Junk in Our Trunk

In order to have give the children of Fair Lawn a memorable Halloween in light of Hurricane Sandy, the town arranged two "trunk or treats" at local schools. Here's how it works. You park your car in the lot and hand candy to children out of the trunk, or in the cases of SUVs and minivan, out of the rear hatch/door. The event was scheduled to run 5:30 - 7:30, so we got there at 5, to make sure we got a parking spot.

And to decorate our car.

By 5:20 kids had started trick or treating. It's much more efficient and easier to go car to car in one big parking lot where everyone is a willing participant than it is to go door-to-door ringing bells while grumpy neighbors pull the blinds.

But by 6:00 we were out of candy. Many people who came to trunk or treat but couldn't get into the parking lot, or didn't want to get trapped, at least gave their candy to other people to give out. But many others did not. We went through 11 bags of candy total.

The firefighters supervising the event originally told us we had to stay until 7:30 but they eventually relented and let the first wave of cars leave. Since we had all run out of candy. The trunk or treat went well, it could use some improvements, but hopefully we won't have to hastily arrange a Halloween alternative because of downed power lines for a very long time.

And the kids had a blast and got a lot of candy...

...three pound's worth. And that's really what matters.

Here's a few Halloween bonus pictures:

Me, scaring a 5th grade banana at the Radburn Elementary School Halloween Dance.

Chase dressed as Jake from Jake and the Neverland Pirates and Julian as Nemo. And yes, this is the best picture of the two of them in costume.

And Julian wearing the Cobra Kai costume.

Song of the Week

"Nobody's Perfect" - J. Cole featuring Missy Elliott
"Nobody's perfect, but you're perfect for me."
That's a message I often say to Mrs. Poop. We're not perfect, we're perfect for each other.

The NFL is Poop - Week 10

Head Cases
With all the focus on protecting quarterbacks, particularly from head injury, three big name QBs were concussed this week, and only one on an illegal hit. Jay Cutler was hit under the chin, which drew a flag (but was offset by a penalty on Cutler), but the hits on Michael Vick and Alex Smith were legal.

All three quarterbacks had to leave the game, though Cutler stuck around long enough to throw another interception. I know many people think the pendulum has swung too far and the game has been unnecessarily altered in order to protect star quarterbacks but this is why.
Quarterbacks are so vulnerable, and so important, that they merit this kind of protection. If an offensive lineman gets hurt, even a star one, it is not going to ruin the entire team. But now these three teams, plus the Steelers (with Roethlisberger’s shoulder injury) face uncertain seasons because of injuries to their quarterbacks.

I Hope That Wasn’t a Super Bowl Preview
Everyone was really looking forward to the Bears-Texans game expecting it to be a Super Bowl preview. Let’s hope not. The game was horrible, 6 turnovers, only 19 points. I know both teams have good defense but this was more of a case of bad offense.

A Tie is Like Kissing Your Sister
Another disappointing game was the 49ers and Rams game ending in a tie. In this day and age when 50-yard field goals are routine, it’s hard for a game to end in a tie. Some major ineptitude must take place, and that’s exactly what happened. On the first play of overtime, Sam Bradford threw an 80-yard pass to Danny Amendola, which would have set the Rams up at the 2-yard line. But there was an illegal formation, no one lined up on the line of scrimmage outside the tackler. The Rams didn’t score. Then David Akers missed a field goal for the 49ers. He’s only of the most accurate kickers in NFL history. The Rams got another chance, and Greg “The Leg” Zuerlein nailed a 53-yard field goal…BUT the play clock had run out. He missed the ensuing 58-yarder. But those weren’t the only screw-ups in this game. The referees let the clock run for a 1:12 while doing a measurement, and no one caught the error until it was too late to be corrected.

Popping Bottles
Mercury Morris and the 1972 Dolphins are celebrating another season without an undefeated team with the Atlanta Falcons loss to the Saints. The Falcons never gave off the air of the team that could go through a season unbeaten. They weren’t dominating, they were squeaking out wins against bad teams, and they almost did it again. They were stopped twice from the 1, and once more from the 2 turning it over on downs. Then they got it back again and Matt Ryan flung one deep to Roddy White, who was open, but he turned the wrong way. The more interesting storyline from this game may be whether the Saints can actually emerge from the hole they dug themselves and make the playoffs.

Game of the Week
New England Patriots 37 Buffalo Bills 31
Things always get crazy when these two teams get together. Their first matchup this season the Bills took an early lead, but the Patriots exploded to win 52-28. This time it was the Pats who took the early lead, and the Bills almost came back. Their three drives in the 4th quarter ended with a fumble deep in Patriots territory, a touchdown, and then an interception in the end zone when a touchdown likely would have won the game.

Game of Next Week
Indianapolis Colts at New England Patriots
Luck versus Brady. The changing of the guard in the AFC perhaps?

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
No loss this week, which is nice. Hopefully they can get back to the offense they had early in the season when they were actually putting points on the board. This week we face the Eagles who will be starting Nick Foles, and then Thanksgiving Day in Dallas. Picture of the Week
Awesome stiff arm by Chris Ivory on his touchdown run that helped the Saints beat the Falcons.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today Houston Texans 23 Atlanta Falcons 16 Not as much change here as I thought we might see but the Texans dominated the Bears and the Falcons looked bad.

I Want My Life Back

Two weeks ago today I stayed in the city after work due to the impending storm. That night our power went out. The following day we spent the evening at a friend’s house, going home only to sleep. The next day was Halloween; we hit the mall to try to give the kids some semblance of a normal Halloween. That was a disaster. Then Mrs. Poop fled to her parents’ house. I stayed home alone in a 55 degree house Wednesday and Thursday night before fleeing for Connecticut as well. Got home Saturday, was home Sunday, Did trunk or treat Monday night (more on that in another post) before working a million hours on Tuesday and then dealing with another snowstorm and finally getting back to normal, kind of, over the weekend.
That’s a rough synopsis of the last two weeks. I am sure many of you feel the same way. Superstorm Sandy and the subsequent recovery were major disruptions to our established routines.

