Friday, November 15, 2013

What Do You Give Me For? Randall Cunningham and Darryl Jenks (Eriq LaSalle from "Coming to America")

I was watching "A Football Life: Randall Cunningham" and at first thought that they didn't even have 1980s footage of Randall Cunningham so they just used Coming to America clips.
I could even picture Ron Jaworski telling him "I'm the starting quarterback, can't you get that through your greasy head?"
What do you give me for Randall Cunningham and Darryl Jenks?

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Perfect Bedtime Story For Kayls

Having a deformed finger doesn't need to hold you back in life. I think that's the motto of a new children's book written by Alan Page, former Minnesota Vikings defensive lineman and leader of the Purple People Eaters, Alan and the Perfectly Pointy Impossibly Perpendicular Pinky.

In the story, Page, who really is a Minnesota State Supreme Court Justice, visits a school and one inquisitive child, asks what happened to his pinky. The Page in the story then goes on to tell the true story of a pinky that had been severely dislocated several times during a football career.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Song of the Week

"Crooked Smile" - J. Cole featuring TLC

I've wanted not to like J. Cole because of his feud with the first family of rap the Simmons, but every time I hear a song and think it's pretty good I later find out it's J. Cole. This is the 4th time he has been on Song of the Week, and it should have been 5 but I didn't want JLeary to yell at me for choosing "Power Trip."

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

The NFL is Poop - Week 10

Time to Pay Attention
Cam Newton started his career as the best rookie QB in history. Then he had one of the worst sophomore slumps ever. Now in Year 3 Cam is the quarterback of a really good, really balanced team. Cam himself is playing well, they have a good running game, but most importantly, the Panthers defense is absolutely awesome. It's allowing barely 12 points a game. With the rest of the conference struggling, even if they don't pass the Saints, the Panthers have an excellent chance to make the playoffs. And if they do, with that defense, and Cam Newton playing how he is playing, they might be a serious Super Bowl contender.

Every Dog Has Its Day
The 2008 Detroit Lions can pop the champagne because there are no more winless teams this season. Both the Jacksonville Jaguars and the Tampa Bay ExpensiveCornPrices got off the schneid. But don't worry, they're both still terrible.
Strangely enough, a safety played an important role in each of these games. Jacksonville got its 2-pointer on a holding penalty in the end zone, to give it a 22-13 lead. They ended up winning by 2 points. The ECPs took a 12-0 lead on their safety and ended up winning by 3 points, but only because Miami went for 2 and missed, because of the safety.
Also, both victims were 4-4 (not bad) heading into this game, and counting on a win, at 5-4 would have been in serious playoff contention. But now we have to think they really suck if they each lost to an 0-8 team.
On a side note, I don't really think the Martin/Incognito affair played a role in this loss. I know people like to talk about psychological factors, "distracting" a team from playing at its best, but I just think the Dolphins got beat.

Poor Packers
The Green Bay Packers are decimated by injuries. In the first quarter of their last two games the starting quarterback has been knocked out. First Aaron Rodgers, then Seneca Wallace. Wallace is out for the season and though Rodgers may return at some point, neither can play this week forcing the Packers to sign an old friend to back up Scott Tolzien.
They went for a quarterback who had his greatest days as a Packer and then went elsewhere but was never able to replicate the magic he experienced as a Packer. Yes, I'm talking about Matt Flynn.
On the strength of one performance in Week 17, Flynn got a huge contract with the Seahawks. But then he was beaten out by Russell Wilson in Seattle, by Terrelle Pryor in Oakland and by everyone in Buffalo. Maybe he can make it work once Tolzien gets hurt in the first quarter this week against the Giants.

Game of the Week
Baltimore Ravens 20 Cincinnati Bengals 17

If a Hail Mary is caught in a loss, does it still count? It was an amazing play to cap an amazing comeback, AJ Green alone in the back of the end zone catching a ball that was allowed to bounce upwards out of the usual scrum that occurs on Hail Marys.

The eventual loss in overtime was aided by a horrible play by Giovani Bernard. He took an 11 yard loss on a 4th and 2 (I would have punted), setting up the Ravens for a short drive for the game-winning field goal.
And it also overshadowed that great catch, and a great comeback from a 17-0 deficit, a win the Bengals could have and maybe should have had.

Game of Next Week
Kansas City Chiefs at Denver Broncos

A huge matchup in the AFC in Denver. If the Chiefs can somehow pull this off, not only would the be a legitimate Super Bowl contender, they'd have to be seen as the favorite.
Honorable mention in a packed week goes to 49ers-Saints and Panthers-Patriots (who would have thought that?)

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
Yes the Redskins defense is horrible, I know that. It got completely torched by a very bad Minnesota team in a game that could have brought the Skins within half a game of the division lead.
But the Redskins offense which worked so well in the first half thanks to rollouts and bootlegs by RGIII and crossing routes to Garcon and Reed, abandoned those types of plays in the second half in an effort to further establish the running game.

Picture of the Week
Cam Newton stretches while the 49ers defense watches.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Kansas City Chiefs 13 Seattle Seahawks 10

You can't lose your spot your spot on this list due to a bye week. And the Seahawks earned theirs back with a thumping of the Falcons. But doesn't everyone do that?

Monday, November 11, 2013

Now She's Gone Too Far

If Miley Cyrus wants to ride a wrecking ball naked, that's her business. If she wants to scratch her itchy diseased vagina with a foam finger while Alan Thicke's creepy son watches, I understand, it's all in the name of publicity. And if she wants to light up a joint on stage just because she's in Amsterdamn, that is her legal right.
But when she dresses up like a two-bit hooker with the faces of 2Pac and Biggie on her flat disgusting ass, that's when I have to say something.
Real musicians, who achieved success and fame through their talents, not through a ridiculous circus freak show of publicity stunts; real artists who created meaningful music with a story to tell and a lesson to learn, shouldn't have their images desecrated in this way.
I'd say Biggie and 2Pac and rolling over in their graves but I know they are chilling on an island somewhere with no idea who the fuck this dirty little skank even is.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Weekly Picks

It always puzzles me how my percentage on best bets is so much worse than on other games. 18-18 isn't bad, but 3-6 is pitiful. Guaranteed lock of the year as my best bet this week though.

oakland +7 NEW YORK GIANTS
The Raiders got embarrassed last week and have to make the long trip to the East Coast for this game. Those are two things I don't think really matter much but were definitely incorporated into the spread. It seems like everyone is already picking the Giants to go on another crazy run to the playoffs, but I'm not so sure. I'm loathe to pick against the Giants but I think this spread is too big.

GREEN BAY -1 philadelphia
One team played one of the best games anyone has played all season, the other team played like shit once its star QB got knocked out of the game. But my overriding theory of picking games is that nothing lasts very long in the NFL.

detroit +1/2 CHICAGO
Under normal circumstances I would like the Lions better than the Bears. But these are not normal circumstances. Jay Cutler could play, is likely to play, but even so I don't have much confidence in him.

NEW ORLEANS -6 1/2 dallas
Dallas has been riding a very thin line all season, playing a lot of close games. They got lucky against Minnesota last week while the Saints were getting beaten by the Jets. I don't think the Cowboys have the ability to harass Drew Brees in the way, so I expect a strong bounce back performance.

SAN FRANCISCO -6 1/2 carolina

One of these teams is really good, the other team has just been beating up on weak competition. That's my view on this game. We'll see if I'm right.

Last Week: 3-2 (2 points)
Season: 21-24 (18 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (3-6)
Home Favorites: 1-2 (9-8)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (1-1)
Road Favorites: 2-0 (6-6)
Road Underdogs: 0-0 (5-9)