Steve Phillips Has a Birthmark Above His Penis

And also one on his inner thigh.

The former Mets GM who screwed Mets fans for years is now screwing Production Assistants at his new job calling games for ESPN.

During a road trip to St. Louis Phillips who is 46 slept with a 22-year-old PA named Brooke Hundley.



Phillips says he fucked her three times in total, and when he decided to break it off with her that's when things went crazy.

Hundley would call his house, she even showed up and backed her car into a stone wall while fleeing his wife. She stalked Phillips son on Facebook pretending to be his high school classmate.

Hundley sent this letter to Phillips's wife, telling her about their affair, their sexually explicit text messages and his desire to leave her.

As a means of proof she closed the letter with this: "Steve has a big birthmark on his crotch right above his penis and one on his left inner thigh, so you know I'm not being fake."


Phillips has done this before, banging a team employee while he was running the Mets.

Last time, his wife stood by him, this time Mrs. Phillips is filing for divorce. I hope she takes everything he's got, leaving him with nothing but a birthmark above his penis.

Song of the Week

"Something Happened on the Way to Heaven" - Phil Collins
There are so many great songs about couples fighting and breaking up but since Mrs. Poop and I seldom have a serious fight lasting longer than five minutes, I never get to post any of them.
Last night I picked a fight with her just so I could post this song.

"We've had our problems but I'm on your side."

Paul From Staten Island

In "Big Fan" Patton Oswalt plays a sports-obsessed toll collector who calls talk radio shows as "Paul from Staten Island" and scripts what he is going to say.
The movie was only in very limited release (though it did play at The Atrium on Staten Island) so you might have to catch it on DVD. It got pretty good reviews and looks promising but it sort of calls to mind another movie with a similar plot and a similar name which is frequently discussed as one of the worst movies ever, "The Fan."

This About Sums It Up

The Redskins are 2-4 despite having played only winless teams.
After the Giants in Week 1 the Reskins five oppponents have been St. Louis, Detroit, Tampa Bay, Carolina and Kansas City.
Those teams are 3-2 against the Redskins, 1-1 against each other and 0-22 against the rest of the league.
If the Redskins were just a reasonably bad team, instead of an historically bad one, they could easily be 5-1 at this point.

But their offense is so bad they can barely score a touchdown, settling for field goal after field goal when they do get lucky enough to get the ball into the red zone.

Jason Campbell is a big part of the problem. He just holds the ball too longm resulting in a ton of sacks. But watch Drew Brees, he throws the ball anticipating where his receiver will be. Campbell holds it until his receiver gets open, then holds it another second to make sure hs stays open, then gets sacked before he can release it. He's horrible and he'll never be a good NFL QB.

Jim Zorn is a shitty coach who is in way over his head and has too many responsibilities (until now where his play-calling duties were taken away).

Next year there will be no salary caps and I expect Daniel Snyder to spare no expense in trying to fix this team so the Redskins can be Super Bowl Champs during what would be the 2011 season (which will get canceled due to a labor dispute).

Weekly Picks

If you take off that miserable first week I'm actually on fire, hitting 65% of my games over four weeks.

CINCINNATI -5 houston
According to NFL gambling lore, if two perfectly even teams were playing each other, the home team would be a three point favorite. If that's the case how are the Bengals not giving 7 to 10 points in this one?

new york giants +3 1/2 NEW ORLEANS
Perfect example of the above stated theory. The Saints are giving these points because they are the home team. It really doesn't make any sense though because the Giants are definitely the better team.

philadelphia -14 OAKLAND
No spread seems too big for the Raiders to lose by. And the Eagles have been doing a good job scoring points this year.

denver +3 1/2 SAN DIEGO
Another game, similar situation. Why would anyone believe the Chargers are a better team than the Broncos this year?

BEST BET
NEW ENGLAND -9 tennessee
Until the handicappers who set these lines figure out the Titans are not the same team they were when they were 13-3 last season, I'm going to keep picking against them, maybe as my best bet every week.



Last week: 2-3 (3 points)
Season: 13-12 (14 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (3-2)
Home Favorites: 0-0 (3-1)
Home Underdogs: 1-0 (1-0)
Road Favorites: 1-2 (5-6)
Road Underdogs: 1-0 (4-5)

Big Fat Liar

Linda Brown rolls up to Burlington Coat Factory in Columbus, Ohio in a Hummer limo.



She tells everyone she just won $1.5 million in the lottery and has no family so she wants to use her newfound wealth to buy everyone a coat, up to $500.



People start going nuts in the store, grabbing everything they can find, and calling friends and relatives to come down and do the same.
Eventually it comes out that Brown is a liar. She didn't win the lottery, she doesn't have any money, and she's not paying for anything.
That set off a near-riot as people starting trashing the store and even stealing some of the things they thought they were going to get for free.

