The NFL is Poop - Week 7

The Quarterback I Would Want
You can have Tom Brady, Peyton Manning and Aaron Rodgers. If I have the ball late in the game and I need one quarterback to drive my team down the field, I am taking Eli Manning. He has done this twice in Super Bowls and he did it again against the Redskins. I think things like this tend to build on themselves because the more you do it, the more you feel like you can do it which gives you the confidence to take chances. Perfect example is the touchdown to Victor Cruz. Many QBs wouldn’t have even tried that throw (or the one to Mario Manningham in the Super Bowl) but Eli has the stones to take the chances and make the throws. And that’s why the Giants are so good.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
It will be hard for me to be angry about anything this season. This year for RGIII is like 1986 for Mookie Wilson, “a year of learning and progress.” And it will be hard for me to keep going on these rants without mentioning, every single week, how awesome RGIII is, how he has restored hope the franchise and how happy I am to have him on my team. Because he can make plays like this one on 4th and 10 to keep a drive alive.
But the Redskins have lost 4 games this season, by 3, 7, 7 and 4 points. That’s four close games. One play can make the difference. Unfortunately the Redskins are unable to make that play. They turned it over four times against the Giants (although they had a very good turnover ratio coming into this game) and then the worst secondary in the league let Victor Cruz get behind them for a touchdown, when the one thing they couldn’t afford to do was give up a long touchdown. And then, when it was time for RGIII to work his magic again, Santana Moss fumbled and robbed us of that opportunity.

Back on Top
Going into this week there were only two teams in the AFC above .500. Those two teams played each other, and the Texans destroyed the Ravens. After getting blitzed by the Aaron Rodgers and Green Bay Houston’s defense smacked down Joe Flacco, and their offense moved the ball on the Ravens injured defense. It’s very rare that I put a team in the Super Bowl at the end of this column, and they stay there all season. The Texans, who have had many false starts before, seem like they are for real and could easily host the AFC title game in January.

Point Spreads Are Only For the Gamblers, Right?
Having picked the 49ers to win by more than 7 points you know I was angry when I heard that Jim Harbaugh declined a safety that would have given his team a 9-point lead, and the ball, with 40 seconds left. Here's the situation: on 4th and 17 from their own 4 the Seahawks completed a 16 yard pass. They were also flagged on the play for a chop block. Accepting the penalty would have meant a safety and a 9-point lead. Declining the penalty meant taking over on downs at their own 20. Before analyzing this decision we have to first accept that in 99.99% of cases either choice is going to result in a victory. The reason Harbaugh declined the penalty is because he didn't want to give the Seahawks a free kick, which would at least technically would open the door to an onsides-kick. Nearly impossible to recover an onsides, score a touchdown from 60-70 yards, recover another onsides and kick a field goal in 40 seconds. He opted for take ball and kneel twice, can't fault him either way.

Play of the Century
Amazing hustle by Saints safety Malcolm Jenkins. Josh Freeman hit Vincent Jackson on a long bomb and Jackson was streaking down the sidelines. Jenkins, ran halfway across the field and knocked Jackson out at the 1-yard-line. The Saints then stopped three runs by LaGarrette Blount and sacked Josh Freeman on 4th down. Jenkins saved 7 points, exactly the margin the Saints won by. He deserves a game ball, a raise and the nickname "Charlie Hustle."

Game of the Week
Tennessee Titans 35 Buffalo Bills 34
Not a game with huge implications as neither of these teams is very good, but it certainly had more excitement than anything else we saw this week. We got to see the Chris Johnson of old. He ran for 195 yards on 18 carries (10.8 per) including a 83-yard-touchdown. That touchdown was answered right away by Brad Smith, who returned the ensuing kickoff 89 yards.
For a guy who went to Harvard Ryan Fitzpatrick made a pretty dumb play. He got intercepted with 3 minutes to play and his team leading by 6. Matt Hasselbeck then lead the Titans on a 52-yard touchdown drive to win the game.

Game of Next Week
New Orleans Saints at Denver Broncos
The Saints are going to be playing must-win games for the rest of the season if they hope to bounce back from an 0-4 start. They will try to make it a 3-game winning streak. The Broncos are .500 despite a very difficult early season schedule. Two great quarterbacks and I expect them both to put up great numbers.

Picture of the Week
Just because I love those creamsicle uniforms the ExpensiveCornPrices used to wear.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Atlanta Falcons 31 Houston Texans 27
The Texans bounced back from an embarrassing blowout with a fine showing against the Ravens. But I can't have them beating the unblemished Falcons yet, even though Atlanta has been less than impressive in squeaking out wins against mediocre teams.

Weekly Picks

What the hell just happened? Through 4 weeks, I wasn't doing that badly. Sure I was only 1-3 on best bets, but I was 10-10 overall, and I did get screwed on the Green Bay Seattle game. Since then I am 1-9 for -1 points. I feel like I am still getting incredibly unlucky, Ravens and Chargers both blew games they should have had. But I am also not sticking to my guns. Trying to get back to that this week.

SAN FRANCISCO -7 seattle
Exactly what I am always looking for. A good team coming off a bad loss, against a bad team (maybe I'll upgrade Seattle to decent) coming off a big win.

ST. LOUIS +5 green bay
Maybe the Packers woke up last week and will begin dominating the league the way they did last year. Or maybe they just aren't as good this season. Rams are 3-0 at home, 0-3 on road. Could be tough for Green Bay and I love those home dogs.

NEW YORK GIANTS -6 washington
This is not a reverse jinx. The Redskins have one of the worst pass defenses in the league. The Giants likely won't experience a letdown in a key division game, because they've already lost to the Cowboys and the Eagles. RGIII is doing great but he will get overwhelmed by the Giants pass rush and will be unable to keep up with Eli.

INDIANAPOLIS -2 cleveland
Very disappointing game for the Colts last week, laying an egg against the Jets. But I think they are a decent team and I don't see the Browns winning two in a row.

BEST BET
NEW ENGLAND -10 1/2 new york jets
I normally hate spreads this big, especially for best bets, because so much can happen. But I am so sure the Patriots are going to kill the Jets that I am going with it. Plus all my instincts have been wrong lately so I might as well start going against them.

Last Week: 0-5 (-1 points)
Season: 11-19 (7 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (1-5)
Home Favorites: 0-2 (1-11)
Home Underdogs: 0-1 (3-1)
Road Favorites: 0-1 (4-5)
Road Underdogs: 0-1 (3-2)

Pictures of Uranus

Astronomers have released the most richly detailed, highest-resolution images ever taken of Uranus.

Song of the Week

"Love, Need and Want You" - Patti LaBelle

The NFL is Poop - Week 6

How To Blow a Game: Turn the Ball Over
At halftime the San Diego Chargers had a comfortable 24-0 lead over the Denver Broncos. Their second half possessions were as follows: fumble, 3 and out, interception, interception, interception, fumble. Two of those turnovers were returned for touchdowns and a third set up a touchdown. Denver scored 35 points and won easily.

