Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Miss New Hampshire 2007

Something was lacking in this year's Miss New Hampshire pageant. For the first time in several years Pizza Parlor KeriAnn would not be competing. That really took a lot of the fun out of it for Pizza Parlor Derek, and therefore he did not name a Miss Derek's Room. Which means he never got to rename the award Miss Derek's Apartment, even though he finally moved out of his parent's house.

Last year's winner was Emily Ann Hughes, no relation to jhughes, thankfully for her.

emily ann hughes

Sarah Bixby looks a little too old for this pageant crap. She looks like she's in her mid-30s. And her talent is a clog dance. I can't be sure what that is, but it sounds noisy.

sarah bixby

Miss Deerfield Fair, Justine Barker is hot. And not in the pristine pageant way, in the sort of slutty, drink a few beers kinda way. And unlike most of the contestants who want to teach kids how to read, and how to not be obese, or how to read food labels so they are not obese, Justine wants to be on Entertainment Tonight and she calls Mary Hart a "TV icon." She does like Rascall Flatts though? Who is Rascall Flatts? Can someone tell me? Why does every hot girl like him so much?

justine barker

Allyson Welsh, graduated from Penn State (big deal), and lists dramatic monologue as her talent. I believe she performed this selection from "The Vagina Monologues."

"That’s why I began this piece. I was worried about vaginas. I was worried what we think about vaginas. And I was even more worried that we don’t think about them. I was worried about my own vagina. It needed a context, a community, a culture of other vaginas. There is so much darkness and secrecy surrounding them, like the Bermuda Triangle. Nobody ever reports back from there. In the first place, it’s not even easy to even find your vagina. Women go days, weeks, months, without looking at it. I interviewed a high-powered businesswoman, she told me she didn’t have the time. Looking at your vagina she said, is a full day’s work. You’ve got to get down there, on your back. In front of the mirror, full-length preferred. You’ve got to get in the perfect position, with the perfect light, which then becomes shadowed by the angle you’re at. You’re twisting your head up, arching your back, it’s exhausting. She's too busy. She didn’t have time. So, I decided to talk to women about their vaginas."

allyson welsh

I like Jennifer Hatem, because her name reminds me of "He Hate Me." Her platform is "advocating for our elderly" which means she probably likes older dudes and has daddy issues. Awesome!

Jennifer Hatem

Rachel Barker went to Hofstra so she probably gets drunk and makes out with other chicks. Her favorite actress is Reese Witherspoon. I guarantee you ask 1000 pageant competitors who their favorite actress is and 900 say Reese Witherspoon and not a single one mentions Eva Longoria. It's not clear if Justine Barker and Rachel Barker are related.

Rachel Barker


I know they award ancillary prizes for "Miss Congeniality", "Best Talent", I'm not sure if they have one for "Biggest Rack," Caitlin McGlinchey would win.

Caitlin McGlinchey

Alicia Rossman sort of looks like Rachel from Real World: Austin. The most influential person in her life is Shania Twain because "she is a mother, daughter, wife, friend, entertainer, and much more." She's not your friend. And of course her favorite actress is...Reese Witherspoon.

Alicia Rossman


My personal favorite is Erica Lehman. She doesn't have a profile so all I know is that she's hot is a sort of mysterious way. And her platform/charity has a cool, punny name, "Pencilling in a Better Future: Write Here, Write Now." I imagine they teach kids how to write.

Erika Lehman



So Erika Lehman is my choice. Who do you think should win (the pageant already happened)? I'll post the winner and some other Miss NH news in a few days.

4 comments:

Derek said...

The lease was signed this time last year so Christy Dunn was the first "Miss Derek's Apartment".

Rascal Flatts (group, not one guy) references Ohio State in their song "Neither Did I", therefore they are big in Columbus. They covered "Life is a Highway" for the movie Cars and they've enjoyed mainstream success.

Country music is very pageant- politically correct (if not politically politically correct). Hot girls like it, even hotter girls sing it. You can say you like Rascal Flatts and not get labeled the same you would if you admitted to liking 50-Cent.

KeriAnn endorsed Kristen Finn (she's my sister with a foul mouth and violent streak) and gave Lindsey Graham (TOB) the 2007 Miss Derek's Apartment.

Anonymous said...

I think I agree with your choice paul. Also, adding to what Derek said about Rascal Flatts...they're a classic example of the polarity of america. From what I've heard..they are HUGE everywhere....cept east or west coast, where most people, like myself, can't even name 1 song.

Actually, they had the #2 best selling album of 2006...#1 was high school musical (I had no clue either...I looked this all up on the web).

Anonymous said...

Rascall Flatts is wildly popular in North Carolina. I actually saw them perform live with Toby Keith (who is less than politically correct, or correct about anything if you ask me).

Awesome show but I felt very out of place. At one point the lead singer asked the crowd "Who out there is a beer drinkin' redneck?"
and my friend pointed to me and yelled at the top of her lungs: "this guy!!"

-BD

D said...

Being from GA, I can honestly say that I fucking hate Rascal Flatts. Just sayin'.


And I go with Erica too.