Ship Out

Syracuse beat San Diego State in what may be the last college basketball game on an aircraft carrier.
The Orange were led by their slashers, Brandon Triche, Michael Carter-Williams and CJ Fair. Those three shot 20 of 41 for 49 points.
The game was played on the deck of the USS Midway in San Diego. It was originally scheduled for Friday night and was delayed until Sunday afternoon because of the weather forecast which called for wind and rain.
Once the game got going it was really cool to watch. The sun was out, there were shadows on the court, the backdrop was gorgeous.

But I think the elements really hindered both teams. Syracuse made only 1 of 4 3-pointers. They were smart enough not to shoot them. San Diego State shot 1 of 18. Clearly the wind was affecting long range shots. The teams made only 25 of 52 free throws.

But at least they got to play. The two other games on aircraft carriers (Ohio State vs. Marquette on the USS Yorktown in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina and Florida vs. Georgetown on the USS Bataan in Jacksonville, Florida) were both canceled. Florida and Georgetown even played the first half, but couldn't come back after halftime because of moisture on the court.

The aircraft carrier games are a cute novelty and they raise money for worth causes for injured returning soldiers. But after these debacles I think it might be best to hold futures military fundraising basketball games indoors.

Weekly Picks

Finally a good week. It did turn out to be one of the easiest weeks in years, but still 50% of the teams lost so I take a little pride and hope to keep the good feelings going.

denver -3 1/2 CAROLINA
I love the way Peyton Manning's playing and the Panthers are bad. I actually like picking against bad teams right after a win.

atlanta -2 1/2 NEW ORLEANS
Atlanta has been walking a lot of tightropes on the way to 8-0 but the Saints, even though they are showing signs of life, are still terrible on defense. And Atlanta keeps finding a way to wind.

houston +1 1/2 CHICAGO
Everybody is on the Bears bandwagon right now. But please remember even with an awesome ballhawk like Peanut Tillman, turnovers are largely a product of luck. I say they don't get the turnovers this week, and Cutler makes a few.

MINNESOTA +2 1/2 detroit
This is another contrarian indicator. The Lions have been hot lately but their defense still stinks. Ponder has been bad lately, but things do tend to turn around.

BEST BET
new york giants -3 1/2 CINCINNATI

All of the sudden the Giants stink, Eli Manning is bad again and the Giants fans are panicking. The team is good, Eli Manning is great and no way they lose two straight games, the second against the Bengals. But they do like to make things interesting so I am moderately afraid of a field goal game.

Last Week: 4-1 (5 points)
Season: 19-26 (14 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (2-7)
Home Favorites: 2-0 (5-15)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (4-2)
Road Favorites: 2-0 (6-6)
Road Underdogs: 0-1 (4-3)

3000 Words: Hurricane Sandy Edition

My alma mater, Susan E. Wagner High School is being used as a staging ground for relief efforts. And those displaced from their homes by the storm are sleeping in the school's gymnasium.

New York Magazine photo of the city with the lights out in most of Lower Manhattan.

The destroyed boardwalk at Point Pleasant Beach where we have taken the kids the past two years, and hope to make an annual tradition.

How Tall This Fall

Our Halloween tradition continues. Kids are getting big.

2012:

2011:



2010:



2009:



2008:



2007:

Behind the Numbers

I love looking at exit polls to see which groups and topics that haven't gotten much attention are interesting.

First, the Jews: 69% to Obama, 30% for Romney. Jews make up only 2% of the entire vote.

93% of blacks voted for Obama. Down slightly from 2008. They were 13% of the total vote.

Gays made up 5% of the vote. More than twice as many gays as Jews. And I'm sure there were plenty of gay Jews. Anyway, 76% voted for Obama, 22% for Romney. That surprises me. Nearly one in four gay people went for Romney. That tells me two things: they are not single issue voters, and they realize that even if Obama says he thinks gay marriage should be legal, he hasn't addressed it in his policies for four years. So if neither candidate wants to make gay marriage legal, might as well find another issue to decide on.

Young people (under 30) voted for Obama by a 60 to 37 margin. Unmarried women went to Obama 67 to 31. If we're going to pay for their birth control I at least hope the sluts put out.

38% think Barack Obama is most to blame for the current economy. 53% say George W. Bush is most to blame.

18% of voters say their household contains a union member. And those voters went to Obama by a margin of 58-40. Surprised so many union households went to Romney actually

Here's the scariest number to me. 15% said response to Hurricane Sandy was the most important issue to them. Those voters went for Obama 73 to 26. I think the media, and Chris Christie may have given the President an assist there. While early response seemed to be good, FEMA predictably failed to provide strong assistance as the days wore on.

And the most upsetting number: only 60% of voters have a full-time job. The full-time jobbers were split 49-49. Those part-timers and unemployed went for Obama 53-45, giving some credence to the joke that Obama would be in the lead until Republicans got off of work.

Song of the Week

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The NFL is Poop - Week 9

Don’t Hibernate on the Bears Defense wins championships, especially opportunistic defenses that force turnovers. And that is why the Bears are dangerous. The Bears scored 51 points, the highest total for the franchise since 1980. They forced 5 turnovers. Peanut Tillman forced 4 fumbles, breaking his own record. Before you say that this was just against the Titans please remember the Bears defense has scored 7 touchdowns, this season, and only allowed 17. They are +16 in turnover margin. They are 7-1 and their only loss was a game Jay Cutler threw 4 interceptions. And Peanut Tillman has been doing this for years. He has 36 forced fumbles, 32 interceptions and 7 touchdowns. It’s pretty hard for a defensive back to win Defensive Player of the Year, unless he has a large number of interceptions, but if it could happen, this could be the year, and Peanut Tillman could be that player.

Where Did They Come From?
When last we spoke of the Tampa Bay ExpensiveCornPrices they were rushing their opponents on kneel downs in an effort to prove that their effort was for the full 60 minutes. But now we have a better reason to speak of them. They are an offensive juggernaut. They scored 19 ppg game in their first four, and 36 ppg in their next four. A lot of that is because of Doug Martin from Boise State who is averaging 139 yards per game and 6.5 yards per carry over the past 4 games. That includes his incredible 251 yards, 4 touchdown performance against the Raiders. As you fantasy geeks surely know, it is one of the best fantasy games of all time. Only surpassed 3 times, by players who scored 5 touchdowns, Shaun Alexander, Jerry Rice and Clinton Portis, who put up 54 fantasy points in a game against the Chiefs in 2003.

