Saturday, December 14, 2013

Remember This Name

One year ago today a lunatic went into Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut shot 26 people, 20 of them small children, before killing himself.
I'm sure all or most of you remember his name.

But I remember a different name. I remember Chase Kowalski. He shares the same name as my son. And every day I thank God, the Universe, Jesus, Mohammed and several idols, that it wasn't my Chase's school, his kindergarten class that became the site of one of the worst mass murders in U.S. history. And every time I call him by his name, I think about the poor Kowalskis who don't have their Chase anymore. When someone sings "all the other boys, try to chaaaaaase me" they don't laugh, they cry. So I will always remember Chase Kowalski.



Or maybe you have a daughter named Olivia. Like Olivia Engel. And maybe your Olivia, or whatever child you have, had a favorite toy, a stuffed animal he or she will never let go, like Olivia's stuffed lamb. So when your child squeezes that stuffed bear or lamb or dolphin tightly, squeeze your child tightly, because Olivia's parents can't. And remember Olivia Engel.



Or maybe you are a Giants fan like Jack Pinto. And maybe you love Victor Cruz like Jack did. And every time Cruz scores a touchdown, you get up and salsa dance. Jack Pinto can't do that. He was buried in a Victor Cruz jersey. I'll remember Jack Pinto's name.



Or maybe you have a child with sparkling blue eyes like Noah Pozner's. I know I do. Maybe the child you love is Jewish, like Noah. And you know the excitement of a child on Hanukkah, each night unwrapping a new gift. Except Noah didn't get to open all his presents. He was killed on the 6th day of Hanukkah. He didn't get to light all the candles. And his parents will never look into his blue eyes again. So when I look at Julian, and I give my own kids Hanukkah presents, I will remember Noah Pozner.



Maybe you are a teacher, or you know a teacher, a teacher like Victoria Soto. She literally threw herself in front of her students to save them. It didn't work, but several others who remained hidden in a closet are alive today because of Victoria Soto. And whatever those kids do in their lives, they will remember Victoria Soto. And so will I.



That's only 5. There are 21 other names we all need to learn and remember before we give another thought to the sick bastard who did this.

Weekly Picks

Two best bets in a row, it's a Christmas miracle.

arizona -2 1/2 TENNESSEE
I can't help it, I love the Cardinals.

seattle -6 1/2 NEW YORK GIANTS
Although I have major doubts about Seattle on the road, I am confident that they will bounce back strong after losing a tough one last week.

INDIANAPOLIS -5 1/2 houston
The Texans might be the second worst team in the league, but the Colts can't get their shit together.

baltimore +5 1/2 DETROIT
I don't trust the Lions and I think the Ravens are going to go down fighting. They are in playoff position right now, but have 3 very tough games left. If they can beat the Lions though they still have a good chance to make the playoffs.

BEST BEST
CAROLINA -11 new york jets

Carolina coming off a bad loss. The Jets coming off a win, this one could get ugly.

Last Week: 3-2 (4 points)
Season: 33-37 (29 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (5-9)
Home Favorites: 2-1 (16-16)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (1-1)
Road Favorites: 1-0 (8-9)
Road Underdogs: 0-1 (8-11)

Friday, December 13, 2013

3000 Words

Maria Kang, MILF, pissed off a lot of mommies with her in-your-face boobies, abs and slogan.



Digger Phelps plays Mother Ginger in "The Nutcracker." This is the 6th year he's done this.



Is Matt Harvey picking Anne V's nose?

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Song of the Week

"The One" - Tamar Braxton
There's three things I'm a sucker for in music: a male/female duet, a clear story in the lyrics, and excellent use of a sample.
There's no man here, the lyrics are scattered but it's one of the best samples ever.
"It was all a dream!"

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

The NFL is Poop - Week 14

Let It Snow
A beautiful to cuddle up someplace warm and watch NFL football on a high-definition screen. Snow falling all over the east coast as game in Pittsburgh, Baltimore, Washington and especially Philadelphia provided a beautiful winter tableau. But far from what you would expect, we had a scoring outburst, that helped set an NFL single-day record for touchdowns with 88. Those 4 games featured 30 touchdowns, and the overall point totals were 54, 55, 55 and 62.