Brown's daughter says she thinks her mom must be off her medication.



Here's the video:

He Was Over Unger and Under Dunn

Kareem-Abdul Jabbar has an embarrassing moment on Jeopardy!

The President Slept on the Couch

At the Latina Fiesta with a whole hot of Hispanic hotties in attendance (including J.lo and Eva Longoria) the President got himself in some hot water. He got up to dance with Thalia and I don't think Michelle was too happy with him.
Watch carefully when he sits back down at the table.
He tries to talk to her and she gives him the "I know you didn't just dance with that Hispanic hussy and fan yourself because she's hot. You are in b ig trouble when we get home mister" face.

Why Drunk Drivers Survive Crashes

It's been an often quoted adage that a drunk driver is more likely to survive a crash than sober people. Now there's proof this is not just an urban legend.

"Trauma patients who were drunk before they were injured were more likely to survive than sober trauma patients, U.S. researchers have found. Another recent study had a similar finding.
The latest study of 7,985 trauma patients found that 7% of sober patients died compared to 1% of intoxicated patients. All of the patients were of similar age and had similar injuries.

The findings appear in the October issue of the journal American Surgeon.

"This study is not encouraging the use of alcohol," principal investigator Dr. Christian de Virgilio of the Los Angeles Biomedical Research Institute at Harbor-UCLA Medical Center, said in a news release. "It is seeking to further explore earlier studies that had found alcohol may improve the body's response to severe injuries. If alcohol is proven to improve the body's response to traumatic injury, it could lead to treatments that help patients survive and recover more quickly."

It's believed that alcohol may reduce the risk of death by changing the body's chemical response to injury.

A study published in the September issue of the Archives of Surgery looked at more than 38,000 head trauma patients and found that the death rate was 7.7% for those who'd consumed alcohol and 9.7% for those who hadn't had alcohol."

Song of the Week

"To Live and Die in L.A." - 2Pac
For this week at least L.A. is my favorite city in the country as I root vehemently for an L.A. World Series to save me from the indignity of watching the Yankees and Phillies play each other for the title.
As if I wasn't sure before, that would be the final proof that The Universe hates Mets fans.

Owen Schmitt is Certifiably Insane

Seattle Seahawks fullback Owen Schmitt is one crazy son of a bitch. The guy bloodied himself during the introductions on Sunday.





This is not the first time Schmitt went batshit crazy and hit himself on the head with a helmet. There are so many great stories about Schmitt. He would be the type of gritty, hard-nosed, make-the-most-of-limited-talent player I would love, if I didn't have the sneaking suspicion of steroid use.

Adam Dunn Falls Short and Other Statistical Observations

Adam Dunn hit exactly 40 homers in each of the past four season, and after he hits his 37th on September 11 I thought he had a pretty good chance of making it five in row. But Dunn went into a horrible slump, hitting only one more home run in his last 19 games, a span of 64 at bats.



But one guy who never misses a chance to pad his stats is A-Rod. Because he missed 30 games or so early in the year his 11-year stretch of at least 30 homers and 100 RBI was in jeopardy. He needed 2 homers and 7 RBI on the season's final day. And wouldn't you know it, that's exactly what he got.

Joe Mauer won his third batting title. Most ever for a catcher. No other catcher has won even one since World War II. His .365 batting average is the highest ever for a catcher.

Mark Reynolds struck out 223 times in in 578 at bats. That breaks his own record of 204 set last year. Reynolds made out 425 times, 52% of those outs were by strikeout. But as Reynolds himself said "who cares?" Reynolds had 44 homers which is great but only 102 RBI, which is probably fewer than a guy who puts the ball in play more. He walked 76 times and had an .892 OPS, but numbers which are respectable. But here's where you really see the impact of his Ks: 3 sacrifice flies, and only 8 grounded into double plays.



On Opening Day Adam Lind had 6 RBI, putting him on pace for 972 for the season (and 162 homers). When I e-mailed TallSkott about Lind's remarkable pace he replied "On pace for 972, will end up with 50." Lind ended up with 35 homers and 114 RBI making him one of this season's biggest offensive surprises.

Weekly Picks

A decent week but three points is just treading water, I need to string together a few big weeks in a row.

