The NFL is Poop - Week 14

An Old-Fashioned Ass-Kicking
The Arizona Cardinals received the opening kickoff in their game against the Seattle Seahawks, gained 41 yards on 4 plays and were facing a 3rd and 2 from the Seahawks 37. John Skelton threw an interception and it was all downhill from there. The Seahawks eventually won 58-0. What would have happened if Skelton hadn't thrown an interception and the Cardinals scored a touchdown? The final score would have been 58-7.
That is an adaption of a line from Sammy Baugh after the 1940 NFL Championship Game, the Bears beat the Redskins 73-0. That is still the worst shutout in history. There were 2 59-0 games, including the Patriots over the Titans a couple years ago.
Pete Carroll pulled starting QB Russell Wilson with 25 minutes left, but he let backup Matt Flynn throw the ball, to get him some reps supposedly. Now people are angry at the Seahawks for running up the score. I'm sick of this. This is the NFL, players get paid. This is not Pop Warner with kids' fragile psyches at stake. You don't like them running up the score, "stop them."

Where Did They Come From?
All of the sudden the Cleveland Browns are a hot team. After an 0-5 start they have won 5 of 8, the last 3 in a row. The befuddlement that marred the beginning of Brandon Weeden's rookie season seems to have cleared. He's had 4 straight games with a 78+ passer rating (average or better) and thrown 4 TDs and 3 INTs over that time. His fellow rookie Trent Richardson has also been effective, despite a low yards per carry average, he's run for 199 yards and 4 TDs during this short winning streak. The Browns are getting hot just in time to host the Redskins.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins It's nice to have a kicker who can actually make kicks, unlike Billy Cundiff. It's nice to have a backup quarterback who can come in and make plays, unlike Rex Grossman. It's nice to have a kick returner who can break one every once in a while, unlike Brandon Banks.
And it is great to have a quarterback like Robert Griffin III. Hopefully his knee injury is mild enough that he can play this weekend.
The Redskins got very lucky on a review, after Niles Paul fumbled, the Ravens recovered it cleanly, then lost it, and in the process of regaining it, touched out of bounds. On review it was overturned, the Redskins got the ball and on that drive scored the 8 game-tying points.

Game of the Week
Dallas Cowboys 20 Cincinnati Bengals 19
Amazing comeback by the Cowboys scoring 10 points in the 4th quarter and kicking the game-winning field goal with no time remaining. But amazingly for the second straight week a team won a day after an active player died in horrible circumstances. I don't know if it was emotion or coincidence, but it is pretty impressive how both teams pulled off these victories when it might have been easier to be emotionally detached from the game. I normally don't buy into the importance of emotion or other external motivators, but if this happens a third time, I will start to believe. And I will take that team as my best bet.

Picture of the Week
David Wilson does a backflip after each of his 3 touchdowns.

Game of Next Week
San Francisco 49ers at New England Patriots
This may very well be a matchup of the league's best defense and it's best offense.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
New England Patriots 31 San Francisco 49ers 23
No one believes in the Falcons or Texans right now. Even though they both have the best records in their conferences, New England completely dismantled Houston and Atlanta lost to Carolina. The Falcons at least had lack of motivation on their side, but they better pick it up if they want to avoid a trip to San Francisco in the conference title game.

Song of the Week

"Little Saint Nick" - The Beach Boys

Bad Rappers for $100 Alex

We know that the quality of rap music has gone downhill recently. So I hate pretty much everything that comes out nowadays (and gets major radio airplay). But of all the bad things I've heard, nothing bothers me more when rappers describe the colors of their cars with a description no one would ever use.

For instance, the horrible Nikki Minaj defiled the remix of one of my favorite songs (Hold You by Gyptian, Song of the Week, 5/19/10) with "Got a new Benz the color of bacon bits." What color are bacon bits? Would anyone ever get a car in that color?

I hate mayonnaise. Why would anyone want a car that color? Is it white, off-white. Makes me sick just thinking about it. So why would 2 Chainz say "coupe the color of mayonnaise" in "Mercy" by Kanye West.

I expect those things from people like Nikki Minaj and 2 Chainz. But I expected better from Jadakiss. He's a rapper from my generation. And he's actually quite good. Except for that "Made You Look" remix with Nas, when he said "comin through the hood in the Aston Vanquish the color of dandruff." At least I know that's white.

90% of Success is Showing Up

I am against the wussification of America. I disagree with the notion that the only way to raise happy, well-adjusted children is to shield them from every possible negative occurrence until they are 18 years old. I am against the abolition of dodgeball. I am against games where everyone wins and no one loses. And I am against participation trophies. Until Chase played youth soccer.

Soccer, as it's played by the top professional in the English Premier League or Spain's La Liga is called "The Beautiful Game." It is the ultimate team game with 11 men working in unison, passing it to one another with such precision until one man has the tiniest opening to attempt to kick the ball past a goaltender who has cat-like reflexes.

When 5-year-olds play soccer, it bears no resemblance to that at all. The ball is kicked and all 10 (or 12 or 14) plays swarm around it. They kick at it until it squirts free or someone gets hurt (it's not an accident that they say shin guards are a requirement). There is no passing, just a lot of scrums and the occasional run where one player dribbles with everyone else, including his own teammates, trying to get the ball from him.

The first four weeks of the 8-week program were for training. The last four weeks they played games, if you can call them games. Chase was terrible. His skills were about average, again, only one or two kids per team actually know how to play. He was terrible because he was hardly paying attention. He was talking to someone, kicking the dirt, staring at a friend on another field. And when he did get in the game he acted as a personal bodyguard for the kid with the ball, running behind him, doing nothing.