Prater the Greater
An even longer standing and more impressive record was broken when Denver's Matt Prater kicked a 63-yard field goal. The record famously was set by Tom Dempsey in 1970, famous because he had no toes and was kicking with a stump. The record also belonged to Jason Elam of the Denver Broncos, not a coincidence that those two kickers were able to kick such long field goals in the thin air of Denver. But this is not track and field and wind-aided kicks count just the same as any other kick. So Matt Prater is your new all-time longest field goal record holder.



Game of the Week
Baltimore Ravens 29 Minnesota Vikings 26

This game was 12-7 right before the 2-minute warning. Then:
Baltimore scored on 4th and goal. Toby Gerhart ran for a 61-yard touchdown. Jacoby Jones returned the kickoff four a touchdown. Cordarrelle Patteron scores on a 79-yard screen pass. Joe Flacco hits Marlon Brown for a touchdown. Five touchdowns, 4 extra points, 1 2-point conversion, 36 points in 2 minutes and 1 second. In the snow! One of the craziest most exciting finishes there could ever be.

A Few Inches From Surpassing the Ravens-Vikings Game
The Steelers trailed the Dolphins by 6 points, and had one play and 74 yards to go. They were able to run it out to the right and reverse field to the left (though Roethlisberger's lateral may have been forward and get Antonio Brown streaking down the sideline, and he just barely stepped out of bounds at the 12.



The sad thing is, if he could have controlled his momentum, he probably had enough room to stay in bounds and still get around the tackler.
And where was Mike Tomlin to push him back in bounds?

Poor Gronk
Rob Gronkowski suffering another unfortunate injury, costing him the rest of the season, after a broken arm cost him the beginning of it. Who knows when Gronk will be able to play again after tearing the ACL and MCL in his knee. Now we have a bunch of defensive players saying they will have to go for players' knees because there are so many flags being thrown for hitting players in the head and shoulders area.
Good!
I'd rather have a guy get a knee injury than a head injury. Not being callous, just accepting that football is a violent sport. When someone gets a knee injury, they recover, and if it leads to long-term problems maybe worst case is being confined to a wheelchair. If you sustain a head injury the potential damage is much much worse. So if we have to choose a body part to injure, I'll take knee over head any day for the long term. Though short-sighted people would say you can come back a week later from a concussion but an ACL takes a year.



Overshadowed
Gronk's injury cast a pall on what otherwise would have been a monumental comeback victory for the Patriots. Tom Brady led a long drive ending in a touchdown, then the Patriots got the onside kick and scored quickly thanks to a dubious pass interference call, giving them 13 points in a minute to beat the Browns by 1.

Game of Next Week
Baltimore Ravens at Detroit Lions

One of very few games this week between two teams in playoff contention. But both teams really could use a win to hold off some teams coming up behind them.

Picture of the Week
San Diego Chargers fans still haven't gotten over being spurned by Eli Manning.



If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Denver Broncos 31 Seattle Seahawks 17

I can't put New England here without Gronk. I can't put the Saints here after they got destroyed by Seattle. The Seahawks will probably get the chance to defend home field in the NFC playoffs. But on a neutral site, Peyton Manning vs. Russell Wilson.

Monday, December 09, 2013

Billy's Second Favorite Team

During the amazing run of Florida Gulf Coast to the Sweet 16, the only person more caught up in the excitement than I, was Billy.

He loved the style of play, Dunk City



He loved Coach Andy Enfield's free-throw percentage in college (92.5)



And he loved the coach's hot wife, Amanda Marcum Enfield



Now that the Enfields have moved to USC, they are doing even more things to make Billy love them. Like visiting fraternity and sorority houses to drum up support for the team.



Note: Mrs. Enfield (seated on her husband's right, is still hotter than 90% of these chicks, despite being twice their age)

But that all pails in comparison to who Coach Enfield put on his staff. Former Syracuse point guard Jason Hart



and former Syracuse shooting guard, Tony Bland.



Hart and Bland are both L.A. natives and their goal is to get the best players from the area to choose USC over UCLA.

