Mattress dominoes
At first when I saw this I thought douchey, but when I saw that some people set up too close the person in front of them and got wacked really hard in the torso by the falling mattress, I changed my vote to funny.
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Seinfeld Reunion on Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry David tells E! about the running plotline for the new season of "Curb" which revolves around a "Seinfeld" reunion.
"The context is that for years I've been asked about a Seinfeld reunion," he says. "I would always say, 'No. There's not going to be a reunion show. We would never do that. It's a lame idea.' And then I thought it might be very funny to do that on Curb. I kept thinking about it. I started to think of different scenarios and how we can pull this off. I called Jerry and Jerry was game. I said, 'Well, I'll call the others.' And I did and we did it. So we're doing a Seinfeld reunion show on Curb."
"We're going to see writing. We'll see aspects of the read-through, parts of rehearsals. You'll see the show being filmed and you'll see it on TV. You won't see the entire show. You'll see parts of the show. You'll get an an idea of what happened 11 years later. It will be incorporated into regular Curb episodes, so the castmembers will be playing themselves on Curb while all of this is going on."
"The reunion is scattered through the season and I think the cast will be on five shows. All four won't be on all five shows. Jerry is on five shows; the others will be on at least four. The season finale will be about the reunion show. It could very well be [a one-hour episode], but I haven't finished editing it yet. But that's a good possibility."
When asked why he finally caved, he says, "That will be answered in one of the episodes. That's a big thing because I would never do that. So there's a compelling reason as to why I decided to do it."
"Coming up with the right ideas for what's happened in the 11 years, that took some thought. Three of the guys working on my show as executive producers were also producers on Seinfeld. I think we came up with some interesting stuff."
He says "it's possible" there will be a mention of Richards sordid past.
So will the character Larry ruin the reunion of the Seinfeld cast? He adds, with an evil laugh, "He might. My guy might consider wrecking something like that. We'll see what happens. My guy could very well wreck it. I'm not saying he did. I don't know."
Will the reunion be any good? "Yeah, you mean as opposed to the finale?" jokes Larry. "It's good. I think the reunion is pretty good."
"The context is that for years I've been asked about a Seinfeld reunion," he says. "I would always say, 'No. There's not going to be a reunion show. We would never do that. It's a lame idea.' And then I thought it might be very funny to do that on Curb. I kept thinking about it. I started to think of different scenarios and how we can pull this off. I called Jerry and Jerry was game. I said, 'Well, I'll call the others.' And I did and we did it. So we're doing a Seinfeld reunion show on Curb."
"We're going to see writing. We'll see aspects of the read-through, parts of rehearsals. You'll see the show being filmed and you'll see it on TV. You won't see the entire show. You'll see parts of the show. You'll get an an idea of what happened 11 years later. It will be incorporated into regular Curb episodes, so the castmembers will be playing themselves on Curb while all of this is going on."
"The reunion is scattered through the season and I think the cast will be on five shows. All four won't be on all five shows. Jerry is on five shows; the others will be on at least four. The season finale will be about the reunion show. It could very well be [a one-hour episode], but I haven't finished editing it yet. But that's a good possibility."
When asked why he finally caved, he says, "That will be answered in one of the episodes. That's a big thing because I would never do that. So there's a compelling reason as to why I decided to do it."
"Coming up with the right ideas for what's happened in the 11 years, that took some thought. Three of the guys working on my show as executive producers were also producers on Seinfeld. I think we came up with some interesting stuff."
He says "it's possible" there will be a mention of Richards sordid past.
So will the character Larry ruin the reunion of the Seinfeld cast? He adds, with an evil laugh, "He might. My guy might consider wrecking something like that. We'll see what happens. My guy could very well wreck it. I'm not saying he did. I don't know."
Will the reunion be any good? "Yeah, you mean as opposed to the finale?" jokes Larry. "It's good. I think the reunion is pretty good."
Monday, August 03, 2009
I Hope No One Gets a Splinter
I missed a couple hairs while shaving, and the offending follicles were disturbing me so greatly at work that I went to the first aid kit and took the plastic disposable tweezers in an effort to pluck the hairs. Unfortunately it didn't work and the hairs are still sticking out of my cheek.
Saturday, August 01, 2009
I Hope the Mets Get the Next Firing Right
The Mets screwed up the Willie Randolph firing but doing it in the middle of the night after a cross-country trip.
Now they screwed up the Tony Bernazard firing by calling out Adam Rubin during the press conference.
Hopefully they'll get it right when they fire Omar Minaya.
I think Omar is on the hook despite his 3-year contract because of the poor performance of the team, but ownership seems more concerned about the embarrassment he brings to the organization.
But here's something no one is talking about in this whole Adam Rubin incident: it's true that Adam Rubin went to Jeff Wilpon (and maybe others) and at the least asked for career advice, and at the most it could have been interpreted the way Omar said it, he was lobbying for a front office job.
Now that doesn't excuse Omar for calling Rubin out like that, it definitely should have been handled in private. And it certainly doesn't mean what Rubin wrote about Bernazard was false, because we can pretty safely assume it was all true.
