Saturday, August 05, 2006


I'm heading to Maine for my (mostly) annual week of fun and sun and lobsters. While I'm away Big Ton will be in charge of the Poop and the Recap. Even though he knows nothing about baseball he'll post the score and a link to the wire story for each game. As for what he'll do with this space for a week. Who knows? But I'm sure he'll appreciate your suggestions.
I'll most likely post next on Saturday August 12th.

Bad Dog

A guard dog has ripped apart a collection of rare teddy bears, including one once owned by Elvis Presley, during a rampage at a children's museum.
"He just went berserk," said Daniel Medley, general manager of Wookey Hole Caves near Wells, England, where hundreds of bears were chewed up Tuesday night by the 6-year-old Doberman pinscher named Barney.
The rampage, in which Barney ripped the head off a brown stuffed bear owned by the young Presley, left fluffy stuffing and bears' limbs and heads on the museum floor. Presley's bear, named Mabel, was made in 1909 by the German manufacturer Steiff.
The collection was valued at more than $900,000.
The bear linked to Elvis was owned by English aristocrat Benjamin Slade, who bought it at an Elvis memorabilia auction in Memphis and had lent it to the museum. "I've spoken to the bear's owner and he is not very pleased at all," Medley said.
"The security guard was doing his normal patrols at the site. He let the dog in, and the dog went on a rampage. He started with Mabel, took a very large chunk out of Mabel almost severing her head, and then went mad. It took about 20 minutes to bring him out." Dozens of other bears were shredded too.
As for Barney, "he's going to be retired to a farm where he can chase chickens," Medley said. "We've told the security company we don't want anything nasty to happen to Barney, but we don't want him back."

I'm very surprised by this news. Usual working dogs are incredibly well-trained and never have outbursts like this. But I am glad that they are not going to seek retribution from Barney.

Before Barney got a hold of it

Friday, August 04, 2006

Stars on a Plane

Comedian Mo’Nique was booted off a United Airlines flight in Chicago after a spat with a flight attendant.
The entertainer was en route to New York on Sunday to tape two episodes of “The View,” where she reportedly is being considered as a replacement for Star Jones.

A flight attendant challenged her stylist when she put a hair dryer in a first-class bin. Mo’Nique was flying in the front of the cabin, but her assistant was in coach.

After an exchange of words, Mo’Nique said the attendant told her: "Tell your people that the next time they have an attitude, they are being thrown off. ... Since 9/11, we don't play around."

“The safety of all of our passengers and our crew is our top priority, and that we regret that Ms. Imes felt in any way that she was not treated with courtesy and respect. When a situation occurs on a flight that causes a delay, or disruption, we must act in the best interest of all of our customers. It was determined that the best course of action was to accommodate Ms. Imes on a later flight.” said an airline spokesperson.

Things didn't get much better for her when she got to "The View."

The trouble began when Barbara Walters asked Mo’Nique if it was true that she didn’t shave her legs. Without missing a beat, the comedienne jumped up to show the audience her unshaven legs. When Mo’Nique told her that her hair does show beneath her pantyhose, Behar quipped “that’s attractive.”

Later in the show, Walters referred to Mo’Nique’s twin babies as “creatures,” a comment that clearly rubbed Mo’Nique the wrong way.

“Wait a minute Barbara; they’re not creatures sugar. Don’t call my children creatures.”

Later, Mo’Nique joked about smacking Behar that Walter’s reminded the comedienne, “Just remember, you come and go, but we stay,” as she reached over Mo’Nique to high-five Behar.

I did like Mo'Nique in "Two Can Play That Game" but my favorite story is when she wore a cow-printed outfit on "Showtime at the Apollo" and Mrs. Poop said she looked more like Moo-Nique.

Don't Hassle the Hoff

David Hasselhoff was reportedly barred from boarding a plane at London’s Heathrow airport because he was drunk.
He reportedly arrived at the first-class passenger lounge “reeking of booze”.
He was allegedly seen by passengers staggering around, mumbling to fellow travellers and attempting to pick up a shop worker at one of Heathrow’s retail outlets.
Hasselhoff's people claim he was sick, not drunk.
Perhaps, both.

From Rags to Riches

Come with me as follow the path of Chris Snow from UUTV to the front office.

Bill, Smist and I worked with Snow at UUTV in Syracuse our senior year. He was a quiet freshman.

After graduating in 2003, Chris covered the Minnesota Wild for the Minneapolis Star Tribune.