I Hate New York
Eli Manning has given the Giants two Super Bowls. This season he’s led the Giants to some exciting wins. As recently as two weeks ago the New York Post was wondering if he was the best quarterback in the NFL. But one subpar performance has the Post ripping Eli on the back cover. It’s the reason the Knicks and Mets have been bad for so long. The pressures in New York are unbelievable and there is zero patience, even for a guy who has already won two Super Bowls.

Lucky Again
The New York Giants continue to be on the receiving end of some favorable breaks including a horrible call by the officials that resulted in a Giants touchdown. Ben Roethlisberger’s arm was hit by Osi Umenyiora as he pulled it back to pass. It didn’t dislodge the ball though. His arm moved forward while still maintaining possession of the ball. According to the tuck rule, any forward movement of the arm constitutes an effort to make a forward pass. This call was botched by the officials, and upheld under replay (perhaps they thought the ball had been knocked loose), resulting in a touchdown for the Giants. This didn’t cost the Steelers the game, thankfully, because if it had, this would have been the worst call since the Fail Mary.



Game of the Week
Indianapolis Colts 23 Miami Dolphins 20
Both of these teams are surprisingly frisky this season which made for a very interesting contest. This game may be remembered as Andrew Luck’s coming out party. He threw for 433 yards, a rookie record, set by Cam Newton last year. He led his team on two late drives to take the lead. And he converted on 13 of 19 third downs. But even more memorable than that, was this postgame speech by Chuck Pagano, who we now know is in remission, after undergoing treatments for leukemia.



Game of Next Week
Houston Texans at Chicago Bears
Two 7-1 and teams going at it. This should be a fun game. This could easily be the matchup at the end of this column if the damn Falcons would just lose a game.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
I think the league is starting to figure out RGIII and Kyle Shanahan’s lame offense. Run on first down, run on second down, play-action pass on third down. 25 points in the last 2 games, after scoring more than 20 in every game but one out of the first 7. The Redskins are second in the league in rushing yards. And second worst in passing yards allowed. This is the 21st century, it is a passing league. We have dynamic quarterback and yet we are still trying to play smashmouth football from the 1950s.

Picture of the Week
The NFL honors the military by having fans holds up placards before the Packers-Cardinals game.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Atlanta Falcons 21 Houston Texans 17
The Falcons are not impressive, but they keep winning. Similar story for the Texans but I can't remove either one of them until they lose.

Election Prediction

Electoral College
Barack Obama: 294
Mitt Romney: 244

Popular Vote
Barack Obama: 51.5% (64.8 million)
Mitt Romney: 47%
Gary Johnson: 1.5%

Election will be called at 1:15 AM Wednesday morning.

Weekly Picks

Bounced back a little with an above .500 performance but I still can't buy a best bet. And the past two weeks especially I was choosing between two games and chose the wrong one.

denver -3 1/2 CINCINNATI
I love the way Peyton Manning is playing right now and I hate the Bengals.

ATLANTA -3 1/2 dallas
This is the game this week that I eliminated as my best bet. I think the Cowboys stink, but they're not going to lose every week. I like the Falcons, but they're not going 16-0. And they often win close. That half a point scared me away from making this my best bet.

NEW ORLEANS -3 philadelphia
I think the Saints are bubbling up, even though they lost last week. Drew Brees is starting to play like the Brees of old and Michael Vick just plain stinks. There will be a breaking point when he gets benched for Nick Foles. It could come this week.

minnesota +4 SEATTLE
Wanted to find an underdog this week so I will just pick against Seattle like I always do, to mixed results.

BEST BET
baltimore -4 CLEVELAND
I know there are some suspicions about the Ravens defense because of all the injuries but the Browns are still bad and a 2-game winning streak doesn't seem within their capabilities.

Last Week: 3-2 (2 points)
Season: 15-25 (9 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (1-7)
Home Favorites: 1-1 (3-15)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (3-2)
Road Favorites: 1-1 (5-6)
Road Underdogs: 1-0 (4-2)

Song of the Week

"Mind Playing Tricks on Me" - Geto Boys
"This year Halloween fell on a weekend, me and Geto Boys are trick or treatin..."

Stormy Weather

The storm of the century wasn't as bad as expected, thankfully. Because even in a diminished capacity Hurricane Sandy was a bitch. Almost the entire coast from North Carolina to New England got demolished, and many areas were completely destroyed, including Seaside Heights. Maybe God really did just catch up on Jersey Shore on his DVR and decided to wipe the place out.
Personally, I'm angry at New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg. I think he is an authoritarian dictator who think he knows better how you should live your life. He shut down the NYC mass transit system at 7pm on Sunday, a full 24 hours before the storm was expected to make landfall.
As a result the entire city was shut down all day Monday for no good reason. The New York Stock Exchange could have been open until 1pm. I realize he didn't want people to come to work and get stuck in the city if trains and tunnels and bridges had to be shut down. But his job is not to protect us from ourselves. Not when it comes to hurricanes and not when it comes large-size soft drinks.
If I were a teacher, or a stock broker, I might have enjoyed this government-granted mini-vacation. But the news never rests, so I had to come to work. I was offered a hotel for Sunday night but decided to forgo it and take my chances coming into the city Monday morning. I made a wise decision. Not only was the weather not bad, there were no cars on the road.
Leaving after work would have been possible, but getting back in would not have been, so I was forced to stay at a hotel, the Westin in Times Square. It is directly adjacent to Cheetah's, which was closed. So the strippers get the day off, but I have to work.
I went up to my room, read for a while, watched my guilty pleasure TV show (Dan LeBatard is Highly Questionable) as well as PTI, and then went to the hotel bar for dinner with a couple co-workers.
Now if you run a hotel bar in Times Square it's unlikely the guests often eat there, they'd rather adventure out into the city. But in this case, the hotel bar was the only game in town, so everyone was there. They set up tables outside the restaurant in the lobby. The service was terrible, but it helped kill an hour and a half. At 7:30 I ran across to Duane Reade to get snacks. It was barely drizzling.

