Friday, May 02, 2008

A Four Month Layoff?

In their continuing efforts to bow down to ESPN, the World Series of Poker Main Event will now last 4 months.
The event will start as usual in July and get down to 9 players on July 16th.
ESPN will air the preliminary bracelet events through July and August. In September it will start coverage of the main event and on October 28th we'll see how they got down to 9.
Those 9 players will play in the final table on November 9th and a winner will be crowned on November 10th. Then ESPN will air the final table episode on November 11th.
This seems like a terrible idea. I can't believe the Players Advisory Council agree to this.
What if a final table player gets killed? Couldn't players use this time to unfairly scout their opponents? Or practice more?
But it'll be great for TV viewers like me who won't have to wait months to see what we read about on the internet.

Story suggested by SCZA

The Best Failed Drug Test Ever

Awesome story coming from ESPN about Tennessee guard Chris Lofton.
Lofton failed a drug test after Tennessee's first round victory over Long Beach State in the 2007 NCAA Tournament.
The test found high levels of beta hCG, which is found in women during pregnancy. It can signify steroid use, and it is also a marker for cancer.
For some reason Tennessee officials waited to tell Lofton until after the team lost to Ohio State the following week.
After blood tests and an ultrasound it was confirmed that Lofton had testicular cancer.
He underwent radiation treatments (without telling his teammates or hardly anyone else) and is now cancer free.
That's a fantastic result and one that definitely wouldn't have happened if not for the drug test.
"Never has anybody been so blessed to be picked for a drug test," said Lofton's mother, Kathleen.

Celebrate Cinco De Mayo With Steven Brominski, He's Not Busy

If you are lucky enough to have ESPNU, you can watch SU's "astonishing" victory over Virginia Tech (the best win in either sport during my matriculation) on May 5th at 1pm.
Why? For Cinco De Mayo, the network is doing a special run of games featuring players who wore #5. So Donovan McNabb is featured along with Reggie Bush, Darren McFadden and Edgerrin James.

Too bad we don't have the Doug Logan call.

Porn Influences the Mainstream

Porn has used the point-of-view camera to make lonely losers feel like they're the ones getting a blowjob from Jesse Jane. Now that idea has been adopted by Nike which put together this brilliant commercial that shows me what its like to be a soccer star.

My favorite parts, shaking hands with Ronaldinho and signing that chick's breasts.
My least favorite parts, puking and the look my girlfriend gives me after I sign that chick's breasts.

I Wish We Would Have Done This For Chase

So I had never heard about the good luck that comes with tossing a baby off a tower. But now that I see how it works I kind of wish we had done it with Chase. They say they have never had an accident and it brings good health. Sounds like a low risk high reward proposition to me.
When I see how taut they hold the sheet and how quickly the guy swoops in to catch the bouncing baby I kind of think the rest of the world is overreacting to this.
The most dangerous part of this episode seems to be when they blindly pass the baby through the crowd. All naked newborns look alike so I bet at least 50% of the kids end up accidentally going home and being raised by the wrong family. But that's a small price to pay for good health.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

It's Fun to Do Bad Things

This is basically the story of how a young Jay Leary got a broken nose [correction: Leary says he was unhurt in the crash and that his fellow joyrider got a broken nose] and how Mama Poop told me that I shouldn't be friends with him. Except Leary was never this funny.

I think its impressive that in "several" miles all Latarian did was hit 2 mailboxes, 2 parked cars and 2 moving cars and a sign. Not bad considering he couldn't even see over the wheel.
I don't know which quote is funnier:
"I wanted to do hoodrat stuff with my friend." - Latarian
"I wanna whip his behind. That's what I wanna do right now. If I thought they wouldn't take me to jail, I'd whip his behind right now." - Latarian's grandmother

Mike's Hard Lemonade, Tearing Families Apart

A 7-year-old kid spotted drinking Mike's Hard Lemonade (an alcoholic beverage for those of you who don't know) was taken from his parents and temporarily placed in foster care.
Christopher Ratte, says he asked for a lemonade for his 7-year-old son Leo, and was given a Mike's, a drink he claims he'd never heard of before.
Ratte is a professor of classical archaeology at the University of Michigan (shows you the quality of the education there).
Later, a security guard noticed the kid drinking the booze, and reported the incident.
The kid was taken to the hospital, the father was interviewed by the cops and Leo spent a few days in the custody of Child Protective Services before he was allowed to move home.