How To Blow a Game: Don’t Tackle
With an 8-point lead and 5 minutes to go the Baltimore Ravens switched to a softer defense, like most teams do. But when they got Dallas backed up on 3rd and 27 thanks to two penalties is when they made the key mistake. Dez Bryant caught a short pass and was nearly stopped after a 7-yard gain, but the Ravens missed three tackles, the last one from Ed Reed who came flying in, arms down and hit Bryant with a shoulder. Bryant bounced off, ran for 10 more yards, set up 4th and 10 which Dallas converted. The Ravens hung on to win because Bryant dropped the 2-point conversion, and…

How to Blow a Game: Poor Clock Management
After all that, the Cowboys were down 31-29 with 32 seconds left. They recovered the onside kick and got a pass interference penalty for 20 yards. They still had a timeout left, so they should have looked for sideline routes, which would have left the middle open for a medium-sized gain. Instead they threw a short pass to Bryant for 1 yard, and couldn’t get another play off. The kicker miss a 51-yard game-winner.

Is This the End?
But neither of those late-game atrocities was the saddest thing to happen in Baltimore. Ray Lewis tore his triceps and is out for the season. He may never play again. I don’t want to eulogize his career because I don’t think he will retire. Lewis is not the type of guy to go out like this. If he does I will be sure to give his career a separate post with all my thoughts and memories about him. He is clearly one of the best players in NFL history, at any position, and one of the greatest leaders.

The Pack is Back
That’s the Aaron Rodgers we’ve been waiting for. Six touchdown passes, 2 from more than 40 yards, 338 yards, 14 yards per completion. Not sure why the Packers haven’t been able to do that so far this season, and I’m not sure if they will be able to keep it up but it was a pretty impressive display. And it came against a pretty good defense. Or at least that’s what I keep hearing on TV. The praise for JJ Watt has been a little out of hand. I’m glad that now we can get back to the excessive praise for Aaron Rodgers.

Sometimes Mediocre is Good Enough
The entire AFC East is tied for first, and last at 3-3. The Jets with their horrible offense and quarterback problems, the Dolphins with their rookie quarterback and the Bills with the worst defense in football. All those teams are tied with the Patriots. I still think the Patriots will win this division but there is certainly something troubling about the way they have lost close games, to average teams like Arizona and Seattle.

Game of the Week
Seattle Seahawks 24 New England Patriots 23

Russell Wilson is the black Tim Tebow. Obviously, he's better, can actually throw the ball. But with this comeback, and the really miraculous undeserved one against the Packers, Wilson is starting to develop some magical appeal. I still think the Seahawks stink, but their defense is better than I thought, especially their big corners. And their receivers, Rice and Baldwin, who I thought would struggle with a rookie QB, are actually doing quite well.

Game of Next Week
Baltimore Ravens at Houston Texans
The Texans need to bounce back from their first loss of the season. And the Ravens need to prove they can play defense without Ray Lewis, Lardarrius Webb and perhaps even Haloti Ngata.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
The first quarter and the first 11 minutes of the 4th quarter were horrible. But everything else was great. To start the game, the Redskins had allowed 9 points (thanks to red zone defense) and gained only 7 yards. But then they finally woke up offensively, got a couple of turnovers and built a 31-12 lead. And stopped playing. They allowed a touchdown drive, 2-point conversion, 3 and out, touchdown and missed 2-pointer. And remember, almost no time was wasted during all this. So then the Redskins were backed up at their own 24, on 3rd and 6, with more than three minutes to go. If the Redskins don't get this first down, they could easily lose this game and blow a 19 point lead.
But that's why you get Robert Griffin III. That's why you trade up a million draft picks to get him. That's why you pay him millions of dollars. That's why you keep him healthy. He is a transformational talent who has the ability to cover up all other mistakes by making one great play.
And that's why I have so much hope and optimism for the future of the franchise.

Picture of the Week
Reggie Bush gets upended

If The Super Bowl Were Played Today
Atlanta Falcons 23 Houston Texans 20
Not very impressed with any of the teams right now. But these two have to stay here because 49ers, Cardinals and Vikings all lost, which gives Falcons a 1 1/2 game lead (over Bears) in the conference. And Houston and Baltimore are tied with 5-1 records (2 games over the field) but the Ravens had some big injuries and Texans only lost Cushing.

She Swallowed Her G-String

Kanye West once rapped about a girl who has "got an ass that'll swallow up a G-string." He may have found his dream girl. Kanye and Kim Kardashian went out to dinner and she wore a bra, and a see-through skirt.

And her giant ass stretched the skirt out so that you could see she wasn't wearing underwear, except for the unlikely possibility of a g-string completely swallowed by her mammoth ass cheeks.

Did He Tell the Grim Reaper to Wait a Minute?

Senator Arlen Specter died this weekend from complications of non-Hodgkins lymphoma. Specter spent nearly 30 years in the Senate as a rate Republican Jew before switching to become a Democrat in 2009, like the rest of the misguided Jews.
As always in these obituaries I try to memorialize the dead with one bizarre, random, strange or embarrassing moment.
So here is Specter at a town hall in 2009, being interrupted by a heckler. Specter tries to regain control by saying "wait a minute" 12 times in 33 seconds.

Show Me the Idiots

During the Ravens-Patriots game on Sunday Night Football earlier this season those of us watching on TV were treated to an awkward interruption. An idiot (not technically a streaker) ran on the field. Networks have a policy not to show people who violate city ordinances by running on the field. So instead they showed us an overhead shot of the stadium. While we listened to Al Michaels describe the action.
Why not just show us the morons? The network's job when covering the game is to show the viewer what's happening. It is not to police fan behavior. And I wonder what would do more to discourage fan interference in the future, lack of television exposure, or public shaming?
I really don't like networks that tell me what I'm supposed to want to see, just show me what's going on.

Weekly Picks

My best week of the year followed by my worst week of the year. Undefeated Cardinals lost to a bad Rams team. Winless Saints beat a good Chargers team. My first loss while picking an underdog all season. I have never seen such a wide split between performance picking favorites versus underdogs. Underdogs are hot this year, and I am reluctant to pick them as my best bet, which explains my struggles.

cincinnati -2 1/2 CLEVELAND
I was going to make this my best bet but got scared off because of how live home dogs have been. But we have a decent team coming off a bad loss against the worst team in the league and the spread is less than a field goal. As Mike Singletary might say "I like this kinda party."

SAN DIEGO +1 denver
I still like what the Chargers have done so far this season. And I am certainly concerned that Denver's tough schedule could be masking a better team than I think. But I'm looking for a home dog to take.

indianapolis +3 1/2 NEW YORK JETS
Despite picking the Jets last week when everyone else was against them, I do agree that the Jets stink. I'm a little worried about the Colts because this whole Chuck Strong thing is bullshit, but they're actually pretty good.

ARIZONA -4 buffalo
The Cardinals had their problems with the Rams defense last week. But even though they paid a lot for them, the Bills have the worst defense in the league.

BEST BET
BALTIMORE -3 1/2 dallas
This pick has me a little nervous because when we last saw Tony Romo he was throwing 5 interceptions against the Bears. I am quite certain that won't happen again. But it doesn't need to for the Ravens to win this game comfortably.

