I'm a Douche

I left my bag at Mrs. Poop's parent's house, where we stopped on our way home from Maine.
In that bag was my glasses, so I've been wearing contacts all week.
I also left my cell phone charger which is why I haven't been answering text messages this week. I also use my cell phone as my nap alarm, and since I didn't have it, I overslept and was late to work yesterday.
That bag also had my beard and sideburns trimmer. Without it, I couldn't trim my goatee and I just had to shave the whole damn thing off.
And finally I left "Pistol" which I took out of the library and since it's a new book I can't renew, so I have to return it before I can even read it.