay and looked bad doing it.

Best Dress Ever

This is actress Jamie Alexander. I have no idea who she is but judging from the way she looks in this dress she wore to the Thor premiere, she is no relation to Jason Alexander.

I don't think she's wearing underwear.

Monday, November 04, 2013

What Does the Focks Say?

I'm sure you've heard by now of this ridiculous pop sensation "What Does the Fox Say?"

It wasn't even meant to be a song. A Norwegian comedy duo did it on their show, and somehow, inexplicably, it spread around the world like a virus.

I do have to admit that I find the song catchy, though the video and the animal costumes really freak me out. But it has definitely jumped the shark.

Abercrombie and Fitch made its own video of the song and then came out with this t-shirt which is like a trifecta of cultural doucheyness.

If this song has gotten on my nerves you can only imagine what is has done to someone who shares a name with the song's title character.

I interviewed Focks for this post and he said people have said to him "what does the fox say?" so many times that it's affected his brain and made him likely to murder the next person who mentions that song to him.

Sunday, November 03, 2013

Happy Poop Day!

Eight years ago I launched this blog on November 3rd and I have kept it going for all these years and exactly 6400 posts (including this one).
At times it's been a chore but I've always had fun doing it and I appreciate all of you who have read and commented (especially commented) during those years.
And I plan to keep it going for 8 or 18 or 80 more.

Twitter Vigilante

A new twitter account has caught my attention. The account is titled "No, You Mean Fewer" and seemingly all this person does is search for the word "less" and when used incorrectly he/she responds with "no, you mean fewer..."

Funny or Douchey?

Joe Salter recently ran a marathon backwards. While juggling. It took him 5 hours and 51 minutes, which actually isn't bad considering what he was doing.

Ok, now that you've voted on its merits alone, here is the undeniably douchey part. He did this to set a world record, but Guinness would not verify his run because several parts of the course prohibit filming and therefore no one was able to confirm that he actually juggled and ran backwards for the entire 26.2 miles.

That's when I run backwards while juggling, I don't do it for records or glory, I do it just to prove I can.

Weekly Picks

Still hanging around .500 but I just can't get a big week, or a couple best bets in a row. I feel confident this week though, so we will see.

CAROLINA -7 1/2 atlanta
I'm playing a hunch here but I think the Panthers are a product of their schedule. I'm going to pick them one more time against a bad team, and then pick against them when they play good ones.

kansas city -4 BUFFALO
I do like the Chiefs even though the fucked me last week. They are a good team with an excellent defense and they haven't covered in a couple weeks. I expect a big victory here, especially against Buffalo's offense which is in disarray.

indianapolis -1 HOUSTON
This goes against my theory about the Colts playing down to the level of their opponents. But the Texans are bad and all the Colts have to do is win.

OAKLAND -2 1/2 Philadelphia
Maybe Terrelle Pryor is on to something. I'm a little worried about this because I think Nick Foles in the best quarterback the Eagles have. But the Raiders seem to be improving, so I think asking them to win at home isn't out of the question.

SEATTLE -16 tampa bay

This is exactly what I am looking for, a team coming off a bad game on Monday night, everyone is doubting them, even though they won. They are playing the awful ECPs and they are at home. I've actually had some success this season picking the underdogs in these huge spreads but I expect the Seahawks to destroy the ECPs.

Last Week: 3-2 (2 points)
Season: 18-22 (16 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (3-5)
Home Favorites: 2-1 (8-6)
Home Underdogs: 1-0 (1-1)
Road Favorites: 0-0 (4-6)
Road Underdogs: 0-1 (5-9)