Saturday, April 05, 2008

Kansas Kills North Carolina

For the first 15 minutes of this game, in building a 40-12 lead, Kansas played perfect basketball, the best I've ever seen any team play. Seriously.

And they did it by out North Carolinaing North Carolina. They ran, they spread the floor, they shot it well, they forced turnovers. For 8 and a half minutes they held UNC to 2 points. That's just unbelievable.

Honestly, I can't even believe how well they played during that stretch.

But almost as quickly has they built the lead, they almost blew it.

Over a 14 minute stretch UNC went on a 38-14 run to cut the lead to 4. And in doing so they did everything that Kansas did to them during the first part of the game.

But then Kansas regained their mojo, they started hustling after loose balls again, and they started making shots.

I don't buy into the old adage that they expended too much energy on the comeback. I just think to put together a run like that you need a lot of luck, and eventually luck evens out.

Kansas has so many good players that none of them got All Big 12 honors, but they have so many good players that any of them can kill you at any time.

I'm disappointed that neither of these games were close but both of the teams that won (the underdogs according to me) are both awesome and I'm looking forward to seeing them play each other on Monday Night.

Memphis Mauls UCLA

Does Memphis's free throw shooting hurt them now?

They really are an awesome team.

Do you realize how good Chris Douglas-Roberts and Derrick Rose are? Against almost anyone else in the country Darren Collison is a defensive stopper. Against them he was abused. Westbrook could do ok on one of them, but when Collison was on the other he got destroyed.

Collison also let it carry over to his offense and as I predicted at the beginning of the tournament when I picked UCLA, I think Collison killed them in the halfcourt offense. Every time Billy Packer said (rightfully) that they weren't getting the ball to Kevin Love, it was because Collison was dribbling and dribbling and dribbling.

But it wasn't all his fault, they just couldn't make a shot. Several times in the second half UCLA had open shots to cut the lead to 4 or 5 and start to put some pressure on Memphis but the shots went in and out.

They held Memphis without a point for 4 minutes (from 9 left to 5 left) in the second half but managed only 3 points themselves over that span.

Joey Dorsey is such an interesting player. He had 15 rebounds and 0 points and during the game on the sidelines Coach Cal ripped him a new asshole. He's such a big tough guy who sometimes outwardly displays arrogance but you get the feeling he doesn't always believe in himself and sometimes he needs a kick in the ass to get himself motivated.

Memphis is a really good team with a lot of great players and they are really playing great right now. They can definitely win the national championship, and if they do they would be very deserving.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Fenway Hawk Attack

A girl named Alexa Rodriguez was attacked by a hawk during a tour of Fenway Park. The 13-year old girl from Memorial Boulevard Middle School in Bristol, Connecticut was scratched on the head by the hawk's talons, draawing blood.
Evidently the hawk does have large talons, not sure about the chickens though.
The hawk had built a nest in an overhang at the stadium, but after the attack the nest was removed.

Why You Should Not Threaten To Blow Up Buildings

So our laptop came back from HP (very quick service by the way) and as you may remember, the reason we sent it to them for repair was because it would not turn on.
I thought the HP people had forgotten this because when I got it back, the slip said they had replaced the motherboard, but it still WOULD NOT TURN ON!!!!!
Now I generally pride myself on being slow to anger but I was absolutely furious.
And of course when I called up HP I got a guy who seemed to barely understand what I was saying.
I started by asking him if he knew why I sent the computer back.
No answer.
I said it wouldn't turn on.
No answer.
Did anyone check to see if it turned on before they sent it back to me?
It was about this time I may have threatened to go to HP headquarters and "burn the mother fucker down."
When the guy finally figured out what had happened and why I was so angry he instructed me to unplug the computer, disconnect the battery and hold down the power button for 30 seconds.
And Voila! The mother fucker turned on.
The tech support guy explained to me that somehow a static charge had built up in my computer and sent a strange signal to the videocard, which forced the videocard to not work, and the computer to not turn on.
He said we can avoid this by leaving the computer unplugged from the power supply when we are not using it.
I've never heard of this before in my life.
But sure enough, yesterday the computer wouldn't turn on and I instructed Mrs. Poop on how to fix the problem, and it worked.

