Friday, April 15, 2011

Way to Insult Half Your Target Audience

Manhattan Mini Storage has come up with a smarmy and mostly clever ad campaign you can see on billboards across the city. I like the one saying "If you watch Hoarders and wonder what the big deal is..."

This one however offends me:

"Why leave a city that has six professional sports teams, and also the Mets?"

Ok, so it is kind of funny and it shows how Mets fans are an agreeable bunch who can laugh at ourselves and our team, as opposed to those humorless cretins who root for the Yankees.

Story Suggested by Golzilla

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Barry Bonds Gets Away With Murder

Well it wasn't quite murder but he definitely got the OJ treatment from the jury. How could one woman on the jury of 12 not think Barry Bonds knowingly took steroids?
How could anyone look at that man and the physical changes he's undergone and the tremendous improvement in his performance and not think he had done steroids?

how could 12 people look at this picture and not be absolutely certain Barry Bonds used steroids?

And if you can get there, you have to believe beyond a reasonable doubt that he knew what he was taking. Especially after all the other athletes testified they got steroids from Greg Anderson and knew what they were taking.

And speaking of Greg Anderson he's either the best friend ever, or he's getting a lot of money. And whatever he is getting, Bonds ought to double it. But isn't that witness tampering? How would they not find out if Greg Anderson gets out of prison and has millions of dollars? Would he do this for less than $5m?

So the one idiot juror who didn't believe Kathy Hoskins when she said she saw Anderson inject Bonds with her own two eyes, held up the guilty verdict on at least one of the perjury counts. Every other observer, including the 11 other jurors considered Hoskins a very credible witness.

Barry Bonds's mistress Kimberly Bell testified the slugger's balls shrank, but no one believed her

A big part of the defense's case involved painting the prosecution as overzealous in its effort to convict Barry Bonds. First of all, shouldn't prosecutors and federal investigators be zealous in pursuit of a criminal. Secondly, I detest the notion that this crime wasn't big enough to pursue because it was a mostly victimless crime. Why would anyone ever tell a grand jury the truth if there was no penalty for lying? Or should there be a penalty, just not for Barry Bonds or other famous people? Lastly, does the government's zeal mean Bonds didn't commit a crime?

Here's what's going to happen next: the Feds (tired of public opinion turned against them) will offer Bonds a deal. They will agree not to pursue a retrial on the three charges that hung this jury, if Bonds agrees not to appeal to the obstruction conviction. That will mean 6 months of house arrest for Bonds.

Barry Bonds will never go to jail. Or the Hall of Fame.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Tough Guy Cops Beat Unruly Pirates Fan

There's not much to get excited about at a Pittsburgh Pirates game and there's probably a 1 to 1 ratio of cops to fans, which could explain this scene.

Why did the first cop hit the guy in the side of the head? There was no reason to do that? He seemed to be taking his ejection in stride. So he gave one guy a forearm shiver, big deal. But I loved the way the guy just stood there after the first strike.

Song of the Week

"Goodbye Game" - Chrisette Michele
Another strong soulful performance by my new favorite chanteuse.
Plus, Grandma Poop and Chase play the goodbye game before they hang up the phone.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Chase Picks Wrong Role Model

During the winter, prior to one bad snowstorm, my employer put me up in a hotel in Manhattan for the night to ensure I would be able to make it into the city early the next morning.
Chase was so distraught he couldn't come with me to the hotel, Grandma Poop decided to create a phony "Hotel Chase" for them to play.
There is a minibar to stock, bags to carry to rooms, mints to place on pillows, reservations to take and most importantly customer satisfaction surveys to take following a guest's stay.
For this there is a staff: reservations clerk (Julian), maintenance man (me), belldog (Diesel) and hotel manager (Mrs. Poop). Unfortunately Grandma Poop gave Chase a moniker that was already taken: The Concierge.
Now Chase tells everyone he is a concierge, including his teachers:

Monday, April 11, 2011

A Pretty Good Consolation Prize

Jason Day may not have won the Masters but his wife Ellie has to be making him feel pretty good anyway.
In fact, Tiger Woods shot 5-under on the front 9 and seemed to lose his focus on the back. Perhaps he saw Ellie Day on the fairway.

The cameras seemed to focus on her for every shot hit by her husband, but still I couldn't find good pictures of her on Google.

This one is too blurry.

This one was clearly shot from a TV screen, the program info is still there.

It looks like she's giving me the finger in this one.

Ok, that looks a little better.

She even looks hot dressed as a caddy.

Would You Bang? Bethany Hamilton

Would you bang Bethany Hamilton? The 21-year-old surfer had her arm bitten off by a shark. Would you lend her a hand?

Note: I am introducing a poll for the first time in WYB? history but I still demand you put your rationale in the comments section. And remember, rules are: do you really want to bang, not just would you if you had nothing better to do.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Idol Chatter

Biggest outrage in the history of American Idol. Pia was clearly the best singer, the hottest idol contestant, (maybe ever) she was likable, I just don't get it.

A few theories:

1) the voters are overwhelmingly teenaged girls. They vote for male contestants, to wit, the first five people voted off so far this year are all female.

2) Pia was too hot. She made the aforementioned teenage girls and older women feel insecure about themselves, or she reminded them of a pretty girl who was mean to them in high school

3) Simon is gone. Without Simon to bash the weaker contestants, the stronger ones, like Pia did not stand out. The judge's praise every contestant all the time (except Randy occasionally) which likely energizes voters for people like Stefano. Also, I doubt they would have saved Casey so early in the season if Simon had been around.

4) Prejudice. When reached for comment, Joe Pesci said, "Can you believe this shit? Prejudice 'gainst 'Talians? In this day and age? What is this world comin' to, Hendry?"

Note: Reader JustMan contributed that witty remark

5) Too many ballads. Pia's song choice was repeatedly called into question as she sang ballads every week. She killed them, admittedly, but some may have found it boring. When she finally went uptempo perhaps some people found the effort uninspiring

6) Gwen Stefani sabotaged her. What the fuck was that thing Pia was wearing?

what the fuck was with this outfit Gwen Stefani dressed Pia Toscano in?

No matter what the reason it as an absolute travesty that she didn't even make the top 8. Our only consolation would come if she is a complete washout in the music industry and has to resort to softcore porn.

hopefully this will send Pia Toscano into a downward spiral ending in an appearance in softcore porn

A few other non-Pia related thoughts:
Jacob was also in the bottom 3. If he gets voted out who the fuck is going to win this thing? Scotty? He's one of the few left who I don't think has been in the bottom 3.

The Hulk Hogan appearance was very cheesy.

I call Casey "bearded Taylor Hicks" and James is "Adam Lambert on Ritalin."

I hate Naima's reggae performance of an Elton John song. Good idea but why couldn't she have done the exact same thing without the phony accent.

Would anyone have complained if they randomly decided to give the judge's another save?

Despite what I have said previously about Hayley's legs I really don't like her face and I think she overdoes the huskiness in her voice.

I do like that this year they have been showing more behind the scene's stuff. The results shows seem less boring for whatever reason. Though I always scan through the awful performances by people like Constantine Maroulis and Iggy Pop.

Chase thought Russell Brand and Constantine were the same person.

Hayley seemed interested in a threesome with Brand and Katy Perry.