Mrs. Poop's Pussy -- Tonsils

Mrs. Poop had strep throat. Her throat was so sore and irritated, she wanted me to take a picture so she could she what her tonsils and uvula looked like. As you can see, lots of pus on her tonsils, pussy tonsils.
Thanks to modern photography, I got this crystal clear picture.

Cruisin' for a Bruisin'

It's not often that we include simple bruises in our ongoing collection of gruesome sports injuries -- but it's not every day we saw a bruise such as the one JJ Watt had on his upper leg, which he says he suffered during a game last September against the Bills.

Stick To Your Guns

Ten years ago, I attended the game when Syracuse retired the #44 and I wrote about it one of my first posts on this blog.
At the time I expressed disappointment with the decision, because there really wasn't a need to do so. It's not like past #44 wearers were disrespected by it, they're honored everywhere all the time at the school.
And SU forfeited the ability to use the number as a tool in recruiting.
Now SU has reversed course, and decided to unretire the number.
I disagree with it again. If you're going to do it, even if the decision maker is no longer around, I think you just need to stick with it.
Now the University looks even worse, and perhaps it can be interpreted as a gentle insult to those they were supposedly honoring.
Generally I try not to worry about how things look to the idiotic public, but seeing as how this is a total PR move, public reaction has to be considered, and I think reversing course on this is quite embarrassing.
To make matters worse, after receiving negative press for reversing course tried to make it seem like they weren't reversing course.

Senior Vice President for Public Affairs Kevin Quinn told syracuse.com's Chris Carlson that the No. 44 will continue to be worn in a "special circumstance," and that it would take "someone extraordinary given the honor it would be to wear 44."
"Yesterday's announcement was simply a reiteration of that commitment and another opportunity to celebrate the great accomplishments of those who have worn the number with Syracuse pride and honor," Quinn wrote. "The retired #44 jersey will continue in its place of honor at Dome — as a symbol of past glories and future successes."

This adds to the embarrassment of the serious NCAA sanctions, and the ridiculous misspelling of the last name of Roosevelt Bouie on the jersey given to him at a ceremony honoring him

and wide receiver Steve Ishmael also taking the field with a misspelled jersey.

Note: I can't believe I didn't post about this misspelled jerseys when they happened considering my love for such goofs.

I'm Gonna Be a Hot Commodity at the Pool This Summer

According to the internet, something called "dad bod" is the newest trend this season. If true, Mrs. Poop is going to have to spend her summer fighting off the lifeguards from trying to take her man.

"What do Simon Cowell, Jason Segel and Leonardo DiCaprio all have in common (apart from global fame and fortune)? They all boast a 'Dad Bod'.
A what-bod, you cry? Well, allow us to explain: the Dad Bod is the latest trend for the male physique.
Where once women craved six-packs that could grate cheese and biceps the size of tree trunks, now a cuddly torso and gentle paunch is all that's required, according to a blog post written by US student Mackenzie Pearson that has since gone viral.
In her post, Mackenzie describes the Dad Bod as "a nice balance between a beer gut and working out". She continues: "The dad bod says, 'I go to the gym occasionally, but I also drink heavily on the weekends and enjoy eating eight slices of pizza at a time.' It's not an overweight guy, but it isn't one with washboard abs, either."
Mackenzie argues that the physique is a hit with women because it is non-threatening, comfortable to cuddle up to and honest in the sense that it probably won't undergo any drastic transformation within the next 20 years (note: you don't have to be a father to have a Dad Bod; in fact it is perfectly acceptable to have one when you're still in your twenties). "While we all love a sculpted guy, there is just something about the dad bod that makes boys seem more human, natural, and attractive," she states.
The concept was an immediate hit with nicely squishy men everywhere, who took to Instagram without delay to show off their less-than-toned torsos and chunky arms. The account "Collegedadbods" has been quietly gaining momentum since the beginning of this year and has now become a fully-fledged homage to regular guys in all their glory."

Song of the Week

"Your Wildest Dreams" - The Moody Blues
My main reason for liking soul music and not really caring for the world of rock and pop is because those artists don't have anything to say. The songs are often a loosely connected string of words. But this song has hurt, and you can feel the singer's pain, lamenting over a love he lost, and wondering if she ever thinks about him. Once upon a time. In her wiiiiiiiildest dreams.