I went back to my room to watch the Final Table of the World Series of Poker Main Event, live and unedited on ESPN2. And to eat the Skittles I had just purchase. I really enjoy these rare opportunities I get to watch poker like this and I am beyond furious that because of the power outage which happened at about 7pm, my DVR couldn't record the entire thing while I slept.
Mrs. Poop was watching a movie with the kids at the time and Julian didn't understand why Cars 2 turned off in the middle and his mommy refused to put it back on. Luckily she fed and bathed the monsters earlier, so all she had to do was put them to bed. In the morning she went to work and took the kids to a friend's house where the power was still on.

When I woke up in the morning, it wasn't raining, it wasn't windy. But no one was out. Not a car or a pedestrian in sight as I walked to work through Times Square.

The NFL is Poop - Week 8

The Luckiest Team Ever
The Giants literally won this game by a fingernail. Even after it was handed to them (6 times!), the Giants still almost blew it. Let’s do some quick-hitters on this game:
1) Tony Romo is a more fun Jay Cutler. Enough talent to win some games. But makes so many mistakes he’ll never have sustained post-season success. And it’s even more of a curse because he’s good enough so that the team won’t dump him in search of a better QB.
2) Dallas had 415 passing yards and 19 rushing yards. Three receivers had 100 yards (Witten 167, Austin 133 and Bryant 110).
3) The Giants offense was terrible. They had two decent drives, the field goal to make it 3-0, and the one to make it 26-24. Everything else was set up by a Cowboys turnover.
4) Dez Bryant was out of bounds. It was a fact. His fingertips came down out of bounds. It was the right call, it was clear on video and it had to be made. But if he just could have come down on his ass, instead of bracing himself, the Cowboys would have won.

This Guy is Good
I really wasn’t sure about Peyton Manning entering this season. I wasn’t sure what to expect when the season started off poorly for the Broncos. But now I am sure, Peyton is almost all the way back and the Broncos are pretty good. He surgically dissected the Saints to get to a 4-3 record. As I have mentioned several times, the Broncos record may actually seem worse than it is because their three losses were to very good teams. Looking at their schedule I could easily see them going 7-2 or 6-3 down the stretch which I believe would be good enough to win in a very weak division. Then we get to see what Manning can do in the playoffs.

The Goal Line Extends Around the World
Amazing touchdown by Colts running back Vick Ballard to win the game in overtime. He jumped, hit the pylon with his head and was ruled to have scored. I believe the rule is that the goal line extends around the world. So if you leap from in bounds and break the plane, even outside of the pylon, it's still a touchdown. I haven't seen a good explanation anywhere of why this was a TD, but it was, and it was cool.

Perennial Disappointment
I thought this year would be different. I thought this year, without the burden of expectations the San Diego Chargers would sneak up on people. But that doesn’t seem to be happening. I can give you two good reasons: Philip Rivers and Norv Turner. Rivers is like the aforementioned quarterbacks who are good but not good enough. Turner is just a horrible coach. Two weeks off after a disaster on Monday Night Football and they lay another egg against the worst team in the league. I know the weather was bad which made passing difficult but that’s the problem with the Chargers. There’s always an excuse. Always something goes wrong. They’re like the anti-Giants. I say fire Norv Turner and see what happens.

Another Coach on the Hot Seat
When are the Eagles going to get rid of Andy Reid? The past two years the expectations have been incredibly high, and the Eagles have consistently come up short. Maybe you can add Michael Vick to my list of good but not good enough quarterbacks. The Eagles are 3-4, should be 2-5, and could easily be 0-7. Vick actually avoided turnovers this week, for once, but they Eagles still got blown out. I just can’t see sticking with Andy Reid and expecting him to be the guy to turn this mess around. Don’t get me wrong I always think the impact of coaches (good or bad) can be drastically overrated. But Andy Reid has had enough chances to do something with this team and he hasn’t gotten it done. And it’s not getting better, it’s getting worse.

Game of the Week
Chicago Bears 23 Carolina Panthers 22
Good teams win games like this, bad teams lose games like this. The Bears are quietly emerging as a real Super Bowl contender for those unimpressed by the Falcons. Cutler once again made a number of “boneheaded plays”, according to the radio reporter I heard while driving. He threw an interception and fumbled twice, yet he still won, thanks to his defense – and Cam Newton. The Bears who are always good at forcing turnovers, picked off Newton and returned it for a touchdown to take a 20-19 lead. So who is Newton going to blame this week? The guy has a lot of talent, but his play so far this season has been poor and his behavior has been worse.

Game of Next Week
Pittsburgh Steelers at New York Giants
It's always interesting when these two teams get together because of the Manning-Roethlisberger angle. Both have won two Super Bowls. And the Giants easily could have picked Big Ben had they not been able to work out a trade for Manning. Plus, the Giants lately have a way of making games very exciting. And the way the AFC is the Steelers emerge as a real contender with a win here, or back to .500 with a loss.

Picture of the Week
Pia Toscano sings the National Anthem at the Patriots-Rams game in London.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
Mike Shanahan is a moron for sending RGIII out on a passing route where he could get his clock cleaned, which is what happened. DeAngelo Hall is a moron for always putting his own ego ahead of what is best for the team.
RGIII had a bad game, it happens. He completed only 47% of his passes when his previous low had been 62%. He also had his worst game rushing, 6 carries for 8 yards. The Steelers play good defense. The Redskins don't.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Atlanta Falcons 27 Houston Texans 24
Where is the team that can unseat either of these two? I hate seasons like this where this section of the column never changes.

Weekly Picks

I won't ever give up, but man am I frustrated. 10-10 through 4 weeks, not bad, 2-13 since. This is the week I turn it around. But just in case I don't, you might want to bet against these picks.

atlanta +2 1/2 PHILADELPHIA
The Eagles haven't won a game by more than 2 points all season and now they're expected to do it against the best team in the league. The Falcons have a knack for winning games like this. But if Michael Vick can stop turning it over, Eagles will win.

DETROIT -2 1/2 seattle
I really hate the Seahawks and think they are incredibly lucky and overrated and their luck has to run out. Detroit's defense is horrible but they should be able to put up enough points to win this game at home.