Addendum: I felt so badly about the way I treated the tech support guy that I stayed on the line and spoke to his supervisor and said he should be commended for being the first helpful tech support person at HP.

You're Going the Wrong Way

Generally, it wouldn't be good form to laugh at a guy who died in a fiery wreck. But this situation just reminds me too much of this (the good part starts at 4:20). I can just imagine people screaming at the guy "you're going the wrong way" and him thinking to himself "how do they know which way I'm going?" Maybe that was the last thing that went through his head before he died.

What Do You Give Me For? Lynndie England & Richard Crenna

Lynndie England, a central figure in the Abu Ghraib scandal and Richard Crenna, a central figure in "First Blood."

What's With The Third Brother?

Peyton Manning is one of the best quarterbacks in NFL history, and a Super Bowl MVP.
His younger brother, Eli, led the Giants to an amazing Super Bowl win, and he took home the MVP trophy.
Cooper Manning, the oldest, was an all-state receiver in high school and recruited by several big colleges but was diagnosed with spinal stenosis which ended his career.

Tyler Hansbrough is an All-America forward at North Carolina and probable college player of the year.
His younger brother, Ben, averaged 10 points per game this season for Mississippi State including 24 in 2 tournament games.
Greg Hansbrough, the oldest, had a malignant brain tumor removed when he was a kid. And although doctors said he might never walk again, Greg recovered and now runs marathons.

Pat Calathes is a forward at St. Joseph's where he averaged 17.5 points per game this season.
His younger brother, Nick, is a star guard at Florida, where he averaged 15.3 points per game as a freshman this year.
John Calathes, the oldest (by 20 minutes), has arteriovenous malformation, a rare disorder that affects the blood vessels in the brain.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Let's Go Mets

Mrs. Poop bought Chase his second Mets hat (remember his first?) for the start of the new season.

Temper, Temper

Mikhail Youzhny makes cutters everywhere proud with his reaction to a backhand into the net.

Cruel and Unusual Punishment?

Leroy Schad is a 72 year old sex offender. After pleading guilty to trying to have sex with a 9 year old, Schad wanted to avoid jail time so he accepted a deal for five years probation and house arrest.
One catch, Schad has to have signs that say "a sex offender lives here" around his house and "sex offender in this car" on his car.
Schad says the signs are making him a target and putting him in danger.

One Tough Broad

Tennessee superstar and closet hottie Candace Parker scored 26 points in a win over Texas A&M, despite dislocating her shoulder twice in the game.

She also lost a contact lens during the game.

Seinfeld Can't Drive

Jerry Seinfeld was in a rollover wreck but was unhurt.
Seinfeld was driving alone when the brakes on his 1967 Fiat BTM stopped working.
He tried the emergency brake, to no avail, and then swerved to keep the car from flying into an intersection.
The car flipped over and came to a stop just yards from the highway.
"Because I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something I recommend, unless you have professional clown training or a comedy background, as I do," the New York Post quoted him as saying. "It is not something I plan to make a habit of."

Bonus points to those of you who remember the episode and read the title of this post with the proper inflection.

Reason Why Mrs. Poop Loves Me #2

Women should marry a man who is uglier than them if they want a happy marriage, according to new research.
Psychologists found that men who were better looking than their wives were more likely to be unhappy dealing with married life.
But guys with prettier partners tended to be more content, said the University of Tennessee.
They rated 82 newlywed couples on their looks then got them to talk about their problems.
Study leader Professor Jim McNulty said: "Men who were more attractive than their partner had a tendency to offer less emotional and practical support to their wives.
"But men who were less attractive than their wives demonstrated a tendency to be more likely to offer support.
"Evolutionary perspectives can help explain why men's attractiveness appeared to be more detrimental than beneficial to marriage.
"Attractive men have available to them more short-term mating opportunities. This may make them less satisfied and less committed to the marital relationship."
He said women are less choosy about what their men look like, as long as they are able to help them reproduce.