But I want Omar judged on his moves as GM, not on the way he handles the press. I personally hate the way Omar has shaped this team, spending millions on aging vets then bitching when they get hurt. I want a GM who gets rid of his old players for younger ones, lets them develop, then adds top-shelf veterans to fill out a championship roster. I think Wright and Reyes satisfy the first part, and Santana and K-Rod the second but the Mets still have some holes to fill, especially those occupied right now by lackluster veterans Luis Castillo, Brian Schneider and Livan Hernandez.
Now they screwed up the Tony Bernazard firing by calling out Adam Rubin during the press conference.
Hopefully they'll get it right when they fire Omar Minaya.
I think Omar is on the hook despite his 3-year contract because of the poor performance of the team, but ownership seems more concerned about the embarrassment he brings to the organization.
But here's something no one is talking about in this whole Adam Rubin incident: it's true that Adam Rubin went to Jeff Wilpon (and maybe others) and at the least asked for career advice, and at the most it could have been interpreted the way Omar said it, he was lobbying for a front office job.
Now that doesn't excuse Omar for calling Rubin out like that, it definitely should have been handled in private. And it certainly doesn't mean what Rubin wrote about Bernazard was false, because we can pretty safely assume it was all true.
But I want Omar judged on his moves as GM, not on the way he handles the press. I personally hate the way Omar has shaped this team, spending millions on aging vets then bitching when they get hurt. I want a GM who gets rid of his old players for younger ones, lets them develop, then adds top-shelf veterans to fill out a championship roster. I think Wright and Reyes satisfy the first part, and Santana and K-Rod the second but the Mets still have some holes to fill, especially those occupied right now by lackluster veterans Luis Castillo, Brian Schneider and Livan Hernandez.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Finally Freedo, Nails and JLeary Can Be Proud of Their Alma Mater
Congratulations to the Penn State Poopheads for their school being recognized as the number one party school in America.
I can't deny that on my one trip there the guys showed me a great time.
I have often criticized Penn State's doddering old fool of a football coach, Joe Paterno.
He recently referred to Twitter as "twiddle-doo or tweedle-dee," though some say he was just putting on and knows what it is.
Either way, I'm going on record giving Penn State credit for being a great party school.
Maybe now the Nittany Poopheads will admit it's a horrible academic school.
I can't deny that on my one trip there the guys showed me a great time.
I have often criticized Penn State's doddering old fool of a football coach, Joe Paterno.
He recently referred to Twitter as "twiddle-doo or tweedle-dee," though some say he was just putting on and knows what it is.
Either way, I'm going on record giving Penn State credit for being a great party school.
Maybe now the Nittany Poopheads will admit it's a horrible academic school.
Beer Summit Update
For the record, it was Bud Light for Obama, Sam Adams Light for Gates, Blue Moon for Crowley and nonalcoholic Buckler for Biden.
I'm glad Gates decided not to go with the Red Stripe.
Why did Biden drink a non-alcoholic beer? Is he in recovery? [Update: Biden has alcoholism in his family so he doesn't drink. There are reports he's never tasted alcohol but I didn't see that anywhere reliable enough to believe it.]
I also would have liked to see them go with bottles and not mugs. It would have been more fitting of the spirit of this "boys night out." This way seems like Michelle nagged him to use the mugs -- and of course the coasters.
And who shows up in a suit when someone invites you to their house for a beer?
I'm glad Gates decided not to go with the Red Stripe.
Why did Biden drink a non-alcoholic beer? Is he in recovery? [Update: Biden has alcoholism in his family so he doesn't drink. There are reports he's never tasted alcohol but I didn't see that anywhere reliable enough to believe it.]
I also would have liked to see them go with bottles and not mugs. It would have been more fitting of the spirit of this "boys night out." This way seems like Michelle nagged him to use the mugs -- and of course the coasters.
And who shows up in a suit when someone invites you to their house for a beer?
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Tonight's Beer Summit
I am greatly looking forward to tonight's Beer Summit between President Obama, Professor Henry Louis Gates and Sargeant James Crowley, the cop who arrested Gates for breaking into his own home.
I like the idea because I think a lot of the racial problems in this country could be solved by white people and black people getting together for a beer, proverbially of course. But if white people and black people interacted more they'd realize we're not all that different, and we don't all hate the others.
My only problem is the President's reluctance to name his favorite beer for fear of offending someone. I think the President and the Administration try a little too hard to do the popular and politically correct thing, especially annoying when it involves something as stupid as the President's favorite beer.
Speaking of favorite beers, Crowley prefers Blue Moon (hopefully with orange slices) and Gates likes Red Stripe.
Which is humorous because last weekend Pizza Parlor Derek and I were making fun of a guy at the next table for ordering a Red Stripe.
But what nerve these guys have to request their own preferred beers while drinking at Obama's house. Social ettiquette requries that when you go to someone's house you drink whatever they serve. And if you want a special brand of beer, you bring it yourself. Wouldn't that be awesome to see Gates strolling into the White House toting a 6-pack of Red Stripe in a paper bag?
I like the idea because I think a lot of the racial problems in this country could be solved by white people and black people getting together for a beer, proverbially of course. But if white people and black people interacted more they'd realize we're not all that different, and we don't all hate the others.
My only problem is the President's reluctance to name his favorite beer for fear of offending someone. I think the President and the Administration try a little too hard to do the popular and politically correct thing, especially annoying when it involves something as stupid as the President's favorite beer.
Speaking of favorite beers, Crowley prefers Blue Moon (hopefully with orange slices) and Gates likes Red Stripe.
Which is humorous because last weekend Pizza Parlor Derek and I were making fun of a guy at the next table for ordering a Red Stripe.
But what nerve these guys have to request their own preferred beers while drinking at Obama's house. Social ettiquette requries that when you go to someone's house you drink whatever they serve. And if you want a special brand of beer, you bring it yourself. Wouldn't that be awesome to see Gates strolling into the White House toting a 6-pack of Red Stripe in a paper bag?
Diesel's Hanukah Present
A Brazilian company named PetSmiling has come up with what I hope is the world's first dog sex toy.
Made out of soft rubber, it comes in the shape of a girl dog, with all the right parts, including “a silicone vagina and an easy to clean reservoir.”
From the press release:
"You may know or have probably heard about these dolls for men that are very popular in Sex Shops around the world. There are inflatable ones, full-body, silicone, as well as other models. So now the first doll for dogs has been launched in Brazil. That’s right, a doll for dogs to practice safe sex. The majority of non-neutered dogs spend a good chunk of time looking for something to hump. They try pillows, furry creatures, people’s legs and even other animals.
When a dog tries to hump legs, stuffed animals and other objects, he cannot reach an ejaculation. With the DoggieLoverDoll he can. Human beings have their hands to masturbate themselves, now the domestic animals, which have practically no contact with females in heat, can alleviate themselves with a toy designed specifically for them. Dogs have a great sexual appetite and this novelty, surely will better their lives."
Made out of soft rubber, it comes in the shape of a girl dog, with all the right parts, including “a silicone vagina and an easy to clean reservoir.”
From the press release:
"You may know or have probably heard about these dolls for men that are very popular in Sex Shops around the world. There are inflatable ones, full-body, silicone, as well as other models. So now the first doll for dogs has been launched in Brazil. That’s right, a doll for dogs to practice safe sex. The majority of non-neutered dogs spend a good chunk of time looking for something to hump. They try pillows, furry creatures, people’s legs and even other animals.
When a dog tries to hump legs, stuffed animals and other objects, he cannot reach an ejaculation. With the DoggieLoverDoll he can. Human beings have their hands to masturbate themselves, now the domestic animals, which have practically no contact with females in heat, can alleviate themselves with a toy designed specifically for them. Dogs have a great sexual appetite and this novelty, surely will better their lives."
Erin Andrews 911 Call
Our favorite naked sportscaster called 911 because some paparazzi were camped outside her house in her gated community.
First thing she says is "I'm all over the news." And she seems disappointed the dispatcher has never heard of her.
First thing she says is "I'm all over the news." And she seems disappointed the dispatcher has never heard of her.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Song of the Week
"Video" - India.Arie
I like music with a positive message. Of all the songs I've ever heard I can't remember one with a more positive message than expressed in this song. Every young girl should be forced to listen to this song everyday -- we'd have a lot fewer teenage sluts were that the case.
"Don't need your silicone
I prefer my own
What God gave me is just fine."
I like music with a positive message. Of all the songs I've ever heard I can't remember one with a more positive message than expressed in this song. Every young girl should be forced to listen to this song everyday -- we'd have a lot fewer teenage sluts were that the case.
"Don't need your silicone
I prefer my own
What God gave me is just fine."
Funny or Douchey?
We saw this license plate on a car while we were up in Maine.
It reads OWW-D and it adorns an Audi (get it?)
It reads OWW-D and it adorns an Audi (get it?)
This is the Greatest Tournament in the World
With the debut of the 2009 World Series of Poker on ESPN tonight, it also signals the return of my favorite color commentator in any sport, Norman Chad.
From his witty aphorisms, to his catchphrases (an ace and an ace only, wamboozled, swagglefoosed) to his ex-wife jokes, few things are more enjoyable than listening to Chad's self-deprecating humor and insightful commentary.
Note: my favorite Chad-ism of all-time occurred during the 2005 Main Event. Bing Wang was late returning to his table and Andy Black asked his table to stall so wang wouldn't be blinded out. When they refused Black became so upset he was moved to tears.
That's when Chad said "Look, I like Bing Wang as much as the next guy but if he's not here he's not here."
I am a little disappointed with ESPN's decision to scale their coverage back this year. They are only showing the 40k anniversary event, a special event for only Main Event champs and the Ante Up for Africa charity tournament. No bracelet events, not even the 50k HORSE which is too bad because it was a doozy this year even though the finalists were relatively unknown.
Coverage of the Main Event begins on August 18th, and leads up until November, when the final 9 will battle it out.
Whether you already know who is in the November Nine (like me) or you are desperately hoping SCZA won't spoil it for you (like Jems), enjoy Norman Chad for the next 3 1/2 months.
From his witty aphorisms, to his catchphrases (an ace and an ace only, wamboozled, swagglefoosed) to his ex-wife jokes, few things are more enjoyable than listening to Chad's self-deprecating humor and insightful commentary.
Note: my favorite Chad-ism of all-time occurred during the 2005 Main Event. Bing Wang was late returning to his table and Andy Black asked his table to stall so wang wouldn't be blinded out. When they refused Black became so upset he was moved to tears.
That's when Chad said "Look, I like Bing Wang as much as the next guy but if he's not here he's not here."
I am a little disappointed with ESPN's decision to scale their coverage back this year. They are only showing the 40k anniversary event, a special event for only Main Event champs and the Ante Up for Africa charity tournament. No bracelet events, not even the 50k HORSE which is too bad because it was a doozy this year even though the finalists were relatively unknown.
Coverage of the Main Event begins on August 18th, and leads up until November, when the final 9 will battle it out.
Whether you already know who is in the November Nine (like me) or you are desperately hoping SCZA won't spoil it for you (like Jems), enjoy Norman Chad for the next 3 1/2 months.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Poopfest
Saturday, September 5th, at the Poop house.
In order to make this year's Poopfest more kid-friendly we'll be starting at 4pm, and I will be barbecuing various meat products.
Because of this I will need an accurate count of who is coming.
So please use the comments section to RSVP.
I need to know if you are coming, but also if you aren't.
Otherwise I will have to contact you to make sure you saw the post.
Believe it or not some people whom I might consider friends and want at Poopfest, don't necessarily read the Poop and feel excluded when I use this forum to break news.
So everyone who doesn't reply in say the next two weeks, is going to get a nasty e-mail from me, so you might as well just state your intentions.
I'll leave the link to this post in the header at the top of the page so it can be easily found.
Because of the vagaries of kashrut I ask that you not bring anything.
But if due to your strict Chinese upbringing (you know who you are) you cannot go to someone's house as a guest and not bring anything or you bring shame and dishonor to your family, then bring beer, I guess.
We hope to see as many of you as possible.
And those of you needing my address (which I choose not to disclose in this forum) should contact me via e-mail or Facebook.
Also, for out-of-town guests, the Poop Motel will have limited availability so if you want to stay overnight with us please reserve your room as soon as possible.
In order to make this year's Poopfest more kid-friendly we'll be starting at 4pm, and I will be barbecuing various meat products.
Because of this I will need an accurate count of who is coming.
So please use the comments section to RSVP.
I need to know if you are coming, but also if you aren't.
Otherwise I will have to contact you to make sure you saw the post.
Believe it or not some people whom I might consider friends and want at Poopfest, don't necessarily read the Poop and feel excluded when I use this forum to break news.
So everyone who doesn't reply in say the next two weeks, is going to get a nasty e-mail from me, so you might as well just state your intentions.
I'll leave the link to this post in the header at the top of the page so it can be easily found.
Because of the vagaries of kashrut I ask that you not bring anything.
But if due to your strict Chinese upbringing (you know who you are) you cannot go to someone's house as a guest and not bring anything or you bring shame and dishonor to your family, then bring beer, I guess.
We hope to see as many of you as possible.
And those of you needing my address (which I choose not to disclose in this forum) should contact me via e-mail or Facebook.
Also, for out-of-town guests, the Poop Motel will have limited availability so if you want to stay overnight with us please reserve your room as soon as possible.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Paulo's Book Club: "Entwined Lives"
"Consider the case of the so-called Jim Twins, which appears in the book Entwined Lives by Nancy L. Segal, director of the Twin Studies Center at Cal State-Fullerton. Split up at four weeks and then living separately for 39 years without knowledge of one another, the men, both named Jim, married women named Linda, divorced them and then married women named Betty. They gave their sons the same name. The twins smoked the same brand of cigarettes, drank the same brand of beer. They vacationed at the same Florida beach and drove light-blue Chevrolets."
That's the paragraph (from a Sports Illustrated article on the Sedin Twins), that made me interested in reading "Entwined Lives" by Nancy Segal.
If that paragraph doesn't intrigue you then you are either dead or not very smart.
And the book was well worth it. Beyond just the Jim Twins there was the fascinating story of identical triplets, reared apart, who were reunited later in life and eventually went to work at the Concierge's favorite restaurant, Sammy's Roumanian, before starting their own, Triplets' Roumanian.
The chapter on twins reared apart was probably the most intellectually fascinating because that's Segal's area of expertise.
For instance, identical twins reared apart are more alike than even fraternal twins who were raised together, showing the impact of nature vs. nurture.
And that really is the main theme of the book, by looking at twins, especially identical twins reared apart, we can see how much of behavior, and physical appearance is influenced by genetics, and how much by environment.
The universiality of that theme makes the book a great read for singletons, but the book is a must-read for twins and parents of twins.