Last Week: 1-4 (0 points)
Season: 11-14 (8 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (1-4)
Home Favorites: 0-2 (1-9)
Home Underdogs: 1-0 (3-0)
Road Favorites: 0-1 (4-4)
Road Underdogs: 0-1 (3-1)

There Will Be No Beano

ESPN college football analyst Beano Cook passed away. His former partner Chris Fowler did a touching tribute to him, but unfortunately it only included a small snippet of Beano's most famous moment: "I can hear him!" (at about 2:05 of this video)

Staten Island's Eiffel Tower

Staten Island will soon be home to the world's tallest ferris wheel.
It will be 625 feet tall and cost $230m to build. It will carry 1,440 passengers at one time. It will be on the north shore overlooking the Statue of Liberty.
It is part of an effort to revive the St. George area of Staten Island which including a 100-shop outlet mall and a 200-room hotel.
Senantor Chuck Schumer says “the ferris wheel will be Staten Island’s Eiffel Tower.” Chuck Schumer is a moron.
But it’s actually not a bad idea. People from Staten Island will definitely visit this. I would. And maybe some tourists and Manhattan visitors would be encouraged to take the ferry to Staten Island if there were something cool to do. And maybe if you’re looking to visit Manhattan on a budget you’d rather stay at a nice hotel in Staten Island and take the ferry across.
The idea seems ridiculous but I believe it has a lot of potential and could be a pretty cool thing for Staten Island.

Here's a mock-up of what the Ferris Wheel and the surrounding area would look like:

Just a Pawn in the Game of Life

Alex Karras died today at the age of 77. Karras has unique appeal to members of three generations. In the 1960s, Karras was a star defensive lineman for the Detroit Lions. He was suspended for the entire 1963 season after he admitted to gambling on NFL games. In the 1970s he a great role as Mongo in "Blazing Saddles," where he famously punched a horse.

But everyone is going to be posting about that today. Here at the Poop, we try to do things differently, especially when it comes to obituaries.
We post random and obscure memories from the deceased's career, like this clip from "Webster" with Alex Karras as George Papadopoulos.

Song of the Week

"Mathematics" - Mos Def
DJ Premier is probably one of the five best producers in hip-hop history. Here he is at his best, scratching 7 samples together for the song's hook:

"The Mighty Mos Def..." (from Mos Def's "Body Rock"),
"It's simple mathematics" (from Fat Joe's "John Blaze"),
"Check it out" (The Lady of Rage's vocals from Snoop Dogg's "For All My Niggaz & Bitches"),
"I revolve around science..." (Ghostface Killah's vocals from Raekwon's "Criminology"),
"What are we talking about here..." (dialogue from the film Ghostbusters)
"Do your math.." (from Erykah Badu's "On & On"), and
"One, two, three, four" (from James Brown's "Funky Drummer")

The NFL is Poop - Week 5

Brees Passes Unitas
Drew Brees set the all-time record for most consecutive games with a touchdown pass when he hit Devery Henderson for a 40-yard score. Brees passed Johnny Unitas who set the record of 47 straight games, back in 1960. A very special moment for Brees, that’s three years without getting shut out. And it came in a Saints win, to keep them from going 0-5, though even at 1-4 I think their playoff chances are slim. The most curious thing to me was the NFL (Roger Goodell) granting clemency to Sean Payton, temporarily lifting his suspension so he could attend the game. Seems like the NFL has gone soft. The guy was banned for the year because his team was running a bounty program and he failed to stop it. The punishment was just and it should be enforced as it was meted out.

He Kind of Has a Point
Chiefs offensive lineman Eric Winston went off on fans for booing Matt Cassell while he was laying on the field after getting knocked out by a hit.

Here’s what Winston said after the game:
"It's 100-percent sickening. I've never, ever -- and I've been in some rough times on some rough teams -- I've never been more embarrassed in my life to play football than at that moment right there. I get emotional about it because these guys, they work their butts off. Matt Cassel hasn't done anything to you people.
"Hey, if he's not the best quarterback, he's not the best quarterback, and that's OK, but he's a person. And he got knocked out in a game and we've got 70,000 people cheering that he got knocked out.
"We are not gladiators and this is not the Roman Colosseum. This is a game. This is a game that's going to cost us a lot down the road. That's OK. We picked it. We deserve it. I don't want your pity. But we've got a lot of problems as a society if people think that's OK."
To wit, this text being passed around Twitter from a fan who sent a text (before the injury) to one of those anonymous security numbers designed to alert stadium security about an unruly fan.

Good Luck, Chuck
I never buy into the whole motivation angle because I think for the most part teams and players are always trying hard, always motivated and always wanting to win. That’s why I reject the notion that the Colts pulling off a 30-27 upset of the Green Bay Packers had anything to do with inspiration from head coach Chuck Pagano. The win had to do with Andrew Luck throwing for 362 yards, and leading the Colts to 27 points in the second half. It had to do with Reggie Wayne diving across the goal line for the last 4 of his 212 receiving yards. It had to do with Mason Crosby shanking a potential game-tying field goal. ChuckStrong is a good slogan, but slogans don’t win football games.

They’re Back Baby
Maybe I was wrong about the San Francisco 49ers again. Before the season I predicted they would have a significant letdown from last year’s 13-3 record. Then everyone started declaring them the best team in football after wins over the Packers and Lions. In week 3 they lost to the Vikings and everyone rethought their positions. The 49ers have been pretty convincing in blowing out their last two opponents by a 79-3 combined score. There was some pretty good balance there too, 311 rushing yards and 310 passing yards in the win over the Bills. And they had basically stopped passing the ball somewhere around the middle of the 3rd quarter. They have a loss on their record so I can’t put them over the Falcons at the bottom of this column, but I’m pretty sure they will be there eventually.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
So it finally happened. We knew it would. Hang Robert Griffin III out there long enough and eventually he would take one vicious hit to the head. And that’s exactly what happened, and because he was a runner and not a passer, and because the shot was with shoulder, not helmet of forearm, it was a legal blow. RGIII reportedly was unable to tell medical staff the score, or the quarter, so as a precaution they kept him out of the rest of the game.

I actually can’t blame Shanahan for this injury because even though I’ve been imploring him to protect RGIII more I have suggested the red zone is the best time to unleash him as a runner. Though I want planned sneaks, the injury occurred on a scramble after a passing play broke down.

But Griffin hadn’t really done anything at that point in the game, throwing for only 91 yards. But he was definitely better than Kirk Cousins who led two 3 and outs, one touchdown drive on a 77-yarder to Moss on what was clearly a broken coverage and then ended the game with two interceptions, killing any chance for a comeback.
And then there’s Billy Cundiff who missed another 31-yard field goal this week. And even though I don’t believe in momentum, the kick could have given the Redskins a 10-0 lead. Instead the Falcons got the ball in good field position and drove to tie the game just before the half. But if Shanahan didn’t cut him after last week’s disaster what are the chances he cuts him now?

Game of the Week
New England 31 Denver 21
So this wasn't a great game the whole way through but it did have Manning vs. Brady which is always fun to watch and Manning almost led an amazing comeback. And he might yet be able to lead the Broncos on one this season. Yes they are 2-3 but the three opponents the lost to (Houston, Atlanta and New England) are a combined 13-2. Seven of the Broncos 11 remaining games are against teams with 1 win or 0 wins, right now (Saints, Panthers, ExpensiveCornPrices, Raiders, Browns and Chiefs twice). It might be hard to win all 7 of those, but win 6, that's at least 8 wins with 2 games against the Chargers plus the Bengals and Ravens. I expect to see the Broncos in the playoffs.

