Saturday, March 31, 2007

Yay Virgina!

West Virginia won the NIT and to celebrate they were rewarded with mispelled t-shirts.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Bitch Slap

The Jews Be Sinking the Ship

Former Knicks guard Micheal (that's correct) Ray Richardson, the original New York athlete to throw his career away with drugs is now coaching SCZA's and Beers' Albany Patroons.
In a discussion of his contract he said "I've got lawyers, big-time Jew lawyers. They got a lot of power in this world, you know what I mean? Which I think is great. I don't think there's nothing wrong with it. If you look in most professional sports, they're run by Jewish people. If you look at a lot of most successful corporations and stuff, more businesses, they're run by Jewish. It's not a knock, but they are some crafty people."

Sounds Like a Hell of a Trip

Diddy recently went to France with his girlfriend Kim Porter. He told London's Daily Mirror about the trip:

"I've spent a lot of time with Kim in Paris. As soon as we landed, we went straight to the Eiffel Tower, drank champagne at the top and just kissed and kissed. Then we went up to my suite and had tantric sex for at least 30 hours, ordering up whipped cream and strawberries while we were at it."

erections last longer than four hours

It's All Too True

The latest from the folks at jibjab is kinda funny, and a little too close to home.

That Didn't Last Long

I'll be moving back to the morning shift -- actually 1a - 9a -- starting next week.

The Ladies Love UMich Fraternity Guys

I think this happened a time or two in Focks' day.

Police have been unable to locate a woman who entered the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity house without permission and began to masturbate on a couch.

While fraternity members were eating in the dining room, a woman entered the house's living room, took off her clothes and started masturbating, said LSA junior Dan Nye, the president of the Washtenaw Avenue fraternity.

No one saw the woman enter the house or knew how she got in. Nye said she could have entered through the front door, which was left propped open while it was being repaired.

Fraternity members asked the woman to leave the house, but she refused and continued masturbating for about half an hour, Nye said.

When members asked the woman if she was all right, she casually replied that she was fine, he said. The woman was talking on her cell phone at one point, said LSA sophomore Adam Bayard, a member of the fraternity.

She walked out of the front door wearing only a thigh-length black coat after a fraternity member called the police, Nye said. When police arrived minutes later, the woman had already left.

According to a police report, the woman was between 20 and 30 years old, had short brown hair and appeared to be under the influence of drugs.

"Obviously, she was very disturbed," Nye said. "It was not how a normal person would respond to people."

The woman told fraternity members that her name was Melissa and she was a student at Eastern Michigan University, according to the police report.

Fraternity members said they will throw out two couches in the living room because of the incident, Nye said.

Can't Keep A Good Man Down

A smiling Rey Ordonez insists he has done all he can to complete one of the more improbable sports comebacks in recent memory.

And the Seattle Mariners now appear ready to reward the 36-year-old infielder, out of baseball since 2004, with a spot on their opening day roster.

Ordonez has 1 home run and 4 RBI in spring training.

Idol Chatter

I was right again about who was going to be voted.

Chris Sligh is Bringing Chubby Back to wherever the hell he's from.

I also enjoyed Gwen's performance of this week's SOTW. She looked pretty again but I don't understand the obsession with neckties. Paula was also wearing one.

Akon was a complete non-factor. Not sure why he was even there.

Seacrest did two funny things, wearing the Sanjaya mask and calling Hayley, Stacey which is Phil's last name.

If you've noticed that results shows have been less dramatic this season, then you've probably enjoyed them more. But apparently later in the season they are going to drag them out for a full hour supposedly to give the performers more time to sing their farewell song.

I must say I was interested in seeing the contestsants perform a medley of Gwen songs as they usually do each week. Guess that's why they need to make the show an hour.

Sanjaya is becoming a full-fledged phenomenon. I think before he's done he may be the most well-known contestant in Idol history. I also think he will have a similar career arc to William Hung.

