Saturday, May 23, 2009

George Brett's Shit Story

Kansas City Royals Hall of Fame third baseman George Brett tells a shit story -- not sure if he knew the thing was on camera.

Best part is, he just rolls up on someone and says "I shit my pants last night."

But even better, he says he does it at least twice a year -- and the story he tells is not even the one from last night.

Friday, May 22, 2009

LeBron James is a Murderer

Unbelievable game-winning shot by LeBron James. This shot completes his transformation from really talented player to all-around superstar who can carry a team on his back.
When a guy can do that there's almost no way to beat him.

After Turk hit his shot TNT was showing crowd reaction shots of devastated young Cavs fans, now those kids love LeBron even more. In 20 years those kids will say "I was there LeBron hit 'the shot'"


Thursday, May 21, 2009

Scott Schoeneweis's Wife Died

The wife of Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Scott Schoeneweis was found dead at her home Wednesday.

The Maricopa County Sheriff's Office said deputies found the body of 39-year-old Gabrielle Dawn Schoeneweis on the floor of the master bedroom in the family's suburban home shortly after noon.

Authorities said her 14-year-old daughter called the sheriff's office to report that she had found her mother lying there and unresponsive.

"At this point, anything we can do to support Scott and his family, will be our focus," said Diamondbacks general manager Josh Byrnes, who was with the team. "I have talked to Scott Boras, the agent, a few times. We're trying to get the facts the best we can. It's devastating news. Everyone is taking it very hard."

Scott and Gabrielle Dawn Schoeneweis celebrated their 10th anniversary in January. They had three children together, and she already had a daughter when they were married.

"His world was just rocked. He and his kids, his family, his extended family, his in-laws, everybody's lives are changed forever. He took it as expected, very hard," Diamondbacks manager A.J. Hinch said. "As I told the team, just give him as much support as you can. Really, tell people that you love them if you do. You can never expect something like this to happen."

Francisco Rodriguez, who teamed with Schoeneweis in the Angels bullpen in 2002 and 2003, said he was "speechless" when he heard the news.

"I'm sad for him," Rodriguez said. "I can't imagine what he's going through right now, all the pain he's going through."

Former Mets teammate Ryan Church added: "He's always been able to battle through adversity because he's had cancer before. Everybody needs to be thinking about him and his family and just pray, pray a lot."

Mets manager Jerry Manuel said he still considers Schoeneweis part of his family. "I mentioned that to our people, that we've got to reach out and do all we can to help support him at this time," Manuel said. "And whatever he needs from us, we'll be here for him."

Ron Hodges is a Dick

In this day and age of the internet it seems there is nothing we don't know about our favorite athletes. And even the guys who aren't so good, we end up learning a lot about them too.

But what about those players from the past, anonymous guys mostly whose personalities are never revealed.

Two recent books I read shined a new light on former Mets catcher Ron Hodges.

In "The Torre Years" Joe Torre recounts his days as manager of the Mets. In 1978, Torre was the manager, Bob Gibson was pitching coach and Ron Hodges was backup catcher. One night Torre and Gibson were walking through the hotel lobby and they saw Hodges and another player at the hotel bar.
According to Torre's rules the hotel bar was off-limits to players. But instead of going over there himself and "catching" them, Torre sent Gibson to tell them to finish their drinks and leave. Without using these words Torre hints that Hodges told Gibson to go fuck himself and refused to leave the bar.
A backup catcher insulting one of the greatest pitchers of all-time.

Lest you think that was one isolated incident, there's this from "The Complete Game" by Ron Darling.
Before Darling's first major league game in uniform (he was not due to pitch, just sit on the bench), he got dressed in his brand new white Mets uniform and was so proud of himself that he made it to the big leagues.
Darling sat on the end of the bench to steer clear of the veterans who would actually be playing that night. Hodges walked the full length of the dugout, spit tobacco juice on Darling's leg and walked away.

Ron Hodges was a career .240 hitter. Imagine what an insufferable son of a bitch he would have been if he were actually a good player.

Update: Keith Hernandez recently told the following Ron Hoges story but prefaced it with "He isn't going to be happy I'm saying this." Hernandez said when he was with the Cardinals it was well-known that Hodges wasn't disguising his signs well enough and it was too easy to see which pitch he was calling. Hernandez said as soon as he got traded to the Mets, he told Hodges about his pitch tipping.