Game of Next Week
Green Bay Packers at Houston Texans
This will be a very important game for both teams. It's a good chance for the Texans to show they are for real by defending home turf against a good team. The Packers coming off a loss to the Colts will really start to be in trouble if they fall to 2-4.

Picture of the Week
Peyton Manning got fucked up pretty good and need to revive himself with smelling salts on the sideline. Looks like the helmet left a little mark on his forehead.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Atlanta Falcons 27 Houston Texans 24
Neither team looked all that great and both probably could have lost to inferior teams had those teams not been hit with injuries. But road wins are still hard to come by in this league so we'll keep both teams here. But the 49ers and even the Bears are nipping at the heels of the Falcons.

They Read Mrs. Poop's Letter On Air

It is normal to tell immature jokes. It takes the edge off the intellect. Thank you Dr. Ablow. Here's the link since embedding doesn't seem to be working: http://video.foxnews.com/v/1875190013001/

Baseball Playoff Predictions

National League:
Braves over Cardinals

Reds over Giants
Nationals over Braves

Reds over Nationals


American League:
Rangers over Orioles

Tigers over A's
Yankees over Rangers

Tigers over Yankees


World Series:
Reds over Tigers

Weekly Picks

Finally got off the schneid thanks to the Chargers. And the two games I got wrong, the favorites won, but didn't cover which happens less often than you think. My overall record is back to .500 and I will improve that this week. The picks are up early this week because I am getting my best bet out of the way early.

CINCINNATI -3 miami
I really like the Bengals easy schedule. Even in a loss Miami had a great performance last week, especially Tannehill. Bad teams and rookie QBs tend to be up and down.

CAROLINA -3 seattle
Panthers will break through one of these days. Seattle is incredibly overrated and I will pick against them whenever I get the chance.

san diego +3 1/2 NEW ORLEANS
A 3-1 team getting more than a field goal from an 0-4 team. Believe what you see, not what you believe. I've been hot with the Chargers (30% of my wins) and they will let me down eventually. But not this week.

NEW YORK JETS +8 houston
Things are never as bad as they seem. Was hoping to get 11 in this game but I will take 8 and hope they don't get blown out at home for the second straight week.

BEST BET
arizona -2 1/2 ST LOUIS
Cardinals are a good team (there's a zero in their L column) coming off a bad game, albeit a win. The Rams pulled off a good win but I don't seem them doing it twice in a row.

Last Week: 3-2 (4 points)
Season: 10-10 (8 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (1-3)
Home Favorites: 0-2 (1-7)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (2-0)
Road Favorites: 3-0 (4-3)
Road Underdogs: 0-0 (3-0)

He Waited Seven Years For This?

In 2005 Adam Greenberg stepped to the plate for his first major league plate appearance. He was beaned in the head.

He spent the next 7 years trying to recover, experiencing vertigo and a host of other ailments as he fought his way through the minor leagues, the independent leagues before eventually giving up baseball last year.
But the Florida Marlins decided to do something nice for Greenberg and give him a pity at bat. Which is fine, and a nice thing to do, but they did it out of pity, and for the attention.

Unfortunately for him, his long awaited at bat came against the knuckleball of R.A. Dickey and he struck out on three pitches.

Pleasantly Plump News Personality

Before I offer my thoughts on the subject I want you all to watch this, even if you’ve seen it already, watch the entire thing. WKBT news anchor Jennifer Livingston got a viewer e-mail critical of her weight and here is her on-air response:




I disagree with her on several parts of this:
1) She chose this profession. It is a very superficial profession by nature. If she didn’t want to be judged largely based on her looks she should have chosen a different profession. And if she wanted to be on TV despite that, she should learn to ignore.
2) I thought the letter was fair and thoughtful. It didn’t call her a fat pig or a dumb bitch. It pointed out her visibility in the community and how she should be a better role model. If she were smoking cigarettes on air she’d get 100 letters like this. We’re going to create laws restricting what people eat but we can’t point out when people are overweight. That’s a little too much “love the sinner, hate the sin” for me. I’m a big personal responsibility guy we can’t expect people to have proper eating habits if we apologize for them when they get fat as the result of those bad habits.

Note: please don’t come at me with “maybe she has a medical condition.” There are very few medical conditions that make it impossible to be thin. Certain ailments or medications make people put on weight. But even so, it is possible to control your weight, maybe a little more difficult perhaps.

1) This guy was just being mean. He had no prayer of opening her eyes to healthy eating habits and an exercise regimen. He just wanted to be nasty and hurt her feelings. Not sure why that would give him any satisfaction but that’s why he did it.
2) I think she looks nice. She’s very pretty. She’s a little overweight, not obese on a fair standard and at her age probably not at risk for many obesity-related illnesses.
3) “If you are at home talking about the fat news lady, guess what? Your kids are going to go to school and call someone fat.” She’s right about that. Parents are the examples for kids. To teach them how to have healthy eating habits and to teach them how to treat those that don’t.

The NFL is Poop - Week 4

Mark Sanchez Stinks
The problem with Mark Sanchez has nothing to do with Tim Tebow, and everything to do with himself. The narrative over the summer was that the acquisition of Tebow was going to hurt Sanchez’s confidence and prevent him from performing at his best. That is total bullshit. The problem with Sanchez is that he is not a good quarterback. The analysis from pseudo-psychiatrists on talk radio is not accurate here. He plays bad because he is bad (purposeful grammatical error). The Jets have a real problem here. To win in this league you need a good quarterback. The Jets don’t have one. And usually the only way to get one is through the draft. I am not recommending turning the team over to Tebow because he can’t pass. But Sanchez isn’t much better. They probably need to get rid of both of them and move on. I do understand that Sanchez has some good games and I don’t want it to seem like I am over-reacting to one bad game. This is his fourth season in the league and he hasn’t shown the improvement necessary to believe he will ever be a better than average NFL quarterback.

The Packers Want the Replacement Refs Back
A week after being victimized by the worst game-deciding call in NFL history, the Packers were once again on the wrong side of officials’ calls, though they overcame and beat the Saints anyway, 28-27. The Saints first touchdown came on a play when obvious offensive pass interference on Marques Colston was ignored. Later in the game the refs missed on obvious fumble by Darren Sproles, who clearly hadn’t yet hit the ground. But the Packers couldn’t challenge. I think the greater lesson here is that even though we are happy to have the real referees back, they screw up a lot of calls too. It was easy to pick on the replacements, but not all of the problems will be fixed now.

Why Teams Play the Prevent Defense
I always say the prevent defense prevents you from winning. And it’s true. But the main reason teams play the prevent is to make sure they don’t allow one huge play, whenever the opponent doesn’t have the time for several smaller ones. The Panthers led by 1, with 59 seconds left, and had the Falcons backed up to their own 1 yard line. If ever there is a time for the prevent this is it. 60 yards to go, at least, 59 seconds to do it and no timeouts. All the Panthers needed to do was keep the Falcons in front of them, and maybe in bounds, and they would run out of time. But on the first play Roddy White gets behind safety Hiruki Nakamura for a 59-yard gain. One penalty and two short passes put them in position for the game-winning field goal.

