An absolute disaster last week (1-4, 0 points) may have cost me any chance I have at winning this pool. But in Week 3, I also got a zero and used that pain as motivation to find a new strategy (picking the Patriots as my best bet every week), one that catapulted me into the top group where I've hung on for the last 6 weeks or so. But with the Colts' failure to blow out the Raiders (and Lane Kiffin's failure to give the ball to JaMarcus Russell as advertised) I am once again looking for a new strategy and a way to get the bad taste out of my mouth. So we start with the early game this week and we'll finish this post Saturday when I decide on the rest of my pics.
pittsburgh -8 1/2 ST. LOUIS
The Steelers have been a bad road team all year and the Rams had been frisky, until last week when they got pounded by the Packers at home. However, one of my favorite theories is to pick good teams coming off bad losses. A loss to this horrible team could very well cost the Steelers the division and would drop them into a tie with the Titans for the last wild card spot (assuming the Titans beat the Jets this week). Good teams usually show up in games like this and I expect the Steelers to do just that.
dallas -11 CAROLINA
I always like to look for good teams coming off a loss and bad teams coming off a win. You find that here. My only consternation is that Dallas has been a double digit road favorite twice this season and won each of those games by 1 point (Buffalo, Detroit), but they have a lot to play for and I'd be shocked if they lost to Matt Moore.
tampa bay -6 1/2 SAN FRANCICSO
I'm going back to the well with the Buccaneers, I team I can never get right. But they should beat an awful 49ers team by a touchdown.
NEW ENGLAND -22 1/2 miami
The Dolphins finally one a game. I think the Patriots have one more blowout in them before the playoffs start.
BEST BET
SEATTLE pick em baltimore
Because of the retarded pool I'm in because the USA Today had no line on this game as of Thursday, it goes off as a pick em. I'm basically forced to take them as my best bet or risk losing major ground to everyone who does. The real spread is 10 1/2.
Last Week
Last Week: 1-4 (0 points)
Season so far: 41-34 (42 points - T-6th, 8 points out of 1st)
Best bet: 0-1 (8-7)
Home favorites: 0-2 (17-9)
Home underdogs: 0-1 (3-1)
Road favorites: 0-1 (17-15)
Road underdogs: 1-0 (4-8)
Pick em: 0-0 (0-1)
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Mr. Feeny Would Be Very Disappointed
Former child star Danielle Fishel, who played Topanga on "Boy Meets World," was arrested this week on a drunken driving warrant from Los Angeles County, police said.
Fishel was arrested Thursday just before 5 a.m. after officers stopped a car she was in near San Joaquin Hills Road and Jamboree Road in Newport Beach. She was released from jail shortly after her arrest.
In 2006, Fishel became the spokeswoman for NutriSystem after she announced on The Tyra Banks show that she was so thrilled about losing 20 pounds with the diet program that she wanted to be the company's spokeswoman.
In February, Fishel became a special correspondent for the Tyra Banks show.
Still looking for mugshot.
Fishel was arrested Thursday just before 5 a.m. after officers stopped a car she was in near San Joaquin Hills Road and Jamboree Road in Newport Beach. She was released from jail shortly after her arrest.
In 2006, Fishel became the spokeswoman for NutriSystem after she announced on The Tyra Banks show that she was so thrilled about losing 20 pounds with the diet program that she wanted to be the company's spokeswoman.
In February, Fishel became a special correspondent for the Tyra Banks show.
Still looking for mugshot.
The Most Fun I've Had Watching the Knicks All Season
A Night at the Starbury
Story suggested by Juice
A Penalty I've Never Seen Before
In the Eagles' game against the Cowboys backup QB A.J. Feeley was flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct while on the sidelines.
Feeley was standing in the white line on the sidelines and an official ran into him while following the play.
The contact distracted the official and got Feeley flagged for 15 yards.
Feeley was standing in the white line on the sidelines and an official ran into him while following the play.
The contact distracted the official and got Feeley flagged for 15 yards.
How To Beat the Cowboys
In an attempt to beat the Dallas Cowboys by distracting Tony Romo a website called RuinRomo.com wants people to print out Jessica Simpson masks, affix them to sticks and bring them to Cowboys games.
