The San Francisco Giants are coming to New York to play the Mets this weekend. I would call Barry Bonds into my office for a chat.
"Barry, have a seat. How are you feeling? Knee, ok? Congratulations on passing Babe Ruth. You've truly had a great career and you are one of the best players to ever play baseball in the major leagues. Now I am going to give you the chance to control your own legacy. In this folder (gesture to accordian folder on the desk) is evidence turned up during the steroids investigation being conducted by George Mitchell. I know your body is aching, and that you are constantly in pain. I think maybe it's time for you to retire. I think we both know that Hank Aaron deserves his record and that you are honored to be in second place. But if you keep playing into next year to try to break Aaron's record, I'm going to be forced to release this evidence. And the public outcry is going to be so great that I am going to have to expunge all your accomplishments from the record books. Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Rafael Palmeiro, they're all gone. That's not a coincidence. Before the end of the season announce your retirement. Say your body just won't let you do it anymore. Major League Baseball will throw you a big celebration. I'll be there. We'll give you a car. Then after the season, we'll announce the investigation discovered a wide-ranging steroid problem in baseball over a number of years, too wide and too long to correct in the record books. We'll move baseball into the new steroid free era. And you will be forever recorded as having the most home runs in one season, and the second most in a career. Thanks for coming in Barry."
P.S.: It doesn't matter if I (or Selig) actually has proof. Bonds knows what he did, no matter how much he tries to deny it. I really think Selig should try this because the thought of McGwire being awarded the single season home run record would probably be enough to convice Bonds to retire. And if Bonds hangs on as a DH next season to break Aaron's record it would be the biggest sham in the history of sports and would rob baseball of the one thing it has over all the other sports, the sanctity of it's records.
2 comments:
I think the funny thing is that Selig doesn't have the balls to threaten Bonds and get him out of the game. But I'd only need one day to clean up this mess.
If I were on PTI I would give Barry Bonds a 1% chance of breaking Hank Aaron's record. I think Barry is having more of a stream of conscious than anyone realizes and he understands his knees aren't going to let him break the record. Plus to play next year he would have to DH in the American League and that would just be a disaster almost exactly like his godfather with the Mets. I think he takes his place at #2 vanishes for five years, never admits to anything but doesn't surpass Aaron. Hopefully if the Baseball Gods exist, Albert Pujols breaks his season long record in the testing era and the sanctity of baseball is preserved. Years later Alex Rodriguez passes both Bonds and Aaron hitting all 756 home runs in 9-1 games and Bonds can be a footnote in baseball history. Good job by Paul!
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