Saturday, December 06, 2008

Weekly Picks

Tough week as 2 of my losses came by half a point, but that's the way it goes sometimes. We're heading down the home stretch of the season where desperate teams start to play out-of-it teams. That leads to a lot of big spreads, but those games don't always turn out how we expect them to. After a phenomenal week for the road team, 14 of 16 favorites are at home this week.

DENVER -9 kansas city
The Chiefs beat the Broncos once this year. It won't happen again.

miami +1 BUFFALO
The Dolphins are the better team here and this game is being played in Toronto which makes it something of a neutral-site game.

NEW YORK GIANTS -7 philadelphia
I'm going to this game, the Giants always win when I go to their games. Usually because they are playing the Redskins. I did see Eli Manning's infamous performance against the Vikings last year, but this time I expect the Giants to blitz McNabb and renew calls for his head.

jacksonville +7 CHICAGO
Even though Jacksonville sucks this spread it a little high for an iffy Bears team to be able to cover.

new york jets -3 1/2 SAN FRANCISCO

Exactly the game I'm looking for, good team coming off a bad loss, bad team coming off a good win. No way the Jets don't win this game and they could win by a field goal and let me down as they have done so often, but I think they'll come out with a strong performance in this one.

Last week: 2-3 (3 points)
Season: 35-30 (42 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (10-3)
Home Favorites: 0-1 (9-13)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (2-1)
Road Favorites: 1-1 (16-6)
Road Underdogs: 1-1 (7-9)
Road Pickems: 0-0 (1-1)

Is This the Way the Rooney Rule is Supposed to Work?

The NFL has a policy called the "Rooney Rule" which requires teams to interview a minority candidate for a head coaching vacancy. Even though this sometimes results in a dog and pony show it's a good rule because the biggest challenge for a young black head coach is getting seen as head coach material. Also, once the name is out there it gives the prospective coach the chance to interview, to get used to the process, and maybe impress some people.
But an unintended consequence of the rule is manifesting itself this year.
The St. Louis Rams, evidently happy with their interim head coach Jim Haslett probably intend to give him the head coaching position. However, doing so would violate the Rooney Rule, so they can't name Haslett without a full offseason interview process.
The San Francisco 49ers are equally impressed with their head man Mike Singletary and if they intend to give him the permanent title, no such obstacle stands in their way because Singletary is black.
Haslett is taking the high road saying he believes in the Rooney Rule so much that he wants it to be followed, even to his own detriment.
Kudos to Haslett, to the Rooneys who followed through on the rule by naming Omar Epps, I mean Mike Tomlin as their head coach, and to the NFL for having such a rule.
But isn't there a way to avoid a system where white coaches aren't penalized for essentially, being white?


Meadow and Turtle have phone sex on Entourage

Friday, December 05, 2008

A Minor Concession

I've always been the foremost (and perhaps only) defender of the BCS for determining college football's champion.
My main defense has always been simple, it preserves the integrity of the regular season and it works. But this year may be a little different. Throughout its checkered history the BCS has almost always managed to secure a national title game between the top two teams as recognized by just about everyone. It hasn't always been "fair" but the games have usually pitted the two best teams against each other, which is much better than the hold system and likely better than the title games we'd get with a playoff.
Here's what's different about this year: the 3-way dance in the Big 12 South. With Texas, Oklahoma and Texas Tech each going 1-1 in round robin play there's no fair way to determine a winner.
Most evaluators would say Oklahoma is the best team but Texas beat them. But you can't make a simple case of head-to-head because Texas Tech, also with one loss, beat Texas.
The best thing that could happen would be for Oklahoma to lose the Big 12 title game to Missouri giving Texas the spot in the title game against the Alabama-Florida winner. No one would argue with the fairness of that except the idiots from USC and Penn State who would say only conference winners should get to play in the title game.
But the truth is Oklahoma is going to beat Missouri and play Florida for the title. And while I still think those are the best two teams out there, Texas would be the first 1-loss team to legitimately say they were screwed by the BCS.

