Friday, November 18, 2005

Brittany Murphy has fun at a Bar Mitzvah

According to the New York Post, the world's highest paid crack whore has been dropped by her manager, Joanne Collonna, and her agents at ICM. The moves comes after a blind item on E!online, claimed a "smacked out" actress named "Jordache Junky" (Murphy has recently starred in the Jordache jeans commercials) had sex with a waiter at an industry bar mitzvah. No word on whether she licked her hand first.

you don't have to spend your life addicted to crack, homeless on the street giving handjobs for smack

Weekly Picks

4-3 last week, 18-12 total. 60% is just about the bottom end of the acceptable range.

DALLAS -8.5 detroit: Joey Harrington threw 3 touchdowns last week. No way that's happening again. Dallas wins easily, assuming they don't have a letdown from Monday's big win.

BROWNS -2.5 dolphins: Miami is the better team. That's all you really need to know. Miami will win this game outright even though they haven't played well on the road this year.

TITANS +3.5 jaguars: I know Jacksonville can't score and is coming off a 30-point game after a record drought. But there's just no way you can pick such a bad team to beat a better team, or cover such a small spread. I could see this being a field goal game, but I'm betting that Jacksonville will win by at least 4.

49ERS +12.5 seahawks: I don't know why but I think San Francisco will do just enough to keep this game close.

BENGALS +5.5 colts: Indianapolis will have a letdown week this year. But it will come against San Diego and maybe Pittsburgh. Cincinnati just doesn't have enough to end a perfect season. I think Indianapolis will win by at least a touchdown.

TEXANS +6.5 chiefs: This is my lead pipe Tonya Harding lock of the week. Houston has covered three spreads in a row. Kansas City is coming off an awful loss on the road. This game is on national TV. Kansas City in a blowout. LJ goes for 200 yards and 3 TDs.

Never Sell a Stolen Video Camera

A Canadian girl stole her mom's video camera and sold it. The mom found out the camera was missing when her boyfriend called to ask how their sex tape got out, as it seemed everyone in town had seen it.

Our Whole Floor Used to do This Freshman Year

This idiot walked around the campus of Webster University with his fly open and a fake ball-sac hanging out. He recorded people's reactions and called it art.

My Friends Would Be Smiling

Anthony Sheppard was shocked when he saw all his friends crying while reading the newspaper. They were reading his obituary. Turns out the dead guy was carrying Sheppard's ID. Sheppard then called him mom to say "hi mom, I'm not dead." She was reportedly happy to hear from him. Police are sorry for making the mistake and releasing it to newspapers.

Maybe the Ivy League Isn't Full of Losers

Dartmouth's student newspaper is doing a 3-part series on the evolution of beer pong. Part I says the geeks at Dartmouth invented the game in the 1950s. They play with paddles, and they look down on the non-paddle version played at the kliq, calling it Beirut. Both girls and guys agree that a game of pong is a good first date at Dartmouth. They also use slightly different formations than the pyramid we favor, they play with the shrub (7 cups) or the tree (11 cups).

Part II details the game's rich history on the Dartmouth campus. It started as a social activity more than a drinking game. Each side had only one or two cups. Eventually it developed into "Slam Pong" which I imagine would have created an awful mess of spilled beer.

this paddle doesn't even have a handle

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Thugs at The U Back At It

Lowlife athletes at the University of Miami recorded a 9 minute rap -- don't listen at work--, calling themselves the 7th Floor Crew, referring to 7th floor of the athletes' dorm.
The story has blossomed into a little scandal thanks to the alarmists at
The douchebag Miami student who posted the story originally now is pleading with fans and players not to kick his ass.

In case you don't want to listen here is a sample of the lyrics (reportedly by linebacker Tavares Gooden the only player identified so far):

“and he brought in all his 7th floor friends
She found it was [unintelligible] the Miami Football Team
It’s also the 7th floor king ding-a-lings
She thought Five Two was just my number then she realized
you multiply the bitch up then you get my dick size.”

