Saturday, September 13, 2008

Weekly Picks

Started off the year with a decent week thanks to a fortuitous injury to the Jets kicker. A lot of teams I thought were good lost last week, so I'm going to pick them to bounce back this week.

Classic case of a good team losing and getting written off (they did lost two key offensive linemen) and a decent team winning big and getting pumped up. The Bills did blow out the Seahawks but a couple unusual plays boosted their cause. I don't see them going on the road and beating the Jags so I'll give the 5 points and hope.

san diego pick em DENVER
Another example of the better team having lost last week. Plus I think the national opinion of Denver got inflated because they did what they did on Monday night when everyone was watching. But since they did what they did against the horrible Raiders, I'm not ready to believe they're really that good. I always get burned falling in love with the Chargers but you can't discount they have tons of talent.

new england +1 1/2 NEW YORK JETS
This game will be a great demonstration of the importance of one player to a football team. The Jets sucked last year without Brett Favre, how much impact does he have on them? The Patriots were nearly perfect last year with Tom Brady, will they fall off that much without him? I don't think they will. It remains to be seen how much Favre will improve the Jets, but I think the Patriots still have too many good players and will be out to prove something this week.

tennessee +1 CINCINNATI
It's seem very likely that the Bengals will be awful again this year even with all their weapons on offense. And I actually think the Titans are better off without Vince Young. They have a good running game and I think Kerry Collins can make enough plays to get them past the Bengals.

indianapolis -1 1/2 MINNESOTA

Peyton Manning against Tarvaris Jackson. That should be enough to convince anyone that the Colts will win this game. But there's also the matter that the Colts got embarrassed last week and will be out to prove something. Plus the Vikings have a good run defense, but a terrible pass defense, and I expect Manning to slice them up

Last week: 2-3 (3 points)
Home Favorites: 0-1
Home Underdogs: 0-0
Road Favorites: 2-1
Road Underdogs: 0-1

Friday, September 12, 2008

Ocho Cinco Cuesta Mucho Dinero

If Chad Ocho Cinco wants his official name change to be reflected on the back of his jersey he's going to have to pay Reebok.
Reebok has a contract with the NFL and the Player's Association that requires any player wishing to change his name or number to pay Reebok for all unsold jerseys.
Raiders wide receiver Jerry Porter inquired about changing his number to 81 from 84, but was told it would cost him $210,000 and he said "thanks, but no thanks."
Because Ocho Cinco is even more popular than Porter, it's likely his switch would cost him much more.
Personally, I think this is another draconian rule enforced on the players by the league and accepted by the union. Not that this is an issue worth fighting over during collective bargaining but teams change the styles of their uniforms every few years, and I doubt the organizations have to make restitution to Reebok for this.
If I were Ocho Cinco I would offer Reebok half a million dollars to make the change to Ocho Cinco but demand that the copy hand over every single "Johnson" jersey so they could be given to disadvantaged children.

Stand Up and Take a Bow

All you need to know to appreciate this Joe Biden clip is that Missouri State Senator Chuck Graham is a paraplegic who is confined to a wheelchair.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Because It's Fun

Serious sports types are fretting over the attention given to these latest remarks from Jessica Simpson.

While they're bickering over whether we should be talking about Jessica's trash talking they're forgetting one thing, sports is supposed to be fun. We talk about Jessica Simpson because she's hot and stupid. And there's nothing American men love more than a stupid hot chick.

One Giant Leap for Knowshon Moreno

Georgia running back Knowshon Moreno made one of the sickest plays you'll ever see, leaping over a defender while pretty much on the dead run.

But you won't see it on ESPN. ESPN never showed the play. Georgia says it's because ESPN has a pro-Florida bias. ESPN says the rightsholder to the game never sent the play on the highlight package. I actually believe that. I can't believe ESPN would purposely ignore a play like that. So I have to believe some idiot intern who was in charge of cutting the highlights to feed to ESPN via satellite failed to include this play, maybe thinking only scoring plays warranted inclusion. So I'd have to go with that, as much as I hate ESPN sometimes I just don't buy the bias angle.

Obama Loses Nails's Vote

With one bad letter Barack Obama lost the vote of the following Poopheads: Nails, Freedo, Amber and JLeary. Ok, none of them were going to vote for him anyway. But it's so embarrassing when Presidential candidates try to be cool and screw it up. This doesn't compare to John Kerry saying his favorite player on the Red Sox was "Manny Ortez" because Kerry was the Senator from Massachusetts. But Obama's Penn State gaffe could cost him voters in the key swing state of Pennsylvania.

In case you don't know, Penn State is the "Nittany" Lions, not "Nittaly."

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Getting Your Rocks Off on the Rock

Fans who couldn't get tickets to the Texas/UTEP game in El Paso instead enjoyed the game from a distance, watching from "the rock." But one couple really enjoyed the game.

Keep Coming Around Again

Did you ever notice how things or people you haven't thought about in years, suddenly pop up out of nowhere, then a couple days later you hear about them again?
For instance, this example about Bill Gates's mugshot.
Gates was arrested in New Mexico in 1977 for a traffic violation, and took this mugshot. I saw this probably 5 years ago and hadn't thought about it since.

Bill Gates's mugshot

But when I watched his absurd new commercial with Jerry Seinfeld, I noticed the picture on his Shoe Circus Clown Club card was the mugshot photo.

The next day I watched UFC 88 and after Rashad Evans knocked out Chuck Lidell, he was wearing a t-shirt with Bill Gates's mugshot on it.
Evans says the mugshot shirt is an inside joke between he and fellow members of team Jackson who train at a gym in Albuquerque, near the building where Gates and Paul Allen developed Microsoft.

Rashad Evans wears a Bill Gates mugshot t-shirt

What are the chances a random thing like that mugshot would pop into my life twice in two days?

Song of the Week

"You are the Woman" - Firefall
A little cheesy but appropriate since it was 10 years ago today when I met Mrs. Poop.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

We're Looking for a Few Good Jews

A Jewish group in Dothan, Alabama is offering Jewish families $50,000 to move to that town. And all of you have to do is get involved at Temple Emanu-El and stay five years.
Most Southern Jews have left small towns for bigger cities and Larry Blumberg head of Blumberg Family Jewish Community Services wants to bring them back.

"A lot of the older people have died, and not many of the younger ones have stayed," said Thelma Nomberg, a member of the Dothan temple.

She says Temple Emanu-El lost nearly half its membership, down to about 50 families.

Launched in June, the Blumberg program has put advertisements in Jewish newspapers in Boston, Miami, Providence, R.I., and Washington, and it plans to expand the campaign.

"I think it's important that we try to find young people that we could use in our religious school, our Sunday school and help in the way of trying to create more of a family-type atmosphere in our temple," Blumberg said.

So far not one family has made the move, but if I can get the Met games on DirecTV, I'd strongly consider it.

$50,000 in a small Alabama town is probably enough to a buy a bigger house than the one I live in now.

The only problem is Dothan is the peanut capital of the world and I'm allergic to peanuts. But I think I could get used to the whole itchy tongue thing.

Story Suggested by the Razor

Jesus's Girlfriend Catches Touchdown

Someone over at Fox Sports was up late Saturday night watching "He Got Game."
When Carolina Panthers receiver Dante Rosario made the "UPS Leaderboard" he was misidentified as Rosario Dawson.

And here's the video to prove it (preceded by Dick Stockton's call of the final play):

Rosario Dawson as LaLa
This is Rosario Dawson
This is Dante Rosario

The NFL is Poop - Week 1

Serves Them Right
For five years Tom Brady was listed on the injury report without ever really being hurt. And when the Patriots finally took him off, he got hurt and is out for the season. I think Matt Cassel has learned enough just by watching that he can still lead this excellent team to the playoffs. But I wouldn't expect more than a 10-6 record and an early-round playoff loss.

The moment the Patriots season went up in flames

A Quarterback's Best Friend
There's nothing like a good running game to help a rookie quarterback out in the NFL. But Atlanta Falcons rookie Matt Ryan didn't even need that much in his debut. Ryan threw a 62-yard touchdown on his first pass in the NFL. The last guy to do that was Michael Bishop in 2000 when he threw a Hail Mary at the end of a half for the New England Patriots.
Once Ryan got rid of those butterflies he got a lot of help from Michael Turner. Turner who has wasted four good years behind LaDanian Tomlinson took his first opportunity to start and ran with it. Turner rushed for 220 yards, including a 66-yard touchdown.

