Friday, January 25, 2008

Which Tattoo is Worse?

Melvin Costa is an Mixed Martial Artist who fights for an organization known as King of the Cage.
Costa is an admitted white supremicist/neo-nazi who has a tattoo on chest depicting an eagle and a swastika. But to him the swastika is a symbol of national pride. He says he just wants to lift the white race up but not by knocking other races down.

Melvin Costa's swastika tattoo

But that may not even be his worst tatoo. Around his bellybutton Melvin has the words "I Have a Small Penis."

Melvin Costa's I have a small penis tattoo

Why LeBron's Yankee Sneaker is Good

LeBron James (with the help of Nike) is coming out with a pinstriped sneaker in tribute to his favorite baseball team, the New York Yankees.

While normally I loathe the Yankees and anything having to do with them, I like this sneaker for two reasons. First, stitched inside the tongue of the sneaker is "Le-Bron James, clap clap, clap clap clap." That is a nod to the only cool things Yankees fans do, calling out every player's name (Der-ek Jee-tuh!) at the beginning of every game until each player acknowledges the fans.

Second, this move could further alienate Cleveland fans who were angered when LeBron went to a Yankees-Indians playoff game in Cleveland while wearing a Yankees hat. Hopefully, the relationship between LeBron and Cleveland fans will turn sour and LeBron will decide to come to New York to play for the Knicks when his contract is up.

Juice Got Off Easy

There is a now famous story going around about how Juice is locked in a fierce battle with his neighbor. It started with Juice's predilection for leaving his wet shoes outside his apartment door. The first time a neighbor complained that his wet shoes were "an eyesore." When complaints didn't work the neighbor put rotten eggs in his shoes. Finally, the neighbor stole Juice's lady friend's leather boots.
Well turns out Juice is lucky he doesn't live next door to Ronnie Ballard.
Felicia Walton was at home in her apartment one day when she heard someone in the hallway say "he shit in someone's Reebok." She opened her apartment door and the shoes she had left in the hallway were full of shit.
The same thing happened to Towanda Cooper who noticed that the boots she left in the hall had been defecated in.
But perhaps Ballard is more of a serial shitter than a campaigner against unsightly hallways.
He is also accused of shitting in a washing machine (twice) ruining a load (pun intended) of whites and a load of baby clothes that Lulu Miller was washing.
The best part of the complaint is that in Wisconsin it is not a crime to shit in someone's shoes, it is only a crime to shit in someone's shoes, without their permission.
So the detective in the case had to ask each victim if they had allowed Ballard to do his deed.
The complaint includes the following quotes:
"she had not given anyone consent to defecate on the clothing."
"she had not given anyone permission to defecate in her shoes and she was disturbed."
"neither she nor Towanda Cooper gave anyone permission to defecate in their boots, or on the floor outside of their apartment."

Worst Person in the World: Melissa Arrington

An ugly former stripper named Melissa Arrington was sentenced to 10 and a half years in jail for killing a guy while driving drunk.
While drunk drivers usually get off easier than that Arrington bought herself some extra time in the hoosegow for laughing at her victim during a phone conversation she had from jail with a friend.

Caller: John says as far as he's concerned you did the world a favor because you took out a fuckin tree hugger, a bicyclist, a Frenchman and a gay guy all in one shot. He's proud of you.
Arrington: (laughter)
Caller: He says as far as he's concerned they should give you a medal and a fuckin parade.
Arrington: (laughter)
Caller: I know that's terrible.
Arrington: No, it's not.

Later in the conversation Arrington said "I'm not supposed to be laughing at stuff like that but I would have to agree." Arrington's blood alcohol content was .156 (.08 is the legal limit in Arizona) and her license had been suspended because of a previous DUI.