There's No Such Thing as Safe Sex

This is so well-written, I took it right from the NY Post:

When your parents told you about the birds and the bees, we bet they didn’t tell you that a penis up your poop chute could get you preggers.
Well, luckily, that’s because about 999,999 times in a million, it can’t. When Brian Steixner, M.D., a urologist with the Jersey Urology Group in Atlantic City, was in med school, though, he witnessed the “lucky” one in a million.
One night, a young, pregnant woman came into the emergency department complaining of spotting. While it’s relatively common for women to have light spotting during pregnancy, the blood was coming from her rectum. That — not so common.
The woman was born with what’s called a cloacal malformation. Meaning: When she was born, she didn’t have a urethra, vagina and anus. She just had one hole, called a cloaca. (FYI, birds have them.) The condition is incredibly rare, occurring in about one in 25,000 female live births, says Steixner (and it only occurs in girls — lucky us). While no one knows what causes it, it’s usually diagnosed at birth and repaired right away so that the baby has a separate urethra, vagina and rectum.
That’s what happened in this woman’s case. However, something went wrong. Either the surgery was botched or in response to the trauma of surgery, her body formed a fistula (an abnormal connection between organs), and her uterus fused to her rectum. So every month when Aunt Flo came to town, she had her period rectally. Meanwhile, her vagina was a dead end leading nowhere.
Crazy, right? During Steixner’s conversation with the woman, he says she mentioned that she exclusively had anal sex prior to getting pregnant. Well then, that would explain it: She got pregnant through anal sex. “It blew my mind,” he says. A few months later, she had a C-section (the doctors didn’t think she should attempt to “poop” out the baby), and the child was healthy, he says.
Steixner says he doesn’t know what happened to the woman after she had the baby. And while the case of a woman getting pregnant through anal sex due to a cloacal malformation is incredibly rare, being born with a cloaca can be incredibly difficult, even if it is repaired at birth.
“Building the walls to separate the three passages [the urethra, vagina and rectum] is delicate work,” he says. “The longer the walls need to be built, the closer surgeons get to the urethral and anal sphincters. Some women suffer from leakage of urine and stool their entire lives. It’s a huge psychological and quality-of-life issue.”
However, since you’re probably wondering, even if the urethra and anus don’t work 100 percent perfectly after cloacal repairs, everything — vagina included — does look pretty “normal.” Of course, no two vaginas look the same (true story!), but chances are, no guy would ever be down there, pause and ask, “What happened here?”

"I Googled Her"

Rickie Fowler's big win over the weekend was surely a nice boost to his career, but was even better for his girlfriend Alexis Randock.



After that clip of them making out on the 18th green went around the internet Google searches for her exploded. Including one from Michael Wilbon who said that after seeing her, no one can criticize Fowler ever again.

Because I know Googling someone is difficult, I did the work for you. Oh, and did I mention she is a bikini model?

Song of the Week

"Melancholy Hill" - Gorillaz
I don't really get or like their whole virtual band gimmick, but I do like this song enough.

A Brand New -- Treadmill!

Not every "The Price is Right" contestant can win a brand new car, some players have to settle for a hot tub and a treadmill.
Which is what Danielle Perez got. Only problem, -- she's in a wheelchair.


I get that it's not really their fault, they have to have the prizes set up before it is decided who will be playing for them.
Also, I don't believe you actually have to take the prize you win, you can exchange it for a prize of an equal value, or some sum of cash.
But the optics of it look pretty bad, a lady in a wheelchair trying to get excited about a treadmill she can never use.

On a happier note, another recent "The Price is Right" blooper, when model Manuela Arbalaez accidentally gave away a car:



But she's smoking hot so she got away with it.

Song of the Week

"Amenamy" - Purity Ring

The World is Full of Morons

The New York Times used the following headline for Bridgegate:

Christie Ally to Plead Guilty in New Jersey Bridge Closings

One clever twitter users changed that to Kirstie Alley (and photoshopped her picture into an NYT screen grab) and a bunch of less clever Twitter users believed the actress was involved, or maybe they were just playing along.

Song of the Week

"Shut Up and Dance" - Walk the Moon

Let's Go Mets

Finally our years of patience are paying off and the Mets are playing great.
They have an 11-game winning streak after a 2-3 start (exactly the same as the 1986 Mets) and I am loving it.
The year I turned 8 the Mets won the World Series. This is the year Chase turns 8 and he's starting to get into the Mets as well.
Obviously they are playing great, getting great pitching, timely hits and teams are not making them pay for their mistakes.

Here are some reasons to be hopeful:
1) They're due. Bad luck in close games has plagued them for years and now it could be reversing itself.
2) They're doing it without being at full strength. Wright, D'Arnaud and Wheeler are all hurt. And Mejia is suspended, though we can't be sure he'll be any good if he comes back and isn't on the juice.
3) Help is still on the way. Steve Matz, Noah Syndergaard and Rafael Montero could all be in the starting rotation by next year and Dilson Herrera, Brandon Nimmo and Michael Conforto give the Mets some good hitting prospects as well.

But there are also reasons to worry:

1) The current lineup is old, 5 regulars are 29 or older (Murphy, Duda, Wright, Cuddyer and Granderson). The starting rotation is built for long-term success, 6 - 8 years. The lineup doesn't match in youthfulness and lots of reinforcements will need to come, and develop in order for the team to have the success I desire.