If that last line doesn't describe us perfectly I don't know what does.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Bracket Buster

Another subpar (relatively) episode of "How I Met Your Mother." It seems to me that since returning from the strike the show is more concerned with dropping subtle hints about my mother than actually being funny.
And what I loved about the first 2 seasons was that there wasn't this overarching need to solve a mystery. Sure the mystery was out there, but whenever we found out the answer was fine, so long as we were entertained in the meantime.
The weak attempt to bring March Madness into the show felt contrived, like Emmitt Smith's guest appearance when they were trying to do a Super Bowl tie-in.
The crazy chick bracket was amusing, of course the writers shine when they have to show their creativity.
I also liked when Robin said she was going to be the hot decoy. She was!

Robin has a hot decoy

The Nicole Eggert guest appearance was also a welcome surprise, though I'm pissed they ruled her out as my mother.

[Correction: That was not Nicole Eggert. Holly was played by Maite Schwartz. Sorry for the false alarm.]

But of course the show ended with that one great scene that really saved the episode:

I'm glad they gently spoofed Doogie, they needed to do it at some point, but not overdo it. This was perfect.

And of course I also enjoyed the show's creative synergy, as is a real website and it unveils the cover of the famous movie starring Ted Mosby, "Lance Hardwood: Sex Architect."

lance hardwood sex architect

Angry Kids Try To Get Back at Teacher

A group of third-graders in Waycross, Georgia planned to attack their teacher.
The group of 9 kids, ages 8 to 10, hatched an elaborate plan to get back at their teacher for yelling at one of the kids for standing on a chair.
The kids planned to use a steak knife with a broken handle, steel handcuffs, duct tape and a crystal paperweight.
They planned to knock her out with the paperweight, then handcuff her, duct tape her mouth and stab her.
They assigned kids to cover the windows and to clean up after the attack.
Two girls who brought the knife and paperweight to school have been arrested, and police could also charge the boy who brought the tape.
The kids are too young to be tried as adults and too young to get into juvenile detention.

I'm a Douche

I completely fell for PTI's April Fool's joke.

My first thought was that if this were true I would have heard about it. Then I thought to myself, I was sleeping all day, I just woke up, turned on the TV and saw this. What a dupe I am!

Song of the Week

"Casanova" - Levert
Sean Levert, who with his brother Gerald and their friend Marc Gordon, made up Levert, died at age 39.
Sean died in prison where he was sent last week for failure to pay child support.
Sean suffered from high blood pressure and had been hallucinating in jail.
He had been sick and guards were watching him at the jail's regular cellblock because he had been acting strangely.
Gerald died in 2006 at age 40 of an accidental mix of prescription and over-the-counter drugs.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Baseball is Poop - Opening Day

Opening Day, a time for hope, a time for renewal, a time to be born, a time to forgive old tresspasses, a time to make new friends, a time to begin that proverbial journey of a million miles, with a single step.

Play Ball!

A Fitting Tribute
The Reds honored Joe Nuxhaull (who died during the winter) by having every player wear his name and number during pregame introductions. Aaron Harang pitched the whole game in his Nuxhall jersey.
Nuxhall pitched for the Reds during WWII as a 15 year old. He got bombed, walking 5 and allowing 5 runs. But he came back 8 years later and embarked on a successful major league career. But he might have gained the most fame in Cincinnati for his work as a Reds broadcaster.

Welcome to Chicago, Fukudome
Kosuke Fukudome made quite an impression in his major league debut for the Cubs, slugging a 3-run homer off Eric Gagne in the bottom of the 9th inning to tie the game. The pitching duel between Ben Sheets and Carlos Zambrano was ruined by Gagne and Kerry Wood. Wood allowed 3 runs in the top of the 9th before Gagne blew it.
The Brewers scored in the top of the 10th to win 4-3.

Braves Blow Another One
But that game had nothing on the Braves-Pirates affair. Pittsburgh broke open a 4-4 game with 4 in the 8th and 1 more in the 9th. But the Braves tied it in the bottom of the 9th thanks to a bloop double that should have been caught but Jason Bay and Nate McLouth had a miscommunication and the ball dropped in between. The Pirates got 3 in the top of the 12th on Xavier Nady's 2nd homer of the game. The Braves got 2 runs back, but failed to tie it.