I don't believe Ratte's story that he thought it was regular lemonade. $7 for a lemonade is exorbitant even by ballpark standards. Plus it's called hard lemonade. Plus this guy works at a college. Like Vincent Vega once said "he shoulda fuckin better known better." I think Ratte bought the lemonade for himself and allowed the kid to have a sip and hold the bottle. It just so happened that an usher saw them at this point. I think he didn't want to admit this because his ignorance defense does sound believable enough and admitting that you gave your kid alcohol isn't exactly the best thing to say to Child Protective Services. I'm also basing my conclusion on this piece of evidence: when tested 90 minutes later Leo's blood showed no traces of alcohol. Even one bottle of Hard Lemonade or beer would stay in a 7-year-old's system for more than 90 minutes.

Either way I don't think Ratte committed a huge crime here and I think almost everyone who got involved from the usher to the stadium physician (who sent Leo to the ER in an ambulance) to the CPS workers all behaved overzealously. But I guess when you see cases of child abuse everyday , you can never be too careful.

Uncle Mick's Influence

Mick Foley used to speak of "testicular fortitude," a more relatable form of intestinal fortitude. Evidently the head of a local steelworkers union in Indiana is a wrestling fan, but doesn't know much about anatomy.
When introducing Hillary Clinton at an event the union leader said the nation needs someone "with testicular fortitude."
Behind him Clinton made a bug-eyed face, then laughed. When it was her turn to speak she said "I do think I have fortitude...women can have it as well as men.”


This Stanford’s Alicia Follmar. She took a hard fall on the leadoff leg of the Penn women’s distance medley. While she was on the ground, someone stepped on her head, cutting her with a spike. She got up and finished her leg third, and her team finished the race third.

Alicia Follmar finishes her leg third despite getting her head stepped on

What is it about the Penn Relays? When The Concierge was running at Penn Relays he accidentally spiked himself while stretching and his leg was bleeding profusely.

Frozen But Worth It

I went to my first Mets game of the year Tuesday night, and I probably will only get to 1, maybe 2 more this season.

It was nice to see CitiField and all the progress that was made during the offseason. It looks like a real stadium from the outside.

The Mets added a new team store outside the stadium on the third base side near the subway platform. It was overdue for them to have a nice big store outside as opposed to only the one at centerfield that was always so crowded. The merchandise was nice, the prices were not exorbitant, but unfortunately they didn't have anything I liked for Chase. They had better stuff for girls than for boys.

The only problem with this game was, it was freezing. It was so cold and so windy that I was shivering at one point. I actually even left my seat, which I never do because I thought I needed to walk around and that it would be warmer underneath. I tried to get a hot dog but only one stand was open and it had a huge line. I got back to my row just in time to see Reyes's triple.

Nothing better than watching Reyes leg out a triple.

A few sections over from where we were sitting, a beer vendor fell down the steps. He was hurt and stayed down for a while. He may have hit his head on one of those hard concrete steps. But more importantly, he spilled a lot of beer.

A few years ago the Daily News asked who was responsible for the Mets poor play. I wrote in (and got my letter published) that the Mets fans were to blame. Remember when Rey Ordonez said we were stupid? He was right. I booed Piazza because I hate him and I hated the brainwashing of Mets fans to believe that he was actually a good player. And even though I hate Delgado and Heilman I have never booed them. I yell "you suck" but the players don't hear that. At this game antsy Mets fans were booing everyone at every chance. They booed Santana after he gave up a home run, they booed Delgado when he got up (though he got mostly cheers) and they booed him when he made out. They booed Heilman loudly when he left the game with his tail between his legs. The only guy they didn't boo was Wagner, surprisingly.

Unfortunately for Papa Poop he drove a friend to the game and she was very uncomfortable and wanted to leave after the 9th inning. So like a good friend Papa Poop left, and like a good dad he gave me his jacket, I was only wearing a hooded sweatshirt (the weather report said 50 degrees). I probably couldn't have stayed 2 more innings without his jacket.

After the stadium cleared out when the Mets blew the game, I moved down the mezzanine and had pretty good seats, until Wright's game-winning hit. My view of the corner was obscured and I couldn't tell if the ball landed fair until the Mets players went nuts.

The good parts, I hit no traffic either way and got a prime parking spot under the overpass. Free!

I got to see Johan Santana pitch, and he did pretty well.

I got to see Shea one more time before they tear her down.

He's One To Talk

Jim Palmer, who is best known for wearing bikini briefs, called Kevin Millar gay for getting thrown out at second. I don't think that he meant to say that, but what else could he have been trying to say?

I Guess She's Nursing

Not that I'm surprised but Halle Berry is looking damn good only 6 weeks after having a baby.