They're Gonna Have a Great Honeymoon

The World's Tallest Man just got married.
She's 5'6". He's 7'9"

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Turning Two

Former soccer star Mia Hamm, wife of Dodgers first baseman Nomar Garciaparra, has delivered twin girls.

Both are healthy and over 5 pounds. Their names are Aim and Ramon.

Garciaparra flew from spring training to witness the births, but was in the air when the babies were born, but he heard the delivery by speaker phone

Can't Wait

Due out on July 21


Carlos Mencia is a Piece of Shit

Softball Players Like it Shaven

The College of Southern Idaho, in their softball media guide asks their players a series of quick either or questions. Chocolate or vanilla, english or math, hamburger or hot dog, shaven or unshaven. WHAT?????????????????
Evidently the Brazilian has made it's way to Idaho.
Overwhelmingly they said shaven.

I guess it's possible they meant how do you like your men, but I don't think so. And if this is all that was given to the girls when they answered, I'm sure more than a few of them had to check downstairs before they answered.

Rumors that this question was also in the LSU women's basketball media guide are unfounded.

LeBron's House

LeBron James' 35,440-square-foot house under construction is shaping up as a castle fit for a king -- with a theater, bowling alley, casino and barber shop.

(NOTE: he cannot have a real, legal casino in his home. It's just a casino room, a fancy, all-inclusive game room, probably.)

The house is in Bath Township, a suburban location 20 miles south of Cleveland is due to be finished next year. It is being built on 5.6 acres of land purchased, along with an 11-bedroom house, in 2003 for $2.1 million. He razed that house to clear the way for the new one.

A first-floor master suite, which includes a two-story walk-in closet, will be about 40 feet wide and 56 feet long -- bigger than half the houses in Bath Township.

The house has a dining hall, roughly 27 feet by 27 feet, a "great room" at 34 feet by 37 feet and a bigger, two-story "grand room."

The "family foyer" off the six-car garage near the elevator will be dwarfed by a "grand foyer" inside the front entrance with a sweeping, divided staircase leading to four second-story bedrooms. An outer wall will feature a limestone sculpture -- a bas-relief of LeBron's head, wearing his trademark headband.

The property is an oddly shaped tract wedged among lots that average 2.3 acres and houses that average 3,209 square feet. His property is 300 feet wide at the street and 677 feet deep.

"People who come to photograph it are disrespectful," said Tom Bader, one of nine immediate next-door neighbors. "They park their car in the middle of the street -- with their doors open! And you're sitting behind them! All I wanna do is go home after a hard day's work."

Sometimes Bader must wait to turn into his driveway because gawkers have driven up, hoping for a better view of James' place.

"As far as LeBron the man goes, I think he's an outstanding individual," said Bader, a graduate of James' alma mater, St. Vincent-St. Mary High School in Akron.

"He's great for Cleveland. I'm proud to have him. I have no issues with LeBron James at all. The problem is the baggage that he unintentionally carries with him."

Bader has discouraged his children's dream that James might have them over to shoot hoops.

"I said, 'Honey, I don't think that's going to happen. Besides that, don't ever, ever invite LeBron over to our house to play ball because he's going to twist his ankle and I will have my house eternally egged."'

While waiting for the home to be finished, James splits his time between a huge apartment in downtown Cleveland and a relatively modest four-bedroom house in Medina County west of Akron. He paid $580,000 for the house in 2005.

Song of the Week

"Sweet Escape" - Gwen Stefani
Mrs. Poop loves this one and I must admit it is catchy. It isn't complete nonsense like most of her other songs so I can tolerate it.

Idol Chatter

When I heard that this week was going to be Gwen Stefani week, I almost cried. It’s been well documented how much I hate her and the awful songs she sings. Thankfully they decided to create a gimmick for her “songs that inspired her” because hearing 10 people try to sing her nonsense music would have sent me over the edge.