Millions of Americans are Slaves to TV, but not Justin

Great article about the effects of DVR usage.
Networks and advertisers are obviously worried that people scan through commercials.
But people with DVR watch more hours of TV, because they can do it faster.
Nearly 8 percent of U.S. homes use a DVR, with that number expected to grow to 39 percent by 2010 (proof that in 5 years 61% of Americans will still be morons). DVR families still watch 90% of shows at regular broadcast time. That I don't quite believe, sounds a bit high. But if they mean watching a show, but starting it 10 or 15 minutes later, then I could maybe see it. And only 90% say they skip through commercials. What the hell are the other 10% sitting there watching commercials for?

Real or Fake? You Decide

No this doesn't have to do with breasts. Is this story true or made up? Here's how it goes: A guy named Jason Lewis hears that Lindsay Lohan is staying at the SoHo Grand Hotel. He calls her room and leaves a message, she thinks its the Jason Lewis from Sex and the City. It's unclear if he intended for her to make that mistake. They end up text messaging for two weeks. She invites him to Bungalow 8. He gets thrown out for not being the other Jason Lewis. The story sounds too crazy to be true, but seeing as how he never claimed to bang her, or even talk to her in person, it does leave me with some doubt in my mind.

I decided to use a more recent pic of Lindsay to capture her emaciated, horrible blond dye job look

Mischa's Nipple

On last week's episode of the O.C. viewers were apparently able to catch a peek of Mischa Barton's nipple. More info including video, is available at tvgasm (may not be safe for work). Seems too dark to really see anything. Nonetheless, boob-hating Christians are complaining to the FCC.

News Flash: Coffee is Hot, Try Not to Spill

A Staten Island woman wants $10 million for being scalded by a cup of coffee.
Sharon Shea said she suffered second- and third-degree burns to her legs when two steaming cups of joe tumbled out of the carrier tray as she and a friend drove away from the Dunkin' Donuts parking lot on Forest Avenue.

Shea insists the coffee was too hot and the work- ers didn't fasten the lids tightly enough.

"The [drive-thru] girl had positioned them where they were in the same line [on the tray], they weren't cattycorner," said Shea, 60.

"Just as the car was about to stop, the coffee — those lids couldn't have been on tight, no way in the world — the coffee toppled over onto my leg, and right away I said, 'I'm dying, I'm dead!' "

Mets Trade Cameron

The Mets agreed to trade Mike Cameron to the Padres for Xavier Nady. Cameron was unspectacular in his two years with the Mets and he didn't want to play right field. Cameron still has to pass a vision test related to his collision with Beltran last year in San Diego. His greatest Mets moment will be the catch he made on a flyball after he had already fallen down. Nady will likely be used to play first against lefties in a platoon with MIke Jacobs. The Mets will save a little coin on the deal, hopefully clearing way to acquire a big name right fielder.

Loves Jesus, and the Internet too

Packers running back Samkon Gado has a profile on myspace. Sam loves Jesus, and Jesus loves him more than he loves Mike Vick, judging by the results of Sunday's game.

In Gado we trust

Gibbs Backs Off

Coach Joe Gibbs says he may have gotten carried away with his complaints about officiating during Sunday's loss to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. He got carried away? What does that mean for me?

By the way, a buccaneer is a pretty expensive price for corn.

Bears Fight Update

The Bears Fight between Fred Miller and Olin Kreutz is now being investigated by the FBI. The fight took place at FBI headquarters, at a gun range, after the players had been shooting. Investigators are looking into whether alcohol was served at the event, which was a terrorist training seminar, followed by a barbecue.

A Word About Pictures

When viewing this website, drag your mouse over each picture. A caption, or alt-tag, will pop up, and most times it will be pretty funny. Try it for the photo of G-Wiz, if you don't believe me.