After that he went to work at the Boston Globe. He became one of their baseball writers and he of course covered the Red Sox.

Minnesota GM Doug Risebrough was impressed with Snow and the two kept in touch after Snow moved to Boston.

Earlier this year, the Wild hired Snow as their director of hockey operations.

``They have a need and they were willing to think outside the box," Chris said ``I've done nothing in the sport, but these are people I believe in. I like the sport and I like their vision."

Snow's duties will include monitoring rosters and salary commitments of 30 NHL teams, and assisting with player contracts, arbitration research, and statistical analysis.

``It looks like anybody can be in a front office," joked Terry Francona. ``Apparently it's not that tough."

``This is in vogue in sports now," said second baseman Mark Loretta. ``Baseball's been going with young whiz kids as GMs. Maybe hockey is taking a page from that. Good for Chris."

``That's pretty funny," said Tim Wakefield.

``Can he skate?" asked Trot Nixon.

``Who's Chris?" said Manny Ramírez.

Cool Threads

Two of my favorite throwback uniforms were on display Thursday when the Astros and Padres got together. I only wish they both could have been the road team, so the Padres could have worn their chocolate and mustard duds.


Thursday, August 03, 2006

Jenna Visits

Misinterpreted News

Women in Russia are going to be pissed.

Note: The original headline said "Russian agency wants to stop pipe-laying"

And the answer to her question is, yes, he most definitely would:

And then there's this classic, which I'm pretty sure I interpreted this correctly:

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

More Party Pictures

Mike must be half -----
former roommates
funny closeup
funnier closeup
In case you can't tell, Justin is making the international handsign for Paul's Poop
Juice and his ladies
she's a brick, house
that's a weird kiss
hey baby

Fucking Mel Gibson Had a Good Time At Least

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to Freed! Freed has been instrumental in our growth by recruiting several new readers from Denver. And Freed impressed the rest of the Poop's readership by marrying well.

How many shots of Patron do you have to do this year?

Once More, With Feeling

Fucking Mel Gibson (he calls me "fucking Jew" so I'll call him fucking Mel Gibson), didn't mention his anti-semitic remarks in his first apology, so he decided to try it again.

"There is no excuse, nor should there be any tolerance, for anyone who thinks or expresses any kind of Anti-Semitic remark. I want to apologize specifically to everyone in the Jewish community for the vitriolic and harmful words that I said to a law enforcement officer the night I was arrested on a DUI charge.

I am a public person, and when I say something, either articulated and thought out, or blurted out in a moment of insanity, my words carry weight in the public arena. As a result, I must assume personal responsibility for my words and apologize directly to those who have been hurt and offended by those words.

The tenets of what I profess to believe necessitate that I exercise charity and tolerance as a way of life. Every human being is God’s child, and if I wish to honor my God I have to honor his children. But please know from my heart that I am not an anti-Semite. I am not a bigot. Hatred of any kind goes against my faith.

I’m not just asking for forgiveness. I would like to take it one step further, and meet with leaders in the Jewish community, with whom I can have a one on one discussion to discern the appropriate path for healing.

I have begun an ongoing program of recovery and what I am now realizing is that I cannot do it alone. I am in the process of understanding where those vicious words came from during that drunken display, and I am asking the Jewish community, whom I have personally offended, to help me on my journey through recovery. Again, I am reaching out to the Jewish community for its help. I know there will be many in that community who will want nothing to do with me, and that would be understandable. But I pray that that door is not forever closed.

This is not about a film. Nor is it about artistic license. This is about real life and recognizing the consequences hurtful words can have. It’s about existing in harmony in a world that seems to have gone mad."

Sexy Hair (and Other Sexy Parts)

She's still absent from the American Idol tour due to bronchitis but Katharine McPhee did announce that she will be the spokesman for a new line of products called "Sexy Hair."

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Not Ready for Primetime

Just busted out of the tournament in 1370th place out of 1594.
I caught A-Q on the first hand, then Q-Q on the third and was big stacked. The guy to my left kept raising and never folding, the only hand he turned over was J-6. So when I got in a pot with him I put him all in, hoping he'd have junk and fold. He had pocket jacks against my weak ace. After that I got caught with another weak ace and went all in after an ace hit on the turn, trying to steal the pot, unfortunately I got called by A-K.

I Won!

Won my first online poker tournament last night. It was Full Tilt Poker freeroll with 90 players. Top 3 won an entry into the first round of a 3 round tournament.

