Belmar is overrun by undesirable visitors from Staten Island, a fact Mr. Mayor obviously isn't too happy about.
Despite the fact that he is insulting my homeland I have to agree with all of his assessments and applaud his sense of humor.
SI Girl Behaving Badly
In our never-ending quest to keep our summer renters informed and our wider readership amused, we have culled the Belmar police blotter for items of potential educational value to our readers.
Which brought us to a reported incident earlier this summer in which two women had a spat in (you’ll never guess) D’Jais. Now, if that isn’t shocking enough, hold on to your seat: One of the women was from Staten Island!! (Unbelievable, right? Only one of the women? We thought all of the women in D’Jais are from Staten Island). The other woman was from, of all places, Boonton, NJ, which according to Google maps appears to be a suburb of either Towaco or Hibernia. (We’re guessing the Boonton girl was either in D’Jais on some kind of sick bet, or was practicing for an audition on Survivor. Then again, maybe she just happened by, saw the people on the line out front, and thought, “Cool, a costume party!”).
Anyway, the spat ended the way most fights with SI girls do. The SI woman grabbed the Boonton woman by the hair (we’re told that in Staten Island, this is the female equivalent of a guy kicking another guy in the groin – only without the warm and friendly connotations) – and began punching her face in.
We realize, so far, this is not exactly newsworthy.
Journalistically speaking, “SI woman punches other woman” is right up there with “Dog bites man.” But here’s the twist: As the Staten Island girl was pummeling the Boonton girl’s face, she used the hand she was still holding her drink glass in. Now, we’re not sure if the glass was stuck to her hand cause of all the hair spray or if this is a technique Staten Island girls learn in Brownies, but we are thankful she left her brass knuckles and straight razor in her other purse.
Anyway, after the blood was all mopped up and the Staten Island girl was carted off in handcuffs, the police got around to asking her why she tried to smash the Boonton woman’s face in with the glass.
Her answer was so obvious, the cops must have felt dumb for even asking: “. . .‘cause she got in my face.”
There's also this passage on guidos:
They flock to our shore towns during the warm months, and are as welcome as, oh, Canada Geese. They’re always tanned to the color of coconut shells, and easily identified by their plumage: satin shirts and short skirts on the females; Armani Exchange T-shirts and artfully distressed jeans on the males. The females favor bold hair styles and colorful make-up; the males tend to strut and flex their pumped up
muscles. The call of the Guido is bellowing, and frequently slurred, invariably starting with the sound, “Yo,” followed all too often by some creative variation on an expletive beginning with the letter, “F.”
1 comment:
These pictures are ALWAYS funny. I'm glad Belmar's elected officials know their town, at least in the summertime.
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