Game of the Week
New England 52 Buffalo 28
Normally the game of the week is a closer battle but this one interests me. I was driving in the car listening to instant feedback on 3 different Sirius channels. When the Patriots got down 21-7 the hosts were considering doomsday scenarios if Patriots should fall to 1-3. And then they woke up. The Patriots scored 6 touchdowns (and a field goal) in the last 23 minutes of the game. Roughly translated into 120 points if the pace kept up for 60 minutes. 6 straight touchdown drives, none longer than 3 minutes 20 seconds. The last three all started in Bills territory thanks to a fumble, an interception and a failed onsides kick.

Game of Next Week
Philadelphia at Pittsburgh
Interesting battle for the state. The Eagles have been getting either incredibly lucky or incredibly unlucky. They won 2 of first three games by 1 point each, despite making 12 turnovers. In game 4, 0 zero turnovers, but they survived thanks to a missed field goal. Either they are not this bad and will improve, or they will stop getting lucky and struggle. Steelers also have something to prove.

Picture of the Week
Josh Cribbs has his helmet blasted off by a hard hit. He was down for several minutes but thankfully was able to walk off under his own power.

Taking Being a Tough Guy Too Far
Colts new coach Chuck Pagano is out indefinitely, probably for at least the rest of the season after being diagnosed with leukemia. He will be hospitalized for 6 to 8 weeks while undergoing chemotherapy.
Pagano’s wife pushed him to see the doctor after noticing unusual bruising on the coach’s body. He waited until the Colts’ bye week to be checked out after experiencing extreme fatigue and bruising, starting in training camp. Pagano believed he was experiencing football fatigue, but a blood test revealed the diagnosis of leukemia.
This is when the tough-guy ethos of football can really be dangerous. The guy noticed bruising in training camp and waited over a month to get checked out? Thankfully it doesn't seem like the delay hurts his prognosis.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
Another great game by Robert Griffin III. They had been running him too much in the previous two games. Putting him in the option is not the only way to utilize his speed. They can get him to throw on the run, for the occasional QB draw and he's deadly in the red zone, which they took advantage of in this game.
Kyle Shanahan had another bad game as the play-calling was atrocious. They again got conservative trying to sit on a 4th quarter lead. The two drives preceding the final one resulted in one first down. A few first downs, even without points, would have sealed the victory.
Billy Cundiff is horrible. For years the Redskins have lost games because of missed field goals and have never adequately addressed the problem. Thank God he made the last one but we never should have been in that position in the first place.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Houston Texans 31 Atlanta Falcons 17
After years of being the trendy pick the Texas finally look like they are for real. And with a really weak division it shouldn't be hard for them to win home field throughout the playoffs. The Falcons were a little shaky but they got the job done. They also have a bad division (and a 3-game lead), the others 3 teams are 2-10 with Carolina's and Tampa Bay's wins both coming against New Orleans.

Song of the Week

"I'd Wait a Million Years" - Grass Roots

I Hope This Doesn't Mean The End of Car Chases on TV

I love watching live car chases on the news. The fun part about them is that you never know how they are going to end. The bad part about them is you never know how they're going to end:



You have to be really careful with something like this, must run it on e a delay. If something goes bad you need to be able to cut away before the audience sees a perp blow his head off.

For the record the guy who killed himself was Jodon Romero. He stole a car at gunpoint, shot at the cops, then led them on a hourlong police chase.

Weekly Picks

I got royally fucked over by one of the biggest screwjobs in NFL history. Why does it have to be that one crazy game happens every 20 years and I have to have it as my best bet. Very frustrating. But I have noticed a trend. I am 5-0 picking underdogs this year, 2-8 picking favorites. So this week I am picking 5 favorites and seeing what happens.

san francisco -4 1/2 NY JETS
I still think the 49ers are good. And the Jets are not. The 49ers are 2-1 and in second place but they beat two really good teams and just had a letdown. The Jets are 2-1 and alone in first place but they beat two bad teams and really aren't very good. I expect Sanchez to struggle mightily against the 9ers defense.

cincinnati -1 JACKSONVILLE
I watched the Bengals last week and I think they are pretty good. They have a very easy schedule and could be 5-1 in a few weeks. But Jacksonville hasn't been as bad as I thought they would be.

ARIZONA -4 1/2 miami
Believe what you see, not what you believe. The results are telling us the Cardinals are a pretty damn good team and the Dolphins are not. The Cardinals great defense against the weak Dolphins O should lead to a blow out.

GREEN BAY -7 new orleans
Believe what you see, not what you believe. The Saints stink. The Packers don't but due to some bad luck they desperately need this game.

BEST BET
san diego -2 KANSAS CITY
This could go badly but I'm trusting my read here. The Chargers played great for two weeks then got blown out at home by an awesome team. The Chiefs got blown out twice then barely beat a bad team on the road. I'm predicting that will normalize this week.

Last Week: 1-4 (0 points)
Season: 7-8 (4 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (0-3)
Home Favorites: 0-2 (1-5)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (2-0)
Road Favorites: 0-2 (1-3)
Road Underdogs: 1-0 (3-0)

Rectum? Damn Near Killed Him

A University of Tennessee student was dropped off at the local medical center with a blood alcohol content of above 0.40. The legal limit in most states is 0.1. And 0.4 death can occur.
You wouldn’t think someone could drink enough to become that intoxicated, you’d throw up or pass out first. Turns out he didn’t drink that much. The zany brothers in the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity were giving each other alcohol enemas, also known as butt-chugging. Police found this out after “extensive questioning” of the brothers.
Here’s how it works: you put a rubber tube in your ass; then pour the alcohol into the tube with a funnel. Why would you want to consume alcohol through your ass? There are a lot of capillaries and blood vessels in the rectum, therefore the alcohol gets into your blood stream faster and it skips the filtering by the liver.
It actually seems pretty ingenious when you think about it, except for the part about nearly dying.

Song of the Week

"Dope Chick" - The Dream featuring Pusha T
This is The Dream's third appearance on SOTW. I believe that is close to Jaheim's record. Bonus points for bring back Pusha T formerly of Clipse.

The NFL is Poop - Week 3

Nightmare Scenario

The worst possible scenario happened: the replacement officials blew a call directly affecting the outcome of the game. Golden Tate and M.D. Jennings wrestled for the ball. The two officials standing next to each other ruled it differently.

This was not the case of simultaneous possession because Jennings clearly had his hands on it first. If that's the case, if one guy catches it first, and maintains possession, even though another player grabs it and possesses it later (exactly what happened here) the first player is deemed to have caught the ball. This is not like the NBA situation, you don't have a tie-up.

But don't put all the blame on the replacement officials. A non-replacement supervisor and non-replacement replay official were both involved, and obviously didn't force the refs to overturn the call. ESPN also messed up saying the play was not reviewable because it was simultaneous possession. It wasn't and even if it had been, it still was reviewable according to Rule 15, Section 9 which says the question of whether a pass was “ruled complete/incomplete/intercepted” is subject to replay review, with no exception for questions of simultaneous possession.

Oh, and they also missed an obvious pass interference call on Tate, though it is rarely called on Hail Marys.

Thank God That Didn't Happen to Bill Belichick
Bill Belichick was angry over a pass interference call (likely the right call) and a field goal that was ruled good even though it went over the upright (almost certainly the right call), the legendary coach assaulted one of the replacement, grabbing him by the arm. He probably wanted to discuss the calls, even though the game was already over. The officiating marred a terrific team between two of the AFC's best teams who are quickly becoming bitter rivals. I can't imagine what he would have done if he had been on the wrong end of that blown Hail Mary call.