Matt Ryan throws a touchdown on his first NFL pass

Here's The Kicker
The Jets barely survived a late charge from the Miami Dolphins, and all anyone can seem to talk about is how the Jets almost lost the game because they didn't have a anyone able to kick an extra point after Mike Nugent got hurt. What they're all failing to mention is that Nugent's injury worked in favor of the Jets because without they never would have gone for it on 4th and 13, the situation which resulted in the touchdown. Sure, everything else after it changes but it's worth mentioning. Also, it's conceivable that a punter would be able to kick an extra point but not a 40-yard field goal. But all things considered, the injury to Nugent worked in the Jets favor and helped Brett Favre win his Jets debut.

I Hope It's Not Contagious
LeBron James shakes hands with Adam "Pacman" Jones before the Cowboys game against the Browns.

Lebron James and Pacman Jones

Not Yet
Despite wearing his new name on the back of his jersey in warmups, the NFL ruled that Chad Ocho Cinco has to stick with Johnson on his jersey during games for the time being.

Chad Ocho Cinco tries out his new name

Game of the Week
Carolina Panthers 26 San Diego Chargers 24

It's very rare that you see an NFL game truly go down to the final second, but this one did, and it was a very exciting finish as Jake Delhomme threw a bullet to the back of the endzone to pull off the major upset.
But one thing struck me, why did the Panthers kick the extra point? The rules require it for some reason even though in the NFL a blocked extra point (or intercepted 2-point conversion) can not be returned for points.
Seems like a useless formality and robs the moment of some incredible excitement.

Dante Rosario plucks the game winning touchdown out of the air to beat the Chargers

Game of Next Week
New England Patriots at New York Jets

This game is a huge test for the Patriots, and also for the new-look Jets. The Patriots probably feel (deep down in places they don't talk about at parties) that their season is over without Tom Brady. The Jets could take a huge step towards ushering in the Brett Favre era with a big win in this game. And with the other two teams in the division being so bad (maybe the Bills aren't that bad) the winner of this game has a major leg up for the division crown.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
Despite the rough season-opening performance I still believe Jason Campbell can adjust to Jim Zorn's system and learn to be a good quarterback. He has all the physical skills which is why we continue to believe in him. The Redskins play the Saints in Week 2, a team with a weak defense, but an offense good enough to put some points on the board. Campbell will have to come through with at least 20 points to earn a win.

Interesting Picture of the Week
Kim Kardashian cheers for her boyfriend Reggie Bush from a luxury suite at the Superdome. She's no Jessica Simpson though. She didn't jinx the Saints, they won 24-20.

Kim Kardashian and her huge booty root on Reggie Bush

Cheerleader of the Week
Melanie of the Tennessee Titans Cheerleaders
Melanie is single (awesome), she loves the Titans (of course) and the Chappelle Show (I wonder if she likes the "I'm Pissing" remix). But my favorite thing about her is that she says her favorite moment as a cheerleader was when they announced fellow cheerleader Brooke's engagement, and the whole crowd booed.

Melanie of the Tennessee Titans

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Dallas Cowboys 35 Pittsburgh Steelers 31
All the major AFC contenders either lost a game, or their quarterback, pushing the Steelers to the top of the heap. I expect the Cowboys to remain the class of the NFC all season.

Tom Brady's Assassin

Chiefs safety Bernard Pollard insists the hit that knocked Tom Brady out for the season was an accident. And the league ruled it a clean hit.
But at least it makes Pollard famous for something other than this dance performed on Hard Knocks.

Monday, September 08, 2008

One Small Step For Chase Brennan

Chase took his first step on September 5th.
I missed it because I was in the shower. Damn you personal hygeine.
And Mrs. Poop didn't even really see it because she had her back turned. Grandma was able to get him to take a couple small choppy steps.
Since then though he's repeated this feat many times, with as many as 5 steps, before falling into your arms.
He still crawls for his main mode of transportation but it's only a matter of time before he walks everywhere.
He also added a second word to his vocabulary, duck.
And he's not far from connecting his sounds of "mama" and "dada" with the appropriate people.