One day when Mrs. Poop was at the game and I was home, she messaged me to tell me Chase was not even paying attention and that soccer for him at this age was a waste of time and money. Seconds later she said "never mind, he scored a goal."

As best as I can reconstruct it, Elliott "passed" him the ball and he booted it right past the goalie. He was thrilled. He told everyone. He was so proud.

And at the end of the season he got this trophy.

I understand everything you are thinking. There are no participation trophies in life. When everybody wins, nobody wins. Participation trophies breed and even celebrate mediocrity. I've said it all myself, and I still believe it.

But maybe we should put an age limit on tough love. At age 5 kids need encouragement. It's too early to separate the winners from the losers because of all the valuable things children can learn from participating in sports. Not just the development (work ethic, teamwork, socialization) but also in this age of obesity kids need exercise.

The trophy has provided Chase with pride. It made him feel like he accomplished something. And most importantly it's part of the reason he is so excited to start soccer again next fall. Plus the soccer ball on it actually spins.

Brotherly Love

Mrs. Poop did a pre-picture day photo shoot. The results are cute, and fairly typical. They wouldn't look or smile at the camera, and it ended with someone in tears.

Weekly Picks

I don't even know what to do anymore, except try to pick the Giants as my best bet. I've picked them three times, they are 0-3 ATS and 1-2 overall (ECPs, Bengals and Redskins).

atlanta -3 CAROLINA
I know the Falcons haven't been super-impressive lately but the Panthers stink. They just lost to the Chiefs. 3 points doesn't seem big enough here.

houston +3 1/2 NEW ENGLAND
That extra half-point makes Houston very attractive to me.

TAMPA BAY -7 philadelphia
The ExpensiveCornPrices are coming off a loss and can't afford another one. The Eagles are in total meltdown mode. I think the Eagles season is like a snowball rolling downhill. The worse it gets the more they quit.

SEATTLE -9 1/2 arizona
If the Cardinals struggle on offense against bad defenses what is going to happen when they play a good defense? And the Seahawks are undefeated at home.

BEST BET
INDIANAPOLIS -5 tennessee
The Colts have something special going. But they don't win big. They play a lot of close games which is probably why they aren't a bigger favorite here.

Last Week: 1-4 (0 point)
Season: 27-38 (20 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (3-10)
Home Favorites: 0-2 (5-18)
Home Underdogs: 0-1 (6-4)
Road Favorites: 0-1 (9-10)
Road Underdogs: 1-0 (7-6)

How to Explain Hanukkah To Your Kids

Happy Hanukkah to all!

Song of the Week

"This Must Be Heaven" - Brainstorm
A beautiful 1970s soul classic. Smooth beat, great male/female duet, just absolutely awesome.

The NFL is Poop - Week 13

Let Them Play
At first I was against the NFL’s decision not to delay of cancel the Chiefs game in light of the murder/suicide committed by linebacker Jovan Belcher. Undeniably it’s an horrific situation, and I think asking the team and the fans to play a game just a day after it happened was insensitive at best and unfeeling at worst. I know it would have been a major inconvenience for the fans and it would have cost the team and the networks money. I doubt anyone would have complained too loudly about being disrupted by a tragedy such as this. But in the end the game went on as planned and the NFL said it was because of Romeo Crennel and the Chiefs. And as hokey as it may sound playing the game, the normal routine, may have helped the Chiefs get over it. The team hadn’t played with a lead all season (their only win came in sudden death) and finally won another game.

"As far as playing the game, I thought that was the best for us to do, because that's what we do," Crennel said, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. "We're football players and football coaches and that's what we do, we play on Sunday."
One of the most shocking parts of this is that when Belcher shot his girlfriend he fled to Arrowhead Stadium and Crennel and GM Scott Pioli were there trying to calm him down. Belcher shot himself in the head as Crennel and Pioli watched. If those are the circumstances, and Crennel still wants the game to proceed, then I’ll trust his judgement.

Better To Be Luck-y Than Good
In his first season Andrew Luck has had more incredible comebacks than most quarterbacks get in their lifetimes. When Luck threw an interception with under 7 minutes to go giving the Lions the ball and a 12 point lead, I thought the game was over.
But Luck immediately brought them back, scoring quickly on a 42-yard pass. 85 yard drive in a minute and 23 seconds. That was key because it forced Detroit to have to make a couple of first downs. They only made one, setting up Luck with 75 yards to go and 1:07 to get there.
And as time expired Luck hit Donnie Avery for the game-winning TD adding to his growing legend.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
Another extraordinary game from Robert Griffin III. He ran at all the right times, threw some great passes, made plays when they needed to be made and got a little lucky. His fumble/swat that bounced right to Josh Morgan for a TD was admittedly a very fortuitous bounce.

There's a common expression in football, "the best offense is a good defense," because a good defense will set your offense up to score, or even score itself. But at the end of games the best defense is a good offense because the best way to keep a team from scoring to is to prevent them from getting the ball. When the Redskins got the ball back with 4 minutes to go I thought for sure I'd be biting my nails through a last-minute drive by Eli Manning. But Griffin ran for 8 yards on first down. Then he Pierre Garcon with what was pretty much the clincher. No points resulted from it, but that drive was crucial to winning the game.
The Redskins defense is horrible. The Giants cut through it with no problems at all. 60% on 3rd down, 5 plays of more than 20 yards, but in the second half they toughened up and made a couple key stops to secure the win.