Even the Mascots at Penn State Are Criminals

The Penn State senior who plays the Nittany Lion mascot will miss the Rose Bowl after being suspended for violating team rules.
The school suspended James Sheep after he was charged with DUI.
The university says Sheep will not participate in school events or attend the Rose Bowl game or events. Penn State cheerleading coach Curt White says Sheep will resume his duties in 2009.
University police say Sheep was pulled over on campus around 3:15 a.m. on Nov. 22, hours before Penn State's game against Michigan State.
The school says another member of the cheerleading squad will serve as mascot until Sheep returns.

We Are...Drunk

The Universe Gives Mrs. Poop Candy

I have often rambled on about the strange ability of the Universe to bring us exactly what we need and deserve.
During a stroll through CVS in early November I bought a bag of candy on sale for 50% off. Mostly I wanted the lemonheads but the package promised a wide assortment of candy. When I cracked open the bag, Mrs. Poop was anxious to try the Chewy Atomic Fireballs advertised on the package, and was very dismayed that we got 5 boxes of Appleheads but no Chewy Atmoic Fireballs.

Mrs. Poop just wanted to try them

So I sent an e-mail to the Ferrara Pan Candy Company:

"I recently purchased a bag of your Halloween assortment. The bag was advertised to include Lemonheads, Grapeheads, red hots and chewy atomic fireballs. I was very disappointed to find that were no chewy atomic fireballs in my bag. Not one. I realize that product assortment might vary, but not including the product at all? Very disappointing."

And this was their reply:

"An equal mix of all flavors are blended on a common conveyor then fed into the scale area where the bags are packed by weight."

That is the letter in its entirety.

Mrs. Poop was furious. Angrier than when no one comments on a cute picture of Chase.
But a few days later one of her co-workers brought in some leftover Halloween candy and amongst the goodies was a box of Chewy Atomic Fireballs, which Mrs. Poop brought home for us to share. The Universe comes through again.

And by the way, Mrs. Poop ate one, said they were too hot and I ate the rest.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Funny or Douchey?

Betty James, the woman who came up with the name "Slinky" for her husband's toy invention, died at age 90.
She fell down the stairs.

When I told Mrs. Poop that joke she didn't laugh at all. But I know you Poopheads have a much better sense of humor. So is that joke about Betty James funny or douchey?

She really died of congestive heart failure.

Song of the Week

"Live Your Life" - T.I. featuring Rihanna
Two of the worst artists out there right now combine to come up with a pretty good song.

The NFL is Poop - Week 13

You're Hot Then You're Cold
The Denver Broncos lost at home 31-10 to the Raiders, and the next week they beat the Jets 34-17 on the road. The Jets kill the Titans on the road, then lose to the Broncos at home. The Raiders destroy the Broncos in Denver, then come home and lose to the Chiefs. It makes no sense. The Buffalo Bills score 54 points one week, then the next week at home against the 49ers they score 3. And Matt Cassel comes off two of the best weeks ever for a QB and goes 19 for 39 with 2 interceptions. And Donovan McNabb gets benched, his career obituary is written, then he throws 4 touchdowns and Eagles fans love him agian. Hard to figure.

Road-Field Advantage
I always say the home-field advantage is vastly overrated in the NFL, especially by those who set point spreads and those who wager on them. But to see 10 of 11 road teams win on Sunday afternoon surprised even me.

The Giants Are Awesome
Too bad they laid that stinker against the Browns on Monday Night earlier this season otherwise they could very well be headed for a perfect 19-0 sesaon. Over the last two years they have lost Tiki Barber, Jeremy Shockey, Michael Strahan, Osi Umenyiora and now Plaxico Burress and they are playing better than ever. They quickly excised the Plaxico distraction with a suspension and they seem to have receivers (Steve Smith, Domenik Hixon). I really don't see anyone beating this team the rest of the year and I fully expect them to win their second straight Super Bowl. And that's not an attempt at a reverse jinx.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
This week the Redskins just got beat by a better team. But what happened to the strong ball control offense the Redskins used to run off a 6-2 record to start the season? They could hardly get a first down in this game. They only had the ball for 24 minutes in this game, but that's only because they had it for the last 6 minutes. Before the Giants stopped playing it was 36 to 18 in time of possession. Jim Zorn needs to open the playbook a little and let Campbell pass more on first down. The offense is too predictable.
The Redskins have to win all 4 of their remaining games to make the playoffs, which is unlikely. If they only win they'll need some help from the Falcons and Cowboys.
And Shaun Suisham should be cut.

