Happy Birthday Kate

Happy Birthday to my beloved Kate.

My beautiful gorgeous Kate.

The one woman in this crazy world who was made specifically for me.

Every year on June 10th, I'm reminded just how lucky I am to have her in my life.

A Video Game for Mrs. Poop

Mrs. Poop's favorite 1980s sitcom is Perfect Strangers. She loves the hilarious antics of Balky Bartokomous and his Cousin Larry. Her favorite episode revolves around Balky making his famous dessert, bippi bopkas. It's dumb for sure, but not as dumb as this new video game where she can be Balky and make all his dreams come true.

Song of the Week

"Didn't I (Blow Your Mind Your This Time)" The Delfonics
A classic early 70s soul jam.

3000 Words (Best Weekend Ever Edition)

Chase's pre-school graduation from childcare program at Fair Lawn High School

Johan Santana's no-hitter

Turkey leg at the DARE carnival

Fuck You St. Louis Post-Dispatch

The Cardinals hometown paper, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, put an asterisk on Johan Santana's no-hitter because of the missed call. Fuck you assholes. Karmic retribution will be revisited on the Cardinals who will not pitch another no-hitter for 50 years. Let's see how they like it.

Sure Took You Long Enough

The 8-thousand and twentieth time is the charm. The New York Mets have their first no-hitter in franchise history.
My father and I have a long-standing debate over whether he can actually jinx no-hitters. He has called me so many times to tell me to put the game on, to ask if I'm watching, and each time the first hit was struck shortly after. He insisted that his calls had nothing to do with it. I told him his success rate was zero on calling and getting me to watch a no-hitter. Might as well try a different strategy. And this time, he was here with me in my house, so he couldn't call me.
And it's a good thing he was. Often on Friday nights I record the Mets game and watch something else with Mrs. Poop. Best case scenario, I would have seen it only delay. But in this case two things were set to record on the DVR. So if not for wanting to watch the game with Papa Poop, I might not have seen it at all.
And it's great that it happened on a Friday night. This could have been a Tuesday 10pm start in San Diego. But it was Friday when Mets fans were home, and even if they weren't watching they got an e-mail (though no one should be e-mailing during a no-hitter) saw a tweet or a Facebook post, and I'm sure by the end every serious Mets fan (except for Damino) was praying for the end of this dreaded streak.
If it couldn't be Tom Seaver, or Dwight Gooden in his short but spectacular prime, I am glad Johan was the pitcher to do it. Some teams have no-hitters by journeymen like Philip Humber, AJ Burnett and Bobo Holloman. The first (and hopefully not the last) no-hitter in Mets history was thrown by one of the best pitchers in franchise history.

Don't be confused by the announcers' talk, there is no way Terry Collins was taking Johan out of this game. Maybe if it were another franchise, but not the Mets. We needed this one, we deserved this one. And Johan said there was no way he was going to give up the ball.
It was funny to watch Santana bat in the 9th inning. It was probably the first time anyone ever went to the plate planning not to swing and hoping to strike out, not walk.
I think we can all agree after having seen the replay that the Beltran foul ball should have been ruled fair and a hit. But that's just part of the game. Maybe this is the Universe giving what it took from Armando Galarraga to a fan base that could really use it. I don't think it should diminish what Johan accomplished because he pitched a great game and still had to get 27 guys out without allowing a hit.

The second most tense moment of the game involved Mike Baxter slamming into the wall but holding on for a catch. Yadier Molina (that fuckin guy) hit one deep to left and Baxter grabbed it before smashing into the wall. It looks like he hurt his arm, maybe shoulder, so hopefully he won't be out very long. But it should surprise no one that overcoming a curse like this required some human sacrifice.
Did you all see the idiot fan in the Gary Carter jersey?

He actually made it into the pile before security beat his ass.

Every Mets game after the first opponent's hit Chris Majkowski, the producer for the Mets radio broadcast on WFAN, tweets out the particulars of the hit followed by the hashtag #nottonightboss. Now he was finally able to send this tweet: Tonight. Boss.

The folks at nonohitters.com updated their website to say "The streak ends at 8,019: Santana no-hits Cards."
What are they going to do now?
What is Majkowski going to do now?
What am I going to do now?

In a big way the experience of being a Mets fan is defined not by success but by failure. Not just abject failure, close-to-the-top, soul-crushing failure. The Mets always make you believe, and usually let you down. The no-hitter streak exemplifies that. The Mets have always been a franchise of great pitchers. And it's not like they haven't had chance, 35 1-hitters in team history.
That's the whole identity of being a Mets fan. Of always being second to the Yankees, always coming up short. But not tonight, Johan changed all that. Next time a Mets pitcher takes a no-hitter into the 7th or 8th, maybe Papa Poop won't even bother calling, and if he doesn't maybe I won't even get upset.
Because finally a New York Mets pitcher has pitched a no-hitter. Something I have been waiting my entire life to see has finally happened.

