Rich Eisen Sleeps on the Couch

NFL Network anchor Rich Eisen (Wagner High School, Class of '86) is in a little hot water with his wife, Suzy Shuster, a sideline reporter for ABC's college football.

Eisen received e-mails from Philadelphia TV reporter Alycia Lane. Along with the e-mails were 7 photos of Lane in a bikini. Problem is, she sent them to an e-mail account Shuster and Eisen share.



When she saw the photos Shuster wrote back:
""Boy, do you look amazing in a bikini . . . congrats! Whatever you're doing, (Pilates? yoga?) keep doing it - it's working for you. Anyway, sorry but those seven e-mails you sent to my husband, Rich, well, oops, they came to the e-mail address we both use from time to time, but no worries, I'll forward the beach shots as well as the ones of you dancing with your friends on to his main address. Do you have it? Since you surely are trying so hard to get his attention. I mean, what better way to get a guy's attention than with skin! Best - Suzy Shuster Eisen"

Idol Chatter

I think figuring out how this 2 week voting thing will play out is going to be very interesting. Were more votes cast last week because NewsCorp was pledging for each vote? Will that skew the results to those who did well last week?
I'll stand by my call of Jordin and Chris but other than Blake I don't think anyone is safe.

Speaking of Blake, jhughes says he liked his new version of "You Give Love a Bad Name."

But he hated when Melinda and LaKisha put their own spin on their songs. JBJ even told Melinda to take it to church. Jhughes says that shit don't sell, but when was the last time you saw a beatboxer on the Billboard charts?

Strange that it's three white men vs. three black women in the final 6. This will be a referendum on how far we've come as a people.

How To Solve the Iraq War

The presence of U.S. forces is getting blamed for increased violence in Iraq. I think we should drop pamphlets, buy ad time on Al-Jazeera and say "The United States promises to leave Baghdad when all bombings and assassinations cease for a period of three months."
If they really want us out of there that badly all they have to do is stop killing each for three months and we'll leave.

Baseball is Poop

Yankee Phenom
The second career start for Yankees pitching phenom Phil Hughes was going great. He had a no-hitter going and a 9-0 lead. Then he became the 53rd Yankee to hurt his hamstring this season. He limped off the mound then Mike Myers blew his no-hitter. Now Hughes will miss four to six weeks.




Back in 1998, Roy Halladay took a no-hitter into the ninth inning of his second career start. If Hughes has as good of a career as Halladay is having, Yankee fans are going to be very happy, and very obnoxious for a long time to come.

That's Gratitude For Ya
A few days after he almost got suspended for three years for giving the Royals champagne , he got hit in the face with a pitch by Royals pitcher Zach Greinke. At least he had a good sense of humor about it.



Better Late Than Never
With runners on first and third and one out in a game against the Indians, Orioles catcher Ramon Hernandez hit a line drive that was snared by Indians centerfielder, Grady Sizemore. Nick Markakis tagged up and came home from third, then Sizemore threw to first to double up Tejada. By rule, on double plays that are not the result of a force, a run will be allowed if it crosses the plate before the third out is recorded. The umpires did not allow Markakis' run. The Orioles complained, but not right away. Then several innings later the umpires gave the Orioles the run...three innings later. That led to a protest from the the Indians. That protest should certainly be upheld and the game should be replayed from that point, with that run credited to the Orioles. A protest hasn't been upheld in more than 20 years.

Song of the Week

"Bless the Broken Road" - Rascal Flatts
I had never heard this song or this group until Carrie Underwood sang it on American Idol.
I do like country music and I do like the sentiment of this song. It's similar to the theme expressed in Gerald Levert's "Made To Love Ya." That is, all the things that happen to you are what make you they way you are, and lead you to the person you eventually fall in love with.

Growing Old

It happens to all of us. We start out as cute little babies and we turn into awkward, gangling douchebags. Yes, even I started out as a cute kid. My mom has the pictures to prove it.

Remember Knut? The polar bear who captured your heart when he was abandoned by his whore of a mother?




Now Knut has grown up (he's 5 months now) and he's not quite as cute as he used to be. He's twice as big (up to 37 pounds), he's got sharp teeth and his fur is no longer pure snow white in color. Plus he has acne and his palms get sweaty around female polar bears.

They've Got Issues

Right now the Mets are a .600 team but they've lost four of six and the two wins were lucky. Injuries have started to hit and cracks are starting to show. The Recap analyzes three issues confronting the team and what should be done about them.

Idol Chatter

Phil Stacey could have played the gay cowboy in Young Guns? Was there a gay guy in Young Guns? If not they should have cast Phil. I didn't love his performance, I just don't like his style.

Jordin was horrible on "Living on a Prayer." She was singing like she was dead. This song is all about screaming and passion and energy and she sounded like a zombie. I think she was handicapped by the fact that she didn't live through the Living on a Prayer hysteria of the mid-80s. She is also isn't old enough to have been in a Jersey shore bar when this song is played. She's never seen 20 drunk girls stop using their beer bottles to simulate fellatio and start using them as a microphone to scream "whoa - oh, we're halfway there."

I did like LaKisha and I don't think I have ever heard that Bon Jovi song before. Obviously the kiss will be the most talked about thing from this episode but I think she saved herself with this because she was in real danger of going home. Why couldn't she sit down in that outfit?

