Hometown Boy Makes Good

Staten Island's own Jason Marquis signed a one-year $5.15m extension with the Cardinals.
Last year Marquis was 13-14 with a 4.13 ERA. He's also a pretty good hitter.
Still don't know why Matt hates him so much. But Austin loves him.

Stepping Up The Rhetoric

The Concierge, Derek and JusTON are really going at each other when it comes to which chicks are hot.

It all started when TON called Jennie Finch an animal.

Then Derek suggested TON might like to have sex with the Big Show.

The Concirge got involved when Derek suggested Scar.Jo has sloppy Golden Globes.

Then there's Derek from Statesboro, Georgia, who thinks every chick on TV is hot.

I mistakenly identified Derek as the hostage taker from Statesboro, Georgia. I was wrong. PP regrets the error.

I Was Right, Big Shock

A week ago I said the Jets would name Eric Mangini as their next coach.
Yesterday they did.
Derek will call him Mangina.

Love is Blind

Naveen Andrews, Sayid on "Lost", is dating Barbara Hershey, the wet blanket who tortured Norman Dale in "Hoosiers."
She is 57, he is 35.

I Don't Think She's Wearing a Bra

Since E.T., I don't think there was been one other movie in which I liked Drew Barrymore, or thought she looked good. Justin and Reissberg loved her as Josie Grossy in Never Been Kissed. But her dress at the Golden Globes was ridiculous. My question is, don't these stars have agents, publicists, sycophants? One of them should have said "hey Drew, you need a brassiere."

See the Future in the Present

Syracuse has only two seniors this year, Gerry McNamara and Matt Gorman. But after next year 7 players (including Darryl "Mookie" Watkins, Terrence Roberts, Demetris Nichols & Louie McCroskey) will move on. So who will SU rely on?
Point guard Antonio "Scoop" Jardine and power forward Richard "Rick" Jackson both star at Nuemann-Goretti High School in Philadelphia.
Watch them play tonight on ESPN2 at 7pm. One of the guys on the opposing school's team is the son of former NBA player, Gerald Henderson. Master Bates once called him Florence.

Scarlett Johansson's Golden Globes

I couldn't care less about awards shows, and I haven't seen any movies this year but I do like hot chicks. And I wanted to use that Golden Globes joke. Everyone is raving about this Scarlett Johansson, whom I first saw in that horror show "Lost in Translation." The Concierge thinks she's the hottest thing since "Tobey Bryan's Backcourt Violation", I think she's just ok. Can't wait to hear Derek and JusTON argue about this one.

NASA Scrubs Mission to Pluto

When are they going to scrub your Uranus?

Celebration

After his Seahawks beat the Redskins Saturday night right tackle Sean Locklear went out for a night on the town with his woman (not named Heather). He became angry when she was dancing with another man. Witnesses on the street said they saw him grab the woman by her throat. Officers observed redness on her neck, but she said "he didn't do anything." She refused to let police photograph her injuries or to provide a written statement and she declined medical attention. He was arrested but he still will probably be able to play Sunday against Carolina.

Accidental?

Colts Safety Nick Harper was stabbed in the leg by his wife. She says the stabbing was accidental. I say if you wave a knife at someone and end up stabbing them, its not an accident. She was angry because Harper refused to speak to her. Harper recovered Jerome Bettis' late game fumble, but couldn't return it for a touchdown, perhaps because he'd been stabbed in the leg the day before.

Mayor Nagin Loses His Mind

New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin has been under a lot of pressure since Hurricane Katrina. His latest comments indicate that maybe the pressure is getting to him.

-"I don't care what people are saying Uptown or wherever they are. This city will be chocolate at the end of the day. This city will be a majority African-American city. It's the way God wants it to be."
-"How do you make chocolate? You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk, and it becomes a delicious drink. That is the chocolate I am talking about."
-"New Orleans was a chocolate city before Katrina. It is going to be a chocolate city after. How is that divisive? It is white and black working together, coming together and making something special."
-"God is mad at America," in part because he does not approve "of us being in Iraq under false pretenses."
-"He is sending hurricane after hurricane after hurricane, and it is destroying and putting stress on this country."

Don't Watch TV

Interesting study done in Italy. Couples who have a TV set in their bedroom have sex half as often as those who don't. A team of psychologists questioned 523 Italian couples to see what effect television had on their sex lives.
On average, Italians who live without TV in the bedroom have sex twice a week, or eight times a month. This drops to an average of four times a month for those with a TV, the study found.

Dancing With the Stars

Only saw the first episode, not too interested in keeping up with it, but I think it would be prudent to periodically share the pictures of Stacy Keibler since her outfits have been incredible.

Loyal Reader Takes Hostages

Loyal PP reader Derek from Statesboro, Georgia took hostages earlier this morning, but luckily the standoff has ended peacefully.
Derek, using the name Robert Brower, held a lawyer hostage in his office for 24 hours. Derek and his girlfriend/accomplice surrendered peacefully. We may not be hearing from him for a while though, he is in police custody.