I know several families raising or expecting twins and I think they all would benefit from Segal's perspective on how to raise the kids, as it pertains to treating them equally while encouraging and preserving their own identities. Every parent of twins will someday be confronted with the following conundrum: when the kids are old enough to enter school, should they be placed in the same class, or separated? Nancy Segal has an answer.
There is one drawback in this book. Nancy Segal is a doctor, a researcher and an expert who has spent her entire career studying twins. She is not a writer. The book is somewhat hard to read because it is written with a lot of medical jargon. It goes heavy on the numbers and the research, and light on the anecdotes. You can skip some chapters, like the one on twins in the animal kingdom, but I wouldn't suggest that because you can learn great things such as: armadillos have kite-shaped uteruses.
I recommend this book whole-heartedly to twins and singletons alike. It is a must for people with twins and people with curious minds.
That's the paragraph (from a Sports Illustrated article on the Sedin Twins), that made me interested in reading "Entwined Lives" by Nancy Segal.
If that paragraph doesn't intrigue you then you are either dead or not very smart.
And the book was well worth it. Beyond just the Jim Twins there was the fascinating story of identical triplets, reared apart, who were reunited later in life and eventually went to work at the Concierge's favorite restaurant, Sammy's Roumanian, before starting their own, Triplets' Roumanian.
The chapter on twins reared apart was probably the most intellectually fascinating because that's Segal's area of expertise.
For instance, identical twins reared apart are more alike than even fraternal twins who were raised together, showing the impact of nature vs. nurture.
And that really is the main theme of the book, by looking at twins, especially identical twins reared apart, we can see how much of behavior, and physical appearance is influenced by genetics, and how much by environment.
The universiality of that theme makes the book a great read for singletons, but the book is a must-read for twins and parents of twins.
I know several families raising or expecting twins and I think they all would benefit from Segal's perspective on how to raise the kids, as it pertains to treating them equally while encouraging and preserving their own identities. Every parent of twins will someday be confronted with the following conundrum: when the kids are old enough to enter school, should they be placed in the same class, or separated? Nancy Segal has an answer.
There is one drawback in this book. Nancy Segal is a doctor, a researcher and an expert who has spent her entire career studying twins. She is not a writer. The book is somewhat hard to read because it is written with a lot of medical jargon. It goes heavy on the numbers and the research, and light on the anecdotes. You can skip some chapters, like the one on twins in the animal kingdom, but I wouldn't suggest that because you can learn great things such as: armadillos have kite-shaped uteruses.
I recommend this book whole-heartedly to twins and singletons alike. It is a must for people with twins and people with curious minds.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
The Poop's Movie Reviews
Because we have built-in baby sitters on vacation Mrs. Poop and I took advantage of this opportunity to go see the movie everyone has been talking about, “The Hangover.”
But before I get into that let me first review a couple other movies we have seen recently and establish the baseline for the Poop movie rating system.
We start at 0 Poops with “Borat,” one of the worst movies ever without a single funny joke or redeeming quality.
Next on my scale is 1 Poop, which I generously give to “Napoleon Dynamite.” A movie only an idiot could love, but at least it had some cute moments and quotable lines.
With those parameters laid down, I give “You Don’t Mess with the Zohan” 2 Poops. The first time we tried to watch this Mrs. Poop and I both fell asleep in the middle because it was so awful. And we both hated it so much we debated whether or not to even finish. Other than poking fun at a couple Israeli idiosyncracies like the “Going Out of Business” store, I found nothing funny about this movie at all.
Then there was “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” which I found to be really funny. Certain types of humor I just don’t enjoy like outrageous sight gags (Jason Segel’s cock, Russell Brandt humping a giant chess piece) and awkwardness (any scene involving Jonah Hill), but barring that I thought this movie was well-written, smart and had some hysterically funny moments. It gets 7 Poops.
Which leads me to “The Hangover.” I loved it, absolutely hysterical movie. An all-time great guy comedy. I can’t even point to specific jokes or scenes, the whole thing was hysterical, and the photo montage at the end was a great way to tie it together. Once again I could have done without the male nudity and some of it was derivative (the tiger in the car was stolen right from “Tommy Boy” only with a different animal so no one would notice). In fact, the whole thing lightly reeked of “Old School,” same director, and I believe same wedding singer, though that seemed more of an homage than a rip-off. I loved the cameos of Mike Tyson and Heather Graham’s nipple. I will start saying “your language is very offensive” whenever someone curses from now on. And I was actually quite glad a lot of the movie’s funniest parts were not given away in the trailer.
But the funniest part of the movie for me occurred thanks to Mrs. Poop. Right when Stu (Andy Bernard aka Ed Helms) was about to give the tiger the steak, she was anticipating a huge roar. And right when the tiger roared, Mrs. Poop let out the loudest, highest, shrillest shriek ever. Then she was so shocked and embarrassed she let out a yell that she laughed hysterically for about five minutes.
I’m not including that special moment in my review, but even without Mrs. Poop’s horrified yell, I still give “The Hangover” 8 Poops.
But before I get into that let me first review a couple other movies we have seen recently and establish the baseline for the Poop movie rating system.
