Subway Crash

This weekend's subway series is shaping up to be a complete disaster for the Mets. In the last 9 games the Yankees have made up 8 games of ground on them and could be tied if they sweep the series this weekend which seems very likely.
Game 1: The Yankees take so many pitches and Oliver Perez will struggle with his control. The Mets won't be able to hit Roger Clemens. Score: Yankees 7 Mets 1

Game 2: The Mets will get runs early but Glavine will give them all back. Yankees 6 Mets 5.

Game 3: El Duque salvages the series. Mets 4 Yankees 2

Focks Gets A Dog

Focks adopted a dog. He got a 2 month old Shih Tzu and named him Bauer. He is going to teach the dog to say "Who Are You Working For?"
After searching for months on websites and in shelters, Focks was unable to find a dog appropriate for his living situation (a young, small breed dog) so he went to a pet store where he saw the little pooch and fell in love. After 30 minutes of playing and getting to know each other Focks decided to get Bauer.
Right now, Bauer is experiencing some gastro-intestinal issues (the apple doesn't fall far from the tree), but I'm sure he'll eventually get on to a healthy eating schedule.
Bauer is about 2 months old and 3 pounds, with an expected size of 8 to 12 pounds.
I trust that Matt will do a good job raising him with some tips from his friend El Cesarito De La Hierba Buena and The Conciergette, a budding pack leader.
Once Bauer is fully vaccinated we'll try to get him and Diesel together for a playdate and a photo shoot.

Let Your Homo Out

After being closeted for 47 years, former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey is finally acting like a gay man. For 47 years he farted, drank beer and picked his nose, trying to fool everyone into believing he was straight.
He even fooled Dina Matos who married him and had kids with him.
After his true self was revealed they both wrote books about the ordeal. She blamed him for hurting her book sales.
He said book sales were hurt by "an inappropriate and ill-fitting ballgown with a plunging neckline" that she wore on The Oprah Winfrey Show.
He accompanied that comment with a fingersnap and head nod
He's out there and he's loving every minute of it.

Wish I Still Went There

Next Friday a film crew from Universal Pictures will be shooting five scenes for "The Express," the upcoming movie about Ernie Davis, the only Heisman Trophy winner in Syracuse history.
Rob Brown who is playing Davis, will be involved in all of the scenes but Dennis Quaid, who stars as Syracuse coach Ben Schwartzwalder will not be in Syracuse.
Northwestern University's Ryan Field was used to replicate Archbold Stadium, The Cotton Bowl and various other stadiums in which Syracuse played during the late 1950s and early 1960s.
The scenes to be shot at SU include Ernie's arrival on campus, a meeting with athletic director Lew Andreas, and jogging through campus with a teammate. In addition to the scenes with dialogue, the crew will shoot scenic shots of the historically pertinent campus buildings to be used into the film. All locations on the SU campus used for filming will not be open to the public during shooting.
But here's the cool part: Express Films, LLC, the producers of the movie, plan to hire up to 50 extras to play college students and professors in the background of some of the scenes. Those men and women between the ages of 18 and 60 who wish to be considered are encouraged to send an e-mail to expresscasting@gmail.com with the word "Syracuse" in the subject line. Individuals should include in the e-mail information on height, weight, dress or jacket size, waist, inseam, shoe size, hair and eye color, and age, plus contact information and an e-mail attachment of a recent photograph. I definitely would have done this if I were there.
All extras will be provided costumes, hair styling and makeup that will replicate the late-1950s period of the movie. Extras must be prepared to work a full 12- to 16-hour day beginning as early as 5 a.m. Compensation is $65 for the first eight hours with overtime paid for any hours worked beyond the initial eight-hour commitment. Food and beverages are provided.
"The Express" is the life story of Davis, who came to Syracuse from Elmira in 1958 and led the Orange to the school's only national championship in 1959. He became the first African American to win the Heisman Trophy, in 1961. Despite being the first player taken in the 1962 NFL draft, Davis never played a single game of professional
football. He died of leukemia in 1963, at the age of 23.
The movie will be released in theaters nationally on Oct. 10, 2008.

Support Your Local Billion Dollar Corporation

One hot summer day recently I was walking Diesel through the park when I saw some kids selling lemonade. That sounded really good to me. So I went home got Mrs. Poop and some money, and went to Dunkin Donuts for a lemonade Coolatta. Instead of giving 50 cents to some neighborhood kids I gave $11 to a large corporation. Those damn things are just too delicious.

Box in a Box Girl is Back, Sort Of

Remember Bunny? The fictional name given to the girl with the Rahmans who performed "Box in a Box" as a rebuttal to Gay-T's "Dick in a Box?"
Bunny is actually UPenn student, Melissa Lamb who is way hotter than any of the dorky Ivy League broads I saw while visiting the Conch and Reissberg.
Anyway, Lamb was chosen to be in the video, for her hotness, and her Scottheads.





