Saturday, February 02, 2013

Super Bowl Prop Bets

This is always a fun post to do, check out the props and pick some of your own in the comments section.

MVP: Colin Kaepernick 8/5
I think the 49ers are going to win the game and if they do there is a very good chance Kaepernick will win the MVP. Even if the defense dominates, it’s unlikely there will be one standout. And by default the idiots who pick these things will go with the quarterback on the winning team.

First Player to score a TD: Anquan Boldin 17/2, Torrey Smith 17/2
I think these are pretty long odds, for these guys. I know running backs are always surer things but I’ll take both of them and see what happens.

Longest Reception – Torrey Smith: Over 28 ½ yards (-125)
I know the Ravens are at least going to try to go downfield to Smith. 29 yards doesn’t seem that long to me.

Total Tackles and Assists - Ray Lewis: Under 11 1/2 (+105)
That's a lot of tackles. In order for this to happen the 49ers would have to be running the ball up the middle a lot.

Total Rushing Yards - Colin Kaepernick: Over 50 1/2 (-115)
He had a huge game against the Packers, and barely ran against the Falcons. This is a tricky number because he will probably have to break one long one (20+) to get there, but I say he will.

Will Michael Crabtree score a touchdown: No (-115)
I feel this is going to be a low scoring game, with more of the focus on the 49ers running game. Sure it's possible Crab will grab one, but at nearly even odds, no looks like a good bet.

Who will have more receiving yards? Torrey Smith +12 1/2 Michael Crabtree (-115)
Maybe I'm mistaken here but I see the Ravens throwing the ball a little more often, and going deep more often. One big one for Smith makes this a good bet.

LeBron James Rebounds & Assists -3 1/2 Ray Lewis Tackles and Assists (-120)
Again this is a play on Lewis having only about 8 or 9 tackles. LeBron could easily mess around and get a triple double against the Raptors.

Blake Griffin Points and Rebounds pick'em Ray Rice receiving yards (-115)
I'm looking at 25 easy for Griffin and there's a good chance Rice only gets one or two short receptions.

How long will it take Alicia Keys to sing the National Anthem? Under 2:10 (-160)
It's actually a very short song and even the long drawn out versions seldom last more than 2 minutes. I think this line is easily exploitable.

Will Beyonce be joined by Jay Z on Stage during the Super Bowl Half Time Show? Yes (-105)
I have read that Jay-Z is going to be there and requested $5,000 worth of booze for his dressing room. I also read that Beyonce demanded that Blue Ivy's $20,000 crib be shipped from New York and that a room for her be kept at 78.8 degrees and filled with rose-scented candles. But if he's going to be there, he might as well do "Crazy in Love."

How many times will Jack Harbaugh be shown on TV? Under 2 1/2 (+135)
I've been following props like this for some time and seems like the Super Bowl production teams just don't do this as much as we think they would. Now, if one of the quarterbacks were dating Katherine Webb, that would be a different story.

How long will the post game handshake/hug last between Jim & John Harbaugh? Over 6 seconds (-120)
This is a no-brainer. It starts from the moment they touch until the moment they release. So if they handshake, hug, then break while still holding, they could easily break 10 seconds.

What Color will the Gatorade (or liquid) be that is dumped on the Head Coach of the Winning Super Bowl Team? Red 13/2
I am thinking the 49ers are going to win, so I'll hope some clever 49ers sideline guy will have a bucket full of Red gatorade.

Darren Rovell tweets on Super Bowl Sunday? Over 104 1/2 (-115)
Not sure if you follow him but Rovell is the most prolific narcissist on Twitter. He might even do 200.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

This is How You Do Local News

I have a lot of respect for local news reporters who go out in the field everyday and report, often with morons, trying to get into their shots to be on TV. We've seen reporters insult and even assault these morons, but nothing beats what Jessica Sanchez did to this moron on Bourbon Street.

"So how long have you had an STD?"