The Cowboys play in Carolina this week and I hope the Panthers fans will embrace this movement so we can get a scene reminiscent of this.
Story suggested by Amber
The Cowboys play in Carolina this week and I hope the Panthers fans will embrace this movement so we can get a scene reminiscent of this.
Story suggested by Amber
Friday, December 21, 2007
Fucking Pregnant Women
Pregnancy is amongst the most sensual, sexual times in a woman’s life according to Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright.
Many expectant moms express increased sexual appetite, much to their partner’s delight or bewilderment, with every ripening day.
The hormones of pregnancy are blessing her with better skin and hair, making her feel more gorgeous than ever.
While some women feel anything but sexy during their pregnancy, many are literally glowing from their expectancy, and love their bodacious body as never before.
Second, whether it’s her first or second trimester, some women experience increased sexual urges, at levels exceeding pre-pregnancy. During the second trimester in particular, many feel hot to trot for reasons far beyond their control. The vulva seems to have a mind of its own. Mother Nature is revving up a pregnant woman’s sex drive with increased vaginal lubrication, larger breasts, and increased vasocongestion (the flow of blood to the genitals) for heightened vulval sensitivity and a swollen, often to the point of aching, clitoris.
Third, during pregnancy, a woman’s dreams may increase and become more sexual in nature. Expectant women have reported more erotic, physical, and varied dreams during pregnancy, with a lighter sleep cycle making it easier to recall the visions and her subsequent nocturnal orgasm(s).
Given her sexual metamorphosis, all of these changes add up to a much more orgasmic woman! Between feeling sexier, increased genital blood flood, greater vulval sensitivity, and unexpected fantasies, many women experience their first orgasm or multiple orgasms during this time, spontaneously or while love making.
Hot mamas:
Many expectant moms express increased sexual appetite, much to their partner’s delight or bewilderment, with every ripening day.
The hormones of pregnancy are blessing her with better skin and hair, making her feel more gorgeous than ever.
While some women feel anything but sexy during their pregnancy, many are literally glowing from their expectancy, and love their bodacious body as never before.
Second, whether it’s her first or second trimester, some women experience increased sexual urges, at levels exceeding pre-pregnancy. During the second trimester in particular, many feel hot to trot for reasons far beyond their control. The vulva seems to have a mind of its own. Mother Nature is revving up a pregnant woman’s sex drive with increased vaginal lubrication, larger breasts, and increased vasocongestion (the flow of blood to the genitals) for heightened vulval sensitivity and a swollen, often to the point of aching, clitoris.
Third, during pregnancy, a woman’s dreams may increase and become more sexual in nature. Expectant women have reported more erotic, physical, and varied dreams during pregnancy, with a lighter sleep cycle making it easier to recall the visions and her subsequent nocturnal orgasm(s).
Given her sexual metamorphosis, all of these changes add up to a much more orgasmic woman! Between feeling sexier, increased genital blood flood, greater vulval sensitivity, and unexpected fantasies, many women experience their first orgasm or multiple orgasms during this time, spontaneously or while love making.
Hot mamas:
Sometimes I Scare Myself
I took USA Today's Candidate Match Game and it turns out that deep down in places I don't talk about at parties, I'm just like Hillary Clinton.
The problem is I loathe Hillary Clinton and wouldn't vote for her in a million years. But at least according to this quiz her and I share similar views. The quiz didn't ask whether I wanted an honest candidate with a shred of integrity.
I came up as a Hillary supporter because I'm in favor of getting out of Iraq, but slowly, not packing up and leaving tomorrow.
I also agree with her on tax reform because I want to institute a new tax bracket on people with incomes over a million dollars annually.
Surprisingly every major candidate opposes my view on gay marriage which is "who cares?" if the gays want to ruin their lives by getting married, let them.
Anyway, because I weighted the Iraq War as by far my most important issue, it thinks I'm a Hillary backer. Yikes.
Take the test and let me know where you stand.
Story suggested by Georgia Derek
The problem is I loathe Hillary Clinton and wouldn't vote for her in a million years. But at least according to this quiz her and I share similar views. The quiz didn't ask whether I wanted an honest candidate with a shred of integrity.
