Friday, September 27, 2013

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly: Mariano Rivera's Farewell Tour

The Good:
A very nice moment at Yankee Stadium during Rivera's last home game. Joe Girardi brought him with 2 on and 1 out in the 8th inning and the Yankees losing 4-0. Rivera stayed in for the 9th and retired the first two batters before being pulled from the game, with Derek Jeter and Andy Pettitte being the ones to come out and get him. A long emotional scene unfolded on the mound, including a 4-minute standing ovation.

Eventually a tearful Rivera scooped up some dirt from the mound as a memento.

The Bad:
In his last appearance at Fenway Park the Red Sox gave Rivera a picture of himself on the day in 2005 when Red Sox fans gave him a derisive cheer for blowing Game 4 of the 2004 ALCS which started the amazing comeback which led to the Red Sox first World Series title in 86 years.

The Ugly:
Mariano Rivera bobblehead night was marred by a bunch of angry Yankees fans, moreso than the average Yankee game is marred by them. The bobbleheads were shipped from Washington State (evidently at the last minute) and the truck brokedown in New Jersey causing the bobbleheads to be late.
Yankee fans were given vouchers as they entered the Stadium, causing long lines and delays.

When the bobbleheads finally arrived moments before game time, Yankee fans crammed the concourses, trying to redeem their vouchers.

Mrs. Poop will no longer be able to hear "Enter Sandman" (she often warns me to "sleep with one eye open") at the Hard Rock Cafe. The restaurant chain has "retired" the song at all its locations except the one in Yankee Stadium. I retired "Superthug" and haven't heard more than a few seconds of it since 1999.

The Disconnect

Earlier this week Mrs. Poop messaged me while I was at work to voice some displeasure with the difficulty she was having getting Chase to do his homework. The words "hate" and "kill" were in there.
So I decided to call to speak to Chase to try to get him to calm down, do his homework without incident and then resume playing.
That didn't work. And not only did I fail, I got yelled at. Evidently, I wasn't supposed to try to fix this situation, I was just supposed to listen to her complain about it, before she went about fixing it herself.
I wish I had seen this video, I would have been better prepared.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

What Do You Give Me For? Kris Jenner and Bitch Who Stole a Baseball From a Little Girl

Take a look at this video from a Houston Astros game. A middle-aged woman reaches in front of a kid to get a ball. That's bad enough, but when she drops the ball, it rolls to the kid, and she literally tears it out of the girl's hands. And if that's not enough, she high-fives her friends about it.

How much does she look like Kris Jenner?

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

The NFL is Poop - Week 3

What's Wrong with the 49ers?
Two weeks ago San Francisco was the toast of the town, beating Green Bay and gearing up for a matchup against the Seahawks. That loss was understandable given the environment, but losing by 20 to Indianapolis at home has put the 9ers two games down in the division and cast their playoff chances into doubt. I really don't understand what's wrong. Maybe teams have figured out Kaepernick, but I really didn't think that was possible. He's 26 of 55 for 277 yards, 0 touchdowns and 4 interceptions over the past two games. So maybe someone figured out something. Time will tell.

Why the Bears Win
I often say the biggest reason the NFL is so popular is because of betting. And the reason why betting is so much fun is because the games are so unpredictable. And the games are so unpredictable because turnovers are so important in determining the outcome. And turnovers are very often a bad (or good) bounce at the right time, which makes them totally unpredictable.
But the Chicago Bears are proving that one team can be consistently good, year in and year out at not just forcing turnovers, but returning them for touchdowns. They had 9 touchdowns last year, and already 3 in 3 games this year. If they can keep this up, and with a ball-hawking secondary led by Peanut Tillman, I think they can, they will be a leader in a suddenly weak NFC all season.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
Speaking of defensive touchdowns, the Redskins have 2 so far this season. And 0 wins. Teams that score defensive touchdowns generally win 85% of the time in the NFL.
RGIII is clearly not healthy, and he is pressing to compensate for it. Both of his turnovers came deep in Lions territory, and occurred on plays he never would have made last year. And he still hasn't learned how to slide when he leaves the pocket.
This is a truly distressing development, because maybe he will never ever regain the speed he had last year.