Laila Ali is Not Gay

Laila Ali decided to set the record straight. She is not gay. And she is not dating Queen Latifah. Or Mike Piazza. Or the Panthers' cheerleaders. Or Sheryl Swoopes.
The rumors started that she was dating Queen Latifah after Ali's divorce from a man. Sheryl Swoopes was married for 8 years and started her lesbian lifestyle after her divorce.

but I did love her in Chicago

Eva Longoria's New Man

Eva Longoria was seen kissing another man in public Saturday night. Eva was in Washington to watch Tony Parker and the Spurs play the Wizards. The Wizards, like almost every other team does a "Kiss Cam" during a timeout. The camera scans the crowd for couples, who look at the screeen dazed, have no idea what to do, and then, when 17,000 people chant for them to kiss, the finally figure it out. Well, at Saturday's game they put Eva in the "Kiss-cam" and the Wizards' big blue mascot G-Wiz came over and good naturedly Eva played along and gave G-Wiz the thrill of his life. As we know from Harley's experience as the Penn Quaker, mascots never get to make out with hot chicks.

soooooooooooooo hot, want to touch the heinie
in a weird way I think this might be a hotter picture of her, I like this basketball jersey, casual, normal girl look

has a bigger dick than Tony Parker

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Coach Gibbs Agrees With Me

Coach Joe Gibbs sent a tape of some of the bad calls made by officials on Sunday, to the league office. Its clear that Alstott's elbow was down, that Galloway wasn't touched when they ruled him forced out, and that Bolden pulled Moss leading to an interception. But that said, despite being royally screwed we should have still won the game.

Three Strikes and Yer Out

Baseball is going with a new steroid policy. Fifty games for a first offense, 100 for a second, and a lifetime ban on the third.
I don't have a problem with the new plan, but I didn't think the old program was too weak. What people forgot is that the worst punishment is the damage to the player's reputation. Do you think the extra 40 games is going to act as a deterrent? The real reason not to do steroids from a player's standpoint is that if you get caught you are outed, and everything you did before or do after will be questioned. I really doubt anyone will ever get to the three strikes you're out stage. Steroids are not addictive like other drugs that have caused players to test positive multiple times.

The inclusion of amphetamines is interesting. The penalities for greenies are not the same as for steroids. First offense is mandatory additional testing, then 25 games, 80 games and then commissioner's discretion. Greenies are a part of the game and have been for a long time. Jim Bouton first wrote about it in "Ball Four." I don't understand why guys don't just switch to nodoz, vivarin or red bull.

Cheerleader Followup

Angela Keathley and Renee Thomas both say they were not having sex in that stall. Angela "was crying over an ex-boyfriend" and the moans heard by those waiting in line were sobs. The crying alibi was first suggested by me.

Bill Simmons does not like Angela:
One of the greatest high-lows in the history of the Internet: Finding out that two NFL cheerleaders were going at it in a bathroom stall and eventually arrested … and then seeing the pictures of the two cheerleaders. I mean, I haven't felt that letdown since Teri Hatcher's topless scene in "Heaven's Prisoners." Is there a way for everyone to chip in to convince Angela not to pose naked for Penthouse? I'm in for $20.

I originally said I thought Angela was ugly. But now I think she has a nice figure and once again Simmons is way overexaggerating something to get a joke.

Pets are People Too

Americans are spending billions on their pets. Retail sales of pet supplies, not including food and services, amounted to $8.5 billion in the United States in 2004, more than was spent on baby supplies. There are 69 million households with a pet, there are 90 million cats and 77 million dogs. There has been an increase in the number of social activities that people engage in with their pets, like dog runs where animals can run freely as their owners mingle. Kate and I mingle with the dogs and ignore the people when we take Diesel to the dog park.

Some dogs like playing with an old tennis ball, or 2, or 13

A Site for Dick Vitale and Josh

"We're gonna talk to Shane Battier!" The Shane-isms are the best. I won't even try to make fun of them, just see for yourself.

this isn't even a 3-head, it's more like a 2-head

White women love guys with alien heads

This One's for Justin

Thought Justin and maybe some others among you might enjoy Snoop's Youth Football League. Too bad they don't actually call the championship game the Snooper Bowl.