Picture of the Week
The big story of the Ravens win over New England should have been Torrey Smith. Just after midnight Sunday morning, Smith received a call that his 19-year-old brother Tevin had been killed in a motorcycle accident. Smith left the team hotel to be with his family. He came back to the stadium at 4pm and told John Harbaugh he wanted to play. Smith had 127 yards and two touchdowns, after both he kneeled down and pointed to the heavens.

Even Sean Payton Couldn't Fix This Mess
The Saints aren't a distracted team missing its coach. They are a bad team with a bad defense and after Sunday maybe a lack of heart as well. They are perhaps off to the worst start in NFL history. The only NFL team to start 0-3 with all 3 losses to teams that all lost their other 2 games, meaning they are 0-6 against everyone but the Saints. The latest loss (which hurts a little more because I picked them in the Eliminator pool) came as they allowed 21 straight points, the last 14 of which didn't come on two touchdowns, but on four field goals and a safety.
And you can't just blame the defense. After Jamaal Charles went 91 yards to make it 24-13, here are the Saints offensive possessions:
4 plays, 46 yards, interception
3 plays, 2 yards, punt
3 plays, -8 yards, punt
2 plays, -9 yards, safety
3 plays, 0 yards, punt

You are reading that correctly. On their last 11 plays, they totaled -15 yards. They say the best offense is a good defense. But sometimes a good offense can help your defense too. Any kind of sustained drive probably would have at least gotten the Saints a 3-point win.

Game of the Week
Tennessee Titans 44 Detroit Lions 41
I guess I pre-ordained the outcome of this one when I said the Titans couldn't put points on the board to keep up with the Lions. They went out and had an historic game with 5 touchdowns of over 60 yards.
Tommie Campbell 65 Yd Punt Return (off a cross-field lateral.
Jared Cook 61 Yd Pass From Jake Locker
Darius Reynaud 105 Yd Kickoff Return
Nate Washington 71 Yd Pass From Jake Locker
Alterraun Verner 72 Yd Fumble Return

After all that, and losing their QB Matthew Stafford, the Lions still had a chance to win. But on 4th and 1 from the 7, in overtime, the Lions went for it and got stopped, instead of kicking the field goal and at least rolling the dice with their horrible defense. Shaun Hill got stuffed and then thrown under the bus. After the game Jim Schwartz said the play call was to try to draw an off-sides penalty and if not call timeout and kick. Implying that Hill called his own number against the coach's wishes. I would have kicked, but I can understand if he said his best chance to win was going for it, instead of giving the Titans the ball needing only a field goal against his porous defense.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
The Redskins defense is terrible. 32, 31 and now 38 points allowed. Without Brian Orakpo it is only going to get worse. The secondary is horrible. Three of the Bengals touchdowns were passes of 48 yards or more, including one thrown by a wide receiver on the first play of the game. They spent far too long chasing after the Bengals.

As far as the offense goes, RGIII is still awesome. He played horribly in the first half but mostly because the play-calling was run, run, pass. When they opened it up in the second half he began to hit some passes. I think they ran too much option and I fear he won't be able to stay healthy if he doesn't become more a pocket passer, but the offense is definitely improved. The Redskins didn't score more than 28 at all last season. So far they haven't score fewer than 28.

Picture of the Week
Raiders wide receiver Darrius Heyward-Bey was on the wrong end of a vicious helmet-to-helmet hit. He was laid out for about 10 ten minutes, strapped to a board and carted off the field. As he was being driven off the field, he gave the thumbs up. Seems good, but Mike Utley did the same thing in 1991. And he hasn't walked since. Heyward-Bey's injury is not thought to be as severe. He is expected to make a full recovery.

Game of the Week
New Orleans Saints at Green Bay Packers
Ok, so the team's are a combined 1-5. But I still love their offenses and they are still great stories. Imagine if both are 1-3. Very hard to climb back from that. Plus, the Packers took one of the worst beats in NFL history. How will they respond to that.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Atlanta Falcons 31 Houston Texans 23
Two teams that have been thought of as sleepers in the past are finally coming into their own this season. The Falcons look scary-good on offense. I'm still not convinced about the Texans, but the AFC is very wide-open this season and it's very possible the Texans can sweep their 6 division games.

Weekly Picks

Another frustrating 2 point week because I know how difficult it is to get more than 50% of your picks right. Frustrating I keep picking the wrong ones to be my best bets. Especially because the Giants game ended as a push. Proud of myself for picking Arizona. A lot of underdogs come up early in the season as lines adjust to who is actually good, as opposed to who we think is good.

detroit -4 TENNESSEE
The Lions can put up points quickly. The Titans cannot. Simple as that.

NEW ORLEANS -7 1/2 kansas city
This is when we really find out about New Orleans. Are they really going to crash and burn like this just because they don't have Sean Payton? This game should be a blowout but that pesky half-point could cost me again.

INDIANAPOLIS -3 jacksonville
I really like what I am seeing out of Andrew Luck. Hate what I see from Blaine Gabbert. He's been terrible and hasn't even thrown an interception yet. He'll throw two this week.

OAKLAND +3 1/2 pittsburgh
I've had some good luck with home dogs so far this year and the Steelers are missing a couple key defensive players.

BEST BET
green bay -3 1/2 SEATTLE
Glad Seattle beat a lifeless Cowboys team so I could continue betting against them for a few more weeks before people realize how overrated they are.

Last Week: 3-2 (2 points)
Season: 6-4 (4 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (0-2)
Home Favorites: 1-2 (1-3)
Home Underdogs: 1-0 (2-0)
Road Favorites: 0-0 (1-1)
Road Underdogs: 1-0 (2-0)

Francesa Fights Back

I was driving home the day after the Mike Francesa sleeping incident hit it big and I decided to eschew my usual afternoon soul jams in favor of hoping to hear Francesa address his on-air nap. And I was not disappointed. A caller made a vague reference to it and Francesa got angry. He asked the guy (keeping him on the line but not letting him talk) "how long have I been doing this? 25 years. And how many hours a day? 5 and a half. Add that up. You can't because you don't have a brain in your head. People are jealous and they want to attack me. They can't attack the ratings. Can't attack the performance. So they attack me over 12 seconds. It didn't affect anyone, no one knew about it. Its 12 seconds in 25 years."

Note: that is not an exact quote, but it's pretty close.

Well that wasn't the end of the prank calls and it wasn't the end of Francesa's tirades.



Suggested by Master Bates

The Best Part of Being Sick

As an adult sick days suck. It's not even nice to get a day off of work, and being home is no fun. But as a kid, sick days were joyous. No school, and you could lay in bed watching TV. You could watch shows you had never seen before (remember, we didn't have DVRs back then), if a aired weekdays at 10am, you never ever saw it. I remember watching Press Your Luck on sick days. And I remember, once we got cable, watching ESPN. This was in the early days when monster truck shows and CBA replays littered the airwaves. ESPN also aired classic NFL Films Presents. The man behind those shows (which continue to this day, a great piece on John Amos, the actor, aired recently) is Steve Sabol, who started the company with his father, took over and then hosted the shows until an illness forced him out of that duty two years ago. Steve Sabol died this week.
Sabol played an essential role in the NFL's popularity with NFL Films. It was a great showcase for the game and for the players, as they pioneered the now common practice of miking up players and coaches during games. The music, of course, the music. He used to bring in an actual orchestra to NFL Films to record the music. The voice-overs from John Facenda. All that stuff made NFL Films great and Steve Sabol a legend.