Here's some of the big hands:

I had Q-9, made a straight on the board, went all in and doubled up.

Pair of queens, 3 undercards on the flop, I'm raised all in, I call and get a queen on the turn.

With a-9, the flop comes k-a-9, I put the short stack all in. He calls with 9-9. I lose.

Start with 3-3 flop a set and go all in against pocket 8s.

Queen-10, board is 7-6-9-j-k. I go all in and double up against K-Q.

10-5, I flop top pair and catch a five on the river vs. 10-9. One of my luckiest draws ever.

I make a huge raise with AK, reraised all in by K-9. A king and an ace come out. Now we're down to four players.

I got down to heads up. With J-10 I turn a 10 for top pair, called all-in by a-6, avoided a diamond on the river to double up to 46,000 (he had me outchipped 112 to 23).

A-10 flop 10-k-q, go all in, he shows 10-2. That's when I knocked him down.

I knocked him out with pockets 10s vs A-J when a 10 came on the turn.

I am now going to play in a 1500 player tournament, with the top 150 advancing to round 2. The winner of Round 3 goes to Vegas.


When the White House extended an invitation to dine with President Bush, Dan Marino accepted. But Miami Dolphins coach Nick Saban said no.

Saban said his obligations at training camp took priority over the chance to spend an evening with the president. Politics weren't a factor, he said.

"It was really a tough decision," Saban said Monday. "I feel like my first responsibility is our team. That in no way disrespects the importance of the opportunity I would have loved to have had to spend dinner with the president."

Dolphins defensive end Jason Taylor said he also turned down a chance to attend because the dinner Sunday night conflicted with team meetings on the second day of training camp.

The dinner took place at Joe's Stone Crabs, a landmark Miami Beach restaurant. Among those joining President Bush were Marino, a former Dolphins quarterback and an NFL Hall of Famer, and Nick Buoniconti, Jim Mandich and Jim Kiick, members of the 1972 Dolphins team that achieved the only perfect season in league history.

Marino, Buoniconti and Mandich took their wives. Marino said he was honored to be included but declined further comment.

Among the other guests were actor Andy Garcia and Univision host Mario Kreutzberger, known as Don Francisco. Topics of conversation included movies, the 1972 Dolphins and Marino's achievements, but little politics, Kiick said.

"It was a pretty wild feeling to know you're having dinner with the most powerful person in the most powerful country," Kiick said. "Usually it costs you $20,000 to get close to the president."

Regarding Saban's decision not to attend, Kiick said: "I find it hard to imagine turning down the president."

A Dolphins spokesman said Saban opted against accepting the invitation in part because the dinner conflicted with a visit by an undisclosed out-of-town guest who addressed his team.

How did Saban's wife react to his decision to decline?

"I'd rather this not become a public issue, because I don't think I even told her, to be honest with you," he said. "Now that you mention it, maybe I should wear a helmet home tonight."

Saban said he would have cherished dining with the president.

"It's a great experience, but it's a personal experience," Saban said. "And my obligation is to these players right now.

"Once we commit to camp, I'm out of everything. It helps me with the precedent of saying, 'This is what I'm doing, this is what I'm committed to, and I don't have to make exceptions for anything or anybody,'" he said.

Taylor said Marino invited him to the dinner.

"It's great to be able to do some things like that, but I've got an obligation here," Taylor said. "I've got a job to do and a responsibility."

Taylor and other players said they weren't surprised that Saban told the White House no.

"He's a football guy," safety Travares Tillman said. "He'll take us over the president any day."

When asked if he's a political person, Saban shook his head but said his best friend growing up was Joe Manchin, now governor of West Virginia.

"I can't even tell you what his political deal is, to be honest with you," Saban said. "But he's my friend."

As coach at LSU, Saban met Bush when the team visited the White House after winning the 2003 national championship. And while at Michigan State he met President Clinton, who took advantage of Saban's hospitality during a break between a morning fundraiser and an afternoon commencement speech.

"They took over our facility building, so he had an office there," Saban said. "I'm working in my office, he's in the other end of the building. Two Secret Service guys come down and say, 'Hey coach, can we use your couch? President Clinton doesn't have a couch. He wants to take a nap.' I said sure. My claim to fame is that he took a nap on my couch."

Monday, July 31, 2006

Mel Gibson's Mugshot

Disaster at the Recap

Duaner Sanchez is out for the season with a separated shoulder. Omar had to react to this injury, and he was able to get Roberto Hernandez back, from the Pirates along with Oliver Perez, for Xavier Nady.