Two For the Price of One

Recently two megahotties have had very fortunate "wardrobe malfunctions" where ill-advised clothing choices led to nipple sightings.
First, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model Nina Agdal



The NSFW version of the Nina Agdal Nip Slip

And now Rosie Huntingon-Whiteley who models for Victoria's Secret and is dating actor Jason Statham.



The NSFW version of the Rosie Huntingon-Whiteley Nip Slip

Saturday, December 07, 2013

Weekly Picks

Thanks to the official's review I finally got a best bet right. Will try to make it two in a row this week.

kansas city -3 WASHINGTON
There's nothing better for a struggling team than a game against the horrible Redskins.

NEW ORLEANS -3 carolina
The Panthers streak has to end some time and the Saints coming off a horrible loss are just the team to end it.

dallas +1/2 CHICAGO
I'm sick of picking the Bears and watching them suck.

SAN FRANCISCO -2 1/2 seattle
Seahawks looked great last week and in the first game against the Niners.

BEST BET
ARIZONA -6 1/2 st. Louis

If the Cardinals are for real they will bounce back strong from that loss to the Eagles.

Last Week: 3-2 (4 points)
Season: 30-35 (25 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (4-9)
Home Favorites: 1-1 (14-15)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (1-1)
Road Favorites: 1-0 (7-9)
Road Underdogs: 1-1 (8-10)

They Will Never Learn

Here are the reasons why signing Curtis Granderson for 4 years and 60 million is a bad deal:
1) Too many years. The Mets are buying Granderson's age 33 to age 36 seasons. The age at which most players start to decline is around 32. The best we can expect from Granderson is two decent years when the Mets suck, and when they start to be good (maybe), he will be a salary albatross and he will be taking at bats away from young players trying to develop.
2) CitiField is not Yankee Stadium. According to FanGraphs, Yankee Stadium inflates home runs by lefties by 14%, while CitiField is roughly league average in that regard. Granderson doesn't have drastic home road splits from his years with the Yankees but I feel guys hitting well at home tend to carry that confidence to the road, whereas guys from difficult home ballparks pack their struggles on road trips. Unscientific, but that's my impression.
3) The Mets are on the wrong side of the win curve. Unfortunately, with the injury to Harvey the Mets look like a 75-80 win team at best. Even 3 or 4 extra wins provided solely by Granderson will do nothing to help the Mets make the playoffs and likely add very little extra revenue, despite all the exhortations from the talk radio crowd that the Mets needed to do something to show their fans they're serious about building a winning team.

This deal is worse than the Jason Bay deal in several ways: Granderson is older than Bay was, is coming off an injury and the Mets are worse now than they were then.

Just because they don't have better options doesn't making doing the wrong thing right.

The Mets have decided to do the same thing they always do, and hope it works out better this time.

Wednesday, December 04, 2013

The NFL is Poop - Week 13

Best of the West
As expected the Denver Broncos dispatched the Chiefs, in Kansas City, sending the once 9-0 darlings to a 3-game losing streak. A streak which will end this week when the Chiefs play the Redskins (more on them in a moment). But significant questions about the Chiefs defense remain. After they got pounded by Philip Rivers, Manning lit them up for 400 yards and 5 TDs.

Not Enough
Mike Tomlin was fined $100,000 for being on the field and likely interfering with a Jacoby Jones kick return. I think the referees should have awarded the Ravens a touchdown on the spot (they can do that!). But since they didn't, I think this merited something more like $250,000 and a 1-game suspension. He's not even supposed to be on the white line during a play, never mind the field. I don't think Tomlin did this in order to interfere, or to feign interference, but nonetheless his punishment should have been much more severe. If the Steelers had won this game, the outcry over this play would have been even louder.



Tailspin
A few weeks ago the Jets were 5-4 and were looking at a big slate of winnable games. Then they collapse. 20 points in those 3 games, almost no chance at the playoffs, and worse their quarterback of the present does not look like the quarterback of the future. It's hard to spend a high draft pick on a QB, give him playing time under bad circumstances and immediately right him off and draft someone else. But I don't see how anyone, including Geno himself, can have any confidence that he will turn into a productive NFL quarterback.