By the way, Nahla Ariela is Swahili for "my mom is prettier than your mom."

thanks for the mammaries

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Song of the Week

"Get It Together" - 702
You may remember them for their better known hit "Steelo" but I like this slower, soulful ballad.
I am also choosing this song over "All I Want" even though "All I Want" was featured on the "Good Burger" soundtrack and the video contains a cameo from the movie's stars as well as the girls reciting the movie's famous line.
One of the group's members, Orish Grinstead, died of kidney failure at age 27. She had cancer as well as a variety of other health problems.
Orish's twin sister Irish, their other sister LeMisha and a friend Kameelah Williams made up the group during their early and most successful periods. Orish filled in later when other group members pursued solo careers or had children.

Happy Anniversary Lee Elia

25 years ago Lee Elia unleashed one of the greatest tirades of all time. After a loss when Cubs fans booed Elia went off, unleashing 45 cursewords in about 400 words in 3 minutes.
Remember, this was when the Cubs played all their games during the day.
If you've never heard this, please listen...with headphones if you are at work.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Baseball is Poop

Early Season Startling Stats
Josh Hamilton, Emil Brown and Mark Reynolds are in the top 4 in the majors in RBI. None of them had more than 62 RBI last year.

Chase Utley and Pat Burrell are 1st and 2nd in the majors in home runs and slugging.

Nate McLouth had hits in the first 18 games of the season. Then he went on an 0 for 15 slump. Then he fired back with 3 homers and 5 RBI in 2 games. He's got on base above .400, a slugging above .600, an OPS above 1.000 and he's a leadoff hitter...for the Pirates.

Nate McLouth's home run trot
Micah Owings is 4-0 with a 3.48 ERA. He is also batting .389 (7 for 18) and last year he hit .333 with 4 homers and 15 RBI in only 60 at bats. He should be playing everyday.

And his teammate Brandon Webb should be pitching everyday. If he could. Webb is 6-0 with a 1.98 ERA. That follows season of 16-8 with a 3.10 and 18-10 with a 3.01. Webb is clearly the best pitcher in baseball.

The best pitcher in baseball

Brad Penny crossed up Russell Martin and ended up nearly killing the umpire. Martin was expecting a curveball, Penny threw a fastball and it went right past Martin and into Kerwin Danley's face. Danley was knocked out, but he's going to be ok.

This video is also an interesting case study in Vin Scully. I love Scully, my favorite announcer of all-time. But he clearly wasn't watching, thinking the pitch hit the dirt. Second, the guy gets beaned by a pitch and is out cold and Scully is talking about how he's from Arizona, played with Tony Gwynn at SDSU and how his wife makes the best peach cobbler he's ever had.

Poor Aaron Rowand
That's got to be embarrassing in the middle of the game. Announcer Mike Krukow couldn't even hide the humor in his own hilarious misspeak.

Cool Picture the Week
A foul ball into the stands at a Rangers game. It looks like the guy in the red shirt took the ball in the gut, or perhaps the groin. But I always like pictures like this because of the reactions of so many of the people in the crowd. Look at the woman on the left in the plaid jacket who is curled up into the fetal position. And the woman in the blue holding a cup, she looks as if she's about to puke.

Two Great Things, Even Better Together

A baseball game and a handjob. This is one lucky guy.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Singing Slave Songs

Mrs. Poop and I encountered our first philosophical debate about parenting.
I don't think Chase should be exposed to slave songs at such an early age but she insists on singing "Jimmy Crack Corn" to him.
The song's origins are in the minstrel show era of the 1840s and it's about a slave whose master dies when his horse is bitten by a blue-tailed fly. The slave was supposed to shoo this fly away, but despite being derelict in his duties the jury ruled that the blue-tailed fly was responsible for the death.
The other disputed song "Baa Baa Black Sheep" evidently is not a slave song, even though it contains lyrics about a master and a dame, words I previously had only associated with plantation living in the antebellum south.
So let's focus our attention only on "Jimmy Crack Corn," is it ok to sing slave songs to children?

Ripped From the Headlines

Law & Order: SUV did a story about a pro quarterback who kills his gay lover. The quarterback is the best in pro football and he's dating a supermodel.
Are they trying to imply that Tom Brady is gay?

Who Are These Guys?

Player A - 10 innings 4 hits 0 walks 0 runs 10 strikeouts 7 saves
Player B - 10 innings 1 hit 2 walks 0 runs 10 strikeouts 6 saves

Love is Blind

Natalie Portman and Devendra Banhart
I first discovered Banhart about 6 months ago, naming "Lover" song of the week (video no longer available), so I like him but not in that way.
I love how in this picture they have matching jackets and matching hairstyles, but thankfully, not matching beards.