2) We're stuck with Terry Collins. He's a bad manager and at some point if the Mets make the playoffs he will blow a series. But we're not getting rid of him now.
3) The fear of the trade deadline deal. It would be an absolute disaster if the Mets make a panic move in July to improve this team that trades a player like Matz or Syndergaard and brings in an older player with a limited window. The Mets must resist the talk-radio temptation to sacrifice the future to play for this year.

This is still a work in progress, but as we can all see, it's nearly finished.

Song of the Week

"Not for Long" - B.o.B. featuring Trey Songz

Bat This Around

When the Mets scored 7 runs in the 4th inning on Sunday, 12 men came to bat. This gave me a great opportunity to explain to Chase what batting around meant.
I described it as when all 9 men bat in the same inning.
Unbeknownst to me, a debate was raging in baseball circles over whether batting around meant all 9 men, or 10 (a more literal interpretation).
I think it's 9 because batting "around" means getting it back to the first hitter, though not necessarily in that inning.
The biggest thing I learned in my research on this topic, is that there is no consensus and no right answer.

Somebody Get Her a Fendi Bag

I have been in love with Britt McHenry for a long time, ever since the first time I saw her covering the Redskins.
If Erin Andrews can get a huge mainstream career off being press-box hot, what could McHenry do with much better looks, much better reporting, and a better personality?
Andrews is so wooden and cheesy, McHenry can actually have a real chat, without a script and be funny and charming. When her and Lindsay Czarniak get together it's totes adorbs dorbs.
But any chance McHenry had of someday hosting Dancing with the Stars or filling in for Kelly Ripa probably went out the window when she was caught on camera berating a tow company employee.



It seems like Britt was eating at a Chinese restaurant and her car was towed.
Anyone would be upset in that circumstance. Many of us have been victims of overzealous towing. A huge fight broke out between IHOP and McDonald's in Fair Lawn over this. We also don't know if the woman was rude to her first or what else might have been said.
Obviously, she should not have acted this way. It's not acceptable to treat people like this, under any circumstances. But there are a lot of mitigating factors here that make it less bad, in my opinion. I don't think a suspension was necessary, as this had nothing to do with her employer, except for maybe some minor embarrassment.
While doing research for this post (google image search), I notice a lot of glam pictures of here, which kind of makes me believe she is one of these women who just wants the attention, the dresses, the hair, the accolades, she doesn't care about sports or the news or anything more than being famous. I have met a lot of women, and some men, like this in my time.
And of course, because she is so gorgeous, she probably gets everything she wants all the time so she never learned how to react in adverse situations with combative people, because she's never been in them before.

By the way, the headline is a reference to the LL Cool J song "Around the Way Girl" when he says a "Fendi bag and a bad attitude" puts him in a good mood. Since she puts me in a good mood, and she has a bad attitude, Britt is just a Fendi bag away from perfection.

3000 Words - ECB Protester Edition

A protester jumps on a table, interrupts ECB President Mario Draghi,

showers him with confetti,

while wearing a shirt that says "end the ECB DICK-tatorship."

Song of the Week

"Sandwich and a Soda" - Tamia
Now we know how she keeps Grant Hill satisfied. But I doubt he drives a Chevy Nova.
Great use of a sample from Little Anthony and the Imperials "Shimmy Ko Ko Bop."

Free-Range Parenting

A couple in Maryland, Sasha and Daniel Meitiv, are under investigation for possible child neglect for allowing their children to walk around their neighborhood alone.
The kids are 10 and 6 years old and were allowed to go to the park at 4pm and told to return at 6.
At some point during that window of time, a man walking his dog called police non-emergency because he was concerned about their well-being.
A police officer showed up and turned the kids over to Children's Protective Services.
That to me is bad enough, an alarmist douche calls the cops because kids are walking alone. It's not like they were toddlers, the older one is 10, certainly old enough to be responsible for himself and his sibling.
The only mitigating factor here is that apparently these kids are frequently walking alone in this neighborhood.
We also have a douche cop who showed up and couldn't determine that the kids were completely safe.
But the absolute worst part of this is that the authorities, police and CPS, kept the kids for more than four hours.
They didn't even try to contact the parents until 8pm. Two hours after the kids were expected home. And they didn't return the kids to their parents until 10:30 pm.
Too bad common sense didn't enter into the decision-making at any time or else the police could have taken the kids home, discussed it with the parents and avoid all this ugliness.
As someone who has been criticized for being a little too lax with the freedoms I give to Chase I side with the parents here.
If they feel the kids are responsible enough, and the neighborhood is safe enough, then they should allow the kids to walk to and from the playground.
Certainly I don't know if there are any other reasons to perceive these parents as neglecting their children, but judging from what we know, the neighbors should butt out and the cops and CPS should use their fuckin brains.

She Gave Wu Some Tang

On Divorce Court, a man accuses his wife of sleeping with the entire Wu-Tang Clan.



I'm sorry but I can't believe this woman. At the very least she performed oral sex on two group members and three security guys.