I came up as a Hillary supporter because I'm in favor of getting out of Iraq, but slowly, not packing up and leaving tomorrow.
I also agree with her on tax reform because I want to institute a new tax bracket on people with incomes over a million dollars annually.
Surprisingly every major candidate opposes my view on gay marriage which is "who cares?" if the gays want to ruin their lives by getting married, let them.
Anyway, because I weighted the Iraq War as by far my most important issue, it thinks I'm a Hillary backer. Yikes.
Take the test and let me know where you stand.
Story suggested by Georgia Derek
Who Are These Guys?
Through 15 weeks (14 games) of the 2007 NFL season:
Player A: 971 receiving yards, 5 touchdowns, 49 first downs
Player B: 971 receiving yards, 5 touchdowns, 49 first downs
Story suggested by Pizza Parlor Derek
Player A: 971 receiving yards, 5 touchdowns, 49 first downs
Player B: 971 receiving yards, 5 touchdowns, 49 first downs
Story suggested by Pizza Parlor Derek
Thursday, December 20, 2007
I Am Too Powerful
First I rooted for a co-worker of mine to get hurt, and he did in fact get seriously injured.
Now, Stuart Scott has cancer.
While I never rooted for Scott to get injured or sick, I have always hated him, but not because he's a bad person, but for his role in ruining ESPN and sports news shows in general.
He actually was a nice guy when I met him in person while taping "Stump the Schwab."
Scott had an appendectomy last month and doctors found a malignancy in his appendix at that time.
He will undergo chemotherapy and doctors expect him to make a full recovery.
He isn't expected to even miss any shows.
Now, Stuart Scott has cancer.
While I never rooted for Scott to get injured or sick, I have always hated him, but not because he's a bad person, but for his role in ruining ESPN and sports news shows in general.
He actually was a nice guy when I met him in person while taping "Stump the Schwab."
Scott had an appendectomy last month and doctors found a malignancy in his appendix at that time.
He will undergo chemotherapy and doctors expect him to make a full recovery.
He isn't expected to even miss any shows.
Welcome To The Velodrome
Crazy bike crash in Australia. Be sure to pay attention to the guy at the top who goes sliding along the rail.
I'm a Douche
Mrs. Poop bought me some new clothes for Hanukah. This is the outfit she wanted me to wear in our family pictures. I feel like a kid whose mom dressed him up for picture day at school.
I even shaved my beard (not knowing that Mrs. Poop wanted me to keep a goatee, she says I look like a fat kid without facial hair) and went to the barber for a professional haircut. For the previous two years all of my haircuts have been done by Mrs. Poop in our kitchen.
But the pictures came out nice so Mrs. Poop was happy.
I even shaved my beard (not knowing that Mrs. Poop wanted me to keep a goatee, she says I look like a fat kid without facial hair) and went to the barber for a professional haircut. For the previous two years all of my haircuts have been done by Mrs. Poop in our kitchen.
But the pictures came out nice so Mrs. Poop was happy.
What Should Tom Couhglin Do?
If the New York Giants beat the Buffalo Bills this week they will clinch the 5th spot in the NFC playoffs.
And in the very likely event that the New England Patriots beat the Miami Dolphins, the Patriots will head into Giants Stadium on Saturday December 29th, aiming for the first 16-0 regular season in NFL history.
A major debate is raging about whether the Giants should go all out trying to win and get their names in the history books, whether they should rest their injured guys, but play the healthy ones and try to win, or whether to rest everyone and use the opportunity to get a de facto bye week.
Normally for poll questions I don't weigh in because my arguments are so rational and salient that it would be hard for anyone to disagree with me. But this time I think I may get some opposition.
The Giants should definitely rest everyone and take the week off.
First of all, the NFL system is set up to reward the best teams with a bye. So the system indicates that a bye is valuable, and if the Giants lucked into one, they should take advantage of it.
Second, as cool as it would be to beat the Patriots, it's not likely to happen, and therefore not worth the risk to injured players, healthy players and the psyche of the team, should they get their asses kicked.