Your Tax Dollars At Work

Nine city employees in Washington DC were fired for looking at porn at work.
Now before your knee jerk reaction is to say that it was an accident, someone gave them a link that said low mortgage rates and it was actually porn, or they typed ESPN wrong or someone else used their computer, read the whole story.
The investigation started in January 2007 after an employee at the office of property management complained about a co-worker.
The city then began an investigation of about 10,000 city computers (a third of the total).
They found 9 employees who clicked on porn sites or images at least 19,000 times in 2007.
One employee visited porn sites 39,000 times last year, more than 150 times a day.
Thankfully there was not on instance of someone looking at child porn, especially relieving because one of the dirty dozen (ok, it was only 9) worked at the department of child and family services.
Here's the most disturbing part of the story to me: they are all union workers and are entitled to an appeal. If a union leader actually defends these people it would demonstrate everything that is wrong with labor unions in this country.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Rick Majerus Can't Stay Out of Trouble

Rick Majerus is in hot water for his comments at a Hillary Clinton rally. He was interviewed by a local TV station and said that he is pro-choice. Problem is, St. Louis University is a Catholic school. School officials are considering taking action against Majerus. And even though I believe in free speech I actually think Majerus should have kept his opinion to himself. He certainly has the right to be pro-choice but the University also has a right to expect its employees, especially the ones who are public figures, to toe the line on "company policy."
Remember SLU is a private school so students who choose to go there most likely want a Catholic education and a faculty and staff who shares their beliefs.
The good news for Majerus is that this story overshadowed a much different story about him in Sports Illustrated.

The article tells this amusing story about Majerus teaching Michael Doleac the finer points of low post play.

"Doleac spent his first three years at Utah shell-shocked by Majerus's tirades, his knack for calling his players "cunts." Majerus kept telling Doleac that he needed to keep six inches between himself and his opponent in the post. When Doleac was caught shortly after leaning on his man, the coach erupted. " 'Jesus fuckin Christ, Doleac! When a guy catches the ball in the post, you gap him six inches!' " Doleac recalls Majerus yelling. "Then he turns to the guys sitting on the baseline and says, 'Six fuckin inches,' and he says, 'the size of the average white dick!' and pulls it out. That story spread like wildfire, but at the time it's not funny. At the time you're terrified."

Note: the cursewords are mine, not SI's.

Idol Chatter

This week I think American Idol toned it down with the horrible performances but they gave us plenty of good stories.

There was The guy with the little kid, the guy with the vocal paralysis and the really hot chick whose father died.

I found nothing funny about this weird guy but I did enjoy the 900 pound brother and sister, and they could really sing.

Eddie Murphy Predicts the Future

"Coming to America" somehow knew about the Packers, Giants and the oblong ball made of pigskin.

Bachelor Parties

From the Boston Globe:

TWO MONTHS BEFORE his November nuptials, Boston attorney Dan Urman and nine of his closest buddies converged on a rented house at Lake Tahoe in California and spent 72 hours in a male-bonding ritual that would have made even Robert Bly envious. The men - who flew and drove in from 10 cities across the country - careened down muddy ski trails on mountain bikes, skimmed the lake in inner tubes lassoed to a powerboat, tried their luck at blackjack in nearby Reno, dined at fancy restaurants, and grilled pounds of steak and ribs. "We all got pretty banged up," says the 29-year-old Urman. "There's a picture of my friend with dirt in his teeth."

Urman and friends did drop by a gentlemen's club - "It wasn't, like, a really seedy one," he protests - and alcohol was indeed consumed, but this bachelor bash was more outdoor adventure than storied sleazefest. "I really wanted my friends to meet each other, and you can't get to know someone in a loud club with strobe lights and naked people."

Increasingly, so-called destination bachelor parties that typically span a long weekend and involve scheduled activities such as golfing, skiing, deep-sea fishing, paintball, and wine tasting are replacing the boozy last hurrahs of bachelor-hood. "It's not necessarily a full-on debauchery weekend," says Melissa Bauer, publicist for The Knot, a New York-based wedding resource that includes "It's a little more sophisticated, more tame." Along with Tahoe, Las Vegas and Miami - both pulsating with nightlife - rank among the top US destinations for stag parties. In New England, Vermont's Killington, Mount Snow, and Stratton Mountain resorts woo ski junkies, while Massachusetts favorites like Cape Cod, Martha's Vineyard, and Nantucket offer tranquil summertime getaways.