Let's Do It Again
Amazing feat by Browns wide receiver Josh Gordon, 498 yards receiving on 24 catches in the past two weeks. That's nearly 200 catches and 4000 yards over 16 games. Yes, the Browns get behind and have to pass a lot, but that's still pretty impressive.



Do Not Touch the Referee
Cordarrelle Patterson catches a touchdown then tries to high five the referee. After initially leaving him hanging the ref finally relents and high fives Patterson. Looks like Christian Ponder has a different kind of celebration in mind.



Contact with the official didn't work out so well for Patterson's teammate Chris Cook who after getting beat by Alshon Jeffrey on a ridiculous touchdown catch...



...grabbed the referee's shirt and got himself ejected.

Game of the Week
Minnesota Vikings 23 Chicago Bears 20

Aside from those dramatics this game was actually very exciting as the Bears really needed a win and the Vikings wanted to avoid their second straight sister-kisser. Adrian Peterson ran for 211 yards. When if ever do you see a 200 yard rusher and a 200 yard receiver in the same game?
But the excitement really started in overtime when Blair Walsh made a field goal, then had it nullified by a face mask and missed the re-kick.
And then the Bears reliable kicker missed a 47 yard field goal on second down. The Bears definitely should have tried for at least a few more yards on second down, I could see kicking on 3rd down. Or if the kick were 25 - 30 yards, but to go for a 47 yarder on 2nd down. Foolish. And it ended up costing the Bears the game.

Game of Next Week
Houston Texans at Jacksonville Jaguars

Just kidding, this is the worst game of the season. Only real NFL junkies, fantasy owners and degenerate gamblers will watch this crap. Which means it'll do 5 million for the NFL Network.

Game of Next Week
Carolina Panthers at New Orleans Saints

The Saints got their asses handed to them in Seattle. But this game is in the Superdome where they haven't lost yet this year. This game is a huge test for the Panthers who have won 8 in a row but still don't have the full confidence of NFL insiders.

Picture of the Week
Members of the Baltimore Ravens cheerleaders show off their hair extensions.



Making Amends
Juice was right to call me out for not including a picture of Selena Gomez performing at halftime of the Cowboys game on Thanksgiving.



A Brief Rant About the Redskins
The referees fucked up but they did not cost the Redskins the game. A predictable offensive gameplan and a horribly inaccurate quarterback turned a 14-0 lead into a 24-17 loss. They stink.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Seattle Seahawks 34 New England Patriots 31

The Seahawks look dominant at home but there are still doubts about how they would play on the road, and perhaps on a neutral site. The Patriots didn't look great in a narrow victory over the Texans but they're still dining out on last week's win over Denver.

The Best Game of Our Time

Alabama vs. Auburn, the Iron Bowl of 2013 is the best college football game I have ever seen. And it certainly has its place among the greatest games of all time, and maybe the best ending. Sure, The Play ("the band is on the field, the band is on the field!") was more unusual and novel and crazy, but the game was meaningless.
This was #1, defending national champ Alabama vs. #4 Auburn, in one of the most heated rivalries, with huge stakes, a chance at the title game, perhaps for both teams.
And what ensued was one of the craziest, most dramatic, exciting, unpredictable and downright amazing games any of us will ever see.
By now you've all heard or seen what happened (and if you didn't you don't care), the 99-yard touchdown, the late-game comeback TD by Auburn and of course the field goal return.
But I want to talk about Nick Saban, the arrogant jerk whose pride cost his team the game. Saban thinks he walks on water (and he has the results to back it up) and that anything he does is right. And if you buy into this way of doing things you will win. He thinks the success he's had is because of him, and not his players. Which is why he failed in the NFL (and hated it), because he couldn't relate to players who had their own proven track records. It's also why he threw his kickers under the bus after the game.
My big problem with Saban comes when he went for on 4th and 1 with about 5 minutes left, instead of trying a 30-yard field goal. I know his kicker had already missed 2, but a 30-yarder is probably a pretty good bet, for even a bad kicker, and it would have given the Tide a 2-score lead. But in Saban's world he can't envision how his team won't get 1 yard on 4th down, and if they do, it is the players' fault.
That of course set up the blown coverage on the Auburn touchdown pass which set up Saban's fatal mistake. Many people are saying "if his kicker is so bad, why attempt a 57-yarder?" I'm going to give him a pass on this one. Even a bad kicker should make 57-yarders way more often than a player should return a miss 108 yards. The problem with Saban here is he didn't seem to have the right personnel on the field to defend a potential return, and he didn't seem to have them prepared for it. Though in his classy post-game press conference he said he warned the players and told them to fan out, but damn kids didn't listen.