Jumping Over a Low Bar
Greg McElroy is now the considered a savior in New York, not based on one drive, 29 yards passing and a touchdown, which was enough to win him the game and Player of the Game honors, but because he is not Mark Sanchez and not Tim Tebow.

Mark Sanchez threw up another stinker, 3 INTs in his first 9 pass attempts, and Tim Tebow was sidelined with a rib injury.

Note: not sure how serious the injury is but either he was just a decoy against the Patriots or he was benched this week so fans wouldn't start screaming his name the first time Sanchez fucked up.

Now the Jets have no choice but to start McElroy and see what happens. Sanchez has no future with them, nor does Tebow. Roll the dice with the new guy. The schedule is very favorable (@JAC, @TEN, SD, @BUF), and if they can somehow go 4-0 they have an outside shot at the playoffs.

Game of the Week
Seattle Seahawks 23 Chicago Bears 17
In any other year Russell Wilson would be a rookie sensation, the talk of the league, but in 2012, he's third-best. He led two great, late touchdown drives, one in regulation (another incredible TD by Golden Tate) and one in overtime. But had the Bears won the coin toss we might very well be talking about Jay Cutler and his 56-yard strike to Brandon Marshall setting up the game-tying field goal as time expired. A very frantic and exciting conclusion to this game.

Game of Next Week
Houston Texans and New England Patriots
This should be a shootout, and maybe an AFC title game preview.

Picture of the Week
All the football stuff pales in comparison this week to the Jovan Belcher suicide, the murder of Kasandra Perkins and the orphaning of their daughter, Zoey, 3-months.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Houston Texans 31 Atlanta Falcons 24
Nothing ever changes, and no one else is even close.

Staten Island Suicide

Felicia Garcia was a 15-year-old high school student in Staten Island. She went to Tottenville. She had a hard life, was living in foster care because both her parents died when she was younger. She was depressed and had been on medication to treat it. As many young girls do, even ones from loving homes, she sought to increase her self-esteem and popularity through promiscuity.

After a football game she went to a party. She had sex with four football players at the party.
And it had the opposite effect on her popularity. She was made fun of in school, bullied on Facebook and Twitter, and pushed to the edge literally.
She was going home from school, waiting on the platform for the train to arrive. When the train finally arrived, a friend said "finally." Felicia said "yeah, finally" and then leaned back in front of the oncoming train which could not stop in time.
A couple disturbing trends in our society came together to spell doom for Felicia Garcia. Young girls feeling the need to have sex to gain acceptance and the bullying culture that's allowed to fester and grow on the internet.

Note: This happened about a week before Sandy and I never had time to write about it until now.

3000 Words

The airhorn door-stopper, best prank ever.

I looked up cuckold in the dictionary.

Sofia Vergara eating a banana. And this is part of the reason why I don't eat bananas. Though I think she is using too much teeth here.

Go Away

The New York Jets are having a crisis, on the field, in the front office and even in the stands. Their lovable unofficial mascot, Fireman Ed is retiring. I don't really give two shits about Fireman Ed. I thought he was cool at first, when he was just a devoted fan who cared passionately about the team.

But as time passed his schtick grew old, lost its novelty and the notoriety seemed to go to his head.
And evidently I'm not the only one who feels this way, Juice even told me I shouldn't write this post because Fireman Ed isn't important enough.
And while neither Juice nor I would ever fight Fireman Ed or insult him over this but some fans did. And that is why Fireman Ed is retiring. According to him, too many fans have taken out their frustrations with the team on him. At games, in the bathroom, in the parking lot, people yell at him like he is part of the team, he isn't, or they think his tickets are comped, they're not.
So I have no sympathy for Fireman Ed, he milked his very benign gimmick for all it's worth and now, appropriately it is time for him to move on.
But if I had to choose a dog in this fight, I would pick Fireman Ed over the drunk, obnoxious louts like those heard here berating the Jets as they went into the locker room at halftime of the Thanksgiving Massacre against the Patriots.

Weekly Picks

Another debacle best bet. I have lost a best bets in many ways, but never on an 8 turnover performance. That was ugly.

CHICAGO -3 seattle
Jay Cutler is back. Seattle is off the Adderall. Maybe I'll have more on this Adderall thing in the NFL is Poop on Tuesday.

NEW YORK JETS -6 arizona
How can a team that bad be a 6-point favorite? Things tend to turn around quickly, espcially when things go that wrong.

indianapolis +6 DETROIT
I wanted to avoid the overcrowding on the Colts bandwagon but taking the points here makes too much sense.

OAKLAND +2 cleveland
Maybe I am continuing to underrate the Browns.

BEST BET
new york giants -3 WASHINGTON
Again, this is not a reverse jinx. This is a serious bet that Giants are once again ready to go on one of their ridiculous Super Bowl runs. And the Redskins only looked good the past two weeks because the Eagles and Cowboys are miserable.