NEW YORK JETS -1 miami
A few weeks ago the Jets got blown out by the 49ers and everyone was writing them off. I said of the Jets at that point "it's never as bad as it seems." The Jets are 3-0 ATS since then (Houston, Indianapolis, New England). Unfortunately I picked against them the past two weeks, hoping they would revert. Now I hope they don't.

new york giants -2 1/2 DALLAS
No way the Giants lose twice to the Cowboys this season.

BEST BET
san diego -3 CLEVELAND
I think the Chargers are going to bounce back after one of the worst collapses ever in the second half against the Broncos. But if I were you I would find some place where you could bet on the Chargers winning by exactly 3 points.

Last Week: 1-4 (0 points)
Season: 12-23 (7 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (1-6)
Home Favorites: 1-3 (2-14)
Home Underdogs: 0-1 (3-2)
Road Favorites: 0-0 (4-5)
Road Underdogs: 0-0 (3-2)

The Breast Yogurt in New Jersey

A new location for the frozen yogurt chain "Cups" opened in our neighborhood. Mrs. Poop immediately noticed that the name, coupled with the picture of the yogurt in the logo might call to mind breasts.

With the slogan "frozen yogurt, that's hot" and this picture accompanying the employment section of its website, I think there is no mistaking which cups they're really talking about it.

Song of the Week

"That's the Way Love Goes" - Janet Jackson
One of the smoothest, sexiest R&B of the 90s. Janet Jackson at the absolute peak of her powers. And there's a pretty hot backup dancer too, at about 1:58 of this video. Hint: It's Jennifer Lopez.

1 Swing, 3 Hits

A freak play helped the Giants beat the Cardinals in Game 7 of the NLCS. 2-0, bottom of the third, bases loaded, none out and Hunter Pence up. He swings, breaks his bat, but the ball hits the broken bat not once, but three times.



Shortstop Pete Kozma breaks to his right think Pence will pull the ball into the hall. But on third contact the ball actually goes up the middle, but Kozma can't recover. It goes for a 3-run double and the Giants take a 5-0 lead.

That's why you watch baseball, you can always see something you've never seen before.

The NFL is Poop - Week 7

The Quarterback I Would Want
You can have Tom Brady, Peyton Manning and Aaron Rodgers. If I have the ball late in the game and I need one quarterback to drive my team down the field, I am taking Eli Manning. He has done this twice in Super Bowls and he did it again against the Redskins. I think things like this tend to build on themselves because the more you do it, the more you feel like you can do it which gives you the confidence to take chances. Perfect example is the touchdown to Victor Cruz. Many QBs wouldn’t have even tried that throw (or the one to Mario Manningham in the Super Bowl) but Eli has the stones to take the chances and make the throws. And that’s why the Giants are so good.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
It will be hard for me to be angry about anything this season. This year for RGIII is like 1986 for Mookie Wilson, “a year of learning and progress.” And it will be hard for me to keep going on these rants without mentioning, every single week, how awesome RGIII is, how he has restored hope the franchise and how happy I am to have him on my team. Because he can make plays like this one on 4th and 10 to keep a drive alive.
But the Redskins have lost 4 games this season, by 3, 7, 7 and 4 points. That’s four close games. One play can make the difference. Unfortunately the Redskins are unable to make that play. They turned it over four times against the Giants (although they had a very good turnover ratio coming into this game) and then the worst secondary in the league let Victor Cruz get behind them for a touchdown, when the one thing they couldn’t afford to do was give up a long touchdown. And then, when it was time for RGIII to work his magic again, Santana Moss fumbled and robbed us of that opportunity.

Back on Top
Going into this week there were only two teams in the AFC above .500. Those two teams played each other, and the Texans destroyed the Ravens. After getting blitzed by the Aaron Rodgers and Green Bay Houston’s defense smacked down Joe Flacco, and their offense moved the ball on the Ravens injured defense. It’s very rare that I put a team in the Super Bowl at the end of this column, and they stay there all season. The Texans, who have had many false starts before, seem like they are for real and could easily host the AFC title game in January.

Point Spreads Are Only For the Gamblers, Right?
Having picked the 49ers to win by more than 7 points you know I was angry when I heard that Jim Harbaugh declined a safety that would have given his team a 9-point lead, and the ball, with 40 seconds left. Here's the situation: on 4th and 17 from their own 4 the Seahawks completed a 16 yard pass. They were also flagged on the play for a chop block. Accepting the penalty would have meant a safety and a 9-point lead. Declining the penalty meant taking over on downs at their own 20. Before analyzing this decision we have to first accept that in 99.99% of cases either choice is going to result in a victory. The reason Harbaugh declined the penalty is because he didn't want to give the Seahawks a free kick, which would at least technically would open the door to an onsides-kick. Nearly impossible to recover an onsides, score a touchdown from 60-70 yards, recover another onsides and kick a field goal in 40 seconds. He opted for take ball and kneel twice, can't fault him either way.

Play of the Century
Amazing hustle by Saints safety Malcolm Jenkins. Josh Freeman hit Vincent Jackson on a long bomb and Jackson was streaking down the sidelines. Jenkins, ran halfway across the field and knocked Jackson out at the 1-yard-line. The Saints then stopped three runs by LaGarrette Blount and sacked Josh Freeman on 4th down. Jenkins saved 7 points, exactly the margin the Saints won by. He deserves a game ball, a raise and the nickname "Charlie Hustle."

Game of the Week
Tennessee Titans 35 Buffalo Bills 34
Not a game with huge implications as neither of these teams is very good, but it certainly had more excitement than anything else we saw this week. We got to see the Chris Johnson of old. He ran for 195 yards on 18 carries (10.8 per) including a 83-yard-touchdown. That touchdown was answered right away by Brad Smith, who returned the ensuing kickoff 89 yards.
For a guy who went to Harvard Ryan Fitzpatrick made a pretty dumb play. He got intercepted with 3 minutes to play and his team leading by 6. Matt Hasselbeck then lead the Titans on a 52-yard touchdown drive to win the game.

Game of Next Week
New Orleans Saints at Denver Broncos
The Saints are going to be playing must-win games for the rest of the season if they hope to bounce back from an 0-4 start. They will try to make it a 3-game winning streak. The Broncos are .500 despite a very difficult early season schedule. Two great quarterbacks and I expect them both to put up great numbers.