We start at 0 Poops with “Borat,” one of the worst movies ever without a single funny joke or redeeming quality.
Next on my scale is 1 Poop, which I generously give to “Napoleon Dynamite.” A movie only an idiot could love, but at least it had some cute moments and quotable lines.
With those parameters laid down, I give “You Don’t Mess with the Zohan” 2 Poops. The first time we tried to watch this Mrs. Poop and I both fell asleep in the middle because it was so awful. And we both hated it so much we debated whether or not to even finish. Other than poking fun at a couple Israeli idiosyncracies like the “Going Out of Business” store, I found nothing funny about this movie at all.
Then there was “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” which I found to be really funny. Certain types of humor I just don’t enjoy like outrageous sight gags (Jason Segel’s cock, Russell Brandt humping a giant chess piece) and awkwardness (any scene involving Jonah Hill), but barring that I thought this movie was well-written, smart and had some hysterically funny moments. It gets 7 Poops.
Which leads me to “The Hangover.” I loved it, absolutely hysterical movie. An all-time great guy comedy. I can’t even point to specific jokes or scenes, the whole thing was hysterical, and the photo montage at the end was a great way to tie it together. Once again I could have done without the male nudity and some of it was derivative (the tiger in the car was stolen right from “Tommy Boy” only with a different animal so no one would notice). In fact, the whole thing lightly reeked of “Old School,” same director, and I believe same wedding singer, though that seemed more of an homage than a rip-off. I loved the cameos of Mike Tyson and Heather Graham’s nipple. I will start saying “your language is very offensive” whenever someone curses from now on. And I was actually quite glad a lot of the movie’s funniest parts were not given away in the trailer.
But the funniest part of the movie for me occurred thanks to Mrs. Poop. Right when Stu (Andy Bernard aka Ed Helms) was about to give the tiger the steak, she was anticipating a huge roar. And right when the tiger roared, Mrs. Poop let out the loudest, highest, shrillest shriek ever. Then she was so shocked and embarrassed she let out a yell that she laughed hysterically for about five minutes.
I’m not including that special moment in my review, but even without Mrs. Poop’s horrified yell, I still give “The Hangover” 8 Poops.
First Visit to CitiField
It was a long time overdue but on June 20th, I finally made my first trip to CitiField which in itself was long overdue.
Long overdue is a phrase that could easily be used to describe CitiField itself.
After years of suffering in Shea Stadium Mets fans are finally able to go watch our team in a beautiful ballpark with character.
The first key monument is the Jackie Robinson Rotunda just inside the stadium's entrance. But before that, you have to traverse the CitiField fanwalk a huge collectrion of bricks inscribed with personal messages. Because the bricks were't outrageously expensive, we decided to buy one for Papa Poop one Hanukah, so we located that before we went inside.
One disadvantage of the Fanwalk, there are so many bricks you'll never find the one you're looking for if you don't know exactly where it is. But since the Mets weren't greedy and donated most of the proceeds to charity, that's a good thing.
Inside the Jackie Robinson Rotunda (reminiscent of Ebbets Field), is a huge number 42 which is cool to be photographed in front of.
One of the great things about CitiField is the access, you can walk around the lower bowl of the stadium and see the field the whole time. The centerfield bridge is a great attraction during or even before the game.
On the other side of the bridge is the much ballyhooed food court area. To be honest, I was a little disappointed, the Shake Shack, Blue Smoke and even the Taqueria provide a nice variety to the traditional ballpark food, but at each place the variety was actually limited. Not wanting to eat ribs at a ballgame or wait half an hour for a $10 hamburger, we instead opted for the hdiden jewel of CitiField, Box Frites. A decent-sized box of delicious fries for a reasonably priced $6. But the best part was the dipping sauce, we had smoky bacon. And it actually tasted like bacon.
While I'm discussing food I should mention that a few rows in front of us someone was eating french fries and topped them with so much ketchup we felt we had to take a picture.
I also had the boneless buffalo bites from Nathan's which were good, but a little dry. Mrs. Poop enjoyed the sausage, the stands for which are located everywhere, but also said it was good, but not great.
When it came time to sit in our seats and watch the game, the one flaw of CitiField was revealed. In an effort to bring the fans closer to the game, there are some awful sight lines. Because the stands are so close, the farther back you go in each the more of the field you cannot see. From our seats halfway up the upper level, any deep fly ball to left field completely left our line of sight. I can see why people have been complaining about this, but there really is no way to fix it. It will likely just drive up demand and cost for lower, closer seats.
Despite that flaw, I am in love with CitiField and can't wait to go back and explore the other areas I missed (the old apple) and taste the foods I didn't try (Mama's though I don't like their exotic sandwiches). I can't wait to take Chase to his first game there, and to spend the next 30 - 40 years at least attending games there.
But right now I sort of feel like a Pittsburgh Pirates fan, beautiful stadium, horrible team.
Long overdue is a phrase that could easily be used to describe CitiField itself.
After years of suffering in Shea Stadium Mets fans are finally able to go watch our team in a beautiful ballpark with character.