KANSAS CITY +8 dallas
I haven't picked a home underdog at all this year and I think this spread gives us a chance to lose by a touchdown and still cover.

pittsburgh -10.5 DETROIT
The Lions have been putting up points and the Steelers have been giving them up in bunches, but something tells me the Steelers defense will toughen up this week, especially late with a big lead.

atlanta +2.5 SAN FRANCISCO
I've underestimated the 49ers a few times this year but I just don't trust Shaun Hill.

new england -3.5 DENVER
I said Denver would have a disastrous year and I was dead wrong. But that doesn't mean they are going to win every game and give up the fewest points ever. The Patriots have bounced back from their loss to the Jets and got a big win last week against the Ravens (thanks to some bad officiating and a drop by Mark Clayton) but I think they can go on the road and knock Denver down a peg. And if they should lose, I guarantee Belichick won't be shaking McDaniels's hand after the game.

BEST BET
indianapolis -3.5 TENNESSEE
Am I reading this right? The Colts are only giving up 3 and a half points to the Titans? Usually when a line seems like a typo I get scared and stay away from it. Not this time. This seems too juicy. You've got the Colts, maybe the best team in the NFL, led by Peyton Manning playing some of the best football of his career. Then you have the Titans who are giving up points by the bucketload and don't look anything like the team they were last year, or the team oddsmakers seem to think they are. I'd be shocked if the Colts didn't cover.

Last week: 2-3 (3 points)
Season: 10-10 (10 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (2-2)
Home Favorites: 1-0 (3-1)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (0-0)
Road Favorites: 1-1 (4-4)
Road Underdogs: 0-2 (3-5)

There are Two Kinds of People in This Country

Americans are waking up this morning to learn President Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. The President was awarded the prize because of his "extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples."

Because the nation is very polarized right now I'm betting most people fall roughly in line with one of the following schools of thought.

"I'm glad the President was recognized for his efforts to restore America's image in the world."

Or

"He got the Nobel Peace Prize for going around the world and apologizing for everything America's ever done."




Because I try not to post too many things about politics on this blog, for months I never completed a post I started about President Obama. It was titled "Let's Not Start Sucking the President's Dick Quite Yet."
That's a bastardization of The Wolf's famous line from "Pulp Fiction" but it just means "maybe we're getting a little ahead of ourselves."
At the time I was inspired by an article suggesting in 50 years schoolchildren would be learning about Presidents Washington, Lincoln and Obama.
I'm sure no matter how you answered the above question you probably would agree that pronouncement and the Nobel Peace Prize may be a little premature.
Because The Wolf knew Vincent Vega and Jules Winnfield (and I guess President Obama too) did a great job cleaning up a mess, but congratulations don't come until we see results.

World peace is a results business.

Best Captcha Ever

If you've ever posted a comment on this blog (and many of you haven't --- no matter how many times I beg) you might notice it requires you to type in what is called a "captcha."
It's basically a random sequence of letters but every so often it can be a real word -- or in this case, the name of someone special.

That Would Get Me To Go To the Game

Troy University, in an effort to increase student attendance at its Tuesday night national TV game on ESPN used an interesting promotional campaign.

"Bear Woods is going to punch every student in the face who doesn't show up at the game," quarterback Levi Brown said.

Ok, so that's not an official school campaign, but it would still scare me enough.

Baseball Playoff Predictions

Division Series:
Twins over Yankees in 4
Red Sox over Angels in 5

Phillies over Rockies in 4
Cardinals over Dodgers in 3

League Championship Series:
Red Sox over Twins in 5
Cardinals over Phillies in 7

World Series:
Cardinals over Red Sox in 6

Post your picks in the comments section

I Hate Sports Cliches

One of the worst parts of being a sports fan in this day and age is having to listen to and read hundreds of writers and formers players spouting the same hackneyed cliches.

After that classic 1-game playoff between the Twins and the Tigers, everyone and their mother is saying the real winner of this game is the Yankees.

It's true the Twins are facing a difficult travel schedule and they won't be able to set their pitching rotation. And it's also true they will probably lose to the Yankees.

But if they do it will be because the Yankees are a better team.

If they don't, expect the same idiot analysts to say the Twins were the "hot" team and came in with all the "momentum" and having to wait two days actually hurt the Yankees.

Song of the Week

"La La La" - LMFAO
Featuring Jonna from "The Real World: Cancun"

Why is Master Bates Smiling?

Sports Illustrated's Jon Heyman reports the Mets will hire Wally Backman.

"The team now appears willing to give scrappy fan favorite Wally Backman a chance to return to baseball in a minor-league job. Backman has technically not been given a new position yet, but he's been told they'd like to hire him and have invited him for an interview that is expected to be a formality.

The Mets apparently will resist any temptation to immediately add Backman to the major-league staff.

The Mets fired a few minor-league coaches recently and have openings to fill there as well."



But that's not all the good news for MB.

The Marlins have had conversations with Bobby Valentine about a possible position within the organization.
Current manager Fredi Gonzalez is expected to be fired.