Picture of the Week
Just because I love those creamsicle uniforms the ExpensiveCornPrices used to wear.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Atlanta Falcons 31 Houston Texans 27
The Texans bounced back from an embarrassing blowout with a fine showing against the Ravens. But I can't have them beating the unblemished Falcons yet, even though Atlanta has been less than impressive in squeaking out wins against mediocre teams.

Weekly Picks

What the hell just happened? Through 4 weeks, I wasn't doing that badly. Sure I was only 1-3 on best bets, but I was 10-10 overall, and I did get screwed on the Green Bay Seattle game. Since then I am 1-9 for -1 points. I feel like I am still getting incredibly unlucky, Ravens and Chargers both blew games they should have had. But I am also not sticking to my guns. Trying to get back to that this week.

SAN FRANCISCO -7 seattle
Exactly what I am always looking for. A good team coming off a bad loss, against a bad team (maybe I'll upgrade Seattle to decent) coming off a big win.

ST. LOUIS +5 green bay
Maybe the Packers woke up last week and will begin dominating the league the way they did last year. Or maybe they just aren't as good this season. Rams are 3-0 at home, 0-3 on road. Could be tough for Green Bay and I love those home dogs.

NEW YORK GIANTS -6 washington
This is not a reverse jinx. The Redskins have one of the worst pass defenses in the league. The Giants likely won't experience a letdown in a key division game, because they've already lost to the Cowboys and the Eagles. RGIII is doing great but he will get overwhelmed by the Giants pass rush and will be unable to keep up with Eli.

INDIANAPOLIS -2 cleveland
Very disappointing game for the Colts last week, laying an egg against the Jets. But I think they are a decent team and I don't see the Browns winning two in a row.

BEST BET
NEW ENGLAND -10 1/2 new york jets
I normally hate spreads this big, especially for best bets, because so much can happen. But I am so sure the Patriots are going to kill the Jets that I am going with it. Plus all my instincts have been wrong lately so I might as well start going against them.

Last Week: 0-5 (-1 points)
Season: 11-19 (7 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (1-5)
Home Favorites: 0-2 (1-11)
Home Underdogs: 0-1 (3-1)
Road Favorites: 0-1 (4-5)
Road Underdogs: 0-1 (3-2)

Pictures of Uranus

Astronomers have released the most richly detailed, highest-resolution images ever taken of Uranus.

Song of the Week

"Love, Need and Want You" - Patti LaBelle

The NFL is Poop - Week 6

How To Blow a Game: Turn the Ball Over
At halftime the San Diego Chargers had a comfortable 24-0 lead over the Denver Broncos. Their second half possessions were as follows: fumble, 3 and out, interception, interception, interception, fumble. Two of those turnovers were returned for touchdowns and a third set up a touchdown. Denver scored 35 points and won easily.

How To Blow a Game: Don’t Tackle
With an 8-point lead and 5 minutes to go the Baltimore Ravens switched to a softer defense, like most teams do. But when they got Dallas backed up on 3rd and 27 thanks to two penalties is when they made the key mistake. Dez Bryant caught a short pass and was nearly stopped after a 7-yard gain, but the Ravens missed three tackles, the last one from Ed Reed who came flying in, arms down and hit Bryant with a shoulder. Bryant bounced off, ran for 10 more yards, set up 4th and 10 which Dallas converted. The Ravens hung on to win because Bryant dropped the 2-point conversion, and…

How to Blow a Game: Poor Clock Management
After all that, the Cowboys were down 31-29 with 32 seconds left. They recovered the onside kick and got a pass interference penalty for 20 yards. They still had a timeout left, so they should have looked for sideline routes, which would have left the middle open for a medium-sized gain. Instead they threw a short pass to Bryant for 1 yard, and couldn’t get another play off. The kicker miss a 51-yard game-winner.

Is This the End?
But neither of those late-game atrocities was the saddest thing to happen in Baltimore. Ray Lewis tore his triceps and is out for the season. He may never play again. I don’t want to eulogize his career because I don’t think he will retire. Lewis is not the type of guy to go out like this. If he does I will be sure to give his career a separate post with all my thoughts and memories about him. He is clearly one of the best players in NFL history, at any position, and one of the greatest leaders.

The Pack is Back
That’s the Aaron Rodgers we’ve been waiting for. Six touchdown passes, 2 from more than 40 yards, 338 yards, 14 yards per completion. Not sure why the Packers haven’t been able to do that so far this season, and I’m not sure if they will be able to keep it up but it was a pretty impressive display. And it came against a pretty good defense. Or at least that’s what I keep hearing on TV. The praise for JJ Watt has been a little out of hand. I’m glad that now we can get back to the excessive praise for Aaron Rodgers.

Sometimes Mediocre is Good Enough
The entire AFC East is tied for first, and last at 3-3. The Jets with their horrible offense and quarterback problems, the Dolphins with their rookie quarterback and the Bills with the worst defense in football. All those teams are tied with the Patriots. I still think the Patriots will win this division but there is certainly something troubling about the way they have lost close games, to average teams like Arizona and Seattle.

Game of the Week
Seattle Seahawks 24 New England Patriots 23

Russell Wilson is the black Tim Tebow. Obviously, he's better, can actually throw the ball. But with this comeback, and the really miraculous undeserved one against the Packers, Wilson is starting to develop some magical appeal. I still think the Seahawks stink, but their defense is better than I thought, especially their big corners. And their receivers, Rice and Baldwin, who I thought would struggle with a rookie QB, are actually doing quite well.

Game of Next Week
Baltimore Ravens at Houston Texans
The Texans need to bounce back from their first loss of the season. And the Ravens need to prove they can play defense without Ray Lewis, Lardarrius Webb and perhaps even Haloti Ngata.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
The first quarter and the first 11 minutes of the 4th quarter were horrible. But everything else was great. To start the game, the Redskins had allowed 9 points (thanks to red zone defense) and gained only 7 yards. But then they finally woke up offensively, got a couple of turnovers and built a 31-12 lead. And stopped playing. They allowed a touchdown drive, 2-point conversion, 3 and out, touchdown and missed 2-pointer. And remember, almost no time was wasted during all this. So then the Redskins were backed up at their own 24, on 3rd and 6, with more than three minutes to go. If the Redskins don't get this first down, they could easily lose this game and blow a 19 point lead.
But that's why you get Robert Griffin III. That's why you trade up a million draft picks to get him. That's why you pay him millions of dollars. That's why you keep him healthy. He is a transformational talent who has the ability to cover up all other mistakes by making one great play.
And that's why I have so much hope and optimism for the future of the franchise.