Game of the Week
Carolina Panthers 35 Green Bay Packers 31

The Packers actually outplayed the Panthers in this one but they settled for three Mason Crosby field goals, whereas the Panthers got it in each time, scoring on 5 1-yard touchdown runs (four from DeAngelo Williams). The third Mason Crosby field goal gave the Packers a 31-28 lead with 1:57 to go. Some have said the Packers should have gone for it on 4th and goal from the one knowing they couldn't stop the Panthers. But I think they made the right move on 4th down (could have tried a pass on 3rd down though). Unfortunately for them the Panthers got a big kick return, a big pass play, and then the game-winning touchdown.

Game of Next Week
Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Carolina Panthers

Both of these teams sit at 9-3 and the winner can essentially lock up the 2 seed in the NFC playoffs. The Bucs are perennially overachieving, and the Panthers are prone to underachieving but the matchup of styles here should be an interesting one. And it comes on Monday Night so it should get good ratings even though neither of these teams necessarily has a high-profile among NFL fans.

Cheerleader of the Week
Lindsey Dudley of the Denver Broncos Cheerleaders
Lindsey is in her second year on the squad and when she's not cheering or working she likes to take baths, paint her nails and nap. I'm with her on two out of three of those. But I hate bathing. She describes herself as dedicated, genuine and sassy. A sassy black woman, I like it.

Denver Broncos Cheerleader Lindsey Dudley
Denver Broncos Cheerleader Lindsey Dudley

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
New York Giants 31 Tennessee Titans 14

I knew the Jets weren't going to stay here long but they dashed hopes of an all-New York (subway?) Super Bowl. Right now there is no team out there that can beat the Giants and I don't expect that to change over the course of the next four weeks.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

The NHL Will Not Tolerate Insults Aimed at Elisha Cuthbert, and Neither Will I

Former Ranger Sean Avery's greatest skill as a hockey player is making himself a pest. And his greatest skill off the ice is banging hot chicks, even if some suspect he does it to hide the fact that he's a homo. Avery dated a Poop favorite, Elisha Cuthbert, and had some interesting comments about her when he arrived in Calgary to play the Flames, the team of Cuthbert's new boyfriend Dion Phaneuf.

The NHL suspended Avery indefinitely for his comments, which were deemed "inappropriate public comments." While I totally disagree with him calling Elisha "sloppy seconds" and I would take after she gang banged the entire NHL, I don't believe Avery said anything that bad. So he is angry at his ex-girlfriend and doesn't like her new boyfriend. It's not like he called her a cunt, or even a bitch. There shouldn't be a rule that you have to be nice to everyone all the time.

Poor Mrs. Poop

I just dropped her off at the emergency room because she's been in horrible pain for the last two days. She thinks her kidney stones may have come back.
She didn't want me to stay with her because she didn't want Chase to be in the ER.
So poor Mrs. Poop is sitting there alone, she even refused to bring a book or portable DVD player.

UPDATE: Mrs. Poop is home from the hospital. She has a 4mm kidney stone and an enlarged spleen. She has to piss out the stone and hopefully the spleen will return to its normal size on its own.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

A New Twist on an Old Saw

I often tell people who complain about aging "the only thing worse than getting older is not getting older."
Well my current situation has led me to rethink that old platitude and I've decided "the only thing worse than going to work everyday is not going to work everyday."

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Maybe the Dingo Ate Your Baby

Outtakes from Chase and Diesel's Holiday Card Photo Shoot.

Diesel tries to eat Chase

Cougar Has No Couth

A 38-year-old Iowa fan and her lover were cited for having sex in the bathroom at the Metrodome as the Hawkeyes played the Minnesota Gophers.
Police were tipped off by the crowd of 15 people in the men's room cheering. When the cop approached he saw 2 pair of feet in the handicapped stall, both with underwear around the ankles.
The woman, 38, was turned over to her husband. The man, 26, was turned over to his girlfriend.
That's how awesome cougars are. Her husband was at the game but she's fucked him before. She wanted something new and younger and if she had to get it in the filthy stall in the men's room at a football stadium, well then, that's what she would do.