A Beatdown is in Order

We all know kids can be cruel but this takes it to a new level. Four junior high school students in Rochester, NY harassed a bus monitor so horribly they reduced her to tears. You don’t have to watch the entire 10-minute video, just enough to get the idea.





They called her fat, a troll, poor, stupid and then at the very end came the clincher. One of the students said “you don’t have a family because they all killed themselves because they didn’t want to be near you.” Little did they know (or maybe they did know), her son killed himself 10 years ago. The video cuts off right after that remark so we don’t know how she reacted. But when I first heard this story I said she should have just ignored them. They were kids being kids calling her fat and she should have just let it go. But it went on for 10 minutes. And then that personal comment at the end. She should have killed them all.



The video went viral and an effort was started to raise $5,000 to send her on a nice vacation. It already has $208,000 as of mid-Thursday.

And He's Still Better Than Jon Sterling

Texas Rangers announcer Dave Barnett had some kind of on-air mental health incident. Watch, it starts at 45 seconds in (cuz MLB yanked down all other videos):



"2-1 game, tying run at second, leadoff single by Chase Headley. Go-ahead run is at fifth on what Adams is insisting on calling it a botched robbery. Actually happened was his henchman took a piece literally out of, uh, its..."

Barnett says he was just having a severe migraine. Seems like it might have been something more serious than that. Though he did finish the game without anymore gibberish. Not as funny though as the time reporter Serene Branson had a stroke on live TV.

Headline suggested by DKL

Song of the Week

"Real Love" - Eric Benet
Three good reasons to love this song, Eric Benet, falsetto and lyrics that perfectly describe my marriage to Mrs. Poop.

"I love you
Not just for who you are
But the way you made
A better man out of me"

"Now you got your funny ways girl
Lord knows I've got mine
Still we keep on getting better
And better, all the time
Cuz we got something real, babe"

"We can't go wrong
if we just hold on
Ain't nothing stronger
Cuz we've got something real
real love, real love
In a world full of make-believe"

"I'll bet everything, everything, on you and me"

The Truth Shall Set You Free

I found it nearly impossible to believe pre-season speculation saying that because R.A. Dickey unburdened himself of some personal demons in his book, he would start to pitch better. But something has certainly happened because is currently on the best streak of any starting pitcher in the history of baseball.

He is the first pitcher in 100 years at least to pitch two consecutive complete game 1-hitters, with 10 strikeouts or more in each.

Let's go back 6 starts:
6-0 - which matters because these games are unloseable
48 2/3 innings - out of 54 possible which is huge because bringing in your bullpen hurts you in the current game, and in games down the line
1 earned run - that translates into a 0.18 ERA
21 hits, 5 walks - 26 baserunners, that's a WHIP of .53
63 strikeouts - that's 11.65 Ks/9 innings. Those are power pitcher numbers.

A knuckleballer is not supposed to be able to do this. The knuckleball is supposed to be a fickle mistress who dances to her own whims. But Dickey has been remarkably consistent. If you remove his 8 runs in 4 1/3 innings in the rain in Atlanta, his ERA falls to a tiny 1.33.

Who knows if this can last. Chances are it won't. But this run he is on is truly historic. And it couldn't happen to a nicer guy. Nor one who deserves and appreciates his success more than Dickey.

Did She Hurt Her Eyelashes Too?

Suzanne Pierce is suing the Phillie Phanatic. In 2010 she was sitting in a lounge chair at a hotel where she was to attend her sister's wedding. The Phillie Phanatic was performing there, unrelated to the wedding. During his comic routine he picked up Pierce, and her chair, and threw her into the pool.

According to the lawsuit, Pierce "suffered severe and permanent injuries to her head, neck, back, body, arms and legs, bones, muscles, tendons and ligaments, nerves and tissues of her head, neck, back, arms and legs, including, but not limited to, a herniated L-5, S-1, aggravation and/or exacerbation of all known and unknown pre-existing medical conditions, internal injuries of an unknown nature..."