The first key monument is the Jackie Robinson Rotunda just inside the stadium's entrance. But before that, you have to traverse the CitiField fanwalk a huge collectrion of bricks inscribed with personal messages. Because the bricks were't outrageously expensive, we decided to buy one for Papa Poop one Hanukah, so we located that before we went inside.
One disadvantage of the Fanwalk, there are so many bricks you'll never find the one you're looking for if you don't know exactly where it is. But since the Mets weren't greedy and donated most of the proceeds to charity, that's a good thing.
Inside the Jackie Robinson Rotunda (reminiscent of Ebbets Field), is a huge number 42 which is cool to be photographed in front of.
One of the great things about CitiField is the access, you can walk around the lower bowl of the stadium and see the field the whole time. The centerfield bridge is a great attraction during or even before the game.
On the other side of the bridge is the much ballyhooed food court area. To be honest, I was a little disappointed, the Shake Shack, Blue Smoke and even the Taqueria provide a nice variety to the traditional ballpark food, but at each place the variety was actually limited. Not wanting to eat ribs at a ballgame or wait half an hour for a $10 hamburger, we instead opted for the hdiden jewel of CitiField, Box Frites. A decent-sized box of delicious fries for a reasonably priced $6. But the best part was the dipping sauce, we had smoky bacon. And it actually tasted like bacon.
While I'm discussing food I should mention that a few rows in front of us someone was eating french fries and topped them with so much ketchup we felt we had to take a picture.
I also had the boneless buffalo bites from Nathan's which were good, but a little dry. Mrs. Poop enjoyed the sausage, the stands for which are located everywhere, but also said it was good, but not great.
When it came time to sit in our seats and watch the game, the one flaw of CitiField was revealed. In an effort to bring the fans closer to the game, there are some awful sight lines. Because the stands are so close, the farther back you go in each the more of the field you cannot see. From our seats halfway up the upper level, any deep fly ball to left field completely left our line of sight. I can see why people have been complaining about this, but there really is no way to fix it. It will likely just drive up demand and cost for lower, closer seats.
Despite that flaw, I am in love with CitiField and can't wait to go back and explore the other areas I missed (the old apple) and taste the foods I didn't try (Mama's though I don't like their exotic sandwiches). I can't wait to take Chase to his first game there, and to spend the next 30 - 40 years at least attending games there.
But right now I sort of feel like a Pittsburgh Pirates fan, beautiful stadium, horrible team.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
What Exit Are You Drinking?
A New Jersey brewery is using the state's congested and often-derided turnpike to promote its beer.
Cherry Hill-based Flying Fish Brewing Co. (motto: "Proudly Brewed in New Jersey: You Got a Problem with That?") has undertaken an ambitious project of releasing a special beer in honor of turnpike exits, one at a time.
The beers are being made in limited runs and sold in 750 milliliter wine-size bottles.
The first, a Belgian-style ale, came out earlier this year in honor of Exit 4, the exit nearest the suburban Philadelphia industrial park that Flying Fish calls home.
The next beer, Exit 11 Hoppy American Wheat Ale (an intersection of styles) is a tribute to Woodbridge's exit, where the Turnpike meets the Garden State Parkway.
Joe Orlando, a spokesman for the New Jersey Turnpike Authority, said it's a bad idea to associate a highway with alcohol. Flying Fish has answered the authority's concerns with disclaimers that the beer isn't endorsed by the authority.
"There's been a brokered peace here," Orlando said. "But don't expect to see it in any of our rest areas."
Initially, that didn't satisfy Mindy Lazar, executive director of New Jersey's chapter of Mothers Against Drunk Driving. "The combination of a roadway and advertising for any kind of a beer doesn't make any kind of sense," she said.
The company plans to introduce more exit beers every few months.
Muller said he's not sure if all 29 exits will get their own beers.
Muller said he hopes its fans will help come up with future beer concepts linked to the exits, which are near malls, the Meadowlands sports complex and peach orchards, not to mention right under the approach of planes landing at Newark Liberty International Airport.
That's a change from the original idea. Muller said initially he wanted to have each beer's alcohol content match the exit number -- Exit 6 beer, for instance, would have 6 percent alcohol. Most beers have about 5 percent alcohol.
"But then we thought pretty quickly that Exits 1, 2 and 3 were going to be pretty boring for brewing, and then Exits 16, 17 and 18 were going to be really dangerous."
Cherry Hill-based Flying Fish Brewing Co. (motto: "Proudly Brewed in New Jersey: You Got a Problem with That?") has undertaken an ambitious project of releasing a special beer in honor of turnpike exits, one at a time.
The beers are being made in limited runs and sold in 750 milliliter wine-size bottles.
The first, a Belgian-style ale, came out earlier this year in honor of Exit 4, the exit nearest the suburban Philadelphia industrial park that Flying Fish calls home.
The next beer, Exit 11 Hoppy American Wheat Ale (an intersection of styles) is a tribute to Woodbridge's exit, where the Turnpike meets the Garden State Parkway.