Adam Lambert Goes Down

In the most shocking upset in American Idol history (though Jordin over Blake was surprising) Kris Allen prevailed over Adam Lambert.

This morning people grasp at straws for answers and invariably come up with what I predicted months ago: America just isn't ready for a drag queen idol. A gay idol maybe, but not a drag queen.

There may be a certain element of revenge here. The gays getting their comeuppance for what they did to insanely hot Carrie Prejean, Miss California.

Actually, in truth I think Lambert lost because he absolutely sucked and people were tired of listening to his awful screeching.

Many times over the years I have wished Sam Cooke would rise from the dead, but none more so than when Lambert turned his most famous song (A Change is Gonna Come) into a gay anthem full of high pitched squeals, so he could reach in Lambert's throat and rip his vocal cords out.

I predict no long-term success for either Lambert or Kris Allen and I think the biggest star from this season might be Katrina Darrell thanks to her brand new fake titties.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The Fabulous Life of Zack Greinke

Could Zack Greinke's life be any better right now?
He is 7-1 with a 0.60 ERA and pretty much has the American League Cy Young Award locked up.
He's also battled back from anxiety issues that caused him to walk out of spring training a few years ago.
But more importantly he is leading the resurgence of the Outsiders (Master Bates's fantasy team) and almost impossibly, he's making JLeary look smart.

And he gets to have sex with Emily Kuchar. The former Miss USA and model was so jealous of Greinke appearing on the cover of Sports Illustrated that I pray the magazine tabs her for next year's Swimsuit Issue's Players' Wives feature.

Greinke and Kuchar are engaged and will get married in the offseason.

Song of the Week

"You're Still the One" - Shania Twain

This song was probably popular 10 years ago when Mrs. Poop and I got together, she's still the one and this song is still played at weddings across the south.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I Want to See Vince McMahon Against David Stern in a Ladder Match for Rights to the Arena

Monday night is going to special in Denver. The Nuggets will host Game 4 of the NBA's Western Conference Finals, and WWE's Monday Night Raw will be in town.
Unfortunately both are scheduled for the Pepsi Center, wrestling at 6:30, and basketball at 7.
Unless they somehow figure out a way to change the laws of physics which prohibit two objects from occupying the same space at the same time, something needs to be done.
The WWE says it booked the arena last August 15th, then confirmed in March as tickets went on sale. The WWE says it signed a contract for May 25th.
But the NBA isn't budging.
"The Nuggets and the WWE understand that the date of Game 4 of the Western Conference Finals cannot be changed," NBA senior vice president Mike Bass said. "We are confident that the Pepsi Center and the WWE will resolve their scheduling conflict."
WWE President Vince McMahon blames the problem on "ineptness" by the Nuggets and says ownership didn't have enough confidence in its team.
McMahon will probably end up moving Raw and suing for millions.

The Mets Are Back to Their Old Tricks

Over the past few years the Mets have had many heart-breaking, earth-shattering, faith-shaking losses, and though it lacked the import of some of their late season collapses, last night's loss was right up there when it comes to head-scratching unlikelihood.
Over the course of one inning the Mets made three improbable mistakes -- the kind of mistakes you may not see over the course of an entire season.
And even more amazingly, the Mets could have likely won the game had they committed only two of those mistakes.
First, Ryan Church missed third base while attempting to score the go-ahead run.
The SNY crew never got a clear shot of it, but considering the reaction of everyone involved including the fact that the umpire would make such a call, it must have been the right decision.

Then, Carlos Beltran and Angel Pagan couldn't agree on who would catch a fly ball, so neither of them did.

Finally, with a chance to get out of the inning with an easy double play (or at least restore order by getting the second out), Jeremy Reed threw the ball ten feet wide of home plate.

After a month of finding new ways to lose the Mets finally turned it around and for two weeks played great baseball, hitting with men on base, running like their pants were on fire and getting great work from the revamped bullpen.

Let's hope it is these two games, not those two weeks that prove to be the abberation.

Monday, May 18, 2009

I'm Still Alive

Ten years ago Mrs. Poop and I stayed up all night talking.
Ten years later, we're still together, we're still in love, and most importantly, despite repeated threats, she hasn't killed me.

What Do You Give Me For? Michael Farber and Michael Gross

Sports Illustrated hockey writer Michael Farber has a striking resemblance to classic 80s TV dad Steven Keaton aka Michael Gross.