Newlywed David Berkowitz of Boston bid adieu to his single days in Sin City. Last June, he and 11 old friends from across the country descended on Vegas, where they spent four days gambling, enjoying "a parade of lap dances" from scantily clad women in strip clubs, and drinking Grey Goose vodka until dawn. But they also relaxed around the hotel pool and went to a rap concert. "Mine was in Vegas but was toned down for Vegas," says the 32-year-old pharmacist. "The best thing was just seeing my friends who I don't get to see very often. . . . It's sort of the Old School phenomenon, where we want to re-create our past."

The trend toward uber-bachelor parties has evolved into a serious game of one-upmanship among super-competitive groomsmen in certain social circles, Bauer says. In 2005, Berkowitz's brother, who lives in Chicago, held his bachelor party in pre-Katrina New Orleans; later this year, Berkowitz will travel to other all-male gatherings in Miami and Puerto Rico.

But, boys, let me tell you, these are not cheap dates. The cost varies widely, depending on the quality of accommodations, restaurants, and entertainment, but men typically drop hundreds or even thousands of dollars on such weekends. Berkowitz estimates the Las Vegas trip cost each guy $1,500, excluding gambling expenses. Urman's friends paid about $600 each, not counting their travel expenses or blackjack losses.

Several things have sparked the lengthier, pricier destination bachelor party phenomena: older first-time grooms (and brides) and their friends with more disposable income; an increasing percentage of couples who cohabitate before marriage, making an in-town affair too humdrum (not to mention awkward when a bachelor wakes up, hung over, beside his bride-to-be or doesn't come home at all); weddings that often involve family and friends who are geographically scattered and need to travel, regardless, making a sexy destination more desirable; a harried workforce that sees a relative's or friend's bachelor party as a chance for a "minivacation."

Brides-to-be are also getting in on the action - or lack thereof. Elizabeth Lasater, a physical therapist from New Haven, says her six-woman bachelorette party held last July in Montreal, which featured pampering at a day spa and sightseeing, was relaxing, not rowdy. "We had the most fun hanging out in the hotel room in the morning and going across the hall in our pajamas to talk," says the 30-year-old.

While most bachelor blowouts are still being planned by the best man, a small number of luxury concierge services, like Montreal VIP, have become the males' equivalent of the wedding planner. Founded in 1999, Montreal VIP organized more than 800 bachelor parties last year, a number that represents 76 percent of its private- and corporate-outings business, says Oren Bornstein, director of marketing. "Women, predominantly, will put all their effort toward the wedding," Bornstein says. "Whereas for males, the bachelor party almost becomes their wedding. It's the biggest event."

So far most of the bachelor parties I've attended have been the best of both worlds. We've traveled (Baltimore, Philadelphia, Montreal, Las Vegas) and we gambled and played paintball, but we also saw copious boobies. I can't imagine the horrified woman who finds out that her husband wants to do a wine tasting for his bachelor party. "Oh my god, my future husband is gay!"

She Loves Vodka, But Hates Jesus

ESPN hottie Dana Jacobson was suspended for getting drunk and acting awesome at the Mike & Mike Roast in Atlantic City two weeks.
Immediate reports said Jacobson made an absolute fool of herself, drinking straight vodka from a Belvedere bottle, mumbling along and cursing like a sailor as Mike & Mike rested their heads in their hands in embarrassment. She got booed off stage by a crowd that obviously hates large breasted drunk women who are two more sips of vodka away from fucking anything with a dick.
During her drunken rant, Jacobson, a Jew who went to the University of Michigan (two reasons Focks loves her) reportedly tried to make fun of Golic's alma mater by saying "Fuck Notre Dame, Fuck Touchdown Jesus, Fuck Jesus."
Jacobson got mixed reviews when she was a contestant on the Poop's game show "Would You Bang?"

