Roger Goodell Makes It Rain

The NFL suspends Pacman Jones for the whole year and Chris Henry for 8 games.
Without going into graphic detail about everything they've done, I can sum it up this way.
Everytime they leave their home they get arrested.
It's crazy. 20 times between them they've been somehow involved in a criminal incident.
The suspensions are fair. Similar to the Imus situation I don't care to see anybody fired. I'd like to see Pacman keep working and be forced to pay 90% of his salary to the guy who was paralyzed in the shooting that stemmed from Pacman's infamous Vegas trip.
I'd also like to see the same be done to Leonard Little who killed a woman in a drunk driving accident but that's another matter.
By the way, don't they have three strikes laws? Three convictions or guilty pleas and you go away for a while. Shouldn't that be a rule. How does Chris Henry stay out of jail?

People From Toronto Hit Kids...But Only When They Deserve It

I've seen my favorite Torontonian hit kids, but never with a pillow, usually a wooden spoon. But I guess when Frank Thomas does it, it isn't so cool.

The people who regulate advertising on private TV in Canada said the Blue Jays must edit the ad before it can air. Public broadcasters will allow it, they have a better sense of humor. But the Blue Jays are not to be denied, they will host Frank Thomas Pillow Night on September 2.

Good Thing He's Fast

Japanese Ballplayers Say the Darndest Things

My favorite thing about the influx of Japanese and Chinese athletes is the way their quotes are often translated into very proper, flowing English. The way I would like to speak if I thought people would understand me.

Dice-K will make his home debut Wednesday against the Seattle Mariners, meaning the first batter he will face will be Ichiro Suzuki. Several million Japanese will stop whatever they are doing at 9 am Thursday morning to watch this at bat. It will be the most watched program on Japanese TV since Jerry Seinfeld appeared on Super Terrific Happy Hour.

In the past Ichiro has batted only .235 in 34 at bats against Dice-K, and Dice-K was still young. Ichiro says he is looking forward to renewing their rivalry.

"I hope he arouses the fire that's dormant in the innermost recesses of my soul. I plan to face him with the zeal of a challenger."

Have a Nice Trip

A woman is suing the production company behind "Deal or No Deal", after she tripped and fell down a flight of steps during a taping in February, 2006.

Judy Ann Myers claims that during a commercial break, the show's stage manager instructed her to "hurry up and come down" the stairs to perform in an audience dance contest. As Myers hurried to the stage, she claims to have completely wiped out, suffering "great and considerable personal injuries" all over her body. In the suit, Myers blames her bad trip on bad lighting -- and that there were no hand rails on the stairs.

Now Myers is asking a judge for more than $25,000 to heal her wounds.

Coach Stringer Has Some Bad Luck

Her coal-miner father, Charles Stoner, lost both legs to diabetes and died in his 40's.

Her husband, William Stringer died of a heart attack at 47 on the night before Thanksgiving in 1992.

Her only daughter, Janine, known as Nina, has brain damage from a bout of meningitis as an infant. Nina, at 26, remains unable to speak or care for herself.

In September 2000, her son Justin, then 16, suffered a traumatic brain injury in a car crash in which he was a backseat passenger.

In the summer of 2001 her nephew Korey Stringer, an offensive lineman for the Minnesota Vikings, died of heat stroke during a practice.

Nappy Headed Hos To Speak

Rutgers women's basketball team will hold a news conference this morning. I expect C. Vivian Stringer and maybe one player (probably Essence Carson) to speak.
I hope they say something like this:

"We do not accept Don Imus' apology. His words were hurtful and offensive and we view them as a personal attack. But we do not wish for him to be fired. We hope that he is allowed back on the air and that all the people who detest his remarks will stop listening and watching him. And all the companies that advertise on his shows will no longer do so. That is the only way to show that this type of speech will not be tolerated. But Imus is not the only one using these words. All over America young black men call young black women hos, and worse, and that is a much bigger problem. So we don't want to waste our time worrying about the thoughts of one old white man when a much bigger problem exists. We are proud of the great season we had as a team this year and we deeply regret that our sensational run to the NCAA title game has been marred by and inextricably linked to this current controversy."