Laughter is the Best Medicine

New York traffic reporter Joe Nolan has become an internet sensation with the sound of his infectious laughter.

However, I found a viral video I like more. My buddy Cameron does the laughing, help by his mom's friends Sara. Diesel's girlfriend Freckles provides the comedic inspiration.

More Jumping

Spent Sunday with my adorable little niece (Cayla, I have 2 now) at her brand new house. We took a dip in the pool. She loves watching people dive off the diving board. She also likes to be picked up in the air and splashed back down into the water. Each time she says "more jumping."
We also got her to do a couple "let's go..." "Mets!"
And Yankees "boo!"
Their new house is awesome, in addition to the pool they have four bedrooms upstairs, a beautiful kitchen with an island (which I love) and an office and den downstairs. And also Cayla has her own playroom, of course.
Apparently, Nails will be visiting this weekend. I'm sure he'll have a great time teaching her how to say "shots!"

Sic Bo Rules

Casinos Winning Big by Betting on Asians
Saturday July 29, 10:55 am ET
By Ling Liu, Associated Press Writer
Conn. Casinos Aggressively Court Asians, Sending More Than 100 Buses Into Neighborhoods Daily

It's a little after noon, and a crowd has started to gather in Boston's Chinatown. Some are reading the Sing Tao Daily or Ming Pao Daily News. Others clutch plastic bags filled with snacks. All look up whenever the deep roar of an engine sounds like it's coming their way.

Ip Kachuang and two of his friends share a smoke while they wait. It's a routine Ip knows well. Five days a week, he makes the four-hour round-trip bus ride to Foxwoods Resort Casino in Connecticut.

"It's a happy place," Ip said in Mandarin Chinese. "It's very easy and relaxing, and it's open all the time."

Ip represents a group of customers aggressively being courted by casinos around the country.

Every day, Foxwoods and nearby rival Mohegan Sun combined send more than 100 buses to predominantly Asian neighborhoods in Boston and New York. The number of buses doubles on Chinese New Year, and on Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Foxwoods, the biggest casino in the world based on gambling floor space, estimates that at least one-third of its 40,000 customers per day are Asian. Mohegan Sun says Asian spending makes up a fifth of its business and has increased 12 percent during the first half of this year alone.

The number of Asians in the United States increased by 17 percent between 2000 and 2004, the fastest growth of any ethnic group during that period, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. And few industries have catered to the Asian boom with as much cultural competency as the $75 billion U.S. gaming industry.

In 2000, Foxwoods, which is run by the Mashantucket Pequot tribe, hired a vice president specifically in charge of Asian marketing. In 2005, Mohegan Sun, owned by the Mohegan tribe, hired an international marketing executive who would target the Asian demographic.

"Our Asian blood loves to feel the luck," said Ernie Wu, director of Asian marketing at Foxwoods. "We call it entertainment, we don't say it's 'gambling.'"

The two casinos target Asian customers with ads in ethnic media and sponsoring community activities such as the Boston Dragon Boat Festival, the Toronto Asian Beauty Pageant, and the Southeast Asian Water Festival in Lowell, Mass.

But buses are key to the marketing strategy. Riders pay $10 for round trip fare, and Foxwoods throws in a $12 food coupon and a $40 gambling coupon, while Mohegan Sun gives them a $15 meal voucher and a $20 betting coupon.

On a recent weekday afternoon, one Foxwoods bus picked up Ip, his two friends, and more than 40 other passengers from Boston's Chinatown. During the 100-mile journey, some watched a Hong Kong soap opera on television sets throughout the bus. Most caught up on sleep.

Some say the casinos are filling a void in entertainment options for low-income Asian immigrants.

Gambling doesn't require language skills or a high upfront cost, and casinos including Foxwoods have set up dozens of tables featuring favorite Asian games such as Pai Gow poker, Pai Gow dominoes, Sic Bo and Baccarat.

Next to the popular noodle bar, the entrance to the massive "Asian Pit" at Foxwoods is one of the liveliest sections of the massive casino. And when customers aren't gambling, there are Asian concerts and shows to keep them occupied. Mohegan Sun has brought superstar singers A-Mei from Taiwan and Sandy Lam from Hong Kong to perform at its 10,000-seat arena.

"This is a way of demonstrating the casino's sensitivity and understanding of the market," said Joe Lam, president of L3, an advertising agency that works with Mohegan Sun.