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Sammy D Loves Hockey

Growing up in Haiti, Sixers center and The Concierge's favorite player, Samuel Dalembert obviously wasn't exposed to much hockey.
As a benefit for Sixers charities, Sammy D attended a hockey game with a fan who bid on the experience in an auction.
Dalembert was given a #1 Flyers jersey, a Sami Kampanen autographed stick (which he traded for an autographed ball), and he even got to speak French in the locker room with some of the Flyers players.
But he still hasn't picked up all the nuances of the NHL.

Sometimes Things Make You Laugh Even When You Know They're Not That Funny

This picture is one of them. I know it's not hysterical but I can't look at it without laughing. Look at the sign this guy brought to a bowling match. Can you play defense in bowling?
Was this guy being ironic? Was he trying to get on TV? Does he not know the rules of bowling? Was it the only sign he had? Did his friend tell him he had NFL tickets but pulled a bait and switch on him?
I don't get it, but it kills me anyway.

Cats Are Hard to Get Rid Of

Kelly Levy of Palm Beach, Florida thought her cat was gone. She took her husband to the airport and when she came she couldn't find her cat Gracie Mae.
After crying and looking everywhere, she got a phone call several hours later from a guy, Rob Carter, in Fort Worth who said he accidentally picked up Levy's husband's suitcase at the airport and when he got it home he realized it wasn't his.
He was about to close it when the cat jumped out and that's when Carter says he "screamed like a little girl."
Gracie Mae had crawled into Seth Levy's black suitcase undetected, been put through an X-ray machine, loaded onto an airplane, thrown onto a baggage claim conveyor belt and picked up by a stranger.
Carter delivered Gracie Mae to Seth Levy and the tabby made the 1,300-mile trip home on an $80 plane ticket Sunday night.

So they expect us to believe that the cat accidentally got in the suitcase, then the suitcase accidentally got picked up by the wrong person at baggage claim? That seems like one too many accidents to me.
I think the Levys were just looking for a creative way to get rid of their cat.
But the cat came back.

Song of the Week

"I Just Don't Want to Be Lonely" - The Main Ingredient
This version is a performance of the song probably 30 years after it was originally recorded when all the members of the group look a lot older, grayer and fatter than they did in their heyday.
But the song holds up even if this version is a little too stylized for my tastes.
Watch for three key things here: 1) the great use of horns 2) the lead singer who might look a little familiar to you, it's Cuba Gooding Sr. 3) when he "forgets" the words and says the wrong lyric.

How To Get Canadians To Behave

Here are a few scary public service announcements airing in Canada encouraging people to be more careful:

Maybe this is why Mama Poop tells us to be careful every day. In Canada they don't believe in accidents.

He Has a Dream

Bill Clinton falls asleep during a sermon about Martin Luther King Jr. Watch for the telltale sign, his head slowly moves forward then he snaps it back up.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Heath Ledger Died

Actor Heath Ledger was found dead Tuesday of a possible drug overdose in a Lower Manhattan apartment, the New York Police Department said. He was 28 years old.
"Pills were found in the vicinity of the bed," police spokesman Paul Browne told CNN. "This is being looked at as a possible overdose, but that is not confirmed yet."
Browne said Ledger said he was found by a housekeeper who had gone to wake him for an appointment with a masseuse in the Soho apartment.
EMS declared him dead at approximately 3:30 p.m., Browne said.

Freezing Their Tits Off

You have to give Green Bay Packers fans some credit. The few attractive girls that live there love football. And just like the men the chicks want to take their shirts off in freezing cold weather.
Even if they did this just to get on TV, then threw their jackets back on, I'm impressed, it was zero degrees outside.
I'm shocked their nipples aren't protruding more.

You don't get much bikini weather living in Green Bay

And they're funny too.