Damn Vandals

Street toughs vandalized the tennis courts where Mrs. Poop and I play during the warm weather.
We had planned to give her some pregnant exercise this spring and summer (while I restrained my enthusiasm to hit the ball as hard as I possibly can) but we're no longer sure if that's possible.
Yesterday while walking the dog, Mrs. Poop noticed that the nets on all four courts were damaged, making the courts unplayable. We then saw at least three hoods still loitering near the scene of the crime. We called township police, non-emergency. A few minutes later the cops came by, drove past the area twice, but never questioned any of the kids who were dispersing from the area.
I hope that our exorbitant association dues will help pay for the speedy repair of the nets before the weather warms again.
But I'm sure this will be a hot topic for discussion in the bi-weekly association newsletter that should be arriving wedged into our screen door soon.
The last scourge of the Association occurred last summer when vandals painted the word "death" on park benches. Then an urban myth grew out of it that anyone seated on the benches would die, or suffer the loss of a family member. According to reports, all the kids in the neighborhood were afraid to sit on the benches because of this.
And because the vandals were out every night, our handyman Hank couldn't repaint the benches fast enough.
Let's hope he's better at fixing tennis nets.

The Future of the Poop

You may not have noticed but in the last week I've ushered in a new era at the Poop. It's called the laptop era. Mrs. Poop and I sprung for a brand new laptop, approximate version pictured below. Thanks to a little help from TON on the purchasing end, no help from the tech support guy in Dehli, and a little advice that went a long way from brother-in-law Derick, I have the laptop connected to the internet wirelessly.
I have spent the last week posting almost exclusively from the computer.
The biggest change comes over at The Recap, where my Mets recaps are taking on a more stream-of-consciousness feel.
The best part is being able to watch TV and use the computer at the same time. Not possible under our previous arrangement.
The worst part is that we still haven't found the perfect setup physically, where the keyboard is low enough so that you're hands don't hurt, and screen is high enough so that you don't get a stiff neck.
Another bad part is that I can't really blog and watch poker at the same time, I miss what's happening in the hands.
I can blog during PTI and Best Damn though.
Hopefully you will see a better, faster Poop in the near future.
And that means you mother fuckers will post more comments. The average traffic for this blog is 1000 hits per day and 3 comments.
Bastards!

Let It Go Mets Fans

I really can't understand why Mets fans are getting so caught up in the comments made by Jimmy Rollins during the offseason.
He said the Phillies are the team to beat in the NL East this year.
Who cares? What is he supposed to say?
Was he really disrespecting the Mets? No. And if he was, who cares?
It doesn't put any more pressure on him. It doesn't put any more pressure on his teammates. And it doesn't piss off or motivate the Mets.
And it wasn't why he made an error that helped the Mets to a 7 run 8th inning.
Talk is cheap and those comments were completely meaningless and it's petty to keep bringing them up.
I think every Mets fan thinks the Mets are the team to beat this year. And I think every Mets player feels the same way. So what does it matter that Rollins actually came out and said it?

Dontrelle Can Make It Rain

According to the Palm Beach Post, several of the Florida Marlins led by Dontrelle Willis frequented Solid Gold, a new strip club, at least a couple times per week during spring training.

According to waitress Nicole Spelling:
"There'd be, like, $3,000 in singles on the table. When they liked someone, a bunch of them would just go up and throw dollar bills in the air by the handful. There'd be so much money on the stage that the girls had to get champagne buckets to pick it up. And (pitcher) Randy Messenger is, like, so hot."

And when Spelling's 2-year-old son was sick but the club wouldn't let her leave?

"I was going crazy because I couldn't leave. There weren't enough waitresses and, frankly, I needed the money just to pay my bills. Next thing I know, Dontrelle hands me $1,000 from them all and tells me to go home to my kid. They got permission from management for me."

