Thursday, July 01, 2010

Where Were You on Christmas?

During her incredibly boring confirmation hearing Supreme Court Nominee Elena Kagan spiced up the proceedings with some good ethnic humor.
In reference to the underpants bomber Sen. Lindsey Graham asked her where she was on Christmas.

"Like all Jews, I was probably at a Chinese restaurant"

I just wish they hadn't dragged Chuck Schumer into this. I didn't really want the world to know he's one of us.

The Mets' Very Own Roethlisberger

An unfortunate externality of being a sports fan these days is that it’s becoming increasingly necessary to be able to determine whom to believe in a sexual assault case.
The latest unseemly incident involves Johan Santana.
In late October 2009, Johan met a woman who lived near him in the same community. They talked, texted, played tennis and on October 26th they went for a walk. The next night Johan was at the tennis court with his father and uncle. His new lady friend showed up and they went for another walk on the golf course.
This time they stopped on a secluded part of the course near the trees where they could be mostly hidden from view. He grabbed her, put his hand up her shirt, took off her bra and according to her pulled her skirt and panties down as well.
While standing up he penetrated her as she claims she was yelling “please no, not here, not like this.”
Note: this statement leads me to believe that she was willing to have sex with him, she just didn’t want to do it standing up on a golf course like a whore. I had a similar thought about the young girl with Roethlisberger. She was willing to fuck him but not in a bar bathroom.”
While standing up, lifting her leg with his arm and holding her hair with his other hand Johan fucked her for a few minutes until he warned her that he was going to cum. He pulled out and shot it on her leg. She used her underwear to clean up and stuffed the dirty drawers in her bra.
Here’s where the story gets a little hard to believe. She walked with him back to the tennis courts then sat there watching him play tennis with his father. Maybe she was scared or intimidated (not sure if she is married) but it seems unusual for the victim of a crime to remain with the assailant when given an opportunity to get away.
She did go to the police days later which means Johan was compelled to give his side of the story. His is remarkably similar except he says she initiated the sex and even masturbated during it (the old porn star rub?)
Police deemed this a classic he said she said with no way to prove assault.
That sounds familiar and will probably become even more common as slutty girls give athletes almost everything they want and athletes think they can take the rest.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Song of the Week

"Your Love" - Nicki Minaj
Best use of an Annie Lenox sample I've ever heard
Nicki Minaj supposedly was sent here to save rap music. She did beat out Justin Bieber for Best New Artist at the BET Awards

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

U.R.A. Dickey

Last night's subpar performance against the Marlins may be the beginning of the end for knuckleballer R.A. Dickey.
Through 7 starts Dickey was unbelievable, going 6-0 with a 2.33 ERA. But there's a reason Dickey is a journeyman. Unless he really did figure out his knuckleball and can turn into a Tim Wakefield-type (overall reliable with bad starts sprinkled in), I expect him to regress to his prior level of performance.

His out-of-nowhere mastery reminded me of 2007, when Jorge Sosa (admittedly different because he's not a knuckleballer) went 6-1 with a 2.62 ERA in his first 7 starts for the Mets. Sosa went 1-5 with a 7.00 ERA in his next 7 starts and was demoted to the bullpen.

I fear a similar fate may await Dickey.

I hope its not the end for URA Dickey but if it is, it's been a good run

Monday, June 28, 2010

The Summer of Knicks Fans' Discontent

Have you ever been looking forward to something? A trip, an event or a present? And when it finally comes, it doesn’t quite materialize the way you hoped. I fear that scenario will play out for Knicks fans this summer. After years of preparing the team, and suffering through losing seasons, the Knicks were poised to cash in on a bumper crop of free agents. Unfortunately I think the Knicks are going to end up very disappointed.

The big prize if of course LeBron James. There aren’t enough celebrity endorsements, Ring Pops (what is the deal with Ring Pops lately?) or lap dances at Scores (though that is an awesome gambit) to get LeBron here. I think there’s at least a 90% chance he will stay in Cleveland. It just makes the most sense, they can pay him the most money, he’s tangentially from there and I think he would like to bring a title to that city. That leaves a small window for Chicago where teamed with Derrick Rose and perhaps another free agent (Chris Bosh?) the Bulls could assemble a Michael/Scottie-esque juggernaut.

Note: I don’t buy the stuff about him not wanting go to Chicago because of the unavoidable comparisons to Michael Jordan. You mean if he wins a few titles and is the best player in the game for some other team they won’t compare him to Michael Jordan? They compared Harold Miner to Jordan for heaven’s sake. He’d have to play for CSKA Moscow to avoid Jordan comparisons. And if he wins 5 titles in Chicago you think that somehow won’t be good enough because Jordan won 6? Asinine.

I’m also leaving a tiny window open for the Nets which would be a complete wild card but they do have some appeal (Jay-Z, Brooklyn) and some young talent (Harris, Lopez and now Favors).

I don’t see the Knicks getting the consolation prize either. I think Dwayne Wade will stay with the Heat, 95% sure of that. Once again small chance he goes to Chicago because he’s from there, but I expect him to stay and try to recruit someone else to come with him.

As for Chris Bosh, he could come to the Knicks, it’s possible if he wants to try to be a #1 guy and lead a team. But I think it’s more likely he’s willing to play second fiddle to LeBron, Wade or Rose (if LeBron stays).

I think the Knicks will end up with Joe Johnson and Carlos Boozer. If that’s the case I’d rather re-sign David Lee and take our chances once again next year once Eddy Curry’s money comes off the books.

If you think I’m wrong and you’re so smart won’t you join me in the Free Agency Predictor game. As always our group is called The Poop. You must sign up by Wednesday before midnight.