Oh is that all? I would normally have a lot of sympathy for Ms. Pierce. No one should be included in a comedy routine without their permission. And no one should ever be tossed, thrown or shoved into a pool without their consent. That could be a very dangerous activity.

But this is ridiculous. Damage to her muscles, tendons and ligaments? We get it, you're hurt. Pick the parts of your body that are hurt most, that you can prove were damaged and go with that. This Chicken Little medical report undermines her credibility.

Father of the Year

As a father you know in your heart you would do anything to protect your children. Would you, could you, do this?
A 23-year-old Texas man beat a guy to death because he was molesting his 4-year old daughter.
"The victim was an acquaintance of the girl's father who came to the barn to help care for some horses.
The adults were shoeing a horse and had sent the 4-year-old and her brother to feed chickens when the attack occurred.
The children's grandfather said the boy returned to alert his father that the little girl had been taken away by a man. The father found the pair partially naked.
In the course of trying to get her away from him, and protect her, he struck the subject several times in the head and the subject died."
He won't be charged with a crime (unless new evidence emerges refuting this story). If it's true this guy is a hero. And I hope if I were ever in that situation, I would do the same thing.

Can't Grieve Forever

In February, right before the Super Bowl Peter King wrote a glowing article in Sports Illustrated about Patriots owner Robert Kraft. His beloved wife, Myra, had just died in July. King wrote:

Over the past six months Kraft's anguish over the death in July of his wife of 48 years has been continually evident. In his interview with SI he had to stop to compose himself four times when Myra's name came up

Well I guess he got over it now. Four months after he could barely speak Myra's name, he is banging actress Ricki Noel Lander. She is 32. Kraft is 71. They're not officially dating, Kraft calls her his "pal" but they've been spotted together several times, including at Celtics playoff games.

Now I don't begrudge him for moving on with his life. I just want to poke a little fun at the unseemly way he's doing it. It's always creepy when a man that old dates a chick that much younger than he is. But to do it less than a year after your wife died and act like you still miss her every day.

Maybe he is in this just for sex, and that's ok. Maybe it defiles Myra's memory a little less because he's not looking to replace her companionship. But it still gives me the hebejebies.






Story Suggested By Jay-No

One Questionable No-Hitter is Enough

Johan Santana's no-hitter was tainted enough (by a bad call on a ball that probably should have been ruled fair). Mets fans waited 50 years for the first one, we can wait more than 2 weeks for the second one.
The Rays only hit against R.A. Dickey was a slow roller to third. David Wright tried to barehand it (the right move with BJ Upton running) but he couldn't handle it. It was ruled a hit.
That is the correct call. But the Mets are appealing it to the league office. There is precedent for this, there is a committee imbued with the power to reverse official scorers' calls.
But in this case, this hit should stand as is. But the Mets are doing the right thing by trying, showing Dickey they stand behind him.

Song of the Week

"Nights Like This" - After 7

All That Money We Give to Africa Pays Off

I have often been a Sam Kinison-esque critic of "charity" given to Africa, saying it goes to enrich warlords, empowering them even more and actually worsening the condition of the people we are trying to help. But that's for a different post, for tonight we celebrate the American influence in Kenya:



A reenactment of Game 6 of the 1986 World Series. Absolutely brilliant. The kid playing Ray Knight even grabbed the back of his the way Knight did. I just wish they had used Bob Murphy's call instead of Vin Scully's.

What Really Happened

Shortly after 5pm on Saturday June 9th in California, a car being driven by Commerce Secretary John Bryson rear ended another car that was stopped at a railroad crossing waiting for a train to pass. He got out of the car, spoke to the passengers in the car he hit, presumably exchanged insurance information and then got back in his car. He hit the car again as he drove away. And five minutes later crashed into a different car. When police found him he was slumped over the steering wheel. He was taken to the hospital where I suppose it was determined that Bryson was not under the influence of drugs of alcohol. So what happened? Here’s the terse statement from the Commerce Department:

Secretary Bryson was involved in a traffic accident in Los Angeles over the weekend. He suffered a seizure. He was taken to the hospital for examination and remained overnight for observation. He was released and has returned to Washington. The investigation is ongoing.