The Packers bikini girls are actually pretty well known among Packers fans. In the picture above they are, from left, Liz, Jen and Ashley. Liz and Jen are sisters, Ashley is their cousin. Ashley is the hot one.

They say they've been doing it since 2002, but they were a little young then, they are currently aged between 20 and 22.

Expect to see the girls in Maxim soon.

They do dress warmly sometimes.

Obfuscating the Facts

If you're Tom Brady, how do you get millions of New York hating New Englanders to forget the fact that right after the AFC Championship game you left their city on the first plane and came to New York, home of the Giants, your Super Bowl opponent.
Easy, limp around on a fake cast.
It'll also take the focus on the fact that you're toting around a flowerpot full of pansies.

Close But No Cigar

Thanks once again to the scared shitless coaching of Jim Boeheim Syracuse lost a game they should have won.
It would have been a huge boost to this young team to get a road win against a top 10 team but Boeheim played not to lose, so he did.
After a Donte Greene 3-pointer gave SU a 58-51 lead with 4:34 to go, the Orange scored 4 points over the next 9:34 of regulation and overtime.
I grant that the shooters went cold at the wrong time but this is not a half court team and Boeheim ordered them into a slowdown half court offense from which they couldn't be effective.
Also, not surprising for a Boeheim coached team but SU shot 50% from the free throw line including 4 devastating misses from Arinze Onuaku in overtime.
Overall, I love this team and if Donte Greene stays they can be really awesome next season.
But this year SU is going to finish 20-13 and Boeheim is going to bitch when they're left out of the tournament again.
I can already envision that he is going to say that last year they got left out because the schedule wasn't strong enough and this year the schedule was too strong, and they're left out again.
But the problem is, SU did not play a ranked team in non-conference and as of now SU is 0-6 against teams that are in the top 50 in RPI. In other words the Orange have shown they cannot beat a tournament team.

My favorite player, Kristof Ongenaet
Johnny Flynn missed a game winner at the buzzer in OT
Donte Greene bowls over Patrick Ewing Jr.

A Tradition Ends

Because I had "parenting" obligations I wasn't able to attend the Knicks annual Martin Luther King Day game with Uncle Concierge.
He saw the Knicks get killed (what else is new?) but at least he was entertained as both Paul Pierce and Quentin Richardson were ejected.

A Little Gambling Advice

If I were a gambler, I would be picking the New York Giants today. Right now the spread is 13 points or higher.
I believe there is a significant likelihood that the number could come way down over the next two weeks, probably going off at 10 1/2.
At that time I'd pick the New England Patriots and hope to "middle" the game.
Here's why: if you win one and lose one, the most you can lose is the 10% vig on one bet.
That means if you risk $100 on each bet you will lose $10 if you split.
But if New England wins by 11 (35-24) or 12 (29-17) you would win $200.
So you are risking $10 to win $200.
That means the Patriots winning by 11 or 12 is essentially a 20-1 shot.
If you think a a final score like that has a 5% chance of happening then you should take the Giants today and hope the line falls so you can snap up the Pats next week.

I Told You That Bitch Crazy

The girlfriend of Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver Cedrick Wilson was arrested after a 12 hour standoff.
Lindsey Paulat was in Wilson's house with a gun Saturday morning after she and Wilson had a fight.
She even fired two shots into a wall.
It's not clear what her and Wilson were fighting over or what exactly happened in the house but police arrived on the scene at 1 pm and the standoff didn't end until almost 1 am when Paulat finally threw her gun out the front door.
Police evacuated 70 neighbors as a precaution.

That's Balls Baby

Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers needed surgery to get his right knee through the AFC Championship Game, and now needs a more extensive operation to repair a torn ligament in the same knee. His rehab could last six months.
Rivers played against the Patriots with a torn right anterior cruciate ligament.
He also didn't tell anyone that he had arthroscopic surgery to clean out the joint so that he could play.