Lamb did not write the song and she didn't even sing it, Leah Kauffman sang and Lamb lip synched in the video. Kaufman is a 21 year old student at Temple and says she wasn't in the video because she was abroad at the time, but I think it was because Lamb is so damn hot they knew it would get more attention.

Now Kaufman and two dudes who are her writing partners have a new song about Barack Obama. For this one they hired smoking hot model, Amber Lee Ettinger to do the lip synching.





Here's ObamaGirl in the sexy new video titled "I Got a Crush...on Obama."

The Worst Person in the World: Holly Ashcraft

Holly Ashcraft got away with murder.
Ashcraft is a pretty blonde 22 year old student at USC.



In October of 2005, she threw her baby in a dumpster outside a popular USC student bar. A homeless man was sifting through the trash and found the baby.
An autopsy concluded that the baby had been born alive but Ashcraft's attorney Mark Geragos, said Ashcraft dumped the baby because it had been stillborn.
The judge ruled that the prosecutor lacked evidence that Ashcraft had criminal intent, and therefore she could not be charged with murder.
Then due to some kind of technical legal mumbo jumbo, it seems that prosecutors are not allowed to charge her with anything else.
So Ashcraft is going to get away with murder.
Again.
In 2004, Ashcraft showed up at the hospital saying she had just given birth, but she had no baby with her. She said it was stillborn but police never found the baby in order to prove or disprove her claims. Therefore she was never charged with anything.
And a year later she did the exact same thing.

Whatever Happened To Luther Wright?

Originally I just e-mailed this story to Nails and The Concierge but I decided since space is free that some of you might like to hear the former Seton Hall center's sad story.
When I related the story to Mrs. Poop I ended on "and now he has no money," and she added "and no toes."

Craptop

The future of the Poop has been put off. The laptop that temporarily revolutionized my life has died.
About a month after we got it, it stopped working. When I called HP for support they told me they only choice was to wipe the whole thing out and start over. While I took a few days to back up all the shit I had transferred to it, it started working better. At most it would need to be restarted once when we'd turn it on in the morning.
Then it started freezing, and freezing more frequently, until it just died.
After screaming at the Indians from HP support in Mumbai, who blamed it on me and the evil programs I downloaded, they agreed to take it in for service.
I know this couldn't possibly happen to every HP or they'd be out of business, but I really wish I had gotten a Dell.
Hopefully they can fix it, or give us a new one and I can start my life again. But in the meantime the Recap and my online poker habit are going to suffer greatly.

Frankie's Dead

Anyone who watched Real World San Diego will remember freaky Frankie who 1) was afraid of really big boats, 2) had cystic fibrosis, 3) smoked anyway, 4) left the show and flew home to her boyfriend dressed as a Goth Juliet.
She died.
An official cause of death hasn't yet been determined.

Shut Em Down

If you've ever been to Shea Stadium you know that beyond the outfield, beyond the parking is a row of auto body shops. On that street (126th St.) and the surrounding area, Williets Point, nicknamed the Iron Triangle, are 225 auto shops and junkyards. I have no idea how they all stay in business.
The area is a complete mess and with CitiField moving in starting in 2009, the Mets don't want their pristine new stadium sullied by these grease monkeys.
Plus they want to add shops, restaurants, apartments and offices where those dirty body shops now stand. In fact, before any of this construction can happen the area will have to be cleansed of the oil and gasoline that have been spilled for years.
As you would expect, some of these guys are raising a stink about giving their disgusting, unprofitable business up to eminent domain. The city has promised to pay these guys, and help them find new locations for their businesses or new jobs.
I know eminent domain gets a bad rap, but it's actually a good thing when used correctly, as in this case.
This is what living in a society is all about. People sacrificing for the greater good. All Mets fans would like to have a nice place to meet and eat and drink before a game. Imagine an apartment with a Citi(Field) view.
And in general the place is an eyesore and since the new stadium will be even closer to 126th Street, I don't want to pay $55 for an upper deck seat to stare at some 1975 Dodge Dart that's up on block in Jesus's Auto Repair.

To The Victor Go The Spoils

Tigers pitcher Justin Verlander pitched a no-hitter against the Brewers on Tuesday and celebrated with his smoking hot girlfriend, Emily Yuen.
They have apparently been dating since high school and after the game Yuen ran out of the stands and hugged her man.



Somehow I think when the rest of the team went out to celebrate Verlander headed back to the hotel for a little celebration of his own with Emily.

Bomb, Bomb, Bomb -- Bomb, Bomb Iran

Iran's parliament voted in favor of a bill that could lead to the death penalty for persons convicted of working in the production of pornographic movies, by a vote of 148-5.
"Producers of pornographic works and main elements in their production are considered corrupter of the world and could be sentenced to punishment as corrupter of the world."
The term, "corrupter of the world" is taken from the Quran, the Muslims' holy book, and ranks among the highest on the scale of an individual's criminal offenses. Under Iran's Islamic Penal Code, it carries a death penalty.
It is widely believed that the drafting of the bill came about as a reaction to a scandal last year, when a private videotape, apparently belonging to Iranian actress Zahra Amir Ebrahimi and allegedly showing her having intercourse with a man, became available across Iran.
The videotape was leaked to the Internet and released on a black market DVD, becoming a full-blown Iranian sex tape scandal. Ebrahimi later came under an official investigation, which is still ongoing. She faces fines, whip lashing or worse for her violation of Iran's morality laws.
The unnamed man on the tape, who is suspected of releasing it, reportedly fled to Armenia but was subsequently returned to Iran and charged with breach of public morality laws. He remains in jail.

