Saturday, August 01, 2009

I Hope the Mets Get the Next Firing Right

The Mets screwed up the Willie Randolph firing but doing it in the middle of the night after a cross-country trip.
Now they screwed up the Tony Bernazard firing by calling out Adam Rubin during the press conference.
Hopefully they'll get it right when they fire Omar Minaya.

I think Omar is on the hook despite his 3-year contract because of the poor performance of the team, but ownership seems more concerned about the embarrassment he brings to the organization.

But here's something no one is talking about in this whole Adam Rubin incident: it's true that Adam Rubin went to Jeff Wilpon (and maybe others) and at the least asked for career advice, and at the most it could have been interpreted the way Omar said it, he was lobbying for a front office job.

Now that doesn't excuse Omar for calling Rubin out like that, it definitely should have been handled in private. And it certainly doesn't mean what Rubin wrote about Bernazard was false, because we can pretty safely assume it was all true.

But I want Omar judged on his moves as GM, not on the way he handles the press. I personally hate the way Omar has shaped this team, spending millions on aging vets then bitching when they get hurt. I want a GM who gets rid of his old players for younger ones, lets them develop, then adds top-shelf veterans to fill out a championship roster. I think Wright and Reyes satisfy the first part, and Santana and K-Rod the second but the Mets still have some holes to fill, especially those occupied right now by lackluster veterans Luis Castillo, Brian Schneider and Livan Hernandez.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Finally Freedo, Nails and JLeary Can Be Proud of Their Alma Mater

Congratulations to the Penn State Poopheads for their school being recognized as the number one party school in America.
I can't deny that on my one trip there the guys showed me a great time.
I have often criticized Penn State's doddering old fool of a football coach, Joe Paterno.
He recently referred to Twitter as "twiddle-doo or tweedle-dee," though some say he was just putting on and knows what it is.
Either way, I'm going on record giving Penn State credit for being a great party school.
Maybe now the Nittany Poopheads will admit it's a horrible academic school.

Beer Summit Update

For the record, it was Bud Light for Obama, Sam Adams Light for Gates, Blue Moon for Crowley and nonalcoholic Buckler for Biden.
I'm glad Gates decided not to go with the Red Stripe.
Why did Biden drink a non-alcoholic beer? Is he in recovery? [Update: Biden has alcoholism in his family so he doesn't drink. There are reports he's never tasted alcohol but I didn't see that anywhere reliable enough to believe it.]
I also would have liked to see them go with bottles and not mugs. It would have been more fitting of the spirit of this "boys night out." This way seems like Michelle nagged him to use the mugs -- and of course the coasters.

Picture of the President's Beer Summit

And who shows up in a suit when someone invites you to their house for a beer?

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Tonight's Beer Summit

I am greatly looking forward to tonight's Beer Summit between President Obama, Professor Henry Louis Gates and Sargeant James Crowley, the cop who arrested Gates for breaking into his own home.

I like the idea because I think a lot of the racial problems in this country could be solved by white people and black people getting together for a beer, proverbially of course. But if white people and black people interacted more they'd realize we're not all that different, and we don't all hate the others.

My only problem is the President's reluctance to name his favorite beer for fear of offending someone. I think the President and the Administration try a little too hard to do the popular and politically correct thing, especially annoying when it involves something as stupid as the President's favorite beer.

Speaking of favorite beers, Crowley prefers Blue Moon (hopefully with orange slices) and Gates likes Red Stripe.

Which is humorous because last weekend Pizza Parlor Derek and I were making fun of a guy at the next table for ordering a Red Stripe.

But what nerve these guys have to request their own preferred beers while drinking at Obama's house. Social ettiquette requries that when you go to someone's house you drink whatever they serve. And if you want a special brand of beer, you bring it yourself. Wouldn't that be awesome to see Gates strolling into the White House toting a 6-pack of Red Stripe in a paper bag?

Diesel's Hanukah Present

A Brazilian company named PetSmiling has come up with what I hope is the world's first dog sex toy.