Last Week: 2-3 (1 point)
Season: 26-34 (20 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (3-9)
Home Favorites: 0-0 (5-16)
Home Underdogs: 0-1 (6-3)
Road Favorites: 1-1 (9-9)
Road Underdogs: 1-1 (6-6)

Splitting the Baby

NBA Commissioner David Stern fined the Spurs $250,000 for resting their best players, Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili and Danny Green against the Miami Heat. Not just resting them, sending them on a plane back to San Antonio.
Mostly I side with David Stern on this, not because of what Popovich did, but they way he did it. He didn't alert the league in a timely fashion as he is supposed to, which is the official rule Stern used to support his fine. And he didn't do it because his players needed rest, because if that were the case he could have given them different nights off.
He did it as a fuck you to the league for what he thought was unfair scheduling. It was the Spurs 6th road game in 9 nights so Pop was being a dick about it. I think he tanked the game in what should have been a great showdown between two top teams and a potential Finals preview. But there a lot of circumstances in Pop's favor. First of all, it's his team and he can do what he wants. Stern intervening creates a slippery slope argument. He never gets involved when playoff bound teams rest their stars late in the season. And he seldom says anything about covert tanking by bad teams trying to get a draft pick.
Don't forget, the Spurs almost won the game.
Also, Pop has done stuff like this before, resting the Big 3 all at once, I presume risking only one game, instead of 3 if he spaces out their rest days. I think he track record also speaks in his favor which is why I am so torn about this.
I really don't like punishing people based on their intentions or motivations but I totally agree that what he did and the way he did it is in fact contrary to the best interests of the league.

I Knew Horses Didn't Belong on Staten Island

Whenever I go to Staten Island to visit Mama and Papa Poop I always take the first exit after the Goethals Bridge to avoid the occasional backup on the Staten Island Expressway. I take the service road to South Avenue and then a left on Travis Ave to Richmond Ave. There are two things Chase likes about Travis, this big dip in the road that makes his stomach drop, and the horses in the backyard on the corner of Travis and Victory.
We have seen these horses several times and on each occasion we commented on how out of place these animals were in Staten Island, especially on this busy intersection, and how feeble the fence around their area was.
Our fears were realized as the Shetland pony and a zebra escaped and ran down Victory Boulevard.



Apparently the homeowner has the animals for petting zoos. And that is why he recently acquired the zebra (explaining why we had never seen it before). He says the animals escaped when he was feeding them, though I have my doubts and suspect the breached the fence.

I now wish I had photographed and written about these animals before this incident occurred.

Does Dennis Leonard Deserve a Cut?

Two people split the $588M ($384M lump sum) Powerball jackpot. One of the tickets was purchased in Missouri, so speculation has run rampant as to whether the winner picked his or her numbers based on the jerseys of Royals greats from their Golden Years of the 70s and 80s.

Here are the winning numbers: 5, 16, 22, 23 and 29. And the powerball was 6.

And here are the 6 players who supposedly inspired the winner.

George Brett, Bo Jackson, Dennis Leonard, Mark Gubicza, Dan Quisenberry and Willie Wilson.

Dennis Leonard, really? No #34 for Paul Splittorf? Or #31 for Brett Saberhagen? That's why I find this a little hard to believe. I think you could probably do this for almost any team for almost any lottery. So I am a little skeptical.

I am also a little skeptical of this video which purports to show the other winner, the Arizona ticket, checking his numbers at a convenience store. Witnesses say he scanned the ticket, shouted "I won" and took off. He hasn't surfaced since. And what was he doing in Maryland just days after buying a ticket in Arizona?

This is The Poop on Drugs

Please click on this link.

There's an hysterical site out there gizoogle.net that "shizzles" any website. It changed The Poop to Da Shizzle.

Try it with any site. The more serious the better.

Story suggested by Razor

Who the Hell Does Google Think You Are?

Google thinks I am a male, age 25-34 who speaks English. Google thinks I like basketball, politics, soul music and poultry. Google tracks all my activities and creates a profile for me, so it can better tailor its advertising to my interests. I'm sure Gogole does the same for you. Click here to find out what Google thinks of you: https://www.google.com/settings/ads/onweb/

That Meth Addiction

Those of you who were avid viewers of "That 70s Show" like Mrs. Poop, or married to an avid viewer, you may not know the name Lisa Robin Kelly. But you may know her pretty face. She played Eric Forman's hot sister.

This is what her face looks like now.

Kelly was arrested in North Carolina after a fight with her 61-year old husband. She's 42 which means she was playing a college age hottie while in real life she was 28-32. They were charged with assaulting each other. But you can clearly see Kelly has bigger problems. Her looks have been damaged by what is clearly a years-long meth addiction.

You can also see the years of meth abuse on the face of Jael Strauss. In 2003, she was a contestant on America's Next Top Model. In 2012, she is America's Top Methhead.

What Do You Give Me For? Richard Trumka and Alex Karras aka George Papadopolis

What do you give me for detested union leader Richard Trumka and beloved actor and athlete Alex Karras, better known as George Papadopolis.

Laugh Just a Little

While Staten Island is still recovering from Superstorm Sandy comedian Louis CK did a benefit show there (two actually) and raised $150,000 for the relief efforts.

And apparently, he texted Chris Rock the afternoon of the show, convinced him to come along and Rock was persuaded to be the opening act.

"Nothing but Wu-Tang and Republicans out here!" is how Rock described Staten Island.

And he joked about September 11th (is that possible?), saying "You know we're 10 years away from 9/11 sales: ‘Come down to Red Lobster, where everything's $9.11 all day!’"

Louis CK took the stage for a solid hour, and mostly stayed away from joking about the circumstance, instead focusing on his normal topics, like dating

“Why would a woman ever want to meet a man, alone, at night, ever? Men are the number one threat to women!”

Jerry Seinfeld will be performing next week at the same St. George Theater. And even though this was planned before Sandy (it was actually scheduled for November 1) Seinfeld will still donate all the proceeds to Sandy relief.