It's a good thing a game like this happened now, because next year, it won't be as exciting. With a 4-team playoff, Alabama would likely make it anyway, so even if they didn't rest players, which top teams probably will, the urgency will be gone and the stakes greatly reduced. And this has been my main objection to a playoff for as long as the debate has raged on: college football has the most special regular season of all sports, and a playoff system, of 16 or 8 or even 4 teams would take a lot of that away.

Song of the Week

"Happy Frappy" - Guster
Master Bates used to listen to this song a lot, maybe he would like to hear it again on his birthday.
"Not much of this makes sense to me..."

Tuesday, December 03, 2013

Let's Remember to Take Him On All Family Trips

A while back Mrs. Poop let Chase watch "Home Alone" for the first time. And the worst thing that happened was he came back saying "hell" as in "why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?"



Other than that, we thought it was mostly harmless fun, until I read this article which asked a doctor diagnose the injuries Harry (Joe Pesci) and Marv (Daniel Stern) would have sustained had those attacks been real.

For instance, getting smashed in the face with an iron could "fracture the bones surrounding the eyes. This is also known as a 'blowout fracture,' and can lead to serious disfigurement and debilitating double vision if not repaired properly."

How about walking barefoot on Christmas ornaments?



"Walking on ornaments seems pretty insignificant compared to everything else...If I [were] Marv, I'd be more concerned about my facial fractures."

And then there's Joe Pesci who touched a burning doorknob.



If this doorknob is glowing visibly red in the dark, it has been heated to about 751 degrees Fahrenheit, and Harry gives it a nice, strong, one- to two-second grip. By comparison, one second of contact with 155 degree water is enough to cause third degree burns. The temperature of that doorknob is not quite hot enough to cause Harry's hand to burst into flames, but it is not that far off... Assuming Harry doesn't lose the hand completely, he will almost certainly have other serious complications, including a high risk for infection and 'contracture' in which resulting scar tissue seriously limits the flexibility and movement of the hand, rendering it less than 100 percent useful. Kevin has moved from 'defending his house' into sheer malice, in my opinion."

And my personal favorite, the blowtorch to the scalp.



Harry has an interesting reaction to having a lit blowtorch aimed directly at his scalp. Rather than remove himself from danger, he keeps the top of his skull directly in the line of fire for about seven seconds. What was likely a simple second-degree skin burn is now a full thickness burn likely to cause necrosis of the calavarium (skull bone)." That means the skin and bone tissue on Harry's skull will be so damaged and rotted that his skull bone is essentially dying and will likely require a transplant.

On second thought, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to show Chase this movie.

Sunday, December 01, 2013

Weekly Picks

denver -5 KANSAS CITY
I think the Broncos will make a comeback. Two weeks ago I wasn't so sure but then I saw the Chargers light up this Chiefs defense.

CAROLINA -7 1/2 tampa bay
I'm a believer in the Panthers. And I don't think the ECPs are going from 0-8 to 8-8.

chicago +1 MINNESOTA
I don't know why I keep falling for the Bears.

NEW YORK JETS -3 miami
Whenever we count the Jets out, they come back with a good performance.

BEST BET
arizona +3 1/2 (corrected via Papa Poop) PHILADELPHIA

I love the Cardinals right now. Picking the hot team goes against what I stand for, but I just love the way Carson Palmer is playing lately and he is clearly the weak link on this team.

Last Week: 1-4 (0 points)
Season: 27-33 (21 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (3-9)
Home Favorites: 1-2 (13-14)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (1-1)
Road Favorites: 0-2 (6-9)
Road Underdogs: 0-0 (7-9)

Friday, November 29, 2013

I'd Love a Chocolate Sundae

You can't have a blog called the Poop and the logical organic nickname the Poop and expect not to get stories about Poop e-mailed to you. Nails and Master Bates and perhaps others flagged me to this Taiwanese restaurant in the LA-area called The Magic Restroom Cafe, complete with a toilet theme.