Third, the playoffs are what matters. While it is unlikely that the Giants could win more than one playoff game, taking even the smallest chance that playing hard against the Patriots would decrease their ability to win in the playoffs, is foolish.
By the way, Christopher "Mad Dog" Russo maddeningly flip-flopped on this issue, last week saying the Giants would look like "horses' fannies" if they didn't play Manning and instead used "Jared Lorenz." But yesterday he screamed at callers who said they'd rather be in the history books for beating the Patriots than be forgotten even if they beat the Bucccaneers but lost in the second round.
And in the very likely event that the New England Patriots beat the Miami Dolphins, the Patriots will head into Giants Stadium on Saturday December 29th, aiming for the first 16-0 regular season in NFL history.
A major debate is raging about whether the Giants should go all out trying to win and get their names in the history books, whether they should rest their injured guys, but play the healthy ones and try to win, or whether to rest everyone and use the opportunity to get a de facto bye week.
Normally for poll questions I don't weigh in because my arguments are so rational and salient that it would be hard for anyone to disagree with me. But this time I think I may get some opposition.
The Giants should definitely rest everyone and take the week off.
First of all, the NFL system is set up to reward the best teams with a bye. So the system indicates that a bye is valuable, and if the Giants lucked into one, they should take advantage of it.
Second, as cool as it would be to beat the Patriots, it's not likely to happen, and therefore not worth the risk to injured players, healthy players and the psyche of the team, should they get their asses kicked.
Third, the playoffs are what matters. While it is unlikely that the Giants could win more than one playoff game, taking even the smallest chance that playing hard against the Patriots would decrease their ability to win in the playoffs, is foolish.
By the way, Christopher "Mad Dog" Russo maddeningly flip-flopped on this issue, last week saying the Giants would look like "horses' fannies" if they didn't play Manning and instead used "Jared Lorenz." But yesterday he screamed at callers who said they'd rather be in the history books for beating the Patriots than be forgotten even if they beat the Bucccaneers but lost in the second round.
Get Rich Quick Schemes Never Work Part II
Wilbur Ray Todd bought Michael Vick's infamous house on Moonlight Road in Smithfield, Virginia for $450,000 earlier this year. He spent another $50,000 on fixing it up and tried to sell it at auction last week.
His auction failed. He started the bidding at $747,000 (the county assessed value). The only bid was for $345,000. Eventually someone did offer $747,000, but Todd turned it down, obviously thinking the horrible things that occurred on this property should give it a premium on the market.
Todd was clearly trying to profiteer from the horrors that occurred there, billing the home as "The Michael Vick House" and leaving untouched all the remnants of dogfighting in the backyard.
But Todd isn't quite the businessman Vick is.
Vick bought the property for $35,000 in 2002, the built the house (and the buildings in the backyard) on the land and it flipped it 5 years later for $450,000. Todd is stuck with a half-million dollar investment in an area of Virginia that doesn't necessarily have too many high end homes.
His auction failed. He started the bidding at $747,000 (the county assessed value). The only bid was for $345,000. Eventually someone did offer $747,000, but Todd turned it down, obviously thinking the horrible things that occurred on this property should give it a premium on the market.
Todd was clearly trying to profiteer from the horrors that occurred there, billing the home as "The Michael Vick House" and leaving untouched all the remnants of dogfighting in the backyard.
But Todd isn't quite the businessman Vick is.
Vick bought the property for $35,000 in 2002, the built the house (and the buildings in the backyard) on the land and it flipped it 5 years later for $450,000. Todd is stuck with a half-million dollar investment in an area of Virginia that doesn't necessarily have too many high end homes.
Papa Smurf's Biggest Fan
Paul Karason is blue. Not sad, literally blue.
Karason did was use a substance called colloidal silver, which is made by extracting silver from metal. It goes into water with an electrical current and then you drink it. Colloidal silver is billed as something that will cure just about everything that ails you and Karason swears by it. Karason does not believe drinking the potion is what caused his discoloration. He believes it happened because he rubbed it on his face to treat a skin problem.
He says he usually avoids public places if he can, he just stays in his house and listens to this song all day.
