Saturday, May 01, 2010

Love Is Blind

Pete Rose and Kiana Kim
I know what they see in each other, Rose is 69 and thanks to Viagra he can still fuck this gorgeous Asian girl with huge tits.
And Kiana is 40 years younger and can hope the old man croaks every time she gets on top of him.
If not, at least she gets some fame to launch a modeling career.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Is Nothing Sacred Anymore?

We all know that Hollywood has run out of good ideas and have resorted to remaking old movies that never quite did all that well. Usually these are 1960s movies that nobody nowadays remembers. Movies like Pelham 123 that could also benefit from the advances in modern movie-making.
But now comes word they are redoing "Overboard" the 1980s classic starring Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell.
Two major problems with this:
1) Not enough time has passed, likely ticket buyers have seen the original, they remember it (it's on cable all the time) and they like it
2) there's nothing you can do to make this better that they didn't have at their disposal in 1988

But there is one giant, and I mean giant thing in favor of this remake: the prospects of J.lo in this scene:

Note: please ignore the Russian dubbing, you can't always get what you want on youtube, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need

Who Should be the National League Pitcher of the Month for April?

I can never remember a season in which so many pitchers have started off the season so well and that will mean a hotly contested NL Pitcher of the Month Award for April. The candidates:

Roy Halladay: 4-1, 1.80 ERA, 40 innings, 36 hits, 3 BB, 33 Ks, 1.6 WAR
Special Consideration Stat: 2 CG and 1 SHO

Mike Pelfrey: 4-0, 0.69 ERA, 25 innings, 18 hits, 13 BB, 19 Ks, 0.7 WAR
Special Consideration Stat: 1 Save

Ubaldo Jimenez: 5-0, 0.79 ERA, 34 1/3 innings, 22 hits, 14 BB, 31 Ks, 1.3 WAR
Special Consideration Stat: No-hitter

Tim Lincecum: 4-0, 1.27 ERA, 35 1/3 innings, 22 hits, 7 BB, 43 Ks, 1.5 WAR
Special Consideration Stat: 2.01 Fielding-Independent Pitching, lower than the other three guys

I'm voting for You-Baldo because he's giving up fewer runs and a no-hitter is pretty special. But Lincecum should probably be the choice of the sabremetricians considering he'd be 5-0, with a lower ERA if his bullpen hadn't blown it.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

The Anti-Rudy Gay

Memphis Grizzlies guard Rudy Gay (the Knicks possible consolation prize in the summer free agent sweepstakes) likely has the worst-selling jersey in the NBA.

Rudy Gay jersey

I just imagine anyone wanting a jersey that says "Gay" on the back.

On the other hand, the Mets have a prospect who could revolutionize Major League Baseball jersey sales. That's right, Tobi Stoner. If the guy could just put together any kind of big leaguee success at all there's no doubt people would flock to the stores to buy "Stoner" jerseys.

Even Lawyers are Starting to Poke Fun at Our Overly Litigious Society

The law firm of Trolman, Glaser and Lichtman offering a insightful take on their own profession, specifically lawyers who advertise on TV.


A few days after I wrote this and set it to post today I got a paper cut and it really hurt.


Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Song of the Week

"Lady" - D'Angelo

"maybe at the liquor store
maybe at the health food stand"

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Important SEC Porn Update

In February the Poop reported that SEC staff were often using their government computers, at their government jobs, to search for porn, often excessively.

A recent investigation found 31 serious offenders over the past two and a half years. Seventeen of the offenders were senior SEC officers with salaries ranging from $100,000 to $222,000 per year.

One senior attorney at SEC headquarters in Washington spent up to eight hours a day accessing Internet porn. When he filled all the space on his government computer with pornographic images, he downloaded more to CDs and DVDs that accumulated in boxes in his offices.

An SEC accountant attempted to access porn websites 1,800 times in a two-week period and had 600 pornographic images on her computer hard drive. Yes, that said "her," even a female was involved in this.

Note: that might seem hard to believe but Master Bates reports (though doesn't remember) a secretary at his office was once caught visiting the website (that might not have been the exact URL

Another SEC accountant attempted to access porn sites 16,000 times in a single month.

In one case, the report said, an employee tried hundreds of times to access pornographic sites and was denied access. When he used a flash drive, he successfully bypassed the filter to visit a "significant number" of porn sites.

The employee also said he deliberately disabled a filter in Google to access inappropriate sites. After management informed him that he would lose his job, the employee resigned.

Ironically, the report says most of these cases began in 2008, just as the financial system began to collapse. The same SEC officers who should have been safeguarding the economy were instead spending their working hours surfing the Internet for pornography, and the problem hasn't stopped.

The most recent case cited in the report is from just four weeks ago.

Rob Neyer on Ike Davis

ESPN's resident baseball genius Rob Neyer offer his somewhat disjointed take on Ike Davis. I don't get the comparison to Reese Havens but his overall opinion of Davis ranks pretty close to mine:

As you've no doubt heard by now, the Mets have a new first baseman, a kid named Ike Davis. This spring, Ephraim Fischbein asked Davis (among other things) to name his "most embarrassing professional moment."

Davis replied, "Not hitting one home run in my first professional season."

It's probably that power outage that caused Davis' status to drop quite a bit between getting drafted with the 18th overall pick in the 2008 draft and the beginning of his second professional season.

There were explanations, though. Baseball America:

It's funny, this business ... Davis, a future power hitter? Yep. Last season, split between High-A and Double-A, Davis hit 20 home runs in just 114 games. [Reese] Havens, quicker to the big leagues? Nope. Havens opened last season on the same team as Davis, but wasn't promoted to Double-A like Davis, missed seven weeks with injuries, and finished the season with a .247/.361/.422 line, which is fine for a young shortstop except this shortstop's going to play second base this season and might wind up somewhere even less demanding.