Sort of like what happened when I saw what they did to that fuckin idiot Sanjaya. At least this time he didn’t look gay. No gay man would ever wear his hair like that. He looked ridiculous. But it reminded me of what I always say about bad ideas. Bad ideas get started with someone saying “that’s a really good idea.” And there was some hair person on the show who convinced Sanjaya that the ponyhawk would be a good look for him.

But because of the attention his ridiculous do will garner him this week, I think he’ll get one more week out of it.

Back to Gwen Stefani for a moment. I actually really enjoyed her appearance as guest judge. I thought she was going to be horrible and giggly like a little girl, or overly positive like Paula, but she was actually fair and intelligent and insightful. I was pleasantly surprised. I also liked the way she looked. Instead of dressing strange she was actually dressed kinda normal, though I don’t understand neckties on women. And her hair and makeup were done in such a way that she looked like a normal pretty girl instead of a rock star trying to be unique.

But her music still sucks. “Hey Baby” or whatever it’s official title is started my hatred for Gwen and my call for her to be tried for crimes against humanity. It is the stupidest, most ridiculous, most nonsensical song I have ever heard. EVER! Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-ver. I’m pissed that Jordin chose to sing it. But I think people liked it, and I think they like that fact that she is almost as good at 17 as Melinda and LaKisha are at 10 years older.

Melinda and LaKisha were both good once again. And finally they sang something a little more modern and up tempo. And I’m glad Seacrest brought up the fact that Melinda always seems shocked when people say something nice about her. At this point it seems that she’s either an idiot or a phony.

And finally Chris Hurley (fat one, looks like Hurley from Lost) finally sang something people have heard of. That was nice for a change. I thought it was pretty good because I don’t understand anything the judges were saying. But I don’t think he has much of a following and he is my pick to go home this week.

The other Chris, Chris Timberlake may benefit from the post-scare voting boom. A lot of times when contestants do surprisingly poorly one week, their fans vote in force the following week.

Phil Stacey sucks, but I think he’s improving and the judges liked him so he will stay.

Blake is still awesome. I liked the judges point about him becoming like Daughtry. Just singing the same type of music each week, and even though it’s really good and original people get tired of it. But Daughtry has had and will have a much better career than Taylor Hicks, but I still think Blake is going to be this year’s Idol. Mrs. Poop voted for him twice, once for her, and once for Diesel. It’s hard to dial a phone when you lack opposable thumbs.

Gina’s a non-factor and Hayley abandoned her sexed-up gimmick a little too early. One of those two will be in the bottom three but I fear it’s the end of the road for Chris Hurley this week.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Kindred Spirits

I was looking at Pizza Parlor Derek's post about the UCLA dance team and I decided to click on the link.
I was drawn to the picture of the lovely, large-breasted Chelsey.

Now I have read several hundred cheerleader profiles and their personal quotes usually range from the banal to the asinine. Never in a million years did I expect a cheerleader/dance team member to have my favorite quote of all time, a passage from Emerson about defining a successful life.

To laugh often and much,
To win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty,
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better,
whether by a healthy child, a garden patch,
or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier
Because you have lived.
That is to have succeeded."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Brian Giles Has a Great Sense of Humor

“Hey Greg, I've got one for you,” Brian Giles said to new Padres teammate Greg Maddux last month.

“Why was the mathematics book depressed?” Giles said.

After the 333-game winner pondered the question for a few seconds, Giles slowly delivered the punch line.

“Because it had a lot of problems.”

Giles laughed as if he were the second coming of Robin Williams, slapped Maddux in the left arm and walked away. Maddux, appearing perplexed, resumed answering questions from a reporter.

Giles returned a few second later, speaking slowly, like an athlete who took too many shots to the helmet. He stared into Maddux's bemused face.

“Greg, here's another one. What kind of waves are the really small ones in the ocean?”


“Micro waves.”

Giles giggled and walked back to his dressing stall.

A trace of a grin appeared on Maddux's face. Then Maddux resumed the interview.

Giles returned in about 30 seconds – naked – and said, “Greg, what kind of language does a porcupine use?

“Spine language.”

Maddux belly-laughed. Giles roared and, now content, the right fielder made a triumphant return to his clubhouse stall.

“I guess it's funnier when he tells the joke without wearing any clothes,” Maddux said.

As we remember, Maddux finds things much funnier when a naked man is involved.

Eddie Griffin is a Douche

Eddie Griffin crashed a rare Ferrari Enzo worth $1.5 million into a concrete barrier while practicing at a racetrack Monday, destroying the car but escaping uninjured.

Eddie Griffin starred in Double take, Pizza Parlor Derek's favorite movie

The comedian was practicing for a charity race to promote his upcoming film, "Redline," when he drove too fast around a curve at the Irwindale Speedway.

"Undercover Brother's good at karate and all the rest of that, but the brother can't drive," Griffin said after the accident.

The Enzo, valued at around $1.5 million, was owned by the executive producer of "Redline," Daniel Sadek, whose exotic car collection is featured in the movie.

Sadek said that the car was damaged beyond repair and that he had "mixed feelings" about the wreck.

"I'm glad Eddie came out of the crash OK, but my dream car got destroyed," Sadek said. "I went to my trailer for about 15 minutes and I thought, there's people dying every day. A lot of worse things are happening in the world."

Only 400 Ferrari Enzos were ever produced, all between 2002 and 2004.

Garbajosa Injury

SCZA saw this live. Doesn't look too bad after the initial injury but notice the player who encourages Garbajosa to lie back so as not to look at it, then covers the injured ankle with a towel.

Rasheed's Buzzer Beater

With Denver up 3 and almost no time left all the Nuggets had to do was inbound the ball. Instead Rasheed Wallace stole the pass and did this...

Pistons won in overtime.

Munchies for Matzah

Marijuana may not be kosher for Passover, an Israeli group said. The Jerusalem Post reported Wednesday that Aleh Yarok, or the Green Leaf Party, sent a message to followers warning them that marijuana, made from hemp, could be considered kitniyot and therefore forbidden to Ashkenazim on the holiday. Kitniyot is a custom adopted by Ashkenazim that extends the Passover food ban to legumes, but Sephardim do consume kitniyot over the holiday.

"We are considering announcing a ban on everything containing hemp just to be on the safe side," party spokeswoman Michelle Levine told the Post. "We are going with the rabbis on this. People should remove all cannabis and hemp from their homes."

Monday, March 26, 2007

Proud Papa

Peyton's Shining Moment

The Manning skit from SNL that jusTON recommended.

During the dress rehearsal of Peyton's monologue, Amy Poehler was dressed in a Patriots jersey and heckled Peyton, saying "What does Tom Brady and the Circus have in common? They both have two more rings than you."

Peyton stared right back and said, "That's not the ONLY thing he'll have two more of....."

This didn't make the final cut probably because it never happened. I do not trust internet posters.

Funny Name

This name isn't funny in the Matt Haryasz or Chris Porn kinda way, it just kind of awkward.


So Close

Thanks to Rutgers' surprising (to everyone but me) run to the Final Four I ascended to 716th in ESPN's Women's Tournament challenge, out of about 140,000 entries. But thanks to LSU's ass kicking of UConn, but my final game teams are out, and my run ends here.
It was fun while it lasted.
Now I will be rooting for Rutgers to win it all. I strongly encourage all Poopheads to watch Rutgers-LSU on Sunday.

Bad Car Accident

Duaner Sanchez who injured his shoulder in a freak car accident last July, leading to the Oliver Perez trade, is probably going to have another surgery on his shoulder.
He has hairline fracture in the front of his right shoulder and likely will be out until at least August.
The fracture is of the coracoid bone, which is a small bone in the front of the shoulder to which two tendons and a ligament are attached.
The surgery for Sanchez's type of injury involves securing the fracture with a screw in the shoulder.
If Sanchez has surgery, he will be able to resume his rehab six-to-eight weeks after. He may also consider rest to see if it heals on its own.
When told Sanchez is out til August, closer Billy Wagner turned to Aaron Heilman, who will likely assume role of primary setup man, and said: "guess that means Aaron you've got three innings and I've got one."
Heilman said the whole Mets bullpen will have to pull together, just like last year.

If the Mets can weather the storm and stay .500 or better into July they will get back Pedro and Sanchez which would be a huge boost to their playoff run.

Stories People Want to Read

SCZA raising an interesting point in his post about Lastings Milledge's love for the Rocky movies.
He asks why do newspapers save cool nuggets like this for their blogs, and print the same boring game stories in their papers.
The reason is a simple generational gap. The old time sports fan, as epitomized by Mike and the Mad Dog, doesn't care about the athletes. They just want to watch the games and want the players to be quiet and not have any personality. Mad Dog literally said the words "I don't care what Greg Oden or some 19 year old college kid has to say."
But the younger generation, the one that reads blogs and uses the internet, finds a peek into a player's personal life and personality to be interesting.
It's why Sports Illustrated changed the front of their magazine to feature more of their SI Players -- which has interviews with players, workouts, views on pop culture, etc.
It's why the younger generation enjoys the antics of guys like Chad Johnson.
It's why the younger generation liked when Lastings Milledge high fived the fans after a game tying home run, and the older generation rolled over in their graves.

This is an issue I think a lot about because I consider myself an old school fan who likes the games first and foremost, but I also like to learn about the players who play them.

He Did What?

Pizza Parlor Derek is taking guesses on what he did for the first time this weekend.
I think he has had sex before, even though he may not be able to remember back that far.
I don't think he would ever root for Georgetown.
And I don't think he carries a spare tire in his car so if he got a flat he'd have to call Triple A or PPKA.
So that leaves only one thing.
PPD bought a Carrie Underwood CD.

derek's neighbors will be begin to wonder why he screams OH GOD everytime he plays Jesus take the wheel

Mets Idol

The Mets are holding and Idol like competition with the winner singing the National Anthem at a future Mets game.
The first 100 people on line will get free tickets.
I expect Greco to be camped out ready to sing "Fly Me To The Moon."

The Wright Song

David Wright has officially taken his search for new entrance music to the fans.
Now you can officially cast your vote. They have about 20 - 25 choices and I of course will be voting for last week's SOTW, "Welcome to the Black Parade."

Mascot Dies

A 21-year-old University of North Carolina student who served as a mascot for the school's basketball team died Monday, three days after he was hit by an SUV while walking along a highway.
Jason Ray, who dressed up as UNC's ram mascot, Rameses, had been in critical condition since the accident on Route 4 Friday afternoon. He had been in New Jersey for the NCAA tournament at Continental Airlines Arena.
According to police, Ray left his hotel to go to a nearby convenience store Friday afternoon, and was walking back along Route 4 when he was struck from behind by an SUV. The driver stopped immediately to call 911. No charges have been filed.
Police said Gagik Hovsepyan, 51, the driver who hit Ray, had a valid driver's license and did not appear to be under the influence of alcohol or drugs. His son was asleep in the SUV at the time, police said.

They were staying at the Hilton in Fort Lee which is right by the GW bridge which I pass everyday on my way to work. There is a convenience store, and a cheap beer place right near there, but there is a small stretch where there is no sidewalk and no shoulder. I can only imagine that is where the accident occurred.

