Friday, November 29, 2013

I'd Love a Chocolate Sundae

You can't have a blog called the Poop and the logical organic nickname the Poop and expect not to get stories about Poop e-mailed to you. Nails and Master Bates and perhaps others flagged me to this Taiwanese restaurant in the LA-area called The Magic Restroom Cafe, complete with a toilet theme.

You sit on toilets

The food is served in dishes resembling toilet bowls

There are showerheads and urinals decorating the place

And the food has shit themed names like "black poop" (chocolate sundae), "smells-like-poop" (braised pork over rice), and "constipation" (zha jiang mian).

The NFL is Poop - Thanksgiving Edition

No Helmet, No Touchdown
A wacky and wild end to the Steelers-Ravens game. The Steelers had two touchdowns reversed, both of which were the right call and the second one coming when Le'Veon Bell lost his helmet right before he scored. The rule was enforced correctly, and it's a good rule. As soon as the helmet comes off, the play is dead. You can't have defenders charging helmetless players, so you have to stop the play. It didn't have a big impact on the game but imagine if the Steelers had been stopped and never gotten the chance to miss the 2-pointer.

Good Strategy
The Oakland Raiders employed a strategy I am constantly recommending but I rarely see it in use. Down 10 with the ball on the 28 yard like and about 40 seconds left the Raiders kicked a quick field goal to cut it to 7, to give them a chance to get an onside kick and perhaps a few shots at the endzone. Too many teams try for a touchdown and then don't have enough time to even attempt a field goal, even if they were to recover an onside kick.

It Wasn't Even That Close
The Detroit Lions beat the Packers 40-10, and that score doesn't do the final outcome justice. Had the Lions not turned it over 3 times in their first four possessions including a fumble returned for a touchdown, this game could have been something like 50-3. Total yards 561 for Detroit, 126 for Green Bay, which includes a 56 yarder at the very end of the game. I don't know what this portends for these two teams because as good as Matthew Stafford looked at times, making some beautiful throws, he also turns the ball over way too much. And maybe the Packers will be much better when Aaron Rodgers come back. He'll create more room for the running game, and take the pressure of the defense, but I really can't be sure what happens next. With either of these teams.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

The NFL is Poop - Week 12

Gone With the Wind
Bill Belichick is a mad genius. Sometimes his gambles pay off other times they don't. It would be too results-oriented to say because the Patriots won the game that he made the right decision to give up the ball in overtime. The benefits of having the ball first far outweigh any potential wind advantage. It has to be a mathematical fact, even if it doesn't work that way every single time.
But that one weird quirk actually makes this amazing game even better. The Patriots fumbled the first three times they had the ball, and the Broncos took a 24-0 lead. The Patriots staged an amazing second half comeback and won the game thanks to a horrible play by the Broncos, a punt bounced up and hit Tony Carter, New England recovered and that was that.
I wouldn't quite write this game off as the last head-to-head matchup between Brady and Manning (they could meet in the playoffs and if they both win their divisions, they'll play next year) but certainly after 14 games (Brady is 10-4), this great individual rivalry is in its twilight.
It's been a lot of fun to watch over the years and once again Tom Brady was able to make the plays to lead his teem to victory whereas Peyton Manning didn't.

If the AFC Playoffs started today the Tennessee Titans would be the 6th seed, by virtue of their win over the Raiders. If the Raiders had won, they would have occupied the 6th spot at 5-6. But before you run to your bookie to bet against Ryan Fitzpatrick in the first round of the playoffs, on the road, there is a host of other 5-6 teams (Jets, Dolphins, Steelers, Ravens and Chargers) ready to take that spot.

One Spot Too Few
We have the opposite situation in the NFC where two great divisions have produced 3 teams battling for two wild card spots. We know the Panthers are on fire, combining a great defense with a resurgent Cam Newton, but they still trail the Saints. In the NFC West we have the Seahawks running away with the division, but the 49ers are still the defending conference champions with a lot of talent on both sides of the ball. And we can't sleep on the Arizona Cardinals because they have a good defense, and Carson Palmer is rejuvenated, which has rejuvenated Larry Fitzgerald which had made the Cardinals a serious contender.

Brothers Don't Shake Hands
Very cool scene in the Rams-Bears game where brother Chris and Kyle Long (sons of Howie) were involved in a scuffle. Kyle was on the field and Chris on the sideline; when the fracas began Chris ran in and grabbed his brother off the pile. It looked a lot worse than it really was, they weren't fighting each other as some people had reported. But the incident did overshadow the actual game and I can't find out if there were any plays where Kyle actually had to block his brother.