The Riches of the Father

UCLA will be suiting up a new freshman cornerback this season, a kid named Justin Combs. If the last name sounds familiar it is because Justin is the son of Sean Combs aka Puff Daddy aka P-Diddy aka Diddy aka Diddy Dirty Money. Combs will be attending UCLA on a football scholarship and this has some people upset. They don’t think the son of a guy with a net worth of half-a-billion dollars should be getting a free ride to attend school. Not when the state’s education system is broke. Not when so many underprivileged students can’t afford to attend UCLA.
The school says athletic scholarships are handed out based on merit, not need. If Combs is a good athlete and an adequate student (and he’s reportedly better than that) he earned this scholarship and he deserves it.
This is a big problem in this country right now, attacking the rich based on some misguided notion of what is fair.
Basically the argument goes like this: either it is unfair that one kid has a ridiculously rich father AND a football scholarship, or it’s unfair that a kid who earned a football scholarship should have to pay for college just because he can afford to.
It will be a real shame if this attitude pervades America so deeply that rich and successful people and their children are begrudged their wealth and success, even when they’ve clearly worked hard to earn what they have.
Justin Combs should go to UCLA, play hard, study hard and grow into a fine young man.
Sean Combs should count his money. And if he wants to give some of it to the school as a donation or to a needy kid for an education, that would be great. And if he doesn’t, then that’s fine too.

Song of the Week

"Call Me Maybe" - Carly Rae Jepsen
The latest teeny-bopper pop song that I love.
"Hey, I just met you
And this is crazy
But here's my number
So call me maybe"

Journalistic Ethics

A Romanian TV weatherman was supposed to file a story about heavy winds along the Black Sea. But he was late to the scene and the wind had died down. So he had his production assistant assist in the production of a sandstorm. But his idiot cameraman panned out too wide and you can see the guy kicking the sand:

He Knew Exactly Who They Were

Bill Clinton gets photographed at a party with porn stars Tasha Reign and Brooklyn Lee, who incidentally won Best New Starlet and Best Sex Scene at this year's AVN Awards. This reminds me of Mike Wilbon's photo with a porn star nearly 4 years.

Greed is Not Good

Thomas Langenbach, who lives in a $2 million home in San Carlos, Calif., and is a top executive at German software giant SAP, allegedly plastered his homemade bar codes on Legos at the Cupertino Target. After taking them home, he sold them on eBay using the name “tomsbrickyard,” according to police.
"In his house, we found hundreds of boxes of unopened Lego sets," Liz Wylie, a spokeswoman for the Mountain View police, told the Mercury News. "He sold 2,100 items in just over a year on eBay, and made $30,000.”v Police were tipped off by loss prevention officers at Target. They spotted him on security tape buying the toys at unsanctioned discounts (he'd mark down $100 sets to $30) and put out fliers alerting clerks to the scam.
On May 8, a loss prevention officer on duty at the Mountain View Target recognized Langenbach and trailed him through the store, observing as he allegedly placed his own bar codes on several items. After he checked out, store security detained him until police arrived.
Armed with a search warrant, cops found a massive stockpile of Legos in Langenbach’s house, as well as dozens of his homemade bar code stickers in his car.


Interesting scam perpetrated by Langenbach and quite genius actually. He didn't get caught because of a flaw in his system, it was his greed that allowed him to be apprehended. I have always said this about counterfeiters. If you can make really good counterfeit bills you can probably pass them at any store in town and get away with it. What's wrong with never paying for a meal or gas or groceries ever again with little fear of getting caught. The problem is when they get greedy and try to buy a Jaguar in cash.
And this is what brought down Mr. Langenbach. And he probably didn't even need the money. He was an executive at SAP and living in a fancy home. He probably did it just for the thrill of getting away with something. If I were to do this I would go once a week to Target, maybe to Toys R Us, perhaps to a couple different locations and buy one set at a time. You'd be the best dad ever, and could even make a few bucks on eBay if you choose to fence the items. But when you buy 2,000 Lego sets you start to raise suspicion.

Song of the Week

"Set Adrift on Memory Bliss" - PM Dawn
I remember when these guys were really hot. But this unique style didn't really catch on. It was just a few weeks ago, Billie told me this song was sampled from "True" by Spandau Ballet. Turns out one of the guys from Spandau Ballet co-wrote this song.

