Song of the Week

"Rude" - Magic!
I've been posting a lot of pop songs lately. I promise to rectify that.

Fat Yankees Fan Sleeps, Sues

Andrew Rector was caught on camera sleeping in the stands during a Red Sox-Yankees game at Yankee Stadium:



Now Rector is suing ESPN, MLB and Dan Shulman and John Kruk because the announcers made fun of him. The lawsuit says the "unending verbal crusade against" Rector caused him “substantial injury” to his “character and reputation,” as well as “mental anguish, loss of future income and loss of earning capacity.”

The lawsuit doesn't even look as if it was prepared by a real lawyer, it's full of typos misspellings and failed attempts to sound intelligent.

Fact is, calling the guy "oblivious," wondering if he missed the Beltran homer and gently joking about his weight (by asking Kruk if they are related) are totally legitimate things for the announcers to do.

His other allegations that they called him confused and unintelligent just aren't true. But if they had said those things, they'd be right.

Poker pro Vanessa Selbst got caught on camera sleeping at a Montreal Canadiens game but you don't see her filing frivolous lawsuits.

Song of the Week

"Am I Wrong?" - Nico & Vinz

I Have an Eye for Talent

6 years ago I spotted a hottie on "Red Eye" telling a story about summer camp and 2600 people visited the Poop hoping to hear about Anna Gilligan's naked summer camp (though the videos have been deleted from youtube).
Well now I have something even better for you, Anna Gilligan in a bikini and creepy Greg Kelly ogling her.



In Kelly's defense, she did look smoking. And that was clearly the desired reaction. She didn't pick that bikini by accident. And she didn't starve herself for two weeks and take a laxative that morning because she didn't want anyone to notice her body.

Song of the Week

"Move Bitch"
We are moving. I am singing this song while carrying boxes.

Song of the Week

"Love is a House" - Force MDs
My favorite group from Staten Island with their second best song.
But because of what's going on in my life lately (buying a new house), I've been singing this a lot.

Please Don't Read This After Listening to an Uptempo Record

Casey Kasem died today at age 82, after a long struggle with his health and a bitter fight between his kids and his new wife.
Kasem was famous for being radio's dominant national disc jockey, and for being the voice of Shaggy in the Scooby Doo cartoons.

But in the internet age he is best known for this epic meltdown:



I know I posted this 3 years ago as a birthday present to myself but I couldn't immortalize the man without posting it again.
And let it be a lesson to you Poopheads, if you ever do something this funny, I will bring it up again on the day you die.

Finally, Another Movie That Lives Up To Its Name

Here's the trailer for "Dumb and Dumber To" due out in November.



It doesn't look as funny as the original (how could it?) and I don't have high hopes, but I'm certainly willing to give it a chance.

Song of the Week

"I Found Lovin" - Fatback Band
The best song from one of the most underrated disco-funk bands of the late-70s.
I can't say for certain but I'm pretty sure your day could use 7 minutes of funk.

Funny or Douchey?

Dan Heimiller won the $1,000 Seniors Event at the World Series of Poker for $627,000. Nothing douchey about that.
He did it while wearing a T-shirt that says "Winner! Winner! Chicken Dinner!"

Even that, I wouldn't say is douchey.
A long time ago Papa Poop told me about a guy he played blackjack with in Atlantic City. Every time the guy got an ace he said "king of hearts." After 20 times, he finally got the king of hearts and said he called it.
That's what Heimiller does with the shirt. He wears it every single time in the hopes of finally winning?
Is that douchey?

You Knew This Was Coming

Baseball lifer Don Zimmer died this week at age 83. Zimmer played for the famous 1955 Dodgers, and the infamous 1962 Mets. He coached or managed for 40 years after his playing career most famously with the Cubs and Yankees. It was as Joe Torre's bench guru that he got involved in the incident that will stay with him to his grave.
And just to prove it, here is Don Zimmer charging Pedro Martinez in a brawl during the 2003 ALCS, and getting thrown to the ground like a sack of potatoes. An act by the way, for which Pedro deserves no blame.

Song of the Week

"Summer" - Calvin Harris
I predict this jam will be huge this summer.

All That for Kenyon Martin

Lewis Katz, owner of the Philadelphia Inquirer and former owner of the then-New Jersey Nets, died in a plane crash this weekend.
In keeping with The Poop's tradition of memorializing people in death with their silliest moments in life, I present to you Lewis Katz's reaction upon winning the 2000 NBA Draft Lottery.