A Fool And His Money Are Soon Parted

Sharon Osgood wired $5,900 to a man in Florida in exchange for 4 Super Bowl tickets.
Instead she got an envelope with a piece of paper with a picture of both Super Bowl quarterbacks on it. The message underneath read: "Enjoy the game!!!! Go Ravens!!! LOL."
I'm sorry Osgood got robbed (and it is a crime) but I don't really feel badly for her because she should have fuckin better known better.
1) She bought them on Craiglist
2) She was asked to wire the money
3) The seller lived in Florida but claimed to be a Ravens season ticket holder
4) The seller couldn't go to the game because his wife is 8 months pregnant
All of those things combined should have made it a dead giveaway that this was a scam. To make matters worse, this moron is now getting rewarded for being such a dupe. The CEO of Ticketmaster is giving her 4 tickets. That's a very bad message to send, be a moron, don't worry if you get scammed, just get some media attention for your plight and someone will pity you.
I say let Mrs. Osgood and all other fools out there learn this lesson the hard way. Tough love.

Maybe We Can Sweep Together

A funny trend that started on a brilliant episode of Seinfeld, "The Lip Reader," has now become an internet sensation.

It's called "Bad Lip Reading." The NFL version is hilarious

The spoof of Beyonce's Inauguration performance, entitled "La Fway" was also amusing, if a little bit too long.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Song of the Week

"Thrift Shop" - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
A very odd song, certainly not the highest quality musically or lyrically. But it's unique, and I like that it mocks our societal ill of placing value on expensive clothes.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Giselle In Training

Last year after the Super Bowl the hottest Patriot wife, Giselle, popped off angrily about the other Patriots, including Wes Welker, being unable to catch the ball.
After the AFC Championship game this year, it was the second hottest Patriot wife, Anna Burns Welker who ran her mouth off on Facebook:

"Proud of my husband and the Pats. By the way, if anyone is bored, please go to Ray Lewis' Wikipedia page. 6 kids 4 wives. Acquitted for murder. Paid a family off. Yay. What a hall of fame player! A true role model!"

She later apologized but Ray Lewis responded anyway, using a Bible verse of course, but not the one about the weapon. "Even a fool is counted wise until he opens his mouth."

But as far as I am concerned Mrs. Welker can do wrong. But, those aren't brains:

Monday, January 28, 2013

I Wish Lenny Dykstra Were My Dad

The Poop's favorite actress, Jamie-Lynn Sigler is now engaged, to Cutter Dykstra, son of Lenny Dykstra, the man they call nails on the Mets ballclub.
She is 31 and on the hysterical new NBC sitcom, "Guys With Kids."
He is 23 and in the minor leagues for the Washington Nationals.
The groom's father is currently in prison but will hopefully be out in time for the wedding.

Here's the picture the couple posted on Twitter to announce their engagement:

Chris Brown Should Be Locked Up

Chris Brown obviously hasn't learned any kind of lesson from the ass-kicking he gave Rihanna. His latest violent incident victimized someone who can actually sing, Poop favorite, Frank Ocean.
Details are sketchy at this point but it seems they argued over a parking space at a recording studio in Los Angeles. Entourages got involved and Brown reportedly punched Ocean in the face.
Brown didn't stick around long enough for the cops to arrive, which is why Ocean is being reported as the victim.
Brown's entourage says Ocean started it by talking shit and blocking in Brown's car. They also probably think Rihanna was asking for it.
But I actually hope it did happen that way. I would hate to see Brown continuing to be have in an aggressive and violent manner.
And I certainly hope he didn't hurl and homophobic slurs at Ocean, though I wouldn't be surprised.

What Do You Give Me For? The Icing on a Hostess Cupcake and Jack Lew's Signature

Jack Lew will likely be the next Treasury Secretary of the United States, which means his signature would be on all new paper money. Yes, that's his real signature. How much does it look like the icing on one of those delicious cupcakes by Hostess that are temporarily (I hope) not in stores while Hostess is looking for a buyer for its brands.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Take Another Little Piece of My Childhood

Over the years I have often been asked why I became a Redskins fan in a family full of Giants fans. Maybe it was because they were Giants fans. But I know I loved the city of Washington (hate it now), John Riggins and the big offensive lineman known as the Hogs.
But I also know I loved the Hogettes. Now those Redskins fans are hanging up their pig noses and ladies' dresses. They will still come to games, but dressed in jerseys and other licensed team apparel. They will still do their charity work. But the era is over.