Havens remains a pretty good prospect, but he's obviously been lapped by Davis.

Perhaps I'm too conservative about these things, but I have to counsel against thinking Davis is going to set the National League ablaze from the get-go. At this point, his resume consists of an excellent college career, two outstanding months in the Double-A Eastern League, and 42 plate appearances in Triple-A. I think he's going to be a pretty good player. But I'm not sure he's ready to help the Mets win this year. Which might not be a realistic goal anyway.

After flashing power in college, Davis was slow to recover from a strained oblique muscle and failed to homer in 215 at-bats at Brooklyn after signing for $1.575 million. Still, the Mets regard Davis as a future power hitter. Davis needs to mature physically -- unlike Reese Havens, their other 2008 first-rounder, whom they feel will have a quicker route to the big leagues. He carried the pressure of being the Mets' top pick and pressed.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Did The Commissioner Really Call Our Pick a Gorilla?

With the fourth pick in the 2010 NFL the Washington Redskins select Trent Williams, offensive tackle, Oklahoma.

That's what I expected Roger Goodell to say, but what he actually said was slightly different.

He called him "Silverback." Apparently that is Williams's nickname and at a meeting the day before he joked with the commish to call him that. It's actually kind of funny for Goodell to do that I just hope it doesn't lead to every player asking for his nickname to be mentioned.

And I also hope it doesn't lead to people getting furious that Williams was essentially called a gorilla on national TV.

I hope it does lead to a long and successful career protecting the blindside of Donovan McNabb and whomever else the Redskins get down the line.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and Trent Silverback Williams

What Are Tim Tebow's Career Prospects?

The most interesting and divisive pick in this year's NFL Draft (maybe ever) was the selection of Tim Tebow with the 25th pick. Tebow was one of the greatest college football players ever but there are some questions about how he might do in the NFL.

There is little doubt that Tebow has almost everything you would want in an NFL quarterback, he's big, he's strong, he's fast (for a QB), he's smart, he's experienced (in crucial situations) and his leadership skills are off the charts. And as far as putting in the necessary work, effort and film study, there's no doubt Tebow puts his heart and soul into everything he does. And his off-the-field intangibles are great too. He's very religious and at least as far as we know it's not just empty talk, he really lives his life in an ideal way and is not likely to ever embarrass his organization by raping a girl in a bar bathroom while his bodyguard stands lookout at the door.

There's only one problem with Tim Tebow. He can't throw. Well, actually he can throw, but there are some major questions about his throwing motion and whether he'd be able to get the ball out in time to avoid NFL pass rushers and to beat NFL cornerbacks. He's supposedly reworked his motion to make it NFL-ready, but many are not convinced, including me.

I love Tebow but sometimes hard work is not enough. You have to have all the skills to do the job because at this level a minor weakness will be exploited. I think Tebow will not be a successful NFL quarterback, he may not even get the chance if he doesn't show development in practice early in his career. If Tebow is willing to give up his QB dream I think he could have a successful career as a tight end or a fullback.

Freedo and other Broncos fans are all going nuts over this, they think he is going to be great.

What do you think? Vote below and back up your opinion in the comments section.

Baseball is Poop

You're Out of Uniform
For years people have laughed about the charade of managers and coaches (especially the fat, old ones) being forced to wear uniforms like the players, when in every other sport the staff dresses in suits or casual attire.
Major League Baseball is enforcing that rule by banning Joe Maddon's hoodie. The Tampa Bay manager likes to wear a hooded sweatshirt over his uniform on cold days. The league issued a reminder that team uniforms and approved outerwear are the only permissable garments to be worn during games, effectively banning Maddon's rogue hoodie.

I wish the fashion police would have banned former Mets pitching coach Rick Peterson from wearing a jacket on 90 degree days.

Elvis Lives
For some reason the Washington Nationals have chosen a plastic silver Elvis hat/wig as their team mascot this year. After every victory the player of the game does postgame interviews donning the ridiculous headdress.

Nyjer Morgan in the Elvis Wig
Josh Willingham in the Elvis wig

Should Make For an Interesting Father-Son Softball Game on Father's Day
Four Padres outfielders have fathers who played in the majors. Tony Gwynn (son of Tony), Scott and Jerry Hairston Jr. (sons of Jerry) and Will Venable (son of Max).

Stay Off my Mound
For the second time in his illustrious career Alex Rodriguez is accused of violating an unwritten rule of baseball etiquette. You likely remember a few years ago when A-Rod shouted something (he says it was "ha," Howie Clark says it was "I got it") causing a popup to drop.
This time Oakland A's pitcher Dallas Braden says A-Rod crossed his mound and stepped on his rubber during an inning. A-Rod was on first and running when Robinson Cano hit a foul ball. Instead of going back to the first the way he came, around second, A-Rod walked over the mound. Braden shouted something at A-Rod but evidently he didn't hear it. Because when the inning ended A-Rod asked him to repeat it and Braden said "stay off my mound."
After the game they exchanged the typical barbs with A-Rod saying who the hell is Braden and Braden saying A-Rod is an asshole.
But who's right? Unlike the popup incident it is quite possible A-Rod never heard of this rule of etiquette, several TV analysts with major league experience said they hadn't. But even so it seems like A-Rod was doing it to be a dick, even if he wanted to take the shortcut he didn't have to go right across the mound.

Picture of the Week
The Kirby Puckett Statue outside the Twins new stadium, Target Field. The pose is modeled after the fist pump Puckett made as he rounded the bases on his game-winning home run in Game 6 of the 1991 World Series.

Kirby Puckett Jr stands by the statue of his father at Target Field
we'll see you tomorrow night