Mike and the Mad Coach

Listened to Coach Bobby Knight's interview with Mike Francesa yesterday.
He said a couple things of interest:
1) He said his Texas Tech team has a chance to be good, but it won't happen this week. Hopefully that bodes well for SU on Thursday night. TTU has 7 freshman, and Knight hates to play freshman.
2) He is a big Cardinals fan and says of all the star athletes he ever met, Albert Pooh Holes is the best person.
3) If he were starting a team of basketball players in their primes, Bill Russell would be his first pick. He said Michael Jordan is the best player ever. But he wouldn't take any player more recent than Jordan.
4) Interesting comment regarding the infamous cutting of Charles Barkley from the 1984 Olympic team. Francesa related this after the interview, so it didn't come directly from Knight. But the story goes that Barkley was by far the best player at the Olympic trials. Knight told him to get down to a certain weight. Barkley came in 15 pounds above that, so Knight cut him. Which adds to my complaint that as much as Barkley says he wanted to win an NBA title he never wanted it badly enough to get his fat ass in shape for the season.

A Killa Contract for Godzilla

Hideki Matsui resigned with the Yankees for $52m over 4 years. That should buy him a lot of porn.

Bears News for Billy

Fred Miller and Olin Kreutz admit to fighting in the locker room. Miller suffered a broken jaw and has a steel plate in his jaw now. He originally told Lovie Smith that the injury occurred during a fall at his house. "I fell." Kreutz is 6-foot-2, 292 pounds, and Miller is 6-7 and 320-pounds. Both are offensive linemen. Kreutz must have put his shoes on to gain traction for that punch.

Photos of a drunk Kyle Orton at an Iowa City bar during the bye week have made the rounds on the internet.

What did you think of the Bears' Orange jerseys this weekend? I like orange, didn't think they were as bad as everyone was saying.

6-3 Bears take on 7-2 Panthers this weekend.

I can't believe Urlacher kept up with Vasher on this return

Jesse Jackson Actually Helps

Mike Wilbon told an interesting story on PTI yesterday. When he was younger his father was laid off from his job despite being the top salesman. Jesse Jackson came to their house and sat at their breakfast table in his dashiki with his big afro. Wilbon's father got his job back.


Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Boeheim and Melo in Sneaker Ad

The ads for Melo's new shoe the Nike Air Jordan Melo 5.5, will feature Jim Boeheim and Bernard King.
The ads were shot on the streets of Baltimore. Anton was almost shot on the streets of Baltimore at Beers' bachelor party.
The second version of the shoe that carries Melo's name will have his number (15), his initials, his trademarked "Melo" logo and the words "Myrtle Avenue," in honor of the street where he grew up.

Bill Should Be a Millionaire

These were the winning numbers in the last Mega Millions drawing:
9-Jim McMahon
14-Ernie Banks
34-Walter Payton
50-Mike Singletary
51-Dick Buttkiss
and the megaball was
40-Gale Sayers

now maybe he wouldn't have picked 14 for Ernie Banks but he definitely should have gotten four and the mega ball

Bill loves Sweetness

Mazel Tov Mike

Mike Piazza attended the Bat Mitzvah of Amber Ridinger over the weekend.
Her dad is a tech millionaire who knows Piazza somehow. Nicole Richie's fiance, DJ AM, was on the wheels of steel.
The affair was called "Butterflies and Bling" and cost her parents about half a million bucks to put on.
Ja Rule, Ashanti, Marques Houston and Omarion performed.

Amber shows off her $27,000 Dolce & Gabana Bat Mitzvah gown

Real World Romance

Real World San Diego's crazy Cameran Eubanks is dating skier Jeremy Bloom. Bloom was also a football player (and a pretty good return man) at Colorado until the NCAA enacted its draconian laws and banned him because he accepted endorsement money to help further his skiing career.
The question: Is Cameran too hot for him?

Cameran is available for appearances.

She doesn't like sex, but loves her vibrator
I feel very gay posting this picture, but I think he deserves equal time

Worst Stomach Punch?

Three NFC East teams suffered tough defeats this week. Which was the worst game (excluding other circumstances)?

A) The Redskins -- Lose on 2 point conversion after giving up a late TD. Runner was down before he scored the conversion, but officials didn't overturn the call.