Here is my favorite NFL Films segment: a poetic recap of the 1968 New York Jets Super Bowl championship season. It was called "Joe and the Magic Bean" and it was voiced by Sterling Holloway, who was also the voiced of Winnie the Pooh.

If you prefer a more serious approach. Here is Orson Welles's narration of the same clip:

It's Becoming a Thing

I have been known on Facebook to punctuate particularly fun days with a status update reading "I didn't even have to use my AK," one of the final lines from Ice Cube's classic "It was a Good Day."
Turns out I am not the only one to use this song to express a particular feeling or emotion. Superhot SI Swimsuit model Ariel Meredith did it on twitter. And responded to me reply:

The NFL is Poop - Week 2

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
Josh Morgan is a fuckin moron. He knew Cortland Finnegan is the type of player who tries to get under your skin and draw penalties. And he gave in to him at the worst possible time. And the funny thing is, I was watching "Sound FX: Mike Singletary" on the NFL Network and there are a couple spots devoted to Morgan, a referee telling Singletary to tell #84 to cut it out, and another after Morgan drops a pass. He's clearly an attitude problem, another wide receiver diva, except he isn't even that good. I would cut him right away, to send a message.
Shanahan says he would have gone for it instead of kicking a 47-yard field goal, though I doubt he actually would have taken such a foolish chance.
Another good performance from RGIII. Not as good as last week, and too much running for my liking but he was effective again. It was the defense that stunk (though it got two big fumbles). And now things will probably get even worse from there since Brian Orakpo and Adam Carriker are out for the season.
But I am still targeting the 2014 season after the salary cap sanctions expire and RGIII has had more time to develop.

Victory Formation
Bush league play by Rutgers, I mean Tampa Bay ExpensiveCornPrices coach Greg Schiano, sending his players charging into the Giants formation when the game was already over. I understand about playing hard until the end of the game, but there are generally accepted practices in the NFL and even if the chance of injury was very minimal, it was still a damn stupid thing to do. I'm glad Tom Coughlin gave him a piece of his mind after the game.

The Best Team So Far
In my preseason and Week 1 predictions I suggested the 49ers were due for a falloff after their unexpected 13-3 season last year. So far they are looking to top last year's record. They beat an good Lions team at home and a very good Packers on the road. And they did it with a good combination of offense and defense. They can run the ball and pass it. They have a very weak division and half already knocked off what figures to be two of their toughest opponents.

The Only 0-2 Team in the NFC
I usually don't ascribe much value to coaching, and even less to intangible made-up terms like distraction. I heard going into Week 1 that the Redskins were in trouble because the Saints were going to be "angry." Now I hear they are "distracted." Maybe an incident like what happened to the Saints distracts some teams, angers others, and some are unaffected. Or maybe it's completely meaningless and the Saints are just having a bad year. And they do miss Sean Payton a little. Very tricky situation with them and I would avoid betting on them all season.

Game of the Week
Arizona 20 New England 18
I won't say I knew this was going to happen, because I didn't. But I will say that I felt sufficiently concerned that I picked Arizona to cover the spread. And I did not pick the Patriots in espn.com's eliminator pool (I picked the Giants and became one of 122,000 to advance to Week 3, about 30% of the starting field). But I still don't know how they lost. They couldn't score a touchdown at home against a good but not great Cardinals defense. And then when the game was almost gifted to them, they missed a game-winning field goal. Those kinds of things don't happen to the Patriots.

Game of Next Week
Atlanta at San Diego
The Falcons look really great on offense so far and the Chargers just look really great. I really believe in San Diego though they have had great starts before and folded down the stretch. But so far so good this season for the Chargers.

Weekly Ref Update
The absence of regular referees became a much bigger problem in Week 1 than Week 2. I still suspect the strike will be settled soon, possibly before Week 3. The NFL just needs to pony up extra money to keep their principle (no defined benefit retirement plans). Not that the regular refs are so great, but even the perception that the game is being compromised by replacements should be enough to get the NFL to cough up the small amount (to them) of dough needed to get the deal done.

Picture of the Week
Clay Matthews poses after making a play against the Chicago Bears.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
San Francisco 24 San Diego 17
The 49ers look awesome and the Chargers are off to a good start as well. Though I am worried about San Diego carrying this through until December. The 49ers look like the most complete team in the NFL. They have a running game, a passing game and an unspectacular defense that plays with solid fundamentals and sure tackling.

Song of the Week

"Fish Ain't Bitin" - Lamont Dozier
Evidently he wasn't a big fan of Pres. Nixon. But I still enjoy this soul classic.

Weekly Picks

Starting the season off with my most common result, 3-2, lose my best bet, 2 points. This week I will go with a couple teams that looked bad last week playing opponents that looked good.

SAN DIEGO -6 1/2 tennessee I really like the Chargers this year to fly under the radar. I know they got a little lucky against the Raiders but I think the Titans stink.

arizona +13 1/2 NEW ENGLAND
I actually like that Kevin Kolb is the starter. I think he is better than John Skelton. Patriots had a blowout last week, could be a closer game this time.

INDIANAPOLIS +3 minnesota
I really like Luck and think he is going to be much better this week. The Vikings looked bad in a win. I am going to try to take more home dogs this year.

PHILADELPHIA -2 1/2 baltimore
If you based this on last week alone, Baltimore should be favored by 10. But this is not last week and Vick is not going to throw 4 more interceptions.

BEST BET
NEW YORK GIANTS -7 tampa bay
This is the classic matchup I'm looking for. A good team coming off a bad loss and a bad team coming off a big win. The 7 points is a little more than I want to give but I still have confidence. And no I am not trying to jinx the Giants into an 0-2 start.

Last Week: 3-2 (2 points)
Season: 3-2 (2 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (0-1)
Home Favorites: 0-1 (0-1)
Home Underdogs: 1-0 (1-0)
Road Favorites: 1-1 (1-1)
Road Underdogs: 1-0 (1-0)

The Princess's Tits

An unscrupulous French magazine called "Closer" used a telephoto lens to capture Princess Kate Middleton sunbathing topless on the balcony of a huge estate in France where she was staying with Prince William.

While I feel badly that her privacy was invaded I also know you rely on me to find and deliver these pictures. So here they are.

Picture of Princess Kate Middleton topless 1
Picture of Princess Kate Middleton topless 2

I really don't think this should be such a big deal, because the pictures are so grainy, her tits look great, her body looks nice and she has nothing to be ashamed of. And no one ever got hurt from looking at a couple of breasts. But this is the world we live in, so this will be the biggest scandal ever for the next couple days until it dies down. And knowing how ruthless the paparazzi can be I think poor Kate has to give up nude sunbathing forever.

Fat Mike Francesa Falls Asleep

Few people I hate more than Fat Mike Francesa, though I do enjoy his show in small doses. But my favorite part is when he gets embarrassed. Usually it's when he doesn't know something, and tries to play it off like he does. But this time he literally fell asleep on the air while Sweeny Murti was talking. You can tell he is asleep because he stops rubbing his arm, and his head slowly falls farther away from the mic. And all of the sudden he snaps his head up, looks toward his producer and then talks to him on the talkback microphone.

