Shit My Dad Says

A few months ago the Concierge directed me to a somewhat entertaining Twitter user, @shitmydadsays.
The premise: a guy’s dad says funny things.
I looked at it, laughed and never thought about it again because I didn’t think there was a legitimate father behind these remarks.
But shit my dad says has now become an phenomenon. It’s a best-selling book, and come this fall it will be a sitcom on CBS with William Shatner playing my dad.
And even though it will be spelled “$#*! My Dad Says” and pronounced “(bleep) my dad says” the Parents Television Council is threatening to challenge the broadcast licenses of CBS affiliates over the name.
Tim Winter, president of the Los Angeles-based organization, said he was aware that CBS was developing a series based on the Twitter sensation, but "we couldn't imagine that a network would actually name a program either with an expletive or with the expletive ostensibly bleeped out.
He said he was concerned about parents confronted by promotions for the series when they are watching television with their children.
"It will in no way be indecent and will adhere to all CBS standards," spokesman Phil Gonzales said. "Parents who choose to do so will find the show can easily be blocked using their V Chip."
My dad even responded to the controversy in a tweet:

I Am a Fashion Trendsetter

For years I have pioneered the socks and sandals trend thanks to my unusually sweaty feet. Now the fashion glitterati are catching on. Celebrities have been seen donning the fashionable, yet sensible look and models even rock the socks at runway shows.
The New York Post had two of its fashion editors go toe-to-toe on the issue.

Graveyards Are Where Dead People Live

Coca-Cola is introducing a new high-tech soda fountain that will let users mix up 104 different drinks, creating inventions such as Caffeine-Free Diet Raspberry Coke.
Coke's new Freestyle machine is housed in a curved metal shell created by the designers of Ferrari race cars, and features a touch-screen menu. Inside, technology common in measuring tiny doses of chemotherapy drugs is used to release digitally-controlled amounts of concentrate flavor from dozens of plastic cartridges.



Here's how it works: A regular soda fountain combines carbonated water and flavored syrup in a mixing chamber, and pours the mixed drink out through a designated spigot. But the Freestyle has just one nozzle. The machine pours carbonated water through the center of the nozzle, then shoots streams of flavor into the falling water, such as lime oil and Diet Coke syrup, so that the drink is mixed in the air.

Coke has filed for 34 patents on the Freestyle (that's for you Conch), but says the most important was for its so-called Perfect Pour technology, the spout that keeps one customer's Sprite with Grape from tasting like the last person's Pibb Xtra.

But the Freestyle's complicated technology and expense — Coke charges 30% more for it than traditional fountains — have slowed its way into stores. Five years after the company began developing the Freestyle, it's still only in tests in a handful of stores.

Song of the Week

"California Gurls" - Katy Perry featuring Snoop Dogg
So many reasons to hate this song
1) It's by Katy Perry
2) It's another attempt by her to get her songs in ads by the local tourism board. She got Vegas, now California, next a horrible song about the "concrete jungle where dreams are made of." Oh wait, that horrible song is already out there.
3) Girls is spelled with an U instead of an I, further contributing to popular music's deleterious effect on grammar in our society.
4) For those of you who thought MTV doesn't show music videos anymore, on my on-screen program guide 8:00 to 8:04 last night was carved out to show this video. They show one video and it's this one? (Note: it was the premiere because I don't see the video on youtube yet.)
5) Snoop's horrible verse which includes a line stolen from Vince's Slap Chop commercial (2:30 in)
6) A crude reference to the premature evacuation. "Sun-kissed skin so hot, will melt your popsicle"

Katy Perry - New Music - More Music Videos

What Do You Give Me For? Rick Levanthal and Carl Spackler

What do you give me for Fox News Correspondent Rich Levanthal (reporting from Afghanistan) and Carl Spackler (Bill Murray in "Caddyshack")?

No More BackYarns for Chase

Toddlers who watch too much TV may struggle in school later, with measurably lower scores in math, and they may get bullied more than other children.
And those children who watch more TV at age 2 weigh more by the time they were 10 and they eat more snacks and soft drinks.
Children who spend more time watching TV and less time playing with other kids may lose valuable chances to learn social skills.
The researchers started with more than 2,000 children taking part in a larger study. Their parents reported how much TV the children watched at 2-1/2 and later at 4-1/2 year old.
They checked with the children's teachers and doctors when the subjects were 10.
Every additional weekly hour of television at 29 months corresponded to a 7 percent drop in classroom attention and a 6 percent drop in math skills, the researchers found.
An hour more TV a week as a toddler meant a child was 10 percent more likely to be bullied, exercised 13 percent less, weighed 5 percent more and ate 10 percent more snacks, they found.



As always with these studies I think they discover a false cause-and-effect. It's not the television watching that leads to these things. Whatever is leading to the high rate of television watching is also leading to the weight gain, the bullying, etc. It's parents who aren't as invovled as they should be.

And I know how tempting it is to just plop the kid in front of the TV all day. Chase will not sit still for 10 seconds, but somehow he can watch Cars for 2 hours without moving. At least with The Backyardigans he gets up and runs around the room during "Racing Day."