For a peaceful religion, Islam sure has a lot of laws that lead to killing people. Clearly we at the Poop have no problem with pornography, but we never knew these Iranian women were so hot underneath their burqas.



Maybe John McCain was right about these people.

Kosher is Better

Consumer Reports magazine testers ate 620 hot dogs from 23 brands.
And when they finished, Hebrew National's kosher beef franks turned out to be the best.
Nathan's Famous Skinless Beef Franks took second place, while Boar's Head Skinless Beef Franks came in third.
The top three dogs "stood out from the others" because of their taste, the magazine said.

93 Million Wangs

China has a major last name problem. About 85% of Chinese residents share about 100 last names. Do the math, with 1.3 billion people, about 1.1 billion have the 100 most popular last names, an average 11 million each.
There are 93 million named Wang, 92 million people shared the name Li, 88 million are Zhang. At least 7 other names, including Chen, Zhou and Lin (where's Chang?) are shared by 20 million people each.
At least 100,000 people share China's most popular name, Wang Tao. Remember in China and most other Asian countries the family name goes first.
To alleviate this problem they are letting parents combine their family names to create a new name for their children.
Hopefully a guy named Zucker will move to China and fall in love with a girl named Wang.

Song of The Week

"Don't Stop Believing" - Journey
An obvious choice this week, since it's been stuck in my head since Sunday.
But also please notice how awesome this video is.
Look at how campy the movements by Steve Perry are, especially when he is clapping on his forearm.
And pay careful attention to how tight his pants are. You can see the outline of his dick. Did men really used to dress like that?

Surprise! A False Rumor Sent Via E-Mail

In the course of two days the e-mail saying that Nikki Leotardo was in the diner and he killed the Sopranos and the boy scouts and a bunch of other people, spread like a rash.
Everyone believed it blindly. Only it wasn't true. The strange man who went to the bathroom was played by Paolo Colandrea, not an actor, he's a pizza parlor owner. He's never been in the Sopranos before.
While this one was a lot more believable than Bill Gates will pay you $240 to forward this e-mail, it has as much truth to it as all the rest of those e-mail forwards you get from Greco or Mama Poop.
Sorry, but I'll say it again. There is no secret ending to the Sopranos. It ends with Meadow walking through the door. There is nothing more. These are not real people, their lives do not go on once the TV show ends.

A Full Life

If you live your whole life and have one good story to tell, you've lived a full life. Clifford Ray has two great ones.

Ray who played center for the Bulls and Warriors in the 1970s once saved a dolphin. In 1978, at Marine World a bottlenose dolphin named "Mr. Spock" swallowed a sharp screw. The veterinarian couldn't reach far enough into the dolphin to extract the screw. When he said out of frustration that he needed longer arms, someone though to call Clifford Ray. Ray who is a huge dude was able to reach far enough into the dolphin to extract the screw before it did any damage and without the risk of surgery to remove it.
The world's tallest man in China did something similar more recently.

But that's not my favorite story about Clifford Ray. While he was assistant coach with the Nets he told Jayson Williams this story, which was published in Williams' book and may not have happened exactly this way, but it's still very funny.


"He told me one time he was doing this woman and he had her in the bathroom of his hotel room. He said, "I was doing her from behind. I had one foot in the toilet bowl and I had the other foot in the bathtub and I was flicking on and off the lights and flushing the toilet".
When he's telling me this, I'm thinking, What the hell?
He said, "That was my action of thunder, lightning, and rain."

Precognitive SI Jinx

The Mets began their current tailspin on June 3rd, predating this Sports Illustrated cover, but that hasn't stopped some people from blaming SI for the Mets current problems. Obviously the article was commissioned before the losing streak, and maybe even chosen for the cover before then, but other than the Papa Poop no-hitter jinx, I don't believe in jinxes or curses. You can read the article by Gary Smith (which means lots of flowery prose), which is mostly about Omar.




You'll remember a similar gathering of Mets players was featured on SI's covers last year.



And in 1999, SI celebrated the best infield ever.

That's Fucked Up

First barstoolsports rips Pizza Parlor Derek and fires him for a B- column, then they make fun of Pizza Parlor KeriAnn's looks at her Celtics Dance Team tryout. This means war. If you think they're going to get away with this then you haven't met Pizza Parlor Mr. Lynch (we show respect). I expect Pizza Parlor Daren is flying back from Columbus to shove a pommel horse up somebody's ass.