B) The Giants -- Dominated the game but lost on a late field goal after tying it up with a touchdown and 2 point conversion. Became first team to ever give up punt, interception and kickoff returns for touchdowns in the same game.

C) The Eagles -- Held a 13 point lead late in the fourth quarter. Lost on an interception return for a touchdown.

Use the comments section to post your thoughts.

More Paris and Stavros Idiocy

From NY Post's Page 6:
PARIS Hilton's new pet monkey, Baby Luv, went bananas when she took the peeved primate on a lingerie shopping spree in Las Vegas last weekend. We're told that Baby Luv bit Hilton and clawed her face when she walked into the Agent Provocateur shop at Caesars on Saturday with the beast on her shoulder. Paris managed to pull Baby Luv off her and hooked his leash to a cabinet while she rang up $4,000 worth of bras and panties and a bullwhip, says our eyewitness. Later that night, when the lingerie line hosted Kelly Osbourne's 21st birthday bash at the Hard Rock, Baby Luv escaped from Hilton's clutches — delaying the start of the Agent Provocateur show until staffers found him after a 20-minute search. Meanwhile, Hilton's boyfriend, Stavros Niarchos III, was up to monkey business of his own. In one of the Hard Rock rooms paid for by Niarchos, his bonehead buddies started a fire Sunday morning. The blaze set off the sprinkler system which flooded a dozen rooms, a hotel source says. We're told Niarchos agreed to put $25,000 in damages on his credit card, but he'll likely have to pony up a lot more cash. "The damage may be closer to $100,000," says our source.

Billy E. Wagner High School

Mets are getting closer to landing a closer, Billy Wagner. Wagner will come to town next week to tour neighborhoods and schools and meet with potential teammates. The Mets are offering something in the neighborhood of $10m - $12m per year for three years, but may be willing to extend the deal to four years. That concession landed them Pedro Martinez.

Other Mets rumors: Mets are also interested in Japanese catcher Kenji Jojima. Mets may trade Mike Cameron for Akinori Otsuka.

Pennsylvania Kidnapping Comes to an End

Police caught David Ludwig and Kara Borden in Indiana yesterday. They were spotted at around noon, and 20 miles away police tracked them down. Ludwig got off the main road and led the cops on a wild chase, doing 90mph on a two-lane road, driving into traffic head on, running other cars off the road. Police say Kara was screaming and crying, and therefore they don't think she was complicit in the murder of her parents. The murder was precipitated by her parents' disapproval of their relationship, due to the four year age difference and her breaking curfew Saturday night.

A few other notes:
On her blog Kara lists Jesus has her #1 interest.
David just talks about his computer and his haircut.
Kara agrees that his hair is flipping long, but said she likes it.
Both kids were homeschooled. Only two things happen to homeschooled kids. This or they win spelling bees.

F*** Jesse Jackson

Wherever there is injustice, you will find him.
Wherever there is suffering, he'll be there.
Wherever liberty is threatened, you will find...
Jesse Jackson

If a black person falls in a forest Jesse Jackson will say a white person pushed him.

The Reverend has stuck his nose in another situation where it doesn't belong.

He released a statement saying the punishment was much too severe, and he subtly compared T.O. to Ron Artest.

He also said "T.O. does not like green eggs and ham. T.O. will not eat green eggs and ham, Sam I am. He will not eat them on a boat. He will not eat with with a goat. He will not eat them in a house. He will not eat them with a mouse. He will not eat green eggs and ham, Sam I Am."

Monday, November 14, 2005

The Early Line

SU travels to Notre Dame this weekend. The spread this morning has Notre Dame favored by 34 1/2 points. Take the Irish.

Chocolate Thunder

Too many things on this blog are coming from the Sports Guy's Daily Links. Which is good if you don't check those links, bad if you do. But this interview with Chocolate Thunder Darryl Dawkins was too good to pass up. By the way, there is no truth to the rumors that Darryl Dawkins is dating Beers' mother-in-law.

In the interview Dawkins says Karl Malone and Henry Bibby were shameless womanizers who'd hit on anything that moved. He also explained why he didn't credit Orlando as his hometown: "I had too much funk to be tied down to one hometown so I went off to Lovetron."