It sounds to me like that statement was trying to convince people he had a seizure which caused the first accident, without actually coming out and saying it. I just don’t believe it’s possible that he could have blacked out and had a seizure causing the first accident. And then seemed normal enough that the people he hit let him get back in the car.

I think it’s more likely that Bryson was on the phone or texting while driving and crashed into the back of the first car. After that, he was so disoriented, or perhaps nervous, that caused the other two accidents. If he had a seizure (I would hate to think they would make that up), I think it would have come after the second accident (though it will almost be impossible to ever know for sure). But now Bryson has taken a leave of absence for the Commerce Department while doctors monitor his health for more unexpected seizures (he had never had one before).

Happy Birthday Kate

Happy Birthday to my beloved Kate.

My beautiful gorgeous Kate.

The one woman in this crazy world who was made specifically for me.

Every year on June 10th, I'm reminded just how lucky I am to have her in my life.

A Video Game for Mrs. Poop

Mrs. Poop's favorite 1980s sitcom is Perfect Strangers. She loves the hilarious antics of Balky Bartokomous and his Cousin Larry. Her favorite episode revolves around Balky making his famous dessert, bippi bopkas. It's dumb for sure, but not as dumb as this new video game where she can be Balky and make all his dreams come true.

Song of the Week

"Didn't I (Blow Your Mind Your This Time)" The Delfonics
A classic early 70s soul jam.

3000 Words (Best Weekend Ever Edition)

Chase's pre-school graduation from childcare program at Fair Lawn High School

Johan Santana's no-hitter

Turkey leg at the DARE carnival

Fuck You St. Louis Post-Dispatch

The Cardinals hometown paper, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, put an asterisk on Johan Santana's no-hitter because of the missed call. Fuck you assholes. Karmic retribution will be revisited on the Cardinals who will not pitch another no-hitter for 50 years. Let's see how they like it.

Sure Took You Long Enough

The 8-thousand and twentieth time is the charm. The New York Mets have their first no-hitter in franchise history.
My father and I have a long-standing debate over whether he can actually jinx no-hitters. He has called me so many times to tell me to put the game on, to ask if I'm watching, and each time the first hit was struck shortly after. He insisted that his calls had nothing to do with it. I told him his success rate was zero on calling and getting me to watch a no-hitter. Might as well try a different strategy. And this time, he was here with me in my house, so he couldn't call me.
And it's a good thing he was. Often on Friday nights I record the Mets game and watch something else with Mrs. Poop. Best case scenario, I would have seen it only delay. But in this case two things were set to record on the DVR. So if not for wanting to watch the game with Papa Poop, I might not have seen it at all.
And it's great that it happened on a Friday night. This could have been a Tuesday 10pm start in San Diego. But it was Friday when Mets fans were home, and even if they weren't watching they got an e-mail (though no one should be e-mailing during a no-hitter) saw a tweet or a Facebook post, and I'm sure by the end every serious Mets fan (except for Damino) was praying for the end of this dreaded streak.
If it couldn't be Tom Seaver, or Dwight Gooden in his short but spectacular prime, I am glad Johan was the pitcher to do it. Some teams have no-hitters by journeymen like Philip Humber, AJ Burnett and Bobo Holloman. The first (and hopefully not the last) no-hitter in Mets history was thrown by one of the best pitchers in franchise history.