What is She Hiding?

Bloomberg reporter Sara Eisen caught with her pants down (skirt up?) when they suddenly put the camera on her after the previous reporter had an audio issue.




What the hell was that between her legs? I am guessing it was the battery pack for the mic, but I have never seen one that big. Usually its just a small little box clipped to a belt. Not a giant box like that.

Crazy. Poor thing got embarrassed on the internet and she actually handled it quite well.



Story suggested by Gnitsark

Song of the Week

"Let's Get It" - G-Dep featuring Diddy and Black Rob
G-Dep recently turned himself in for a murder he committed 20 years ago. He robbed and shot a man and fled without knowing if his victim would recover. He didn't, but G-Dep got away with murder literally. The case was never solved and wasn't even being pursued anymore when G-Dep walked into the precinct and confessed. He says he did it to "get right with God" but I think he was hoping for more leniency in prosecution. He got convicted on second degree murder and will serve 15 years.

Prom Nightmare

Prom is the most important day in any high school girl’s life. There is so much to worry about, finding the right dress, the right boy, the right hairstyle. So much needs to be arranged, the pre-prom party, the post-prom party, the limo. And once you’ve got all those things you want to go someplace really pretty to take pictures.

In Fair Lawn that place is the park behind our house. Almost the entire school goes there to take pictures with their friends, since they know everyone else they know is going to be there. This year because Chase was in the child care program at the high school we went so he could take pictures with his senior buddies.

Note: there are many great photos of Chase in his baseball tie with teenage girls in prom dresses but I feel a little weird about posting hot barely legal tail on this blog. If you're into that sort of thing, check out Mrs. Poop’s Facebook page.

These girls were so excited to see Chase and so happy to take pictures with him. Even though it was their day they made time for this petulant toddler.

Note: the buddies were so nice to Chase that Mrs. Poop and Mama Poop were nearly reduced to tears.

Much like the Fair Lawn High School prom, the students from Kettle Moraine High School in Oconomowoc, Wisconsin found a beautiful location for pictures, a friend’s lake house. They all gathered on the pier for this lovely photo:

And then the dock collapsed. And someone snapped this photo:

As funny as that is I do feel badly for these poor kids who had their prom ruined, especially the one in the white dress using every ounce of tricep strength she has to avoid becoming submerged and see-through.

There is only one winner here, the guy on the far left holding onto his date. If he got her back on land dryshod you know he got laid that night.

What Happened to Lark Voorhies?

The former Saved by the Bell sweetheart has seen better days. Even Screech wouldn't hit that now. Her face looks puffy now, and not just from weight gain but possibly from cheek injections. She is 38, but looks more like 50.

Story Suggested By Razor

Don't Be Like Mike, Rest When You Have the Flu

Gatorade does not cure the flu. Just wanted to make sure you knew that, especially if you have seen the latest Gatorade commercial. It shows Michael Jordan during the famous “Flu Game” in 1997. The ad shows him looking sick, drinking Gatorade (or something from a Gatorade cup) and then dribbling and hitting shots. All the while, Phil Jackson talking about Michael Jordan’s will to win. The Public Health Advocacy Institute wants the Federal Trade Commission to pull the ad because it “openly promotes engaging in vigorous physical activity while suffering a very high fever.” It wants Pepsi to come out with new advertising to promote the government recommendation that people with the flu should stay home and rest. Because this ad sends a terrible message to teens that they should play through injuries and win at all costs.

Song of the Week

"I'll Always Love My Mama" - The Intruders
You may recognize this sample from "Get Involved" by Raphael Saadiq and Q-Tip.
Happy Mother's Day Mom.

Quick Questions

1) If you have sex in Denver does that mean you joined the Mile High Club?

2) I left three dollars bills in my pants when they went in the wash. Is that technically money laundering?

3) I think Kate Upton is hot in this picture of her wearing a suit and tie. Does that make me gay?

Let Me Upgrade You

The last two times the UFC came to New Jersey (still not regulated in New York) I tried to get tickets but the upper level (affordable tickets) had sold out in the presales, before they went on to the public.
So when I heard UFC on Fox 3 was coming to the IZOD Center I didn't even feel like wasting my time. But then the morning they went on sale I decided to e-mail TON and see if he wanted to go. He e-mailed me back 19 minutes late and said “do it!” So I did.
But we had horrible seats. $65 buys a seat in row 21 (of about 24) in a corner section of the upper level. We sat there for most of the undercard (we arrived early, wanting to get our money’s worth). And right before the main card was set to begin I heard someone say “you guys want to move down?” I thought it was the guy next to us talking to his friend, but it was actually an usher passing out a stack of tickets.
You may remember a similar thing happened to us when we went to see Kimbo Slice fight in Elite XC. But that time they made an announcement asking people to move down, and people dashed down the steps. This time the usher was much more selective. People a couple rows ahead of us were not given the upgrade. We were quite literally in the right place at the right time.
Our new seats were in the back of the lower level as opposed to the back of the upper.