Joe Orlando, a spokesman for the New Jersey Turnpike Authority, said it's a bad idea to associate a highway with alcohol. Flying Fish has answered the authority's concerns with disclaimers that the beer isn't endorsed by the authority.
"There's been a brokered peace here," Orlando said. "But don't expect to see it in any of our rest areas."
Initially, that didn't satisfy Mindy Lazar, executive director of New Jersey's chapter of Mothers Against Drunk Driving. "The combination of a roadway and advertising for any kind of a beer doesn't make any kind of sense," she said.
The company plans to introduce more exit beers every few months.
Muller said he's not sure if all 29 exits will get their own beers.
Muller said he hopes its fans will help come up with future beer concepts linked to the exits, which are near malls, the Meadowlands sports complex and peach orchards, not to mention right under the approach of planes landing at Newark Liberty International Airport.
That's a change from the original idea. Muller said initially he wanted to have each beer's alcohol content match the exit number -- Exit 6 beer, for instance, would have 6 percent alcohol. Most beers have about 5 percent alcohol.
"But then we thought pretty quickly that Exits 1, 2 and 3 were going to be pretty boring for brewing, and then Exits 16, 17 and 18 were going to be really dangerous."
Song of the Week - Ton edition
I'm doing things a bit differently this time around. The Song of the Week is "I've got a Feeling" by Black Eyed Peas. Instead of showing their actual video, here's a video review on the song/video, called "Black Eyed Peas Have Officially Written The Worst Song Ever". Poop Heads may be interested, as this song makes several Jewish references, and this guy Gladstone doesn't appreciate it too much.
Black Eyed Peas Have Officially Written The Worst Song Ever -- powered by Cracked.com
Black Eyed Peas Have Officially Written The Worst Song Ever -- powered by Cracked.com
Sunday, July 19, 2009
The Way Life Should Be
We're headed to Maine for our annual lobster-eating, beach-reading vacation.
As always, in my absence, TON is in charge.
I may have limited internet access to post some things, and I wrote up a few posts I've been working on and get them ready to auto-publish in my absence.
I also posted a bunch of pictures on Chase's blog which will post every other day during the week.
I am also prepared to make a major Poop announcement when I get back.
As always, in my absence, TON is in charge.
I may have limited internet access to post some things, and I wrote up a few posts I've been working on and get them ready to auto-publish in my absence.
I also posted a bunch of pictures on Chase's blog which will post every other day during the week.
I am also prepared to make a major Poop announcement when I get back.
What Really Happened
Thanks to the Freedom of Information Act, the Las Vegas Review-Journal, ESPN's Outside the Lines and the tireless efforts of SCZA we are finally understanding what happened that night in the Minxx strip club in Las Vegas the night Pacman Jones made it rain and eventually got charged in the shooting incident that would get him suspended from the NFL for an entire season.
Amazingly someone in the strip club had a handheld video camera, so we get high quality images (not grainy surveillance footage) of what went on -- at least until the alleged incident began.
In this NSFW video posted on the Review Journal's website we see Pacman with a Louis Vuitton backpack which had $100,000 in singles in it. You have to watch the video, it really is amazing to see. Nelly was there, and so was Jermaine Dupri (more on him later) and they were throwing around so much money that the girls were using champagne buckets to scoop it up. This is a once in a lifetime haul for a stripper, so there were no girls in the back, no girls in the VIP, no girls paying attention to any other customers (at least it seemed that way) they were all on the main stage trying to get a few of the dollars being showered down by Pacman.
But that's when the trouble started. Jermaine Dupri took the microphone and told the strippers not to pick up the money. He paid to see them dance, not to see them bend over and pick up money. He implored the women not to pick up the money until they were told.
When one girl disobyed Pacman grabbed her by her hair and punched her in the face. That's the story according to the club staff, who eventually threw Pacman out. They also say Pacman threatened to kill them as he and his entourage were being ejected from the club. That's when someone, believed to be an associate of Pacman's shot three club employees, leaving one of them paralyzed for life.
Amazingly someone in the strip club had a handheld video camera, so we get high quality images (not grainy surveillance footage) of what went on -- at least until the alleged incident began.
In this NSFW video posted on the Review Journal's website we see Pacman with a Louis Vuitton backpack which had $100,000 in singles in it. You have to watch the video, it really is amazing to see. Nelly was there, and so was Jermaine Dupri (more on him later) and they were throwing around so much money that the girls were using champagne buckets to scoop it up. This is a once in a lifetime haul for a stripper, so there were no girls in the back, no girls in the VIP, no girls paying attention to any other customers (at least it seemed that way) they were all on the main stage trying to get a few of the dollars being showered down by Pacman.
But that's when the trouble started. Jermaine Dupri took the microphone and told the strippers not to pick up the money. He paid to see them dance, not to see them bend over and pick up money. He implored the women not to pick up the money until they were told.
When one girl disobyed Pacman grabbed her by her hair and punched her in the face. That's the story according to the club staff, who eventually threw Pacman out. They also say Pacman threatened to kill them as he and his entourage were being ejected from the club. That's when someone, believed to be an associate of Pacman's shot three club employees, leaving one of them paralyzed for life.
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