Don't be confused by the announcers' talk, there is no way Terry Collins was taking Johan out of this game. Maybe if it were another franchise, but not the Mets. We needed this one, we deserved this one. And Johan said there was no way he was going to give up the ball.
It was funny to watch Santana bat in the 9th inning. It was probably the first time anyone ever went to the plate planning not to swing and hoping to strike out, not walk.
I think we can all agree after having seen the replay that the Beltran foul ball should have been ruled fair and a hit. But that's just part of the game. Maybe this is the Universe giving what it took from Armando Galarraga to a fan base that could really use it. I don't think it should diminish what Johan accomplished because he pitched a great game and still had to get 27 guys out without allowing a hit.

The second most tense moment of the game involved Mike Baxter slamming into the wall but holding on for a catch. Yadier Molina (that fuckin guy) hit one deep to left and Baxter grabbed it before smashing into the wall. It looks like he hurt his arm, maybe shoulder, so hopefully he won't be out very long. But it should surprise no one that overcoming a curse like this required some human sacrifice.
Did you all see the idiot fan in the Gary Carter jersey?

He actually made it into the pile before security beat his ass.

Every Mets game after the first opponent's hit Chris Majkowski, the producer for the Mets radio broadcast on WFAN, tweets out the particulars of the hit followed by the hashtag #nottonightboss. Now he was finally able to send this tweet: Tonight. Boss.

The folks at nonohitters.com updated their website to say "The streak ends at 8,019: Santana no-hits Cards."
What are they going to do now?
What is Majkowski going to do now?
What am I going to do now?

In a big way the experience of being a Mets fan is defined not by success but by failure. Not just abject failure, close-to-the-top, soul-crushing failure. The Mets always make you believe, and usually let you down. The no-hitter streak exemplifies that. The Mets have always been a franchise of great pitchers. And it's not like they haven't had chance, 35 1-hitters in team history.
That's the whole identity of being a Mets fan. Of always being second to the Yankees, always coming up short. But not tonight, Johan changed all that. Next time a Mets pitcher takes a no-hitter into the 7th or 8th, maybe Papa Poop won't even bother calling, and if he doesn't maybe I won't even get upset.
Because finally a New York Mets pitcher has pitched a no-hitter. Something I have been waiting my entire life to see has finally happened.

The Riches of the Father

UCLA will be suiting up a new freshman cornerback this season, a kid named Justin Combs. If the last name sounds familiar it is because Justin is the son of Sean Combs aka Puff Daddy aka P-Diddy aka Diddy aka Diddy Dirty Money. Combs will be attending UCLA on a football scholarship and this has some people upset. They don’t think the son of a guy with a net worth of half-a-billion dollars should be getting a free ride to attend school. Not when the state’s education system is broke. Not when so many underprivileged students can’t afford to attend UCLA.
The school says athletic scholarships are handed out based on merit, not need. If Combs is a good athlete and an adequate student (and he’s reportedly better than that) he earned this scholarship and he deserves it.
This is a big problem in this country right now, attacking the rich based on some misguided notion of what is fair.
Basically the argument goes like this: either it is unfair that one kid has a ridiculously rich father AND a football scholarship, or it’s unfair that a kid who earned a football scholarship should have to pay for college just because he can afford to.
It will be a real shame if this attitude pervades America so deeply that rich and successful people and their children are begrudged their wealth and success, even when they’ve clearly worked hard to earn what they have.
Justin Combs should go to UCLA, play hard, study hard and grow into a fine young man.
Sean Combs should count his money. And if he wants to give some of it to the school as a donation or to a needy kid for an education, that would be great. And if he doesn’t, then that’s fine too.

Song of the Week

"Call Me Maybe" - Carly Rae Jepsen
The latest teeny-bopper pop song that I love.
"Hey, I just met you
And this is crazy
But here's my number
So call me maybe"

Journalistic Ethics

A Romanian TV weatherman was supposed to file a story about heavy winds along the Black Sea. But he was late to the scene and the wind had died down. So he had his production assistant assist in the production of a sandstorm. But his idiot cameraman panned out too wide and you can see the guy kicking the sand: