Friday, May 09, 2008

Cookin With Oak

Charles Oakley is pitching a cooking show to the Food Network.
He has already taped three episodes of "Cafe Oakley", one featuring John Starks, where his former teammate cooked Oak's fried chicken and macaroni salad, pasta and sausages, and smothered steak and rice.
Ingredients for Oak's beef short ribs in cinnamon wine sauce include 18 beers and two or three Cuban cigars, and the directions begin, "Drink 10 beers."

Am I the only one who hopes that the Knicks will at least hire Oakley as an assistant coach. Don't you think he would motivate Eddy Curry and Zach Randolph with fear? He'd slap those bitches in the mouth (like he supposedly did to Charles Barkley at a meeting during the NBA lockout) and get them to play some defense.

I'd Make a Full and Complete Stop At This Intersection

The Illinois Department of Transportation put a stop to a public safety campaign in Oak Lawn.
The town spent $1700 to add funny phrases on signs below stop signs, to try to get drivers to stop.
The state DOT says the signs "violated the federal Manual on Uniform Traffic Control Devices" and said the town could have lost federally funded projects if it kept the signs up.

Oak Lawn Illinois stop sign

Proudly Representing Staten Island

Staten Island's representative to Congress, Vito Fossella, admitted he had an affair with Laura Fay and is the father of her 3-year-old daughter.
Fossella is married and has three other kids.
Last week he got busted for DWI in Virginia, and Fay is the one who picked him up from jail.
When Fossella was arrested, he told cops that he was on his way to Grimm Drive, which is where Ms. Fay lives, because his daughter was sick and had to go to the hospital.
Fossella's blood alcohol level was .17, court papers said, more than twice the legal limit of .08 in Virginia. He faces a mandatory five-day jail sentence if convicted of DWI. He could also face a House ethics probe if he remains in office.
But even though he says he won't resign, he probably will, and definitely won't seek re-election.

Contemplating a Career Change

I got an unusual text message last night from a phone number I didn't recognize which I of course replied to, here's the conversation:

Texter: My coworker is throwing a party and not sure if she wants strippers 2 come...I recommended u!

Me: Please give her my number. I could use the work. What kind of party? Will I need a costume?

Texter: I did...It's hard 2 believe ur sexy ass needs's a 40th bday party...she is not sure if she is going to make it a [sic] all girls party or not

Me: Sounds good. Think these women will want a little extra or just c a show?

Texter: Oh dont know them...i only know the 1 throwing the party...i wont be there...but i guess u can ask...u nasty dog!!!!

Now there are 3 possiblities of what's going on here. Either someone I know was joking around with me, or its a serious text to a male stripper that got sent to a wrong number, or a combination, a joking text sent to the wrong number.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Baby's First Game

During the Mets 12-1 rout of the Dodgers Ryan Church homered for the 12th run, but even more remarkable was that a fan snagged the home run ball...while holding a baby.
It's a little hard to see in this highlight and Vin Scully didn't seem to notice at first, but you can see the guy reaching up high with his glove hand, while securing the baby with his throwing hand. That's good parenting.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

More Stories of Parental Neglect

Following the disturbing incident involving a small child drinking Mike's hard lemonade, now this video surfaces from a Chattanooga Lookouts game. A small child drinking beer at a ballgame with his father in the next seat.

If you think the bottle was empty then you didn't notice the kid's sudden behavioral change after he got drunk, he was waving and laughing, clearly losing all his inhibitions.

But compared to the haircut they gave him maybe letting the kid have a beer was the best decision these parents made.

Should Be a Hard Knocks Summer

"Hard Knocks" is coming back and once again Jerry Jones's attention deficit disorder means he's allowing HBO back into Cowboys training camp.
I loved the first two seasons of the show but was uninspired by the Kansas City Chiefs last season. I never did get the hysteria surrounding Bobby Sippio.
This year's Cowboys team certainly has some interesting characters, Terrell Owens, Pacman Jones, Tank Johnson, Jessica Simpson, Tony Simpson, but we may not get access to those players. We certainly won't find HBO cameras hitting the strip clubs with the Pacman.
What we'll probably get is another season focused on the fringe guys like Richmond Flowers, which will mean some very disappointed people who are expecting HBO to sneak a camera in his room while Tony Romo is banging Jessica Simpson.
Needless to say, I'm still very excited because like pizza and sex, "Hard Knocks" is good, even when it's bad.

Pretty Good Seats for a Guy Who Hasn't Had a Career for 10 Years

Steve Sanders aka Ian Ziering was seated in prime position right behind home plate at Dodger Stadium for Monday's game against the Mets.

Story suggested by SCZA

Song of the Week

"Your Love" - The Outfield
I couldn't figure out why the Diamondbacks decided to use this cheesy 80s song as Eric Byrnes's entrance music. But after I heard it 10 times over the course of the weekend series I couldn't get the tune out of my head.
When I researched it, I found the name on Yahoo! Answers in a question posed by someone else who had heard it during the Mets-Diamondbacks game.

Record Label Link

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Typical Yankees Fan

A Yankees fan who got into a Red Sox-Yankees argument outside a bar in New Hampshire, aimed her car at a group of people to scare them but she didn't brake, hitting and killing Matthew Beaudoin.
"She accelerated at a high speed for about 200 feet. She went directly at this group of people," prosecutor Susan Morrell said.
"She indicated to police that she wanted to scare this group of people. She thought they would get out of the way."
Hernandez was arrested at the scene. She said she had been drinking and refused to take a breath-alcohol test.
She said she had been in an argument with the group.
Owner Lisa Slade said one of her bartenders, who was with Beaudoin after the bar closed, stopped at a bush to relieve herself.
Beaudoin and another girl, Maria Hughes, laughed at her. Slade said the bartender told her that a woman getting into her car thought Beaudoin and Hughes were laughing at her.
She said the woman punched the bartender. "My bartender got slapped in the face," Slade said.
At that point, the group saw a Yankees bumper sticker on Hernandez's car and "said something to her about being a Yankees fan," and the conflict escalated, Slade said.
Hernandez allegedly gunned her car and struck Beaudoin and Maria Hughes, 21. Hughes had only minor injuries, which Beaudoin's sister Faith said was because her brother shielded Hughes, a friend.

"My Life" Has Competition on the Horizon

It has long since been decided by a caucus of Pizza Parlor Derek and me that "My Life" starring Michael Keaton is the saddest movie ever made.
But a movie version of the saddest book I ever read is in the works.
Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston will star in "Marley & Me: Life and Love With the World's Worst Dog."
Unfortunately judging by the cast, I'm assuming this will turn into a poorly acted romantic comedy designed to lure in the tween audience.
But if they stick to the book they'll come out with an incredibly touching motion picture.
Shooting has already begun and a major scene was filmed Friday during a Marlins game, which was also Bark at the Park Night, where fans were allowed to bring their dogs.
That is probably what confused the announcers.

Shouldn't LeBron Be Able To Afford Better?

I was watching this really sweet piece on LeBron James on Sportscenter when a little something caught my eye.
The story was about LeBron being a great father in addition to a great player. Strange that only one of his two sons was featured in the piece, but with about 1:11 left in the story (countdown clock) I noticed that Bryce Maximus has the exact same high chair as Chase Brennan.

same high chair as Bryce

Shouldn't a guy who has a casino and a bas relief of himself in his house buy his son a more expensive high chair, even if it's not worth the extra money, just to show his kid he cares about him?
Maybe Savannah just realized that the Rainforest is a great print and a real child pleaser. I wonder if Bryce tries to chew on the Tiger's head like Chase does.

Also I think Bryce has the same car seat as Chase.
And LeBron has the same affinity for sandals and socks as I do.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Which Implants?

Before the Kentucky Derby got ruined there was a great shot of Kent Desormeaux's wife, cheering in the stands. The very lovely Mrs. Desormeaux looked stunning in a strapless dress, but in her emotion after the victory she raised her arms triumphantly and was hugged tightly at the same time, almost leading to a wardrobe malfunction.

Later it seemed as if Tom Hammond was making a reference to those breasts we almost saw:

You Want Attention?

My two least favorite people at a baseball game (when I'm watching on TV) are the people who get on the cellphone with their friends and try to wave to be seen on camera, and the people who when sitting behind home plate scatter when a foul ball comes, even though there's a screen in front of them (I know it's instinct but I still hate them).

In one wonderful confluence of events those two people were combined into one annoying person. Behold!

Funny or Douchey?

A man in Illinois loves beer so much he wants to be buried in a beer can.
Bill Bramanti ordered a special coffin and had it painted to look like a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
No word on why he likes Pabst Blue Ribbon.
But to make this even cooler, Bramanti hosted a party and filled his casket with ice and beer.
He might as well enjoy the casket while he still can.

Bill Bramanti's Beer Can Casket
beer can coffin