Karason did was use a substance called colloidal silver, which is made by extracting silver from metal. It goes into water with an electrical current and then you drink it. Colloidal silver is billed as something that will cure just about everything that ails you and Karason swears by it. Karason does not believe drinking the potion is what caused his discoloration. He believes it happened because he rubbed it on his face to treat a skin problem.
He says he usually avoids public places if he can, he just stays in his house and listens to this song all day.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Overcoming the Odds
After Week 6, Master Bates's fantasy football team (which I drafted) was 1-5 after suffering a crushing 80.65 to 80.62 loss. In that game star running back Adrian Peterson put up 30 points, while quarterback Kurt Warner (replacing an ineffective Drew Brees) threw 2 passes and fumbled costing the team 1.48 points.
Brees, Peterson, Brian Westbrook and the boys used that loss for motivation. They reeled off 8 straight and made the playoffs as the third seed.
But bad luck haunted them in the first round of the playoffs. First Matt Hasselbeck threw a meaningless touchdown to Deion Branch with 1 second left. Since both players were on the opposing team that play gave him 13 additional points.
Later that afternoon selfish running back Brian Westbrook cost the team 6 points by kneeling on the 1 yard line and not scoring what would have been a very important (at the time) touchdown.
Thankfully Adrian Peterson didn't stop at 1 (though his teammate did get draggged down there setting up AD's first TD) and Master Bates's team got its 9th straight win.
The fickle fate of fantasy football.
Speaking of which Josh, Beers, Michael, Kev, SCZA, PPD, Horse and Greco should be embarrassed that in a 10-team league, the only 2 women (Erin and Billie) will be competing in the Super Bowl.
Brees, Peterson, Brian Westbrook and the boys used that loss for motivation. They reeled off 8 straight and made the playoffs as the third seed.
But bad luck haunted them in the first round of the playoffs. First Matt Hasselbeck threw a meaningless touchdown to Deion Branch with 1 second left. Since both players were on the opposing team that play gave him 13 additional points.
Later that afternoon selfish running back Brian Westbrook cost the team 6 points by kneeling on the 1 yard line and not scoring what would have been a very important (at the time) touchdown.
Thankfully Adrian Peterson didn't stop at 1 (though his teammate did get draggged down there setting up AD's first TD) and Master Bates's team got its 9th straight win.
The fickle fate of fantasy football.
Speaking of which Josh, Beers, Michael, Kev, SCZA, PPD, Horse and Greco should be embarrassed that in a 10-team league, the only 2 women (Erin and Billie) will be competing in the Super Bowl.
Family Pictures
Mrs. Poop wanted our burgeoning family to take pictures this holiday season so we all got dressed up in sweaters and button down shirts (and I shaved my prodigious beard) and we headed to J.C. Penney.
The family ones came out ok, except Mrs. Poop and I got tired of smiling because we were waiting for so long for the photographer to coax a smile out of Chase.
This was the best smile we got out of Chase but he was covering his face with his hands so we couldn't use this one.
This is a great one because Chase looks just like me here. This is the face I made when Stuart Scott told me James Lofton was not in the top 16 all-time in all-purpose yards.
This is the last picture Chase took and by this point he was done. The lady wanted us to buy this one but we already have plenty of him like this.
Continued thanks to jusTON who taught me how to circumvent the picture hosting website's draconian ban on rightclicking these pictures.
The family ones came out ok, except Mrs. Poop and I got tired of smiling because we were waiting for so long for the photographer to coax a smile out of Chase.
This was the best smile we got out of Chase but he was covering his face with his hands so we couldn't use this one.
This is a great one because Chase looks just like me here. This is the face I made when Stuart Scott told me James Lofton was not in the top 16 all-time in all-purpose yards.
This is the last picture Chase took and by this point he was done. The lady wanted us to buy this one but we already have plenty of him like this.
Continued thanks to jusTON who taught me how to circumvent the picture hosting website's draconian ban on rightclicking these pictures.
Lying Lunch Lady
Denise Martin earned herself $50,000 with the sob story she told during the Survivor reunion show.