Song of the Week

"First Date" - 50 Cent featuring Too Short

The "Boy" is Back

I am at once delighted and apprehensive about the news I heard today, confirmation of a rumor that surfaced a while back.
Ben Savage and Danielle Fishel have officially signed on to play Cory Matthews and Topanga Lawrence-Matthews in a Disney Channel pilot.
The show would be called "Girl Meets World" and it would be from the point of view of their daughter, 13-year-old Riley.

Note: Cory and Topanga graduated high school in 1998. Meaning they were born in 1980. They would be 33 in 2013. That means they would have had a baby when they were 20, which seems kind of young.

There's no word on whether Mr. Feeny will still be teaching at John Adams High School when young Riley enrolls.

Or if Uncle Eric and best friend Shawn will be involved.

All we know is that Billy, Jleary and I have very high hopes for this series. But I'm a little nervous that this show will be written for 13-year-old girls. And considering I couldn't relate to 13-year-old girls, when I was a 13-year-old boy, not sure the show will appeal to me now.

But either way, I will be watching.

The NFL is Poop - Week 12

Make a Tackle
The San Diego Chargers are once again cementing their status as a perennial disappointment. After winning 3 of their first 4, they have lost 6 of 7 since. The latest one an epic collapse against the Ravens punctuated by a humiliating 4th and 29 conversion. After a holding penalty, and a 9-yard loss on a sack, the Ravens faced 4th and 29 at their own 37. Flacco threw a short pass to Ray Rice who weaved through the entire Chargers defense and came down with just enough yardage for the first down (the initial ruling was overturned on review). It was the longest 4th down conversion (non-penalty) since Rob Johnson hit Peerless Price for a 40-yard touchdown on 4th-and-34 in 2001. Baltimore got a last-second field goal on that drive to tie, and eventually won in overtime.

I Can't Make Up My Mind About This
The Atlanta Falcons won again, beating the ExpensiveCornPrices 24-23 to improve their record to 10-1. A controversial decision by Greg Schiano may have helped them. Many people are killing him for it, but I am really undecided. Here's the situation: 4th and 7 from the Atlanta 38. 3:30 left, 3 timeouts. Schiano sent his kicker out for a 56-yard try which missed. Should he have punted instead and tried to play defense? Unless you get a perfect punt, chances are they're going to take over from their own 20. After a missed FG, they took over at the 46. So would you trade 26 yards of field position for a field goal attempt. I think you have to try. Because even if you miss, and you stop them on 3 downs and make them punt, you still get another goo offensive possession. As it turned out, the Falcons picked up two first downs and pretty much salted the game away.

It Happens to the Best of Them
I think the percentage of teams that win when they allow a defensive touchdown is about 15-20%. Allowing two defensive touchdowns is probably a death sentence. And so it was for the Saints against the 49ers. The first one was a real game-changer. The Saints had just picked off Kaepernick, and had the ball around midfield, right before the end of the first half. A couple first downs and a field goal would have meant a 17-7 halftime lead. Instead it was 14-14. The second one pretty much ended it. The 49ers scored on their first possession of the second half and then Brees threw the INT on second down. 3 touchdowns in 4 minutes of game time.

And to the Worst of Them
The Cardinals started off 4-0 and haven't won since. Their latest horrible quarterback, John Lindley, threw 4 interceptions total, 2 of them returned for touchdowns by Janoris Jenkins. Jenkins started off his college career at Florida but was arrested twice in 2009 for bar fights, and cited by police twice in 2011 for marijuana. He was dismissed from the team and played one season at the University of North Alabama. He was taken with the 39th pick in the draft, despite clearly having first round talent. He seems to be well on his way to repaying the Rams for the faith they placed in him.

Worst Game of the Week
Cleveland Browns 20 Pittsburgh Steelers 14
Just an incredibly embarrassing and poorly played game. The Steelers were starting their 3rd string quarterback, Charlie Batch. But he is a 16-year veteran, they treated him like he was a rookie. They ran on almost every down, except obvious passing situations. By the middle of the second quarter they opened it up a little and he passed for 52 yards (and got another 25 on a pass interference call) on a touchdown drive that gave Pittsburgh a 14-13 lead at the half. Too bad they had to play the second half. The Steelers had the ball 8 times in the second half: punt, interception, punt, interception, punt, interception, fumble, fumble. 5 turnovers in the second half, 8 in all, 3 more fumbles that the Steelers either recovered or went out of bounds.

Worst Game of Next Week
Carolina Panthers at Kansas City Chiefs
I actually think the Panthers should be big favorites here, even though they're on the road. As much as Cam Newton has regressed, he's better than anyone Kansas City can throw out there.

Game of Next Week
New York Giants at Washington Redskins
The Giants can really announce themselves as reborn and on their way to another incredible Super Bowl Run with a win here. The Redskins can announce themselves as playoff contenders, which considering the injuries, the cap hit and the lack of talent in year 1 of the RGIII era would be an amazing accomplishment.

Picture of the Week
The sprinklers go off in the middle of the Dolphins-Seahawks game.

Cheerleaders of the Week
Megan Meadors & Crystal Anne LastNameWithheld of the Indianapolis Colts Cheerleaders Megan promised to shave her head in solidarity with cancer-stricken coach Chuck Pagano if fans raised $10,000 for the IU Simon Cancer Center. They raised $22,000 so Crystal Anne offered up her hair as well.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Atlanta Falcons 24 Houston Texans 23
Neither of these teams was particularly impressive and they both got lucky (Houston especially) to win. But so far Baltimore and San Francisco haven't done enough to dethrone them.