Thank You Come Again

Denver police ticketed a friend of Carmelo Anthony's after the man allegedly punched an unruly fan at a convenience store last month.
Melo and his friend Rahchine Craig were heading out of a 7-Eleven store in the 1800 block of South Sheridan Boulevard (I leave those directions in for Freed and Amber) early March 18 when some young men approached.
One of them asked for Anthony's autograph and when Melo declined the guy called him a punk and started arguing with Craig.
Craig allegedly punched, pushed and slammed the victim onto the floor.
When asked Friday night if the report was accurate, Anthony said, "No, man. Hell no. We beat Dallas tonight. I'm not talking about that. We beat Dallas tonight. That's all I'm worried about. We've got Clippers tomorrow. Thanks."

Sopranos Returns

Don't read if you haven't watched but intend to!

It was just nice to have Sopranos back. For many years it's been a great way to spend a Sunday night. It felt like being reunited with an old friend.

Other than that, the episode was non-descript.

AJ's facial hair and his new life are funny.

Meadow in a tank top was nice.

All the scenes on the lake set a very peaceful atmosphere, I wanted to go on summer vacation.



The fight was stupid, so was the subsequent pissing match.

So many things they foreshadow but never deliver on. For instance, that the little girl will drown in the lake.



They need to cover Janice's tattoo.

Frank Vincent is still going strong. I watched Raging Bull this weekend.

Not a Nappy Headed Ho

I always thought Candace Parker of Tennessee was pretty cute, but seeing her in a dress at the Wooden Award ceremony convinced me.
Plus she can dunk a basketball.
She is pictured here next to Kevin Durant, the winner of the Wooden award for men's basketball but she is banging Atlanta Hawks forward Shelden Williams.
Her brother is Toronto Raptors forward Anthony Parker.

Closest Thing to a Jew Playing in the NBA

Ever since the retirement of Danny Schayes Jews have been underrepresented in the NBA. About a third of the owners, plus the commissioner is Jewish.
But Toronto Raptors forward Anthony (don't call him Tony) Parker is doing his best to bring chai back.
Parker who spent several years playing (very well) for Maccabi Tel Aviv, the top pro team in Israel, learned a lot about Jewish culture during his time there.
He learned that the number 18 for chai, is considered good luck, so he chose 18 as his uniform number.
We assume he also learned to give a multiple of chai when invited to a Bar Mitzvah and not to whistle in the house.

Juice Loves Nappy Headed Hos

Don Imus is under fire for referring to members of the Rutgers women's basketball team as "nappy headed hos."
I guess it's ok to make fun of people's appearance but when you are white and you call black women hos, that's racist.
Now every black person and half the white people in America want Imus to be fired.
I hate when people call for someone to be fired.
If you don't like what he said, don't listen to his show. Boycott NBC and WFAN if you are that mad. Make your voice heard that way. I think it would be more effective if they actually staged a real boycott, and it succeeded, it would show how much power they really have.
Imus will not get fired and his ratings will not suffer.

Knicks Still Kickin

I know the Knicks suck.
I know they are out of the playoffs.
I know their general manager and head coach is an idiot.
I know he just got an extension.

But they showed some heart the other day beating the Bucks (I know they suck too) without Marbury (Richardson, Crawford and Lee are also hurt though Lee did play two minutes).

Eddy Curry, Nate Robinson and Mardy Collins all scored career highs (I wonder if that's ever happened before), and Curry's 3-pointer at the buzzer (the second of his career) sent the game into OT.

What Does $1.65 Million Buy You...in Iowa

Former Iowa basketball coach Steve Alford is selling his home in Iowa now that he has taken the head coaching job at New Mexico.
The asking price is $1.65 million (zillow has no data for his neighborhood).
At first I was skeptical of whether it was truly his house until I got to the gym.
If you love real estate as much I as do you will enjoy this virtual tour.
If this house were in my neighborhood, with the surrounding land, it'd be $5 million easily.

The Sad Spiral Downward of Tractor Traylor

Normally, I find long articles and dissect them here to make them more readable for the fickle Poopheads who read this blog. But this one about Tractor Traylor is too good, too well written and just short enough that it doesn't deserve that treatment.

Dancing With Hotties

From the show that gave us Stacy Keibler, a new hottie emerges. Julianne Hough is Apolo Anton Plano's partner on the new season of Dancing with the Stars. Thing is Hough is only 18.
Despite that young age she is reportedly banging Plano who is 25 years old.
Love the Pulp Fiction gambit they brought out for last week's show.