Picture of the Week
Andy Reid uses his ample ass to get Philip Rivers away from his sideline, and the referees.

Game of the Week
San Diego Chargers 41 Kansas City Chiefs 38

I know this game got overshadowed by the craziness in Foxboro, but this was a great game, back and forth and back and forth, 7 lead changes, which is quite something for a football game. Each time one team scored the other team answered back. This game was heartening for the Chargers who are still in the playoff hunt but normally collapse late in the season. But it is worrying for the Chiefs because they're supposedly stout defense got strafed by Philip Rivers. Not a good sign with another matchup against Peyton Manning upcoming.

Game of Next Week
Denver Broncos at Kansas City Chiefs

Both teams are coming off tough losses, and the loser will fall to 9-3. If Kansas City loses they are basically looking at the 5 seed in the playoffs and all road games to the Super Bowl. The winner would still have a great chance to get home field all the way through. A lot is on the line here.

Seattle Seahawks cornerback Walter Thurmond will start serving a 4-game suspension for violating the league's drug policy, reportedly for marijuana. Safety Brandon Browner could be facing a year-long suspension for his failed drug test, his second. The first time Browner tested positive for Adderall (so did Richard Sherman, but his was overturned on appeal) and this time it could be another PED suspension. There are now 7 Seahawks who have tested positive for a banned substance since 2011. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that this has to do with Pete Carroll. Maybe he didn't expressly order these players to do this, but wherever he goes, cheating follows. He ran one of the most corrupt programs in college football when he blindly looked the other way while Reggie Bush took thousands of dollars. He is a cheater, he does nothing to stop cheating, he overlooks it and by doing so tacitly encourages it.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
The Redskins have the worst starting field position because their returners suck. The Redskins kick coverage teams are awful too. The Redskins defensive line gets no pass rush. The Redskins defensive backs consistently give up big plays. The Redskins offensive line can block for the run ok, but in pass protection, too often they don't give the quarterback enough time. And the Redskins wide receivers don't get open. I grant you all of that. The Redskins are a bad, no, a terrible team in every aspect.
But I am starting to be concerned about the future of Robert Griffin III, and his ability to someday develop into a championship quarterback. Maybe if the Redskins ever improve in those other areas, he'll stop making some of the horrible mistakes he's making that lead to interceptions, and correct the smaller things he's doing wrong that lead to so many passes that are just a bit too long, or too high, or too low.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Seattle Seahawks 27 New England Patriots 24

Does anyone want this spot? The Seahawks could be in trouble if half their secondary is suspended. I can't give the AFC spot to the Broncos or the Chiefs, so the Patriots get it by default, though they earned it.

Song of the Week

"All of Me" - John Legend
This would be the perfect song to dedicate to Mrs. Poop on our anniversary but I didn't want to wait that long. I think Thanksgiving is just as appropriate.

"My head's underwater
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy
And I'm out of my mind
Cuz all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves
And all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning."

Note: That's John Legend's wife supermodel Chrissy Teigen in the video, naked in the shower.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Shared Experiences

One of the basic things all humans want to feel is that we are not alone in this world. Someone out there loves us, cares for us, understands our struggles and is going through the same things.
Hence the phrase misery loves company.
It's why this great bit of stand-up from British comedian Michael McIntyre has gone viral. Because all parents experience these struggles when trying to get their children to do something as simple as leave the house.

Similarly, this clip perfectly sums up the inexplicable tantrums our children have for no reason.

This next clip is a little different, not as many people can relate. And it has never happened to me, but at my job there are TV cameras everywhere, and a giant staircase in the center of the newsroom. Walking down those steps always makes me fearful, not only of falling, but of falling, being caught by a live camera and have the video passed around the internet for everyone to laugh at.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Weekly Picks

The misery continues

chicago -1 ST. LOUIS
I think the Bears can pull this one out, even with Josh McCown starting. He might be better than we think.

ARIZONA -2 indianapolis
I guess we should just ride the Cardinals while they are hot. Don't question it, just go with it. And the Colts look really bad, even when they win they aren't inspiring confidence.

NEW YORK GIANTS -2 1/2 dallas
The Giants are another hot team, that I won't question, I'll just roll with it.

denver -2 1/2 NEW ENGLAND
It's hard to imagine the Patriots losing another tough game like this, and this one coming at home, but I really think the Broncos are a much better team.

KANSAS CITY -5 san diego

The Chiefs are a good team. They will bounce back.

Last Week: 2-3 (1 point)
Season: 26-29 (21 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (3-8)
Home Favorites: 2-2 (12-12)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (1-1)
Road Favorites: 0-1 (6-7)
Road Underdogs: 0-0 (7-9)