In our new digs we were right in the middle of the action, we saw Tim Boetsch walking down the aisle (an being heckled by a loudmouth behind us. Clay Guida was walking into the tunnel to our left. Joseph Benavidez was in the luxury box behind us. And after the fights (we stayed for all the post-fight interviews, and to see Diaz walk out) we ran into Jon Fitch who was incredibly gracious, taking pictures with anyone who asked.

We also saw an unusual number of women dressed like they were going to meet their future husband. Fancy dresses, high heels, hair did, lots of makeup. I guess they just wanted the attention. But they were totally outshone by the girls at the Harley-Davidson booth.

But on to the fights:

Not much to say about the undercard. John Dodson fought Tim Elliot in a very entertaining flyweight fight. Both guys are very athletic and tried some crazy moves. But it wasn’t a great fight. Dodson won a decision and did his backflip.
Louis Gadinot (the one with the green hair) was also pretty exciting. He got a standing guillotine and was able to get the tap with just a few seconds left in the round.
While TON and I were talking between fights I had mentioned that I noticed an unpleasant trend in MMA lately. The sport seemed to have progressed to a point where fighters are so good at picking their spots and counter-punching, that the aggressiveness has gone out of the sport. I truly believe that someone with the same talent and fighting style as Chuck Liddell used when he was a champion, wouldn’t make it in the UFC today. You can’t just wing crazy punches, you will get knocked out.
Pat Barry is the perfect example of this. I love the guy, he is one of the most exciting fighters ever and a joy to watch. He is the practitioner of vicious leg kicks (we could hear them make contact from our new seats). But he is now 3-5 in his last 8 fights. And in 3 of those losses (Crocop, Congo and Lavar Johnson) he had a major advantage, but instead of playing it safe, he kept up the aggressiveness and got caught. Against Johnson he actually had a takedown, and a full mount, and almost a mounted crucifix. He lost that position and when the fight returned to its feet, Johnson unloaded on him, hitting him with at least 15 strikes before knocking him down, at which point the ref jumped in and saved Barry.
Maybe TON and I were among the few UFC aficionados in our new section because when some loudmouth yelled out “watch for the heel hook” 1 second into the Whosimmar PaulHarris – Alan Belcher fight, we were the only two people laughing. Belcher almost paid the price for ignoring that advice. He willingly got himself into a crazy grappling match with a guy known for breaking limbs. It was quite a technical ground battle, very enjoyable to watch. But in the arena you have to look at the monitors for most of the ground fighting, impossible to see whether chokes are sunk in, and other positioning nuances, when the fighters are on top of each other and obscured by the ref, the cameraman and or the Octagon posts. Belcher slithered his way out of PaulHarris’s grip and delivered some of the most devastating ground n pound I’ve ever seen. Real, clean, hard shots right to the face.

In case you couldn’t hear it at home, the crowd was chanting “Fuck You Koscheck” during his fight against Johnny Hendricks. I hate Josh Koscheck too and really wanted to see him get his ass beat. He lost in a mostly boring split decision. Right after the fight I had thought he won but on watching it again I can see why the judges scored it as they did. Koscheck won the first round clearly. Hendricks didn’t do too much in round 2, but Koscheck did nothing, zero. He didn’t lead out once the entire fight. Several times the crowd booed as the two fighters played patty-cake instead of throwing punches. So Hendricks won round 2 by default. In round 3 Hendricks came and landed some good combinations, but he got taken down with 2 minutes left. Normally that is the kiss of death as far as judge’s scoring goes. But Kos did so little damage while on top, it was almost a win for Hendricks. And that’s what it became.
The main event was another good versus evil matchup as the crowd was solidly behind hometown boy (“he’s from Whippany”) Jim Miller instead of mental defective Nate Diaz. Diaz dominated round 1 and toyed with Miller in round 2, mocking him and urging him to punch. And finally he cracked Miller, got his back and choked him out. We did not know this in the arena at the time but Miller lost his mouthpiece and was getting choked with his tongue out of his mouth. Joe Rogan said he was being forced to bite off his own tongue.
That was about the only thing we missed by being in the arena. Even though you can see the fight much better on TV, the in-arena atmosphere was awesome and I would love to go again next time the UFC comes to town. Though I doubt we’ll ever get so many good fights and the same good seats.