Pizza Parlor Derek thinks this looks like Beers's eldest son

Why He Never Won the Super Bowl

Many times I have complained about Dan Marino and his uninterested attitude towards the TV programs he's a part of. My initial observations came from seeing him on HBO's "Inside the NFL."
He always seems unhappy to be there, he makes fun of the segments, and it seems that when he fucks up something he doesn't let them redo it (it is a taped show after all).
But nothing is worse than what he did Sunday during halftime of the AFC Championship game.
He brought his cell phone on the set (why? I don't know, I doubt they were sitting there the whole afternoon watching the games) and it rang during the segment.
The first time, everyone laughed.
The second time, he picked it up and looked to see who was calling while Shannon Sharpe was talking.
The third time, James Brown demanded Marino give him the phone.
I just get the feeling that no producer has enough balls to say to him "look Dan, you cannot bring your cell phone to the set, and if you do, it has to be on silent."

People Were Watching

The Giants' overtime win over the Packers yesterday was the highest rated NFL conference championship game since 1996.
Fox says the rating was up 21 percent from last year's game between the Chicago Bears and New Orleans Saints.
The Packers-Giants game got a 31.7 overnight rating. That's the percentage of television households in the nation's largest markets watching.
The game also had a 46 share. That's the percentage among those homes with TVs in use at the time.
New England's 21-12 victory over San Diego in the AFC title game received a 27.4 rating and a 48 share. That was down 2 percent from the ratings for the Patriots' 38-34 loss to Indianapolis last year.

Monday, January 21, 2008

The NFL is Poop - Conference Championships

New York Giants 23 Green Bay Packers 20
The Giants pulled off a major upset, but frankly the game shouldn't have even been this close. There were at least 4 times when the Giants had the chance to put the game away and didn't do it.
Their first big mistake was the idiotic personal foul on Sam Madison that gave the Packers 4 more points than they should have had, making it 17-13 instead of 13-13.
Then with a 20-17 lead R.W. McQuarters fumbled an interception (the Giants only turnover of the playoffs), which allowed the Packers to tie it up.

fumble prone RW McQuarters

That was followed by a missed field goal, a fumble (McQuarters again) that cost them 10 yards, a holding penalty which nullified a touchdown, and finally another missed field goal.
But in spite of all that the Giants got the win because they dominated this game. It really wasn't even this close.
Manning totally outplayed Favre who without that 90 yard bomb to Driver would have had a terrible day. The Giants outgained them by more than 100 yards on the ground. They held the Packers to 1 out of 10 on third down conversions.
The Giants defense was stifling against the run, and good enough against the pass. And their running game pushed the Packers up and down the field and Eli Manning was incredibly precise. That was the amazing thing, he threw some really tough balls to Burress that were perfectly thrown, despite the elements.

the cold weather did not bother Eli Manning
Plaxico Burress had 11 catches for 154 yards
Ahmad Bradshaw and Brandon Jacobs combined for 130 yards
Ahmad Bradshaw and Brandon Jacobs combined for 130 yards

Other than Lawrence Tynes everyone on the Giants played incredibly well.

Lawrence Tynes celebrates not missing a third straight field goal

New England Patriots 21 San Diego Chargers 12
A ho-hum performance from New England. Somehow they always manage to win but they haven't played a good game in about 2 months. The Patriots defense can be had, they give up a ton of yards and if the Chargers had been more aggressive in the red zone they might have won this game, or least forced New England to kick it up a notch. But you can't criticize them too much because they consistently do exactly what they need to do to win. And if they do it one more time they will have to be considered the best team in NFL history.

The Patriots won despite 3 interceptions by Tom Brady

Looking Ahead
The way the Giants are playing I really think they can give the Patriots a game in the Super Bowl. I think the Patriots offense has covered up a lot of deficiencies in their defense. If the Giants employ a similar strategy to that which they used to beat the Bills in Super Bowl XXV, I think they can run the ball effectively and keep Brady, Moss and company off the field. I'm still expecting the Patriots to win, but at this point, I wouldn't be shocked if they didn't.