Nuclear Meltdown
Jets cornerback Kyle Wilson almost cost his team the game with a monumental blowup.
It started with the Jets leading the Bills 20-12 early in the 4th quarter. With 3rd and 6 on their own 24, Antwan Barnes committed an defensive holding, giving the Bills an automatic first down. Until Stevie Johnson got flagged for taunting, resulting in a replayed down. And what Stevie Johnson taketh away, Kyle Wilson giveth right back. Committing illegal contact on the next play, and then personal fouls on the next two plays, until Rex Ryan finally yanked him. Wilson single-handedly turned 3rd and 6 from the 24th into 1st and 10 from the Jets 37. The Bills did score a TD and the game-tying two-point conversion, but the Jets saved Wilson's ass by winning anyway. So the Jets who could easily be 0-3, are actually 2-1.

Breakout Star
It's very rare that a highly touted unknown fantasy sleeper actually lives up to those expectations (remember Tatum Bell?), but this year Cleveland Browns tight end Jordan Cameron is certainly emerging. In three games Cameron has 20 catches, for 269 yards and 4 touchdowns, including one thrown by the punter Spencer Lanning on a fake field goal.
But that wasn't Cameron's best catch of the year. He is reportedly banging Victoria's Secret Supermodel Erin Heatherton.

Game of the Week
Cincinnati Bengals 34 Green Bay Packers 30

The Bengals-Packers game certainly lived up to the billing I gave it last week. The Bengals scored the first 14 points, Green Bay responded with 30 in a row, Cincinnati answered with 13 (missed PAT), and that's where we picked up the action. Green Bay leading 30-27 with 4th and 1 at the Bengals 30 with about 4 minutes left. Mike McCarthy elected to go for it. Huge mistake! Field goals are too easy to get, you have to try to take that 6 point lead and force Cincinnati to score a touchdown to beat you. Green Bay handed it to Johnathan Franklin, he fumbled and Terrence Newman picked it up (eventually) and ran 58 yards for the game-winning touchdown.
Obviously, that's an extreme example of what could go wrong, but even by the percentages, I feel he's better off taking the near-certain 6-point lead than taking a big risk to put the game away right then.

Game of Next Week
Seattle Seahawks at Houston Texans

Seahawks have to prove they can win on the road before "go ahead and crown their ass" and the Texans need to rebound from an ass-kicking by the Ravens, because remember that their first two wins were lucky comebacks against mediocre/bad teams.

Picture of the Week
Cam Newton's awesome Under Armor Biohazard shoe/sock things.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Denver Broncos 41 Seattle Seahawks 24
I absolutely love what the Broncos are doing right now. They look absolutely unstoppable on offense and the defense looks stout enough and should improve when Von Miller comes back. As far as I'm concerned the Seahawks are very good, but I am still not convinced, but a win on the road in Houston would convince me.

Caught With His Pants Down

Niklas Helenius gets pantsed by Tottenham's Jan Vertonghen.

Looks like Vertonghen was tripping/diving and didn't necessarily mean to pull Helenius's shorts down.
I'm amazed Helenius's first reaction was to go for the shot attempt, and not to pull his pants up.
I'm suprised he was wearing regular briefs under there, and not some type of compressions shorts.
I'm shocked he didn't get a penalty kick for this.

How Did He Do It?

Senator Ted Cruz has just completed a 21-hour filibuster in a mostly futile attempt to defund Obamacare.
The rules of the Senate require Cruz to talk stand up the entire time. He wore sneakers to make himself more comfortable, but still, standing for 21 hours, that's got to be tough. If he sits for even a second, he yields the floor and his filibuster is over.

There is no food allowed on the Senate floor so he couldn't eat, maybe he had a small snack. He was allowed to drink, so he must have had like 40 cups of coffee.

I couldn't stand for 21 hours, I certainly couldn't go 21 hours without eating (unless it was Yom Kippur) but most of all, I know I couldn't go 21 hours without peeing. I think there's a decent chance he either had a catheter put in, or wore some kind of adult diaper like Depends or Poise.

And he must have taken Immodium beforehand because if he had one in the chamber there's no way he could have fought that off for 21 hours.

So he couldn't sit, eat, pee or shit, and most importantly he couldn't stop talking. He could yield for a question, but basically he was talking for nearly a whole day straight.