Worst. Restaurant Review. Ever!

Celebrity chef Guy Fieri opened a new restaurant. The New York Times reviewer Pete Wells did not like it. What ensued was one of the worst reviews in restaurant history.

"Why is one of the few things on your menu that can be eaten without fear or regret — a lunch-only sandwich of chopped soy-glazed pork with coleslaw and cucumbers — called a Roasted Pork Bahn Mi, when it resembles that item about as much as you resemble Emily Dickinson?"

As you can see, Guy Fieri and Emily Dickinson don't look alike at all.

"Hey, did you try that blue drink, the one that glows like nuclear waste? The watermelon margarita? Any idea why it tastes like some combination of radiator fluid and formaldehyde?"

Why is the watermelon margarita blue? That doesn't make sense.

"How did nachos, one of the hardest dishes in the American canon to mess up, turn out so deeply unlovable? Why augment tortilla chips with fried lasagna noodles that taste like nothing except oil? Why not bury those chips under a properly hot and filling layer of melted cheese and jalapeños instead of dribbling them with thin needles of pepperoni and cold gray clots of ground turkey?"

"Somewhere within the yawning, three-level interior of Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar, is there a long refrigerated tunnel that servers have to pass through to make sure that the French fries, already limp and oil-sogged, are also served cold?"

"And when we hear the words Donkey Sauce, which part of the donkey are we supposed to think about?"

"Why did the toasted marshmallow taste like fish?"

If you want to read the entire epic takedown of this restaurant here is the full New York Times review of Guy's American Kitchen and Bar.

But consider this: I don't think this is going to hurt the restaurant's business. The likely clientele of this establishment, budget tourists and families with children, probably have far less discerning tastes than a New York Times food critic. And there are few other affordable and appropriate food options for them in Times Square. I'm sure the Olive Garden would have gotten a similarly dreadful review from the New York Times, but the one in Times Square is packed. More importantly though, this could foment an entire new kind of tourism, people going there just to see how bad it is. Like a food version of a train crash. Our team has even discussed having our annual holiday lunch there, just to see how it is. If we do, I will let you know.

Weekly Picks

Add 3 more points to the total and something of a revival 10 points in the past 3 weeks. Still a horrible season but I am trying to turn it around.

new england -6.5 NEW YORK JETS
The Jets stink.

NEW ORLEANS +1 1/2 san francisco
I don't have confidence that Colin Kaepernick can do that again. Especially not if he has to match passes with Drew Brees.

green bay +3 NEW YORK GIANTS
If the Packers were getting one additional half point they would be my best bet. At a certain point the Giants horrible play recently becomes a trend and not a blip. That said, they will lose this game and then probably not again on the way to winning their second straight Super Bowl. This is the first time I can ever remember picking against the Giants.

st. louis +2 ARIZONA
Ryan Lindley is getting his first career start for the Cardinals in this game.

BEST BET
pittsburgh -2 CLEVELAND
I actually have some confidence in Charlie Batch to put a few scores up in this game. I know the Browns have been frisky lately but I think the Steelers will pull it out.

Last Week: 2-3 (3 points)
Season: 24-31 (19 points)
Best Bets: 0-0 (3-8)
Home Favorites: 0-1 (5-16)
Home Underdogs: 1-0 (6-2)
Road Favorites: 1-0 (8-8)
Road Underdogs: 0-2 (5-5)

The NFL is Poop - Thanksgiving Edition

That Rule Needs to Change
A big controversy marred the Texans 34-31 over the Lions. Houston running back Justin Forsett was tackled, popped right back up and ran down the field for an 81-yard touchdown. No whistle blew, but Forsett was clearly down. No problem, it will just be overturned on review, because all scoring plays are automatically reviewed. But Lions coach Jim Schwartz threw his red challenge flag. He got a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. And the play became unreviewable. I agree with the first part, you don't want coaches throwing the flag all the time, delaying the game, and getting a free chance to lobby the officials. But to make the play not reviewable? That is too harsh. I could actually see a circumstance where a coach could throw his flag on a scoring play or turnover that benefits his team in order to make it not reviewable. Unless there is some other clause prohibiting that. This rule will be changed in the offseason.

The Jets Are in Total Disarray
That game was a complete and total embarrassment for the Jets. And it wasn't all Mark Sanchez's fault. Yes, his first interception was terrible. And he is going to be the "butt" of jokes for running into his lineman's ass and fumbling.





But he had nothing to do with the fumble on the kickoff return. Or the 83-yard screen pass the defense allowed. The Jets entire team stinks. They went for broke a couple years ago stratifying their salary structure with a few high-priced players and filling the rosters with low-paid scrubs. Now those players are no longer producing and the whole thing has gone to shit.
I think Mark Sanchez is an average quarterback if he's on a good team like he was in his first two years. But when the team is bad and he has to pass too much, he becomes horrible. Tim Tebow is obviously not the answer. But I would at least like to see them give him a chance if he's healthy. Nothing could be worse than what happened to the Jets on Thanksgiving.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
This Thanksgiving I am thankful for Robert Griffin III. In the past two weeks he has thrown 8 touchdowns and only 9 incomplete passes. I was initially unsure of his accuracy on deep balls but his throw to Aldrick Robinson was perfect (even though it didn't need to be because he was so wide open.
I'm also glad the Shanahans have gotten a little more aggressive in their play-calling. They started off running on nearly every first and second down play, forcing RGIII into 3rd down situations. They opened it up with the long bomb to Robinson which opened the floodgates.
Also, on that late drive which led to the clinching field goal, the Redskins threw a pass on 3rd and 8 from the 30. Had the field goal missed, they would have been killed on two counts: for not getting extra yards and for not killing an extra 30 seconds. But three previous times on that drive the Redskins threw, and completed passes to keep the drive going. Had they just tried to run every down to kill the clock they probably would have been stopped short of the field goal, and with much more time on the clock.
I know the game got close at the end but I really am not holding that against the defense. They played great last week, great again until they fell into the prevent defense.