Wham Bam Slam I-am-Jam

Redskins Stomach Punch

Horrible loss for the Redskins yesterday. They really got screwed by the officials in a few cases. First, Alstott's elbow was down. Second, Patten was interfered with on the last drive. Moss was interfered with earlier in the game on a pass that was intercepted by Rice. And on the first drive Galloway stepped out of bounds, but they ruled a forceout, but he wasn't even touched. That said, the Redskins blew it. For the second week in a row they played prevent offense and didn't even try to make a first down. Two minutes is plenty of time, its better to throw a pass with a 60% chance of getting a first down, than to waste 40 seconds. Also the defensive backs got burned all over the field, by Galloway and Edell Shepherd. And Brunell continues to turn it over way too often (3 times in the first half) but he came back and played well in the second half. Blocking the extra point really hurt them too, because I don't think Gruden would have taken the point off the board had they made the try despite the penalty. They really need to win at least 3 of the next four games (oak, sd, at stl, at arz) before the divisional stretch (dal, nyg, at phi) starts.

One second after this picture is taken Alstott falls and his elbow hits the ground.  A second after that he lunges into the endzone.

Amber Alert

When Mrs. Poop and I were driving home through Pennsylvania yesterday they interrupted the football game on the radio for an Amber Alert. Kara Beth Borden, 14, was either abducted or left willingly, with her boyfriend, David Ludwig, 18. Evidently Borden's parents were mad at her from coming home Saturday night. So early Sunday morning, David came over and killed her parents. Ludwig and Borden left together, and her younger brother called the police.

This is the same sweatshirt she was wearing when she was last seen

Stacey is the Best

The real reason we went to SU was to see our friend Stacey Katz be honored as Young Alumna of the year. She got to go on the field before the game and talk to the Chancellor. She also spoke to Chancellor Shaw in the concourse (unpictured) while he was shoving a hot dog down his gullet. She also saw another famous person (below) in the lobby of the Sheraton. She told him to step up and stop missing so many threes.

You can't shoot, but you're still cute
Look at Mike in the background


920 Ackerman is now painted pink. Sam Metz evidently wanted to make the property more appealling to women.

920 is pink, Josh would love that paint job
The porch, from which Beers hit garbage onto the front lawn and site of round 2 of the Coach-Smist brawl

Unfortunately, There Was a Game

SU got blown out by Big East powerhouse South Florida, 27-0. We left at halftime when the score was 13-0.

Some lady on the Quad gave me the finger
Pre-game warmups, the last time SU was in the game
pondering why the team is so bad
We'll always have the 2003 National Championship, they can't take Melo away from us

Great Seats, Hey Buddy?!

Thanks to Stacey being honored as Young Alumna of the year we had great seats for the game. 50 yard line (although when people came in we had to move down, Derek sat at the 45, I sat at the 46), 5 rows back.
View from the 50 yard line
SU in action
Kate says fooseball is the devil, but she enjoyed these seats

Retirement Ceremony

SU decided to retire its famed #44 this weekend. First of all, I don't understand this decision. They basically gave up all future use of the number as a recruiting tool and a tradition in order to have a nice ceremony. Secondly, they made no mention of the great basketball players to have worn the number. DC and J-Dubbs must be furious. Several of the most famous #44 wearers were on hand including Jim Brown, Floyd Little, Rob Konrad and Michael Owens (brother of Billy). Unfortunately, Ernie Davis could not attend.

44 hangs in the rafters
Jim Brown
Floyd Little
Rob Konrad

The More Things Change...

Despite my graduation five years ago it seems SU has gotten along fine without me. Much of campus is pretty much the same as I left it.

Hall of Languages
Marshall Street

What Diesel Did This Weekend

While we were in Syracuse Diesel was at a kennel. According to his report card he enjoyed the kennel very much and had a good time playing with a German Shepherd. He had a bath (which he didn't like too much), so he was clean and exhausted when we picked him up.
so fresh, so clean
Wake up, Sleepy Deeze