What Really Happened

Here’s what really happened the night Ben Roethlisberger had his bathroom encounter with a 20-year-old college girl. Thanks to evidence released by the prosecutor we now have a better understanding. But first you have to understand the mindset of the two individuals involved.
First is a professional athlete who is rich, successful and obviously feels like he can have any woman at any time.
Then you have a 20-year-old college student, perhaps a little insecure about her weight (140 lbs) and totally starstruck by the big NFL star visiting her tiny little college town. She might also have been a little slutty, based on the nametag she was wearing when she first met Roethlisberger.
It said “DTF,” which stands for “Down to Fuck.” Roethlisberger told her “I’m into fucking girls” when he saw her name tag.
There was obviously a mutual interest because the two groups ended up at three different bars together, I think she followed him to the second one and thinking he was going to get some, he followed her friends to the third.
At the last bar, The Capital, Roethiseberger got a back VIP room and invited the girls. He bought them a bunch of shots and said “All my bitches, take some shots.”
After she was sufficiently drunk Roethlisberger’s bodyguard escorted her by the arm to a hallway and told her to sit on a stool and wait there.
When Roethlisberger approached her (with his penis already out of his pants) she bolted for the first door she saw. Unfortunately this was the bathroom. Roethisberger might have taken this as a sign she was inviting him in, and he followed her.
Here’s where the accuser’s story gets a little fuzzy, and the reason prosecutors didn’t press charges. Her story is pretty detailed up until this point when she abruptly says “and then he had sex with me.” She says he penetrated her (no condom) but she can’t recall what position they were in. Was she bent over, or forced up against the wall? And the cop didn’t ask what happened to her underwear, though I’m sure she didn’t know.
She says she told him the entire time “this isn’t ok, we can’t do this” but she never fought him off, never screamed and was so drunk and flustered she couldn’t even recount enough of the assault to convince the police to press charges.
But to me it’s clear Roethlisberger raped her, but she did so many things to put herself in a dangerous position, which allowed her rapist to get away with it.

Better Goring?

Which gore photo is better (more stomach-turning)?
Bullfighter Julio Aparicio getting gored in the mouth



Or some guy running with the bulls and getting gored in the leg?

Battle of the Bands

"Hey, Soul Sister" - Train



"Soul Sista" - Bilal

Word You Need To Know For the World Cup

This is a vuvuzela (voo-voo-zell-uh).



It's a plastic horn common in South Africa. If you want to know what one sounds like turn on any World Cup game at any time. The fans are blowing them constantly. It sounds like swarm of angry bees is coming out of your TV and into your ear.

Another Angry Mets Fan

Frustrated with the lack of run support for Johan Santana Lady Gaga -- who took in the game while swilling beer and wearing a bikini -- gives the Mets offense the finger during the first game of the doubleheader against the San Diego Padres.

Deja Vu All Over Again

In honor of Mrs. Poop's birthday, I present to you Mona, a beagle mix who earlier this year was the Adoptable Pet of the Game at a minor league Northwest Arkansas Naturals game.

Dog Poops on Field During Naturals Game @ Yahoo! Video

That reminds me of another famous poop on the field incident.

At least those dogs were housebroken. They saw an open patch of grass and did their business. This dog on Regis and Kelly with special guest Beth Ostrosky Stern sees simulated grass and watch what happens:

Joy and Wonder in the Eyes of a Small Child

A mesmerized Chase on the ferris wheel at Toys R Us in Times Square.

My Italian Googleganger

A couple years ago I brought a cool new word to the vernacular Googleganger. Now I have found my Italian Googleganger, just add an O to the end of my first and last name.



Of all the professions in the world, Paulo Amino has to specialize in male sexual dysfunction.

Song of the Week

"Waka Waka" - Shakira
The official song of the 2010 World Cup

Embarrassing Moment For Mello Yello

Due to my new schedule and the lack of trains running at 3 in the morning I’ve begun driving into Manhattan. On the way out of town at about noon one day, a guy knocks on my window as I am waiting at the light and directs my attention to someone on the curb trying to flag me down.
I roll down my window and the guy asks “taxi?”
I say no and roll my window up when I notice the guys in the car next to me laughing hysterically.
Are all yellow cars taxis? There is no billboard or number on top of Mello Yello, no medallion on the hood, no price list on the door. Yet some idiot has to hurt my car’s feelings just because she’s yellow.

What Do You Give Me For? Ali Velshi and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew

What do you give me for CNN anchor Ali Velshi and Muppet and Beaker's lab partner, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew?

I Scream for Ice Cream

It used to be that the minor league Toledo Mud Hens were famous because Corporal Klinger often wore a Mud Hens jersey on MASH, that is when he wasn't wearing a lovely green taffeta dress.



But now the Mud Hens have a new claim to fame.

FIFTH THIRD FANATIC FREEZE SUNDAE (15 SCOOPS) - 3 flavors of your favorite Toft's ice cream x 5 scoops of each delicious flavor = 1 colossal sweet treat and a souvenir helmet! Topped with whipped cream, hot fudge, rainbow sprinkles, peanuts, and cherries. Served in a souvenir full-size helmet - this sundae is the perfect treat for 4-8 people or one Paulo!



This thing looks freakin awesome. I really think I could eat an entire one with a couple of stipulations:

1) I'd need to do it in a meat locker. If this were at a summertime baseball game, it would melt and turn to soup before I was able to finish it
2) they'd have to remove the peanuts (just to be safe) and the cherries
3) I don't know if there are three flavors I like enough to eat 5 scoops so I might just ask for 15 of mint chocolate chip

How do they expect 8 people to eat this? Would there be a lazy Susan involved?

How cool of a souvenir is the full-size helmet you ate 15 scoops of ice cream out of? Much better than the hats and t-shirts John Candy got for eating the old 96er

What Do You Say?

What's the best fruit/vegetable euphemism for testicles?




Note: the winning word will be featured in an upcoming Facebook status update.

When You Have More Dollars Than Sense

To renew their vows on their second anniversary Nick Cannon bought Mariah Carey a ring pop, only it wasn't candy, it was a real ring.
The ring is made of white gold, diamonds, and pink sapphires, and comes in a special box with a "spinner" so "you can see it sparkle under the lights inside," according to Jason Arasheben, the CEO of the Jason of Beverly Hills jewelery store where Nick purchased the ring.
No word on how much it cost.