Song of the Week

"When Will I See You Again" - The Three Degrees
This Thanksgiving, I give thanks for Gamble & Huff and the entire Philadelphia Soul era, of which this song was one of the biggest hits. And also for precious moments with the ones I love.
Love any song that starts with "aaaaaah-aaaaaaah, oooooh-ooooooh" or any similar such lyrics(?).

The NFL is Poop - Week 11

Gronk's Broken Arm
Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski broke his right arm while blocking on the extra point that made the final score Patriots 59 Colts 24. First of all, Belichick does run up the score. He did it to a reasonable degree in this game. But playing Gronkowski on an extra point is not an example of that. He's a part of the regular extra point team so he plays on extra points. That's how it goes.

Bad Quarterbacking
Matt Ryan threw 5 interceptions and zero touchdowns in the Falcons 23-19 win over the Cardinals. The last 95 quarterbacks to do that, lost that game. But those 95 weren't playing against John Skelton and Ryan Lindley. They were 11 for 27 for only 41 yards, 1.5 yards per pass attempt. But even that wasn't enough. The Falcons also needed a bogus fumble call, returned for a touchdown, to dispatch the Cardinals. Does anyone else remember when the Cardinals were 4-0? They are now 4-6.

Strangest Play I've Seen in a While
Long after most people had given up on the Bears-49ers game occurred on of the most unusual plays in recent memory. On 3rd and 28 from their own 8, Jason Campbell was pressured in the end zone, he fumbled right before he got taken down. Offensive lineman Chilo Rachal was about to fall on the ball, but decided to throw the ball out of the end zone instead. It was initially ruled as illegal batting. The referee said "he threw it actually forward, which is an incomplete pass." The officials conferred and the referee changed his call "because it was a forward pass, we're going to go with intentional grounding." But then Jim Harbaugh challenged, and on review it was found that Rachal was actually down by contact in the end zone before that occurred, resulting in a safety. I hope my explanation was better than the one in the official play-by-play.

Game of the Week I
Houston Texans 43 Jacksonville Jaguars 37
Maybe the reason this game was so close is because Blaine Gabbert got knocked out of it. I am not saying Chad Henne is a good NFL quarterback, but I doubt Gabbert would have been able to hang in with Schaub the way Henne did. He came up with enough big plays like the 67-yarder to Cecil Shorts III (get that jersey) and 81-yard touchdown to Justin Blackmon to keep the game interesting, but eventually Schaub took over. Down 14 in the 4th quarter he led an 80-yard TD drive, then an 90-yard TD drive (with a Jacksonville 3 and out in between) and late in overtime hit Andre Johnson on a short pass than Johnson took to the endzone fo r the game-winning score. Matt Schaub threw for 527 yards in the game, tied for 2nd most all-time. But that should definitely have an asterisk. Not only did he have overtime aiding him (115 of those yards), he had an extended overtime. And Andre Johnson’s 273-yard game (9th all-time) should be similarly marked with a scarlet letter.

Game of the Week II
Dallas Cowboys 23 Cleveland Browns 20
The two Texas teams played the two worst teams in the NFL at home, and needed overtime to pull off the victories. Somehow the Cowboys fell behind 13-0, mostly because Romo had a horrible first half because he kept getting sacked and pressured. Neither team really wanted to win. After the Cowboys took a 17-13 lead with 5:45 left the Browns had the ball and a chance to take the lead. They fumbled. Giving the Cowboys a chance to put the game away. They fumbled. The Browns drove to the 1. And got stopped. Dallas really should have put it away this time. But they went 3 and out and used only 32 seconds. Thanks to a long Josh Cribbs return and a wrong horse-collar penalty (he actually pulled Cribbs's hair) the Browns took over at the 17, and threw a TD pass on first down. Giving the Cowboys too much time. They kicked a field goal to tie, and another on their second possession of overtime to win. But not something the Texas teams should be celebrating.

Game of the Week III
Green Bay Packers 24 Detroit Lions 20
This game came down to one big decision by Jim Schwartz. 4th down and goal at the 9 with 4:30 left. Detroit up 17-14. Schwartz played it safe and kicked the field goal. But he gave the ball back to Aaron Rodgers who drove down field and beat them. I don't necessarily disagree with the move, but I would have tried to gain some yards on 2nd and 3rd downs to set up a shorter 4th down conversion if needed.

Game of the Week IV
Tampa Bay ExpensiveCornPrices 27 Carolina Panthers 21
The best comeback of the day as the ECPs scored 17 points in a span of about 9 minutes covering regulation and overtime. The ECPs had 3 drives, 24 plays for 178 yards leading to a field goal, a touchdown, a 2-point conversion and a walk-off touchdown. The Panthers got only one drives, 7 plays for 36 yards over that span. Josh Freeman does have a knack for making plays in the fourth quarter and the ECPs now have a 4-game winning streak.