Zheng Yuhua emigrated from southern China to New York City eight years ago. She works six days a week, 11 hours a day, preparing takeout orders at a restaurant in Chinatown. On her day off, she takes one of the Foxwoods buses.

"All of our friends come once or twice a week," Zheng said, speaking Mandarin as she rested near the noodle bar with her brother-in-law. "Life in America is hard. Our English isn't good. Even if we have time off, there's nowhere else to go. We don't have cars."

Asians make up roughly a fifth of the 13,000-person staff at Foxwoods. Wu says dealers know not to touch Asian customers on the shoulder, a sign of bad luck. They don't say the number four, which in Chinese, sounds similar to the word for death. The casino also has omitted the No. 4 seat at Pai Gow and Baccarat tables, which have numbered seats.

The model of attracting and retaining Asian customers is being watched carefully as casinos reach out to other untapped markets.

Mohegan Sun's senior marketing vice president, Anthony Patrone, said the casino is interested in expanding its Latino marketing. On July 21, Mohegan Sun hosted a boxing match that was broadcast on the Spanish-language channel Telefutura.

Some say the casinos are going too far to market to people who are vulnerable to excessive gambling.

"If casinos didn't market to Asians, they'd market to someone else. It's just that right now, the market is Asians," said Dr. Tim Fong, co-director of UCLA's Gambling Studies Program.

But those marketing strategies to attract customers aren't without concerns. Fong, who began studying gambling addiction among Asian-Americans in 2005, called it a "subtle epidemic. It's out there, it's insidious, slowly damaging families."

Foxwoods and Mohegan Sun both have taken voluntary steps, such as training employees to read signs of addictive behavior and referring problem gamblers to psychiatrists.

Steve Karoul, who until earlier this month was vice president of casino marketing at Foxwoods and has spent 30 years in the casino business, said Asians aren't significantly affected by compulsive gambling.

"Honestly, we find it's not as prevalent in the Asian community as it is in the non-Asian community," said Karoul, who worked in several Asian countries. "Of all the markets, I would say it's the least affected by problem gaming. Gaming is part of the culture, but problem gaming is not widespread."

Back in the Asian Pit, Ip Kachuang decided to take a break after three hours at the Baccarat tables, his favorite game at Foxwoods. He said he hadn't won much money yet, but he was still in good spirits.

"It's fun," he said, "as long as you don't gamble big."

Better Than the Yankee Fan He Used to Date

Ben Affleck attended last night's Red Sox-Angels game with Jennifer Garner. At one point, Affleck almost interfered with Angels infielder Howie Kendrick's pursuit of a foul ball. But Kendrick made the catch.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Saturday Night

Saturday night a large celebration was had to honor the birthdays of Justin (aka G-Span aka Juice) and Scott (aka TallSkott aka FatScat).

The evening started at Matt's apartment. A very nice apartment, but a complete metrosexual bachelor pad. In addition the big screen TV and the brand new GE appliances (like a stove he probably never cooks on) Matt had like 20 bottles of cologne (spaced out evenly) and brass collar stays.

The evening started with Mike and Matt and a couple others doing shots of Patron (no, it was tequila). Mike stopped himself when he said "I'm halfway to Paul's wedding."

shots! shots! shots!

I groaned audibly when we approached the bar, Slate, but Matt's connections helped us bypass the huge crowd and we headed right to our own table in the back of the VIP. Cuz that's how we roll (two fist taps on the heart and a point to the heaven's).

Then the waitstaff brought over 4 carafes (tonic, OJ, cranberry and red bull) as well as a bottle of Grey Goose and one of Patron. I think all of that was free, as well as some drink tickets, once again, thanks to Matt. I actually did a Patron shot and enjoyed it very much. Not even in the same league as cheap ass tequilas people used to pound as teenagers.

the Giants

matt is wasted

mean mugging for the camera

In all, we had a huge crew, our core group, plus some of Dana's friends, Matt's sister and her friend (who I think lost her pants) and then things got interesting when a few girls Juice and Matt knew showed up. One girl was about 8 feet tall in a slinky red dress. She looked like Darryl Hannah in "Attack of the 50 foot Woman."

When she walked in the DJ started playing her theme song "She's a" I couldn't get verification as to whether Juice fucked her or not but I feel we may be hearing from him after he sees this picture.

that's one big bitch

All photo credits go to Dana, except for Darryl Hannah. Still awaiting pictures from Emily, if and when I receive those I will post the best ones.