Sunday, March 25, 2007


When their photographer's camera was stolen shortly after they exchanged vows, Karen and Tory Nordlinder figured they'd never have keepsakes of their wedding day.
This week, they got a pleasant surprise when the camera turned up in a vacant lot near a lake, a year after it disappeared.
The lot's owner, Leslie Mason, said that her son was cutting down trees and spotted the camera. Inside was contact information for the photographer, Charles Boesen, Mason said.
When he got it back, Boesen plugged the camera's memory card into his computer and the photos appeared instantly. "My reaction, I almost cried," Boesen said. "I'm thinking,this bride is going to be so overjoyed when she finds out."
"There's no telling how long that camera was down here," he said. "What's amazing is how those pictures survived the elements -- the rain, the snow, the freezing temperatures, right alongside the lake."
Karen Nordlinder said she couldn't express how happy she was to see the photos.
"We just thought, 'Oh well, we've got our memories,"' she said. "This is just something I never thought we'd see. Ever."

Will They Ever Learn?

Just got a disturbing text message from Michael.
He was bragging about his perfect weekend in Tournament Challenge. True Michael did get these 12 games all right and he is now in the top 0.3% of tournament challenge entries.
But there are still three games left to play so I say to Michael what a wise man once said to me:
"Don't count your chickens before they are in your basket."

What Will The Mets Do?

The Mets are faced with big decisions on their two best young prospects.

They have seemingly decided to make Mike Pelfrey the fifth starter, by saying that Park and Sele will start the season in the bullpen. But the schedule doesn't require a fifth starter for a couple of weeks.

Should they send Pelfrey to AAA New Orleans to get some work?
Should they bring him north with the big club and have him work with "The Jacket" for a couple weeks?
Should they leave him in Florida to get some work in extended spring training?

I say leave him in Florida. I am relieved that they seemed to be ready to give him the 5th spot instead of hoping that their minimal investments in Park and Sele will pay off.

And then there's the Lastings Milledge quandary.

While spring training stats don't matter very much, it warrants mentioning that in a similar number of at bats, Shawn Green is batting .171 and Lastings Milledge is batting .444.

I criticized the trade for Green last year precisely because it took a chance away from Milledge. Then the Mets went out and signed Alou.

So what do they do from here? Platoon Green and Milledge? Send Milledge down?

If it were up to me I would dump Shawn Green right now. He stinks. He is no longer a productive player.

I think the Mets will send him down, for two reasons. One they love Endy Chavez and want to keep him as the fourth outfielder. Second, they want to trade him midseason for some pitching. The best way to increase his value is to send him down and have him tear up Triple A. The Mets do have some other reportedly good young outfield prospects but I would hate to see Milledge get away because Shawn Green sucks.

I Know Women

Thanks to Texas and failed guesses at Nevada and Southern Illinois, I am out of the running in the Men's Tournament Challenge Group because Mike has all the same games as me from this point on.

But thanks to a slew of upsets of #2 seeds, none of which I picked to go very far and a monumental upset by Rutgers of overall #1 Duke, I rocketed up the Women's Tournament Challenge Leaderboard, hitting the top 2%, in 2937th overall.
But my runner-up pick Oklahoma was eliminated by Mississippi despite 31 points and 20 rebounds from Courtney Paris.

Also that Rutgers-Duke game was a classic with a heart stopping ending. Rutgers took a 1-point lead late then stole the ball with 5.6 seconds left. Duke fouled, but it didn't put them into the bonus. So Rutgers had to inbound. They went for a long pass but Essence Carson threw it short, and Lindsay Harding stole it. She drove into the lane and four Rutgers players fouled her simultaneously with a tenth of a second left.
Harding the ACC player of the year needed one to tie, two to take the lead...and she missed them both.

Jealous of Peyton Manning

Peyton Manning has two things Pizza Parlor Derek wants: a Super Bowl ring and a picture with Carrie Underwood.

Manning hosted Saturday Night Live and according to Sports Illustrated (I have yet to ask SNL's biggest fan, Mrs. Poop's Mom what she thought), Peyton did a pretty good job.

PPD is also pissed that in referencing athletes on SNL, Manning didn't mention Joe Montana going upstairs to masturbate.