Saturday, February 01, 2014

Super Bowl Prop Bets

Who cares who wins the game? What we want to know is, what color will the Gatorade be? So here are some prop bets for this year’s Super Bowl from

Peyton Manning 11/10

There really is no other choice here. If the Broncos win he’s the MVP. If you believe the Broncos win slightly more than 50% of the time, this is a good bet.

Richard Sherman 20/1
Sherman is good for a long shot. The odds are way shorter than they should be because of all the hype surrounding him, but that could also increase the chances voters choose him. If Seattle win 17-10 and Sherman has a key pick, he could definitely win the award. Dexter Jackson and Larry Brown are two defensive backs who have won Super Bowl MVP Awards.

Player to Score First Touchdown
Julius Thomas 8/1

He seems to be Manning’s go-to target in the red zone. But the odds are tricky because Denver has so many weapons.

Total Passing Yards – Peyton Manning
Under 290 ½ (-125)

I think the Broncos will struggle at times in this game, especially hitting long passes. Their offense will be methodical in both passing and running games.

Total Receiving Yards – Wes Welker
Over 57 ½ (-125)

I think the Seahawks are going to clamp down on the outside receivers and I expect a lot of short passes over the middle to Welker.

Total tackles and assists – Richard Sherman
Under 3 ½ (-125)

Teams just don’t throw at him enough.

Total Sacks – Michael Bennett
Over ½ (+120)

Manning doesn’t avoid sacks with his feet, he avoids them by throwing the ball. I think we can count on at least one or two from the Seahawks and Bennett is a pretty good guess.

Who will catch a pass first? Andre Caldwell or Jermaine Kearse
Jermaine Kearse -150

Caldwell is barely even an option for Manning. Kearse is emerging as one of Wilson’s preferred targets.

Renee Fleming National Anthem
Under 2 minutes 25 seconds (+110)

I think every year I take under and lose. But this is an incredibly long drawn out version of the Anthem

Will Renee Fleming Wear Gloves?
Yes (-300)

Easy money. It’s not going to be a freezing blizzard, but it will definitely be cold enough for gloves.

How Many Times will Eli Manning be shown on TV during the game?
Under 1 ½ (+110)

The networks actually don’t overdo this during the Super Bowl. And I am sure Eli will try to stay out of sight.

Who will be seen first after kickoff? Erin Andrews or Pam Oliver
Erin Andrews (-140)

Please God don’t show Pam Oliver. There are children watching.

How many times will Peyton Manning say Omaha?
Under 27 ½ (-105)

He said it 31 times during the AFC Championship, but obviously it’s just a decoy now, and not all that funny anymore.

Which Song will Bruno Mars perform first?
Treasure 5/1

In my extensive knowledge of his catalog I think this is his most up-tempo number.

What will Bruno Mars be wearing on his head at the start of his performance?
Fedora – Even

Like taking candy from a baby

Will Wes Welker drop a pass?
No – Even

The guy drops one pass in a Super Bowl, on a poorly thrown ball and you never let him forget it.

What color will the Gatorade be?
Orange – Even

If Broncos win it will surely be orange.

Who will the Super Bowl MVP mention first in his speech?
Teammates – Even

It’s Peyton Manning and team comes first to him.

How many average viewers will the game have?
Under 112 million – Even

If the game isn’t close audience will drop off towards the end.

Friday, January 31, 2014

Overactive Tear Ducts

This video of Knowshon Moreno crying before a game earlier this season has been getting a lot of play recently. But all anyone wants to talk about is why Moreno is crying.
I want to know who the fuck cries like that?

Enjoy Your Drink Clint

There was an amazing list of Starbucks spelling mistakes, many of which were not to be believed (no matter what they think they heard no barista is writing Vagina or Anus on someone's coffee cup) but this one, totally reasonable to believe it actually happened had me in absolute hysterics.

See you next Tuesday, Clint.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

You Don't Want to See How the Sausage is Made

Seattle Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch loves Skittles. His nickname is Beast Mode. (That's for the lady Poopheads). Oh and I guess I should also mention the Seahawks are the Super Bowl.
The Seahawks introduced a Beast Mode burger, which came with a bag of Skittles, on the side.
But that just wasn't good enough for one butcher in Seattle. He decided to just dump an entire bag of Skittles into the sausage.

It might not be so bad if Skittles still had lime instead of that awful green apple.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Maybe He's Representing Staten Island a Little Too Much

Congressman Michael Grimm, who represents Staten Island and part of Brooklyn in Congress and looks like Chael Sonnen, administered a little Staten Island justice to a reporter after the State of the Union.

Grimm only wanted to answer questions about the State of the Union and the reporter, Michael Scotto was trying to ask about some campaign financing issue.
I don't have a problem with Scotto asking, I don't have a problem with Grimm not answering, and if he stated before the interview that he wasn't willing to talk about it, then I don't even have a problem with Grimm confronting him.
But even though I like his Staten Island fire, I wish he would have told Scotto "I told you not to ask me about anything other than the State of the Union and you tried to sandbag me, that wasn't right. Don't ever do that to me again." That would have been an appropriate and acceptable response.
Threatening physical violence never is, especially when you're wearing a microphone and making the threats in front of a TV camera.