Game of Next Week
Houston Texans at Detroit Lions
I'm not just picking it because it's the traditional Thursday afternoon Thanksgiving game. I like the explosive offenses in this one. Should be a fun game for a national audience that may not yet be on the Texans bandwagon.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
The best game the Redskins have played in a long time. Certainly the best game RGIII has played, maybe the best, statistically, he will ever play. It will be very hard to top 14 out of 15 with 4 touchdown passes and another 84 on the ground. I have two concerns about him being a long-term winning quarterback in this lead. Can he stay healthy, and can he throw the deep ball. Both will take years to answer, but he provided a lot of evidence that he can make deep passes. Let's not go crazy, Aldrick Robinson was wide open, and Santana Moss made an incredible catch. But he got the ball there (after a huge windup on the throw to Moss) and got the job done.

Picture of the Week
Calvin Johnson slam dunks the ball after scoring a touchdown.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Houston Texans 17 San Francisco 49ers 14
I can't in good conscience give this slot to the Falcons with the way they've been playing lately. If Matt Ryan plays that way and the 49ers defense plays the way they did against the Bears, that game would be 99-0.

Weekly Picks

Continued to build on my good week the previous week. 7-3 the past two weeks. Still missed my best bet and did not intentionally try to jinx the Giants, despite what you may think. I like a lot of underdogs this week and was debating going with 5 dogs.

philadelphia +3 1/2 WASHINGTON
Again, this is not a reverse jinx. This is a pick based on the fact that not only do I not think the loss of Vick will hurt the Eagles, I think it will actually help. They'll give the ball to McCoy more and turn it over less. I also think the league has figured out RGIII and Kyle Shanahan has yet to adjust. Redskins have been inept on offense in their last three games.

indianapolis +9 1/2 NEW ENGLAND
The Patriots defense has been pretty awful. They have trouble holding leads and the Colts are definitely frisky. This seems like too many.

PITTSBURGH +3 1/2 baltimore
Another bet here that the loss of the starting QB is overrated. At least for the first week.

DALLAS -7 cleveland
This is when the Tony Romo Cowboys start to make their move. If Dallas wins here and beats the Redskins on Thanksgiving, highly likely, and the Giants continue to struggle, they could sneak in and take the NFC East.

BEST BET
tampa bay -1 1/2 CAROLINA
So I didn't go with an underdog for my best bet. And I went with a team that has been incredibly hot and everyone is jumping on the bandwagon. But the spread is so low all they have to do is win, and I like their chances.

Last Week: 3-2 (2 points)
Season: 22-28 (16 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (2-8)
Home Favorites: 0-0 (5-15)
Home Underdogs: 1-0 (4-2)
Road Favorites: 1-2 (7-8) Road Underdogs: 1-0 (5-3)

What Do You Give Me For? Paula Broadwell and Madeiline Stowe

What do you give me for the woman at the center of the David Petraeus scandal, Paula Broadwell, and Madeiline Stowe, the actress sure to to play her in the movie version?

It's Trout, No Doubt

The race for American League MVP between Miguel Cabrera and Mike Trout has become one of the most controversial in recent memory, odd since it really isn't even close, when you look at it the right way.
The common description of the race is old-school vs. new-school, the stat geeks vs. the baseball guys. But really it's common sense vs. faulty logic.

These are the main arguments for Miguel Cabrera:
He won the Triple Crown which hasn't been done since 1967. Miguel Cabrera hit 44 home runs in 161 games. Josh Hamilton hit 43 in 148 games. So if you give Cabrera the award just because he led the league in home runs, you're basically doing it because Josh Hamilton got hurt.

He led his team to the playoffs. Granted, Cabrera was hot down the stretch and Trout cooled off but all wins count the same in standings. But you also have to consider that the Tigers won 88 games and the Angels won 89. And Trout missed the first 20 games, and the Angels went 6-14. With Trout on the roster the Angels had a .585 winning percentage. With Cabrera the Tigers were .543. Add to that the fact that all the teams in Trout's division (Rangers, A's and Mariners) had better team ERAs than any team in Cabrera's division. So if you give Cabrera the award just because his team made the playoffs, you're basically doing it because the White Sox (and the Twins and Royals) suck.

Now that I have shot holes through the two biggest arguments in favor of Cabrera, let's look at the biggest thing Trout has going for him. The award is called Most Valuable Player. Not best hitter.

Defense: according to UZR, Trout saved the Angels 11 runs with defense. Cabrera cost his team 10. Would this race even be a race if Trout had 11 more homers, and Cabrera 10 fewer? No, and runs saved on defense are every bit as important as runs created at bat.

Base-running: Trout created 12 extra runs with his base-running thanks to his 49 steals (an 91% success rate) and Cabrera cost his team three runs.

The reason it comes down to little things like defense and base-running is because offensively they are so close. Cabrera has slight advantage in OPS, but Trout takes OPS+ because of park advantage. Both players are exactly tied in wRC+ (weighted runs created plus), also an adjusted number. Those are all very good measures of total offensive production.

Unlike RBI, which is frequently used to bolster Cabrera. Sure driving in runs is important, but runners need to be on base in order for that to happen.

This is not just a debate of stats vs. scouts. It's the right stats vs. the wrong stats. This is not about WAR, notice I didn't even mention it. It is about the things that WAR tells us. That these two players are very equal in offensive production. But in value (the other key word in MVP) they're not even close. Trout contributed more to his team in the field and on the bases, enough to overcome the slight, very slight, deficit in offensive production. And he did it all at a position that is much more valuable (harder to fill) than the one Cabrera played.

And that is why Mike Trout deserves to be the 2012 AL MVP.