If Michael Did This He'd Be a Serial Killer

One night in July 2012 Aaron Hernandez was Cure Lounge in Boston. While he stood near the dance floor, Daniel Abreu, dancing nearby, bumped into him, causing him to spill some of his drink. Abreu, who had never met Hernandez, smiled and kept dancing.
Hernandez was livid. At 2:30 a.m. July 16, Hernandez followed the BMW Abreu was driving and fired five shots into the sedan, killing Abreu and his friend Safiro Furtado, according to police.

If everyone in New Jersey behaved liked this there would be zero men aged 21-35 in the entire state. One time Michael had just purchased a $13 vodka and Red Bull and as soon as he turned around some douche danced right into him, spilling at least 11 dollars worth.

Then there was one time Billy was wearing a white shirt, and I don't remember the circumstances but somehow a cranberry juice drink got splattered all over his back. He looked as if he was covered in blood. But it was on his back, so Michael and I just told him that you couldn't even notice.

Not to make light of a serious situation, but it is kind of funny in a macabre way just how fuckin nuts Aaron Hernandez was and probably still is.

Awful First Pitch

The Mets are very excited about the June 14th postgame concert by washed up rapper Curtis Jackson aka 50-Cent.
To promote his appearance they had him throw out the first pitch wearing a Jackson #50 jersey.
Joining the likes of Mariah Carey, Carl Lewis and Mayor Mark Mallory, 50 unleashed this awful pitch.



But I'm giving the crown of worst first pitch ever to Canadian cutie Carley Rae Jepsen

Song of the Week

"Classic" - MKTO
I am sure most of the people who like this song don't even know who Marvin Gaye and Donny Hathaway are.

Better Fake Protest Sign

Sometimes the internets like to have fun with things.
For instance, some clever person photoshopped a sign into the famous Martha Burk-led protests against the Masters. Amidst all the women with signs arguing for gender equity, nestled inconspicuously in the back is a sign that says "Iron My Shirt Bitch."

I e-mail Mrs. Poop that picture every time I need my shirts ironed.

We also have this sign, in a monitor behind Fox anchor Shepard Smith. The banner on the screen reads "Biggest Protest in Canadian History in Progress" and the protester in the monitor is holding up a sign that says "I Am a Little Upset."

Animal Cruelty at CitiField

I went to the Mets game yesterday and came across an unconscionable act of animal cruelty. A dog sitting on a rug, dressedin a Mets shirt and hat, wearing sunglasses and somehow holding a pipe in its mouth.
Most of you know I hate animals in clothes, so just walking by this poor pooch made me uneasy. But I went back and took a picture because I thought I should expose this.

But turns out when I googled this, many people had previously written about this dog, Coffee, not just for the clothes, glass, pipe and the fact that he's forced to perform to raise money for a lazy human who is too stupid to get a real job, but some observers think he was wearing a shock collar which his irresponsible human owner could use to shock him if he got up, or moved.

I really wish PETA would get involved and protest this cruelty, or put enough pressure on the Mets to ban him from the premises. Surely panhandling on private property is grounds for ejection.

Song of the Week

"Fancy" - Iggy Azalea
I'm actually not a big fan of hers, I think she's a white Nikki Minaj.
Which makes me uncomfortable when a white girl comes into a genre dominated by black men and becomes an instant overnight success.
Also, I don't think she's hot. And her boyfriend, Nick Young aka Swaggy P is the biggest douchebag in the NBA.

Time's Up Macklemore

Ironic that a guy who preaches tolerance and acceptance of everyone would be an anti-Semite.
But that's what happened when Macklemore came out for a performance in a disguise, big nose, bushy beard very similar to offensive caricatures of Jews used by the Nazis and others.

And just by pure coincidence he wore this get-up while singing Thrift Shop, a song about going to such great lengths to get a bargain that you will sleep on sheets that smell like piss.

Once he realized his mistake, he quickly apologized. Oh no, wait he didn't, he blamed the beholder.

"Some people there thought I looked like Ringo, some Abe Lincoln. If anything I thought I looked like Humpty Hump with a bowl cut....I wasn’t attempting to mimic any culture, nor resemble one. A 'Jewish stereotype' never crossed my mind."
He said it was "surprising and disappointing" that the disguise was slammed as anti-Semitic.
"I acknowledge how the costume could, within a context of stereotyping, be ascribed to a Jewish caricature," Macklemore wrote. "I am here to say that it was absolutely not my intention."
And when he got called out by courageous famous Jews like Seth Rogen he responded with ""A fake witches nose, wig, and beard = random costume. Not my idea of a stereotype of anybody."

I actually think he was trying to dress as Howard Wolowitz from The Big Bang Theory.