You sit on toilets



The food is served in dishes resembling toilet bowls



There are showerheads and urinals decorating the place



And the food has shit themed names like "black poop" (chocolate sundae), "smells-like-poop" (braised pork over rice), and "constipation" (zha jiang mian).

The NFL is Poop - Thanksgiving Edition

No Helmet, No Touchdown
A wacky and wild end to the Steelers-Ravens game. The Steelers had two touchdowns reversed, both of which were the right call and the second one coming when Le'Veon Bell lost his helmet right before he scored. The rule was enforced correctly, and it's a good rule. As soon as the helmet comes off, the play is dead. You can't have defenders charging helmetless players, so you have to stop the play. It didn't have a big impact on the game but imagine if the Steelers had been stopped and never gotten the chance to miss the 2-pointer.



Good Strategy
The Oakland Raiders employed a strategy I am constantly recommending but I rarely see it in use. Down 10 with the ball on the 28 yard like and about 40 seconds left the Raiders kicked a quick field goal to cut it to 7, to give them a chance to get an onside kick and perhaps a few shots at the endzone. Too many teams try for a touchdown and then don't have enough time to even attempt a field goal, even if they were to recover an onside kick.



It Wasn't Even That Close
The Detroit Lions beat the Packers 40-10, and that score doesn't do the final outcome justice. Had the Lions not turned it over 3 times in their first four possessions including a fumble returned for a touchdown, this game could have been something like 50-3. Total yards 561 for Detroit, 126 for Green Bay, which includes a 56 yarder at the very end of the game. I don't know what this portends for these two teams because as good as Matthew Stafford looked at times, making some beautiful throws, he also turns the ball over way too much. And maybe the Packers will be much better when Aaron Rodgers come back. He'll create more room for the running game, and take the pressure of the defense, but I really can't be sure what happens next. With either of these teams.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

The NFL is Poop - Week 12

Gone With the Wind
Bill Belichick is a mad genius. Sometimes his gambles pay off other times they don't. It would be too results-oriented to say because the Patriots won the game that he made the right decision to give up the ball in overtime. The benefits of having the ball first far outweigh any potential wind advantage. It has to be a mathematical fact, even if it doesn't work that way every single time.
But that one weird quirk actually makes this amazing game even better. The Patriots fumbled the first three times they had the ball, and the Broncos took a 24-0 lead. The Patriots staged an amazing second half comeback and won the game thanks to a horrible play by the Broncos, a punt bounced up and hit Tony Carter, New England recovered and that was that.
I wouldn't quite write this game off as the last head-to-head matchup between Brady and Manning (they could meet in the playoffs and if they both win their divisions, they'll play next year) but certainly after 14 games (Brady is 10-4), this great individual rivalry is in its twilight.
It's been a lot of fun to watch over the years and once again Tom Brady was able to make the plays to lead his teem to victory whereas Peyton Manning didn't.

Playoffs?
If the AFC Playoffs started today the Tennessee Titans would be the 6th seed, by virtue of their win over the Raiders. If the Raiders had won, they would have occupied the 6th spot at 5-6. But before you run to your bookie to bet against Ryan Fitzpatrick in the first round of the playoffs, on the road, there is a host of other 5-6 teams (Jets, Dolphins, Steelers, Ravens and Chargers) ready to take that spot.

One Spot Too Few
We have the opposite situation in the NFC where two great divisions have produced 3 teams battling for two wild card spots. We know the Panthers are on fire, combining a great defense with a resurgent Cam Newton, but they still trail the Saints. In the NFC West we have the Seahawks running away with the division, but the 49ers are still the defending conference champions with a lot of talent on both sides of the ball. And we can't sleep on the Arizona Cardinals because they have a good defense, and Carson Palmer is rejuvenated, which has rejuvenated Larry Fitzgerald which had made the Cardinals a serious contender.