Picture of the Week
Reggie Bush gets upended

If The Super Bowl Were Played Today
Atlanta Falcons 23 Houston Texans 20
Not very impressed with any of the teams right now. But these two have to stay here because 49ers, Cardinals and Vikings all lost, which gives Falcons a 1 1/2 game lead (over Bears) in the conference. And Houston and Baltimore are tied with 5-1 records (2 games over the field) but the Ravens had some big injuries and Texans only lost Cushing.

She Swallowed Her G-String

Kanye West once rapped about a girl who has "got an ass that'll swallow up a G-string." He may have found his dream girl. Kanye and Kim Kardashian went out to dinner and she wore a bra, and a see-through skirt.

And her giant ass stretched the skirt out so that you could see she wasn't wearing underwear, except for the unlikely possibility of a g-string completely swallowed by her mammoth ass cheeks.

Did He Tell the Grim Reaper to Wait a Minute?

Senator Arlen Specter died this weekend from complications of non-Hodgkins lymphoma. Specter spent nearly 30 years in the Senate as a rate Republican Jew before switching to become a Democrat in 2009, like the rest of the misguided Jews.
As always in these obituaries I try to memorialize the dead with one bizarre, random, strange or embarrassing moment.
So here is Specter at a town hall in 2009, being interrupted by a heckler. Specter tries to regain control by saying "wait a minute" 12 times in 33 seconds.

Show Me the Idiots

During the Ravens-Patriots game on Sunday Night Football earlier this season those of us watching on TV were treated to an awkward interruption. An idiot (not technically a streaker) ran on the field. Networks have a policy not to show people who violate city ordinances by running on the field. So instead they showed us an overhead shot of the stadium. While we listened to Al Michaels describe the action.
Why not just show us the morons? The network's job when covering the game is to show the viewer what's happening. It is not to police fan behavior. And I wonder what would do more to discourage fan interference in the future, lack of television exposure, or public shaming?
I really don't like networks that tell me what I'm supposed to want to see, just show me what's going on.

Weekly Picks

My best week of the year followed by my worst week of the year. Undefeated Cardinals lost to a bad Rams team. Winless Saints beat a good Chargers team. My first loss while picking an underdog all season. I have never seen such a wide split between performance picking favorites versus underdogs. Underdogs are hot this year, and I am reluctant to pick them as my best bet, which explains my struggles.

cincinnati -2 1/2 CLEVELAND
I was going to make this my best bet but got scared off because of how live home dogs have been. But we have a decent team coming off a bad loss against the worst team in the league and the spread is less than a field goal. As Mike Singletary might say "I like this kinda party."

SAN DIEGO +1 denver
I still like what the Chargers have done so far this season. And I am certainly concerned that Denver's tough schedule could be masking a better team than I think. But I'm looking for a home dog to take.

indianapolis +3 1/2 NEW YORK JETS
Despite picking the Jets last week when everyone else was against them, I do agree that the Jets stink. I'm a little worried about the Colts because this whole Chuck Strong thing is bullshit, but they're actually pretty good.

ARIZONA -4 buffalo
The Cardinals had their problems with the Rams defense last week. But even though they paid a lot for them, the Bills have the worst defense in the league.

BEST BET
BALTIMORE -3 1/2 dallas
This pick has me a little nervous because when we last saw Tony Romo he was throwing 5 interceptions against the Bears. I am quite certain that won't happen again. But it doesn't need to for the Ravens to win this game comfortably.

Last Week: 1-4 (0 points)
Season: 11-14 (8 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (1-4)
Home Favorites: 0-2 (1-9)
Home Underdogs: 1-0 (3-0)
Road Favorites: 0-1 (4-4)
Road Underdogs: 0-1 (3-1)

There Will Be No Beano

ESPN college football analyst Beano Cook passed away. His former partner Chris Fowler did a touching tribute to him, but unfortunately it only included a small snippet of Beano's most famous moment: "I can hear him!" (at about 2:05 of this video)

Staten Island's Eiffel Tower

Staten Island will soon be home to the world's tallest ferris wheel.
It will be 625 feet tall and cost $230m to build. It will carry 1,440 passengers at one time. It will be on the north shore overlooking the Statue of Liberty.
It is part of an effort to revive the St. George area of Staten Island which including a 100-shop outlet mall and a 200-room hotel.
Senantor Chuck Schumer says “the ferris wheel will be Staten Island’s Eiffel Tower.” Chuck Schumer is a moron.
But it’s actually not a bad idea. People from Staten Island will definitely visit this. I would. And maybe some tourists and Manhattan visitors would be encouraged to take the ferry to Staten Island if there were something cool to do. And maybe if you’re looking to visit Manhattan on a budget you’d rather stay at a nice hotel in Staten Island and take the ferry across.
The idea seems ridiculous but I believe it has a lot of potential and could be a pretty cool thing for Staten Island.

Here's a mock-up of what the Ferris Wheel and the surrounding area would look like:

Just a Pawn in the Game of Life

Alex Karras died today at the age of 77. Karras has unique appeal to members of three generations. In the 1960s, Karras was a star defensive lineman for the Detroit Lions. He was suspended for the entire 1963 season after he admitted to gambling on NFL games. In the 1970s he a great role as Mongo in "Blazing Saddles," where he famously punched a horse.

But everyone is going to be posting about that today. Here at the Poop, we try to do things differently, especially when it comes to obituaries.
We post random and obscure memories from the deceased's career, like this clip from "Webster" with Alex Karras as George Papadopoulos.

