Am I Supposed to Be Sad About This?

When I saw this e-card I immediately thought of one person: Jared G. He was exactly the person described here. He played football, he was nominally cool, girls thought he was cute and he thought he was hot shit. One time, on the bus back from a trip to Quebec, I was trying to sleep and he was fucking with me. Putting his hands in my face, grazing my nose, so I jumped up, slapped his hands away and told him to cut the shit. He punched me in the face and broke my glasses. While we never had another incident and I seldom was around him, I always felt like he thought he was better than me because he had gotten the best of me that day, and because he was cooler in high school.

Last week Jared G. killed himself. He shot himself in his car in the Village Greens Shopping Center in Arden Heights. He was married with a young child. After college at CSI, Jared opened up a beer distributor on Manor Rd (or bought the existing one) with at least one of his other high school football buddies who also lacked skills translatable to a job in the real world. Evidently that venture failed because in the article about his death the Advance says he was driving a cement truck.

They say living well is the best revenge so I guess it would be hard to deny I got revenge on Jared. Me working where I work and him driving a cement truck is the real world equivalent of me being on the football team and him running track.

I wouldn't say I am happy he's dead, nor that I smiled when I heard that he died, but I don't feel any sadness for him either. I am sad that his young child has to grow up without a father, but other than that nothing. Obviously his life didn't turn out the way he hoped when he was walking around the Susan Wagner hallways in his cool football jacket with the white leather sleeves. Mine did. I don't want to sound angry about an incident from 17 or 18 years ago, because I seldom if ever thought about him, until that e-card reminded me. But it does give me a weird sense of satisfaction. Sort of like Walt, at the end of Season 4, "I won."

This is not the first time I've been insensitive to someone who committed suicide. Read the comments attached to this post to find out what a jerk I am.