And when he ran out of things to say, he did this:

Apparently his daughters enjoyed Senator Cruz reading "Green Eggs and Ham":

More astute Poopheads will remember a similar scenario from a memorable episode of "The West Wing."

Song of the Week

"Clarity" - Zedd
This song qualifies as an earworm. Which, by the way, has its own Wikipedia page, which includes a section called "research and cures" as if an earworm is a fatal disease.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Breaking Bad: "Granite State"

So are we really supposed to believe that Walt was about to give himself up? That was clearly the implication, I think, from the phone call and the calm drink order. He realized that he had lost even his most loyal ally (they even call him Flynn in school), and it hit home that the things he had done to help his family, had actually cost him his family.

But then the Grey Matter Charlie Rose interview changed everything. The exact same thing that forced Walt to tell Hank that Gale couldn't be Heisenberg, seemingly forced him to escape the bar, flee New Hampshire, the Granite State, and head back to Albuquerque with heavy artillery in his trunk, in order to get the ricin out of his outlet cover.

And who knows what happens after that. But let me throw out a couple theories:
1) I have thought all along that Walt was going to die of cancer. Is it possible that he somehow does kill the Nazis, get his money back, give it to his family and save Jesse? And then die of cancer before the Feds can catch him?

In TV and movies we like to see the good guy win in the end, but this show has always gone against that type. The hero is an anti-hero, a bad guy, and he's gotten worse as the series has gone on.

2) Walt tries to kill the Nazis, they capture him too and put him and Jesse to work cooking meth. The show ends just like it started.

Is Carmen too young and pretty to be a high school principal?

Did Todd really have to kill Andrea? What happened to Brock? Did he just wake up and find his mother dead on the porch? Todd hates kids. First Drew Sharp, now this. And he likes it. He was proud when they were all watching Jesse talk about how he killed Drew Sharp.

Robert Forster was a great choice for the vacuum guy wasn't he? That black market chemo was awesome, though I didn't even know that was possible.

How long do you think you could survive an existence like that? No TV, internet, phone, no contact with the outside world, can't leave the property. Looks like Walt did a few months. I think I could do a year before I turned into Jack Nicholson from "The Shining."

There's no way Jesse could have had the necessary upper-body strength to pull off that near escape after weeks in captivity.

Doesn't Walt have a little Marty McFly in him? His reaction to being doubted or diminished is the same way Marty reacted when anyone called him chicken. I guess it's a good plot device in both cases.

I really cannot wait to see the final episode, 75 minutes, just in case your DVR doesn't record automatically. I can't think about anything else. I wonder what happens, and how it happens. And I wonder what I will do with my time when it's over.

Monday, September 23, 2013

No Wonder I'm Broke

A new study finds that sexually active people make more money.

And if you do it more than four times a week, you earn even more, the study shows.

"There is a monotonic relationship between the frequency of sexual activity and wage returns," Nick Drydakis, a senior economics lecturer at Anglia Ruskin University in England wrote in a paper for the International Journal of Manpower.

When people are having sex regularly, they're happier, stronger, eat better and exercise more, researchers have found.

The "Sex and the City" bed-hopping cliché notwithstanding, marriage seems to have a lot to do with it. "Married people, particularly men, earn higher wages than the non-married," Oswald said. "One possible explanation is that such people are sociable, stable people."

Conversely, a sexless marriage appears to be detrimental to a person's earning power. "Married men having no sex receive lower wages by 1.3 percent," Drydakis wrote, calling the amount "statistically significant."

Drydakis did have one caveat, which we'll call the gold-digger variable: In some cases, a better job or higher income could be the reason someone starts having more sex, rather than the other way around.

"Higher wages may increase the value and attractiveness of a person on the dating market; higher wages may also increase purchase of gifts that are thanked for via sex," the paper pointed out.

The Butt Slide

I think I was the second-to-last person on Earth to see this one. I was laughing hysterically and everyone else was like "you haven't seen this yet?"
But I know Mrs. Poop hasn't seen it either.

This was kind of stupid of Phillips to try to apply the tag this way.
I feel very badly for Jonathan Villar.
But that is nothing compared to the Impossible Sit-Up.