Made out of soft rubber, it comes in the shape of a girl dog, with all the right parts, including “a silicone vagina and an easy to clean reservoir.”

From the press release:

"You may know or have probably heard about these dolls for men that are very popular in Sex Shops around the world. There are inflatable ones, full-body, silicone, as well as other models. So now the first doll for dogs has been launched in Brazil. That’s right, a doll for dogs to practice safe sex. The majority of non-neutered dogs spend a good chunk of time looking for something to hump. They try pillows, furry creatures, people’s legs and even other animals.

When a dog tries to hump legs, stuffed animals and other objects, he cannot reach an ejaculation. With the DoggieLoverDoll he can. Human beings have their hands to masturbate themselves, now the domestic animals, which have practically no contact with females in heat, can alleviate themselves with a toy designed specifically for them. Dogs have a great sexual appetite and this novelty, surely will better their lives."

doggy style

Erin Andrews 911 Call

Our favorite naked sportscaster called 911 because some paparazzi were camped outside her house in her gated community.
First thing she says is "I'm all over the news." And she seems disappointed the dispatcher has never heard of her.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Song of the Week

"Video" - India.Arie

I like music with a positive message. Of all the songs I've ever heard I can't remember one with a more positive message than expressed in this song. Every young girl should be forced to listen to this song everyday -- we'd have a lot fewer teenage sluts were that the case.

"Don't need your silicone
I prefer my own
What God gave me is just fine."

Funny or Douchey?

We saw this license plate on a car while we were up in Maine.
It reads OWW-D and it adorns an Audi (get it?)

OWW-D = Audi

This is the Greatest Tournament in the World

With the debut of the 2009 World Series of Poker on ESPN tonight, it also signals the return of my favorite color commentator in any sport, Norman Chad.
From his witty aphorisms, to his catchphrases (an ace and an ace only, wamboozled, swagglefoosed) to his ex-wife jokes, few things are more enjoyable than listening to Chad's self-deprecating humor and insightful commentary.

Note: my favorite Chad-ism of all-time occurred during the 2005 Main Event. Bing Wang was late returning to his table and Andy Black asked his table to stall so wang wouldn't be blinded out. When they refused Black became so upset he was moved to tears.
That's when Chad said "Look, I like Bing Wang as much as the next guy but if he's not here he's not here."

I am a little disappointed with ESPN's decision to scale their coverage back this year. They are only showing the 40k anniversary event, a special event for only Main Event champs and the Ante Up for Africa charity tournament. No bracelet events, not even the 50k HORSE which is too bad because it was a doozy this year even though the finalists were relatively unknown.

Coverage of the Main Event begins on August 18th, and leads up until November, when the final 9 will battle it out.

Whether you already know who is in the November Nine (like me) or you are desperately hoping SCZA won't spoil it for you (like Jems), enjoy Norman Chad for the next 3 1/2 months.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009


Saturday, September 5th, at the Poop house.
In order to make this year's Poopfest more kid-friendly we'll be starting at 4pm, and I will be barbecuing various meat products.
Because of this I will need an accurate count of who is coming.
So please use the comments section to RSVP.
I need to know if you are coming, but also if you aren't.
Otherwise I will have to contact you to make sure you saw the post.
Believe it or not some people whom I might consider friends and want at Poopfest, don't necessarily read the Poop and feel excluded when I use this forum to break news.
So everyone who doesn't reply in say the next two weeks, is going to get a nasty e-mail from me, so you might as well just state your intentions.
I'll leave the link to this post in the header at the top of the page so it can be easily found.

Because of the vagaries of kashrut I ask that you not bring anything.
But if due to your strict Chinese upbringing (you know who you are) you cannot go to someone's house as a guest and not bring anything or you bring shame and dishonor to your family, then bring beer, I guess.

We hope to see as many of you as possible.

And those of you needing my address (which I choose not to disclose in this forum) should contact me via e-mail or Facebook.

Also, for out-of-town guests, the Poop Motel will have limited availability so if you want to stay overnight with us please reserve your room as soon as possible.