Bachelor Party Awards

Time to hand out some awards from Mike's bachelor party which took place this weekend on the Norwegian Dawn in international waters off the coast of Manhattan.

Best karaoke performance: Horse singing "La Bamba." I've never seen anything like it. He hit every word dead on (and the whole song is in Spanish). The dance moves were great, he really made it his own and got the crowd into it. Ladies ran up on stage during the song, I think one shoved a dollar into his pants, and another threw her panties on stage. We got a hot one tonight.
Runner-up: Josh and Jeff singing "To Be With You." It started slowly but once Josh started hitting the hook in the Ace Young falsetto, it was awesome.

Worst karaoke performance: Beers doing "Lose Yourself." All the screaming and two previous songs took a toll on his voice. I think he also underestimated how hard it is to rap that fast while you are dancing around like a fool. Also, it was a bit pitchy in spots.
Runner-up: Josh falling off a chair doing an air guitar. I didn't see this but a guy told me "did you see that guy eat it?" Must have been a classic.

Easiest way to make $20: Beers getting food at the barbecue for 6 women, a couple of whom were ok looking and a lot of fun to hang out with later.
Runner-up: Jeff following in Beers' footsteps with women who were a lot less attractive and less fun.

Best quote: "I've got to be careful, everything I eat goes right to my biceps." - Austin, while flexing and making a scary face.
Runner-up: "We're early risers." - Paul to the Romanian kitchen lady who looked at us funny when we asked for food at 5:15 AM. This lady ended up sitting on Jeff's lap, giving us salad and cookies and telling Mike she wanted to fry eggs on my belly.

Best gambling story: Mike Finamore splitting sixes, then splitting sixes again, then one more time...and winning all four hands.
Runner-up: Whomever was playing the $500 minimum blackjack table. The limits were so high we were relegated to $10 blackjack in the backroom. Craps was $25 minimum, even at 4am.

Gayest moment: Dan and Derek's good-bye. "Bye Dickie." "Good to see you Dickie." Then they got into a five minute conversation about which one of them was actually called Dickie.
Runner-up: Matt dancing on stage, shirt open except for one button, wearing a blazer that had been completely soaked through with sweat. For the most part this is what we expect out of Matt, that coupled with the gayness of the Dan-Derek goodbye is why this didn't win the category. But what added to its gayness was two things, first, in order to stay cool while dancing Matt decided to unbutton his shirt, not to remove the blazer. But the cherry on this sundae was that this was his second blazer of the day. He brought two blazers on a one night cruise. Incredible.

Worst Smell: Dave's cigars. Every time I saw Dave for 16 straight hours he had a cigar in his hand. I only regret that he isn't a cognac drinker. The Dazzles bar had a bottle of Courviosier. That may not surprise some of you who were on this ship.
Runner-up: Josh's farts. I don't remember any particularly bad ones but by rote I know they were there.

Death Warmed Over Award: Beers. I didn't see half of the travelers the next morning so he sort of wins by default. The fact that he slept in his clothes helped add to his wrinkled look, although I think the shirt stayed tucked the entire night.

Some additional random thoughts:
Austin told a girl she could be a Barker's Beauty. I told her I liked her dimple, then I put my finger in it. Her last name was Rojas. I hope her first wasn't Melanie.
My new drunk gimmick is to ask people how old they are. That cute piece of jailbait was only 15. The curly haired douche dancing with her was 17.
Requiring you to use a card to pay for drinks and adding an autogratuity, makes it easier to run up a huge bill. I don't think any of us spent fewer than $75 on drinks.
That douche who kept running on stage and grabbing the mic during karaoke sort of looked like Omar Minaya.

For additional cruise analysis please see Pizza Parlor Derek's thoughts.