Martin had been chided all season by fellow Survivors for her job as a lunch lady and her mullet haircut.
She got more sympathy when she got picked last in a challenge and cried because she'd been picked last her entire life.
And in her final desperate plea for votes Denise said that after Survivor she was going to go back to her life working as a lunch lady for $7 an hour.
During the finale Denise said that when she got back home she wasn't allowed to be a lunch lady anymore because her popularity was distracting kids. She was forced to work as a janitor cleaning toilets and working after hours which forced her to miss her daughter's field hockey games.
She also said that she keeps her mullet haircut because as a lunch lady she needs short hair in the front, but keeps it long in the back to stay a woman for her husband.
She cried when she asked the audience for help in finding a new lunch lady job.
Then she cried even more when the show and producer Mark Burnett gave her $50,000 on the spot to help solve her troubles.
Problem is, her story wasn't true.
After being bombarded with nasty letters the school superintendent in Douglas, Massachusetts outed Denise as a liar.
Turns out Denise had been promoted to janitor before she left for Survivor. And I say promoted because the new job paid $17 an hour, a 143% increase in salary.
When confronted with the facts Denise admitted her lie, but never said that she intends to give back the $50,000.
Martin had been chided all season by fellow Survivors for her job as a lunch lady and her mullet haircut.
She got more sympathy when she got picked last in a challenge and cried because she'd been picked last her entire life.
And in her final desperate plea for votes Denise said that after Survivor she was going to go back to her life working as a lunch lady for $7 an hour.
During the finale Denise said that when she got back home she wasn't allowed to be a lunch lady anymore because her popularity was distracting kids. She was forced to work as a janitor cleaning toilets and working after hours which forced her to miss her daughter's field hockey games.
She also said that she keeps her mullet haircut because as a lunch lady she needs short hair in the front, but keeps it long in the back to stay a woman for her husband.
She cried when she asked the audience for help in finding a new lunch lady job.
Then she cried even more when the show and producer Mark Burnett gave her $50,000 on the spot to help solve her troubles.
Problem is, her story wasn't true.
After being bombarded with nasty letters the school superintendent in Douglas, Massachusetts outed Denise as a liar.
Turns out Denise had been promoted to janitor before she left for Survivor. And I say promoted because the new job paid $17 an hour, a 143% increase in salary.
When confronted with the facts Denise admitted her lie, but never said that she intends to give back the $50,000.
Just What the World Needs
If there needed to be proof that slutty celebrities like Britney Spears are having a deleterious impact on our youth, especially young girls, here it is.
Britney's sister 16-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant. The father is 19-year-old Casey Aldridge who supposedly met Jamie Lynn in church.
I'm not going to declare the end of Western Civilization because one teenage slut got knocked up, but I do find it a bit worrisome that the very thing conservative tightasses have been warning about for years has come true.
Young girls who idolize Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are very likely to grow up to be skanky hobags themselves.
I do admire Jamie Lynn's decision to keep the baby whereas a lot of other teens might have taken the "easy" way out.
I also hope that she can be a better mother than her sister has thus far proven to be. Perhaps a good first step is that she plans to raise her child in Louisiana instead of in the media glare that Britney is subjecting her sons to.
Now before you accuse me of being prudish let me say that I would never tell a woman what to do with her vagina, but I would recommend that she wait until she's at least smart enough to use birth control.
Britney's sister 16-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant. The father is 19-year-old Casey Aldridge who supposedly met Jamie Lynn in church.
I'm not going to declare the end of Western Civilization because one teenage slut got knocked up, but I do find it a bit worrisome that the very thing conservative tightasses have been warning about for years has come true.
Young girls who idolize Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are very likely to grow up to be skanky hobags themselves.
I do admire Jamie Lynn's decision to keep the baby whereas a lot of other teens might have taken the "easy" way out.
I also hope that she can be a better mother than her sister has thus far proven to be. Perhaps a good first step is that she plans to raise her child in Louisiana instead of in the media glare that Britney is subjecting her sons to.
Now before you accuse me of being prudish let me say that I would never tell a woman what to do with her vagina, but I would recommend that she wait until she's at least smart enough to use birth control.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)