Brothers Don't Shake Hands
Very cool scene in the Rams-Bears game where brother Chris and Kyle Long (sons of Howie) were involved in a scuffle. Kyle was on the field and Chris on the sideline; when the fracas began Chris ran in and grabbed his brother off the pile. It looked a lot worse than it really was, they weren't fighting each other as some people had reported. But the incident did overshadow the actual game and I can't find out if there were any plays where Kyle actually had to block his brother.



Picture of the Week
Andy Reid uses his ample ass to get Philip Rivers away from his sideline, and the referees.



Game of the Week
San Diego Chargers 41 Kansas City Chiefs 38

I know this game got overshadowed by the craziness in Foxboro, but this was a great game, back and forth and back and forth, 7 lead changes, which is quite something for a football game. Each time one team scored the other team answered back. This game was heartening for the Chargers who are still in the playoff hunt but normally collapse late in the season. But it is worrying for the Chiefs because they're supposedly stout defense got strafed by Philip Rivers. Not a good sign with another matchup against Peyton Manning upcoming.

Game of Next Week
Denver Broncos at Kansas City Chiefs

Both teams are coming off tough losses, and the loser will fall to 9-3. If Kansas City loses they are basically looking at the 5 seed in the playoffs and all road games to the Super Bowl. The winner would still have a great chance to get home field all the way through. A lot is on the line here.

Cheaters
Seattle Seahawks cornerback Walter Thurmond will start serving a 4-game suspension for violating the league's drug policy, reportedly for marijuana. Safety Brandon Browner could be facing a year-long suspension for his failed drug test, his second. The first time Browner tested positive for Adderall (so did Richard Sherman, but his was overturned on appeal) and this time it could be another PED suspension. There are now 7 Seahawks who have tested positive for a banned substance since 2011. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that this has to do with Pete Carroll. Maybe he didn't expressly order these players to do this, but wherever he goes, cheating follows. He ran one of the most corrupt programs in college football when he blindly looked the other way while Reggie Bush took thousands of dollars. He is a cheater, he does nothing to stop cheating, he overlooks it and by doing so tacitly encourages it.



A Brief Rant About the Redskins
The Redskins have the worst starting field position because their returners suck. The Redskins kick coverage teams are awful too. The Redskins defensive line gets no pass rush. The Redskins defensive backs consistently give up big plays. The Redskins offensive line can block for the run ok, but in pass protection, too often they don't give the quarterback enough time. And the Redskins wide receivers don't get open. I grant you all of that. The Redskins are a bad, no, a terrible team in every aspect.
But I am starting to be concerned about the future of Robert Griffin III, and his ability to someday develop into a championship quarterback. Maybe if the Redskins ever improve in those other areas, he'll stop making some of the horrible mistakes he's making that lead to interceptions, and correct the smaller things he's doing wrong that lead to so many passes that are just a bit too long, or too high, or too low.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Seattle Seahawks 27 New England Patriots 24

Does anyone want this spot? The Seahawks could be in trouble if half their secondary is suspended. I can't give the AFC spot to the Broncos or the Chiefs, so the Patriots get it by default, though they earned it.

Song of the Week

"All of Me" - John Legend
This would be the perfect song to dedicate to Mrs. Poop on our anniversary but I didn't want to wait that long. I think Thanksgiving is just as appropriate.

"My head's underwater
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy
And I'm out of my mind
Cuz all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves
And all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning."



Note: That's John Legend's wife supermodel Chrissy Teigen in the video, naked in the shower.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Shared Experiences

One of the basic things all humans want to feel is that we are not alone in this world. Someone out there loves us, cares for us, understands our struggles and is going through the same things.
Hence the phrase misery loves company.
It's why this great bit of stand-up from British comedian Michael McIntyre has gone viral. Because all parents experience these struggles when trying to get their children to do something as simple as leave the house.



Similarly, this clip perfectly sums up the inexplicable tantrums our children have for no reason.



This next clip is a little different, not as many people can relate. And it has never happened to me, but at my job there are TV cameras everywhere, and a giant staircase in the center of the newsroom. Walking down those steps always makes me fearful, not only of falling, but of falling, being caught by a live camera and have the video passed around the internet for everyone to laugh at.