Tony Stewart is a Dick

Tony Stewart already has an agreement in place to leave Joe Gibbs racing at the end of this season and join a new team, of which he is 50% owner.
This would be like a free agent in one of the team sports signing with a new team during the season, and still playing out the year with his old squad.
And instead of handling this awkward situation like a gentleman Stewart has acted like a jerk.
At the Chevy Rock & Roll 400 his feud with his team and in particular crew chief Greg Zipadelli, with whom he won two Cup titles, escalated.
First, you'll see the highlights of the race, in which Stewart was gradually reeled in by Jimmie Johnson, then you'll hear the exchange between Stewart and Zipadelli.

Think how awesome it is that in NASCAR you can hear the private conversations of the driver and his pit crew. Imagine if you could hear the manager talking to his tired pitcher, or NFL coaches on the sidelines.
Stewart did qualify for the Chase and it's not inconceivable that he could win another Cup title if he stops warring with his team.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Weekly Picks

It's time for another season of Paul's picks. Even though I am not doing the pool this year due to a dissatisfaction with the rules, I'll still pick four games for 1 or 0 points, and a 5th game as my best bet for 2 or -1.

cincinnati -1 1/2 BALTIMORE
I think the Ravens are going to be putrid this year. I don't think too much of the Bengals either but they at least have an offense that can put some points on the board. With a spread this small, I just go after the winner.

minnesota +2 1/2 GREEN BAY
No one knows how Aaron Rodgers is going to do with all this pressure on him. We all know how Tarvaris Jackson is going to do, poorly. But with Adrian Peterson, an excellent offensive line and a good defense I think the Vikings will win this game, and the extra couple points cushion makes me feel even more comfortable about this pick.

dallas -5 CLEVELAND
I think this is the year Dallas gets over the hump and dominates the NFC to the tune of a 13-3 or 14-2 record. As for Cleveland, I expect a big dropoff offensively from last year. This spread is pretty big for a road favorite, but I have that much faith in the Cowboys.

NEW ENGLAND -15 kansas city
They've been waiting the entire offseason for this.

new york jets -3 MIAMI

I can't believe the Jets are only giving 3 points to this horrible Dolphins team, even on the road. Favre should be fired up and the Dolphins should still be bad. I can't see the Jets losing this one, so unless it's a field goal game I really like my chances here.

2008 NFL Predictions

1. The Patriots will win the Super Bowl.
2. The Giants will miss the playoffs.
3. Adrian Peterson will be good, but a major fantasy disappointment with about 1,300 yards and 9 touchdowns.
4. Larry Johnson will have a bounceback season and rack up over 1,500 yards in Herman Edwards's vanilla offense.
5. The Jets will finish 6-10, 8-8 at best.
6. Brett Favre will throw 20 interceptions.
7. Tom Brady will drop off a little, but still throw 35 touchdown passes.
8. The Rams will win 5 more games than they did last season.
9. The Packers will lose 5 more games than they did last season.
10. Derek Anderson [corrected] will throw 20 interceptions.
11. Matt Ryan will be replaced as the Falcons starter by midseason.
12. Rudi Johnson will have a better season than any running back on the Bengals.
13. But he won't get his underclothes back from Tatum Bell.
14. We'll hear several stories about how the Texans made the right decision by drafting Mario Williams over Reggie Bush. And Williams is will be better than Vince Young and Matt Leinart too.
15. Stephen Jackson will be the #1 fantasy running back, or at least in the top 3.
16. The Ravens will be no better than 4-12.
17. The elimination of the 5-yard facemask penalty will result in several controversial soft personal foul calls.
18. Using Devin Hester at wide receiver will result in some highlight reel long catches, but he won't have more than 25 catches overall.
19. Uptight football analyst guys will refuse to call the former Chad Johnson, Chad Ocho Cinco.
20. If the NFL actually allows it, jerseys with the name Ocho Cinco on the back will outsell all other players this season.