Choke Job

As most of you know I am in a football pool. 5 games each week, (4 plus a best bet). I was leading most of the season. Unfortunately the pool continues into the playoffs. I have blown my four point lead and now hold only a one point lead over second place. Here is what the league's commissioner had to say:

For most of the season Cannon920 has been the leader, at times seeming ready to pull away from the pack and leave the rest of us in the dirt. But as we all know, it is a rare bird indeed who can withstand the constant pressure that comes with being the leader. Could it be, now that it's crunchtime, that Cannon920 is starting to feel a little tickle in this throat? A little gag perhaps at the thought of The Professor and Little Bro right on his ass. Yes friends it is officially a horse race once again, and the question becomes can Cannon920 hold it together for another 2 weeks or will he end up choking on that huge hairball building up in his throat as we speak. Does he have the determination, mental toughness, and intestinal fortitude to close this out or will he end up just another body on the pile of choke artists.... you know, the ones who came oh so close, but fell just short in the end. We'll know very shortly.

I hope I don't pull a Peyton Manning. I finished fourth last year, and nothing less than first will do this season.

Tough Loss

The magic has worn off for the Knicks. Yesterday Sobel and I went to their loss to the Timberwolves. Thanks to some horrid defense in the third quarter they got into a huge hole. They dug themselves out with some hard drives to the basket by JC, Marbury and Master Nate, but Troy Hudson nailed a three as the shot clock was winding down, with 8 seconds left, to put the game away.
After the game we went to Gerry Cosby's and Sobel ordered a road gray David Wright jersey.
After that we went to lunch at Ben's Kosher Delicatessen. We walked around the city for a little while first as I forgot what street it was on.
Sobel had a turkey, pastrami and chopped liver sandwich. I had a bowl of chicken noodle and a roast beef on rye.

Celeb Meeting

Yesterday while coming out of Penn Station to meet Sobel before the Knicks game I was talking next to a man who I noticed to be talking in a very loud voice. I turned and saw it was none other than Screamin A. Smith. I walked next to him for a few paces then shouted out excitedly, "Stephen A!!!" He turned to look at me, sort of mean mugged me a little bit. Then I said "How's it going? I like your show." (I know that's a lie, I hate his show. But then he extended his hand to me, he smiled, we shook and went on our separate ways.

GR8 PL8S

In case you don't get Sports Illustrated I thought it would be funny to point out the great piece Steve Rushin wrote in the latest issue about sports figure's vanity license plates.

IHOP - Steelers' lineman Kendall Simmons, for all his pancake blocks
JJ333 - Poker legend Johnny Chan, recalling a particularly lucrative full house
T-O BABY - Dick Vitale
L23 - LeBron James
CATCH II - Terrell Owens, for his playoff grab against the Packers
20GRABS - Terrell Owens, for his record of 20 catches in one game
LKOUTDB - Chris Rix, former Florida State QB
QBKILLA - Warren Sapp
NOWINS - Gary McCord, never won on the PGA Tour
25DBTH - Jim Thome, for his uniform number and Don't Believe the Hype
JUICES - O.J. Simpson
9.83 - Ben Johnson
HIS CASH - Tami Anderson, ex-wife of Kenny Anderon and star Real World: Los Angeles
ICE QN - Vanessa Bryant
THX SHAQ - truck Shaq bought for LA's equipment manager
TIPSY - North Dakota man arrested for drunken driving

One note, California rejected the application of sports columnist Peter Schmuck to put his last name on a license plate.

Those Implants Pay for Themselves

Florida State slut Jenn Sterger is getting more media coverage.
We learned a few new things:
-When she gets on facebook she has "5,000 friend requests and 200 messages waiting, and it's like, 'Um, hi, I have three lectures today and two tests to study for. I don't have time to sit there and click away on Facebook.'"
-She will be in Maxim in March and Playboy in May
-She has two websites, JennSterger.com and CowgirlNation.com, which she hopes to launch by next month
-Her fame started when ABC announcer Brent Musberger noticed the girls in the stands during a crowd shot. He said "15,000 red-blooded young American men just signed up to go to Florida State next year."
-She says she was just "dressing cute at a football game." She says cute, I say slutty, toe-may-toe, toe-mah-toe.
-On Monday (1/9), Sterger was the fourth-ranked "mover" on Yahoo's Buzz Index, ahead of Israeli prime minister Ariel Sharon.
-Her father is cool with her appearing in Playboy. "If you don't feel like it's going to be a problem for you down the road, by all means, go for it," he said. "Pamela Anderson started by being pointed out in a crowd shot at a hockey game up in Canada, and look where she's at today. I don't want her marrying Tommy Lee, but I wouldn't mind her having an opportunity like Pamela had."
-She is single, she's gotten fan mail from athletes and been recognized in airports
-She's a Buccaneers fan
-Over winter break she went back to her job selling sunglasses
-She's studying criminology and psychology, she wants to take the LSAT and go to law school
-She has big boobies

Derek's Mom Thinks This Guy is Straight

Figure skater Johnny Weir earned a spot on the U.S. Olympic team Saturday by winning his third straight U.S. championship.
After his performance in the short program on Thursday Weir described the joys of figure skating:
"Figure skating is an amazing ride. You're feeling like the lowest scum in the pond two hours ago, and go to the prettiest flower in the pond."
He also described the crowd's enjoyment of a rival's program as "a vodka shot, let's-snort-coke kind of thing." In previous seasons he described his costumes as an "icicle on coke" and a "Care Bear on acid."
The U.S. Figure Skating Association wants him to cut out the drug references. But they understand that "Johnny's a flamboyant guy. He makes certain analogies, some of which are more appropriate than others."
I take that to mean, yes, he's the prettiest flower in the pond, but no, his opponent's performance didn't make the crowd want to snort coke.