Song of the Week

"Mathematics" - Mos Def
DJ Premier is probably one of the five best producers in hip-hop history. Here he is at his best, scratching 7 samples together for the song's hook:

"The Mighty Mos Def..." (from Mos Def's "Body Rock"),
"It's simple mathematics" (from Fat Joe's "John Blaze"),
"Check it out" (The Lady of Rage's vocals from Snoop Dogg's "For All My Niggaz & Bitches"),
"I revolve around science..." (Ghostface Killah's vocals from Raekwon's "Criminology"),
"What are we talking about here..." (dialogue from the film Ghostbusters)
"Do your math.." (from Erykah Badu's "On & On"), and
"One, two, three, four" (from James Brown's "Funky Drummer")

The NFL is Poop - Week 5

Brees Passes Unitas
Drew Brees set the all-time record for most consecutive games with a touchdown pass when he hit Devery Henderson for a 40-yard score. Brees passed Johnny Unitas who set the record of 47 straight games, back in 1960. A very special moment for Brees, that’s three years without getting shut out. And it came in a Saints win, to keep them from going 0-5, though even at 1-4 I think their playoff chances are slim. The most curious thing to me was the NFL (Roger Goodell) granting clemency to Sean Payton, temporarily lifting his suspension so he could attend the game. Seems like the NFL has gone soft. The guy was banned for the year because his team was running a bounty program and he failed to stop it. The punishment was just and it should be enforced as it was meted out.

He Kind of Has a Point
Chiefs offensive lineman Eric Winston went off on fans for booing Matt Cassell while he was laying on the field after getting knocked out by a hit.

Here’s what Winston said after the game:
"It's 100-percent sickening. I've never, ever -- and I've been in some rough times on some rough teams -- I've never been more embarrassed in my life to play football than at that moment right there. I get emotional about it because these guys, they work their butts off. Matt Cassel hasn't done anything to you people.
"Hey, if he's not the best quarterback, he's not the best quarterback, and that's OK, but he's a person. And he got knocked out in a game and we've got 70,000 people cheering that he got knocked out.
"We are not gladiators and this is not the Roman Colosseum. This is a game. This is a game that's going to cost us a lot down the road. That's OK. We picked it. We deserve it. I don't want your pity. But we've got a lot of problems as a society if people think that's OK."
To wit, this text being passed around Twitter from a fan who sent a text (before the injury) to one of those anonymous security numbers designed to alert stadium security about an unruly fan.

Good Luck, Chuck
I never buy into the whole motivation angle because I think for the most part teams and players are always trying hard, always motivated and always wanting to win. That’s why I reject the notion that the Colts pulling off a 30-27 upset of the Green Bay Packers had anything to do with inspiration from head coach Chuck Pagano. The win had to do with Andrew Luck throwing for 362 yards, and leading the Colts to 27 points in the second half. It had to do with Reggie Wayne diving across the goal line for the last 4 of his 212 receiving yards. It had to do with Mason Crosby shanking a potential game-tying field goal. ChuckStrong is a good slogan, but slogans don’t win football games.

They’re Back Baby
Maybe I was wrong about the San Francisco 49ers again. Before the season I predicted they would have a significant letdown from last year’s 13-3 record. Then everyone started declaring them the best team in football after wins over the Packers and Lions. In week 3 they lost to the Vikings and everyone rethought their positions. The 49ers have been pretty convincing in blowing out their last two opponents by a 79-3 combined score. There was some pretty good balance there too, 311 rushing yards and 310 passing yards in the win over the Bills. And they had basically stopped passing the ball somewhere around the middle of the 3rd quarter. They have a loss on their record so I can’t put them over the Falcons at the bottom of this column, but I’m pretty sure they will be there eventually.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
So it finally happened. We knew it would. Hang Robert Griffin III out there long enough and eventually he would take one vicious hit to the head. And that’s exactly what happened, and because he was a runner and not a passer, and because the shot was with shoulder, not helmet of forearm, it was a legal blow. RGIII reportedly was unable to tell medical staff the score, or the quarter, so as a precaution they kept him out of the rest of the game.

I actually can’t blame Shanahan for this injury because even though I’ve been imploring him to protect RGIII more I have suggested the red zone is the best time to unleash him as a runner. Though I want planned sneaks, the injury occurred on a scramble after a passing play broke down.

But Griffin hadn’t really done anything at that point in the game, throwing for only 91 yards. But he was definitely better than Kirk Cousins who led two 3 and outs, one touchdown drive on a 77-yarder to Moss on what was clearly a broken coverage and then ended the game with two interceptions, killing any chance for a comeback.
And then there’s Billy Cundiff who missed another 31-yard field goal this week. And even though I don’t believe in momentum, the kick could have given the Redskins a 10-0 lead. Instead the Falcons got the ball in good field position and drove to tie the game just before the half. But if Shanahan didn’t cut him after last week’s disaster what are the chances he cuts him now?

Game of the Week
New England 31 Denver 21
So this wasn't a great game the whole way through but it did have Manning vs. Brady which is always fun to watch and Manning almost led an amazing comeback. And he might yet be able to lead the Broncos on one this season. Yes they are 2-3 but the three opponents the lost to (Houston, Atlanta and New England) are a combined 13-2. Seven of the Broncos 11 remaining games are against teams with 1 win or 0 wins, right now (Saints, Panthers, ExpensiveCornPrices, Raiders, Browns and Chiefs twice). It might be hard to win all 7 of those, but win 6, that's at least 8 wins with 2 games against the Chargers plus the Bengals and Ravens. I expect to see the Broncos in the playoffs.

Game of Next Week
Green Bay Packers at Houston Texans
This will be a very important game for both teams. It's a good chance for the Texans to show they are for real by defending home turf against a good team. The Packers coming off a loss to the Colts will really start to be in trouble if they fall to 2-4.

Picture of the Week
Peyton Manning got fucked up pretty good and need to revive himself with smelling salts on the sideline. Looks like the helmet left a little mark on his forehead.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Atlanta Falcons 27 Houston Texans 24
Neither team looked all that great and both probably could have lost to inferior teams had those teams not been hit with injuries. But road wins are still hard to come by in this league so we'll keep both teams here. But the 49ers and even the Bears are nipping at the heels of the Falcons.

They Read Mrs. Poop's Letter On Air

It is normal to tell immature jokes. It takes the edge off the intellect. Thank you Dr. Ablow. Here's the link since embedding doesn't seem to be working: http://video.foxnews.com/v/1875190013001/