What I Should Have Said Theater

Here are the first two paragraphs of President Obama’s statement on the attack in Libya:

I strongly condemn the outrageous attack on our diplomatic facility in Benghazi, which took the lives of four Americans, including Ambassador Chris Stevens. Right now, the American people have the families of those we lost in our thoughts and prayers. They exemplified America's commitment to freedom, justice, and partnership with nations and people around the globe, and stand in stark contrast to those who callously took their lives.

I have directed my Administration to provide all necessary resources to support the security of our personnel in Libya, and to increase security at our diplomatic posts around the globe. While the United States rejects efforts to denigrate the religious beliefs of others, we must all unequivocally oppose the kind of senseless violence that took the lives of these public servants.

The first part is fine. Here is what he should have said instead of the last sentence he did use:
The United States will always stand up for freedom, especially freedom of speech for Americans. A movie is not sufficient provocation to attack a consulate and kill four people. Mitt Romney and his fellow Mormons aren’t burning down the theater for “Book of Mormon.” No one killed Bill Maher after “Religulous.” There were mild, non-violent protests over the ABC show “Good Christian Bitches.” We must all unequivocally oppose the kind of senseless violence that took the lives of these public servants.

Song of the Week

"We Are Never Getting Back Together" - Taylor Swift
Not sure which one of her famous boyfriends (not sure America's sweetheart should get around this much) this song is about, but I kind of like it.

The NFL is Poop - Week 1

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
This is the first time I've ever started an NFL is Poop with the rant about the Redskins. But there is good reason. I think we have the franchise QB I have been pining for since a drug-addled Lawrence Taylor broke Joe Theismann's leg. Robert Griffin III played an unbelievable game, clearly outplaying Brees. He ran only when necessary and when he passed he was spot on.
The pass to Garçon for the first touchdown was almost right on target (a little high) to hit Garçon in stride and lead him away from defenders. Maybe his best play of the game was the first one of the second quarter. He scrambled, threw to Fred Davis right on the sideline for a 26-yard gain to set up the second touchdown.
The offensive and defensive game plans got a little too conservative, allowing the Saints to get back in the game. But the schedule is pretty easy coming up (@ Rams, Bengals, @ExpensiveCornPrices) and if Griffin continues to play this well, this could turn out to be a better season than I thought. And if not this year, maybe next, or further down the road, but eventually this guy is going to develop into a great quarterback. And I don't think I'm getting ahead of myself.

Maybe Jets Fans Overreacted to the Preseason
The New York Jets just ended the most scrutinized preseason ever. And if you believe the experts, and the over-dramatic fans, you would have thought the Jets would never score a point, let alone win a game. They scored 1 touchdown in the preseason, 6 in Week 1 (4 by the offense). There is still reason to doubt Mark Sanchez, I am sure he will throw some dumb interceptions, but Tim Tebow is not going to be the reason why. And speaking of Tebow, he was in on a handful of snaps, but contributed nothing meaningful. Even though he can't be a QB, he does have value, and when the Jets figure out how to use him their offense will be even better.
But I should also caution against overreacting to Week 1.

Rookie Quarterbacks
For the first time in history 5 rookie quarterbacks started on Opening Day. Robert Griffin III was great. Andrew Luck was bad (3 INTs) but I still believe in his long-term potential. I have no confidence in Ryan Tannehill, he seems like a classic reach, especially because his old college coach probably begged for him. Brandon Weeden sucked, he may be in over his head. But he doesn't have the luxury of time, because if the Browns let him start the season on the bench, he'd be 30 by the time he got in the game. Russell Wilson is more of an enigma. I know people like his intangibles, but I like tangibles a lot more. I suspect Colt McCoy and Matt Flynn will be starting by Week 9.

Who's The Manning?
I'm pretty sure I heard something in the offseason about Peyton Manning having been injured. ESPN didn't cover it much but I'm sure it's true. He didn't look rusty at all in leading the Broncos to a win over the Steelers. Manning his getting old, and his day will come, but not right now.
Poor Steelers, their last two games, both losses, both to the Broncos to the two most disparate QBs in NFL history.

Replacement Refs
The replacement referees did just fine in Week 1. There were a few blown calls but nothing affecting the outcome of a game. And just remember, the regular officials screw up sometimes too.
There were no incidents of violence, of games getting out of control. I thought player safety was a specious argument in this case anyway. We were supposed to believe that a player would try to take advantage of inexperienced referees and deliver an illegal blow? First of all that's assuming the players are their own worst enemies. And it also ignores the fact that the league office is still reviewing those plays and has the ability to levy fines for those offenses. I think the NFL referees will come to their senses and be unwilling to risk their jobs. I predict the strike will end before Week 3.

Picture of the Week
Detroit Lions offensive lineman Jeff Backus stretches his pants so much that they become see through. Thankfully, there is a center panel sewn in there.

Game of The Week
Minnesota 26 Jacksonville 23
This could be the last time I mention these teams in this column this season. But a couple interesting things here. First of all, Maurice Jones-Drew ended his holdout, Adrian Peterson came back from injury, which was nice. Also this was the first regular season game with the new overtime rules. And the new system worked out fairly well, with the Jaguars getting a chance in OT after the Vikings kicked only a field goal on their possession. I think this is a more fair overtime system which should produce some more exciting games in the future.

Game of Next Week
Denver Broncos at Atlanta Falcons
Peyton Manning looks back. Julio Jones looks awesome. This game could be a real shootout.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
San Francisco 49ers 24 Baltimore Ravens 20
This would play well in the Harbaugh household. Both defenses looked good. Both quarterbacks looked good. I think the Harbaugh Bowl is a real possibility.

Is He Better Off Than He Was Four Years Ago?

On September 27, 2008, Ryan Reynolds married Scarlett Johansson.

On September 9, 2012, Ryan Reynolds married Blake Lively.

Weekly Picks

Back for another season of mediocre picks and my frustration at never getting my best bet. Week 1 is often very difficult to figure. Teams we think are pulling off upsets actually turn out to be good, and teams we thought were good had disappointing seasons.

philadelphia -9 CLEVELAND
I would have made this my best bet but didn't want to start off with a big road favorite. I really like the Eagles this year. They have a lot of talent and suffered a lot of injuries last year. Should be better this year. Also the Browns stink and Brandon Weeden may be in over his head.

atlanta -2 1/2 KANSAS CITY
The Falcons are another team I think will be better this season. They have a lot of weapons on offense and could put up a lot of points. Kansas City is always supposed to be improved, but seems like they never are.

ARIZONA +2 1/2 seattle
Seems like everyone is going nuts over the Seahawks, but I think it's a bit premature.

san diego +2 OAKLAND
I'm banking on the Chargers to finally fulfill their promise this year now that no one is expecting them to do much. They still have a lot of talent and I love Philip Rivers.

BEST BET
GREEN BAY -4 1/2 san francisco
I think the 49ers will have a hard fall back to earth this season. The Packers also will lose a few more games than they did last year but not starting with this game. The 49ers play good defense, but won't be able to shut down Rodgers.

The Incredible Shrinking Backpack

I guess Mrs. Poop put Chase's doggy backpack into the dryer.

first day of preschool

last day of preschool

But of course the doggy backpack is too immature for our kindergartner so this is what he will be sporting this year, and because of the cost, until high school.