Song of the Week

"Partition" - Beyonce
"Driver roll up the partition please
I don't need you seeing yoncé on her knees"

This is a side of Beyonce we don't normally see. But I like it.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Funny or Douchey?

Daft Punk won the Grammys for record and album of the year, but they couldn't even give their acceptance speech because they were dressed like robots.

I understand this is their gimmick, and they always appear in public like this.
But what a shame it is that they reached the pinnacle of their profession and they can't get any credit or say anything because they're hiding behind masks.
Doesn't matter their reasoning, or if their gimmick is part of what helped them win in the first place, being a character 100% of the time, is douchey.

Monday, January 27, 2014

Subtle Racism

Let's look at the winners of the Grammy Awards in the rap and R&B categories:
Best rap performance:“Thrift Shop,” Macklemore and Ryan Lewis featuring Wanz
Best rap song: “Thrift Shop” Ben Haggerty & Ryan Lewis
Best rap album: “The Heist,” Macklemore and Ryan Lewis

Best R&B performance: “Something,” Snarky Puppy With Lalah Hathaway
Best R&B song: “Pusher Love Girl,” James Fauntleroy, Jerome Harmon, Timothy Mosley and Justin Timberlake
Best R&B album: “Girl On Fire,” Alicia Keys
Best urban contemporary album: “Unapologetic,” Rihanna
That's 7 categories, 5 wins for (songs performed by) white men and 2 for black women.

Where are the black men? Eric Benet and Anthony Hamilton both had excellent albums in the R&B categories and Kendrick Lamar and Drake also had great entries in the rap categories but somehow the white people keep winning. And there is a history of this happening in these categories.

The reason is some kind of subtle, unintentional racism. The people who vote for these awards are not exposed to enough of the music in these categories so they go with who they know. And invariably and unfortunately, the white acts (Macklemore, Eminem, Justin Timberlake and Robin Thicke) seem to get all the media attention, making this a self-fulfilling prophecy of institutional racism.

There's also the fact that these artists seem to have embraced the more pop side of their genres, in order to appeal to a mass audience, so once again, we have this vicious cycle.

I am not saying anyone does this intentionally, or even realizes it's going on, which makes it so hard to stop.

One thing I do notice from this is a kind of reverse racism, the Donovan McNabb Effect. Everyone in the white media feels guilty about this inherent racism so when they see a black person doing well, they totally exaggerate how great this person is as if to say "I'm not a racist, I loved Lupita Nyong'o in 12 Years a Slave."

I love Lupita and think she is gorgeous and wonderful, and surely a fine actress. But it is clear to me, at least some of the attention focused on her is out of guilt or an attempt to prove one's open-mindedness, not based on her looks or talent or performance.

They're Haunting My Dreams! Who? The Libyans!!!!!!!!!!

When the Lego Delorean came out last year I knew I wanted it, I mean I knew Chase wanted it, but I decided I had to watch the movie with him first so he could really understand and appreciate it.
The problem was finding the time. Since Julian doesn't nap anymore it's very hard to get 2 hours without him.
My day off on Martin Luther King Day, and Chase's strep throat (they both had school) gave us the opportunity.
He really liked the movie, and though he had difficulty following at times, I explained some things and he asked some questions so he did understand what happened.

A few funny points:

1) We talked about the bad language and after it was over he told me Marty said "o-s-h-i-t" and he heard a couple of "stu words" but he hasn't repeated them.
2) I told him not to hold onto a car while skateboarding, because it wasn't safe in real life. He said "if it's not real why didn't the inventor guy just put rockets on his skateboard?"
3) Later we tried to get him to explain the plot to Mrs. Poop (just to see what he retained) and he started with "the inventor had so many clocks, but they were wrong so the kid was late to school." When we told him to skip ahead a little he said "the kid saw himself and the inventor guy got shot, but he was wearing a bullet proof vest. Then he made the car fly."
4) He said "I don't like Biff, cuz he's mean and he's a bully."

Also the movie provided us a good opportunity to talk about self-confidence and doing anything you can set your mind to. Though I hope he doesn't go around punching people to boost his self-confidence and launch a class president campaign.

There was one drawback though. The night we saw the movie Chase came down about 30 minutes after he went to bed (which is 29 minutes after he normally falls asleep) and said he couldn't sleep because he was having nightmares about the Libyans, and he wanted to know if they were real. The next day he was still concerned so I explained the Libyans were only mad at Doc because he cheated them. That's why he shot them.

Now that we got that squared away it was time to build.
This was actually one of the most complicated, difficult builds we've ever done. Lots of tiny little pieces and very few traditional Lego bricks.

Including a flux capacitor. Or a flex capacitator as Chase called it.

The awesome license plate, OUTATIME.

And an accurate Doc and Marty. He even has the life vest. Dork thinks he's gonna drown.

But the finished product looks awesome.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Reason I Love Mrs. Poop #415,782

Knowing my love of melting crayons and making new ones, Mrs. Poop bought me a new mold, lips and mustaches.

That would have been enough (dayenu), but when she gave it to me she called it "lips and assholes," a reference to a classic movie line.