The Great Pooh Holes was robbed of a home run by the rain. He homered in the second inning but had it wiped out when the game was called due to rain. Because they did not play 5 innings the game was not official, the stats do not count and it will be started over from the beginning.

A Good Day To Be an Ex-Met
I know it's only one day but Lastings Milledge went 2 for with 3 runs, 2 RBI and a home run. Carlos Gomez went 2 for 3 with a walk and 2 stolen bases.

He Needs to Get a Wii

Barack Obama bowled during a campaign stop in Pennsylvania and his form was embarrassing. About the only think he did right was lace his shoes properly. He bowled a 37, and even worse had one of the most awkward, aborted high-fives ever.

The Best Baby Toy Ever

What's so funny about this video is its undeniable, incontrovertible truth. There is no toy in the world that can entertain Chase as long and as thoroughly as a magazine. He tore apart and licked every single page of a Pottery Barn catalog.

The second truth in this is that no matter what happens to your young child, laugh. Chase has bonked his head several times and he looks at you and mimics your reaction. Laugh and the baby laughs with you, gasp and you have to console a crying baby.

Story suggested by Mama Poop

Sunday, March 30, 2008

2008 Baseball Predictions

NL East: Mets
NL Central: Cubs
NL West: Diamondbacks
NL Wild Card: Phillies

AL East: Red Sox
AL Central: Tigers
AL West: Mariners
AL Wild Card: Indians

World Series: Tigers over Diamondbacks

NL MVP: Alfonso Soriano
AL MVP: Miguel Cabrera
NL Cy Young: Johan Santana
AL Cy Young: Felix Hernandez
NL Rookie of the Year: Johnny Cueto
AL Rookie of the Year: Evan Longoria
NL Manager of the Year: Lou Piniella
AL Manager of the Year: John McLaren
NL Comeback Player of the Year: Pedro Martinez
AL Comeback Player of the Year: Rich Harden

Post your predictions in the same categories in the comments section. We'll review after the awards are announced.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Your Final Four

So the Stephen Curry show is finally over. But I have to admit I really enjoyed it while it lasted. Maybe not as much as Gus Johnson (did he say "I touched him?" after Curry went near the press table for a loose ball), but I loved watching the kid play.

I do think Kansas won this game by keeping the ball out of Curry's hands. At a certain point it was clear that he got frustrated and was just jacking it up every time he touched it. He missed 7 straight shots before hitting the 3 that cut the lead to 59-57. In that span Kansas went on a 12-3 run.

But I have to give Davidson a lot of credit, they never got rattled when Kansas turned them over, or outmuscled them for a rebound, and they never really tried to answer Kansas's baskets by jacking up quick shots.

Every time I saw the name Max Paulhus Gosselin, I thought of Mark-Paul Gosselaar.

Because of George Mason people won't talk about Davidson's run years from now, but I'll remember it, and we'll remember Stephen Curry even if he never becomes anything in the NBA.

I think we can all see that the two things that people used to pick against Memphis were way overblown. And we can all remember that I said it before the tournament. Free throw shooting and playing Texas in Houston, no big deal. The free throw shooting is once again a product of who is shooting them. When Rose and CDR are the ones going to the line, Memphis is an average team from the line.

And the homecourt thing is way overdone. Playing in the same state, is seen as a huge advantage? Please, maybe in your arena, but just because you have a lot of fans in the stands, that doesn't mean anything.

Did anyone else like have the court elevated and the benches below it? I kind of liked it. It was decidely old school like clips I see of Pete Maravich.

Derrick Rose is awesome and he's going to make some NBA team very happy next season. Add him to the list of guys coming out this year who I think will be better pros than Michael Beasley.

Before the tournament started I said if ever there was a year when all four number one seeds would make the Final Four, this is the year.

It really seemed to me going in that UNC and UCLA were locks (even though UNC had two tough teams in its region) and the way the field shook out for Kansas, they beat a 16, a 12, 10 and an 8. Memphis looked the shakiest of the #1s but in these two games they dominated in the first half with their superior talent.

I still think UCLA will beat UNC next Monday, but I wouldn't be surprised at any outcome.