I think Blake is trying to get himself kicked off because he knows if he wins he'll have to do the kind of album the pussy American Idol producers can sell to 13 year old girls. But Blake wants to do his own edgy new-age album instead. But I actually thought it was cool. He hasn't overdone it with the beat boxing this season and I think this was actually a good time to do it. But clearly Jon Bon Jovi did not want him fucking with his song. Mrs. Poop did not like his dark hair. I liked his large breasted fan they showed. Anyone notice her?

Chris Richardson sucks. He needs to go.

Melinda was really good but I'm so sick of her sheepishness.

As they dwindle the number of people left the shows get less exciting. Especially now that we don't have Sanjaya's stupid hair and Haley's slutty clothes.

Love the message from Mr. and Mrs. Bush. The President put the em-FAH-sis on the wrong sil-AH-bull when he said af-RICK-uh. I also liked the joke they made about his dancing.

I think Chris and Jordin will go home this week but that seems a little too obvious. So I think LaKisha is in danger. I think Phil is safe.

Miss New Hampshire 2007

Something was lacking in this year's Miss New Hampshire pageant. For the first time in several years Pizza Parlor KeriAnn would not be competing. That really took a lot of the fun out of it for Pizza Parlor Derek, and therefore he did not name a Miss Derek's Room. Which means he never got to rename the award Miss Derek's Apartment, even though he finally moved out of his parent's house.

Last year's winner was Emily Ann Hughes, no relation to jhughes, thankfully for her.



Sarah Bixby looks a little too old for this pageant crap. She looks like she's in her mid-30s. And her talent is a clog dance. I can't be sure what that is, but it sounds noisy.



Miss Deerfield Fair, Justine Barker is hot. And not in the pristine pageant way, in the sort of slutty, drink a few beers kinda way. And unlike most of the contestants who want to teach kids how to read, and how to not be obese, or how to read food labels so they are not obese, Justine wants to be on Entertainment Tonight and she calls Mary Hart a "TV icon." She does like Rascall Flatts though? Who is Rascall Flatts? Can someone tell me? Why does every hot girl like him so much?



Allyson Welsh, graduated from Penn State (big deal), and lists dramatic monologue as her talent. I believe she performed this selection from "The Vagina Monologues."

"That’s why I began this piece. I was worried about vaginas. I was worried what we think about vaginas. And I was even more worried that we don’t think about them. I was worried about my own vagina. It needed a context, a community, a culture of other vaginas. There is so much darkness and secrecy surrounding them, like the Bermuda Triangle. Nobody ever reports back from there. In the first place, it’s not even easy to even find your vagina. Women go days, weeks, months, without looking at it. I interviewed a high-powered businesswoman, she told me she didn’t have the time. Looking at your vagina she said, is a full day’s work. You’ve got to get down there, on your back. In front of the mirror, full-length preferred. You’ve got to get in the perfect position, with the perfect light, which then becomes shadowed by the angle you’re at. You’re twisting your head up, arching your back, it’s exhausting. She's too busy. She didn’t have time. So, I decided to talk to women about their vaginas."



I like Jennifer Hatem, because her name reminds me of "He Hate Me." Her platform is "advocating for our elderly" which means she probably likes older dudes and has daddy issues. Awesome!



Rachel Barker went to Hofstra so she probably gets drunk and makes out with other chicks. Her favorite actress is Reese Witherspoon. I guarantee you ask 1000 pageant competitors who their favorite actress is and 900 say Reese Witherspoon and not a single one mentions Eva Longoria. It's not clear if Justine Barker and Rachel Barker are related.




I know they award ancillary prizes for "Miss Congeniality", "Best Talent", I'm not sure if they have one for "Biggest Rack," Caitlin McGlinchey would win.



Alicia Rossman sort of looks like Rachel from Real World: Austin. The most influential person in her life is Shania Twain because "she is a mother, daughter, wife, friend, entertainer, and much more." She's not your friend. And of course her favorite actress is...Reese Witherspoon.




My personal favorite is Erica Lehman. She doesn't have a profile so all I know is that she's hot is a sort of mysterious way. And her platform/charity has a cool, punny name, "Pencilling in a Better Future: Write Here, Write Now." I imagine they teach kids how to write.





So Erika Lehman is my choice. Who do you think should win (the pageant already happened)? I'll post the winner and some other Miss NH news in a few days.

You Make The Call

In 2001, then 19 year-old Victor Harris led Georgia police on a high speed chase through two counties. They reached speeds of over 100 mph, and passed 36 cars, some by crossing double yellow lines. At one point he pulled into a parking lot, but when the cops surrounded him he hit their cars and fled again.
The chase ended when the cops ran him off the road. As a result of the ensuing crash Harris is now a quadriplegic.
The Supreme Court ruled that Harris cannot sue the cops for his injuries because he initiated the chase.
The cops initially tried to pull him over for speeding.
Should the cops pay?
Should the cops be less aggressive in pursuing high speed chases with people who are only wanted for a minor traffic violation?
Is the risk (potential injury), worth the reward (a traffic ticket)?
Should the cops assume that anyone fleeing is wanted for crimes beyond just a traffic ticket?
Or should the jerk who flees the cops be responsible for whatever damage he creates?

I think if the cops want to pull you over, you should pull over. If the cops have to chase you, anything they do is your fault. But I think cops need to be more judicious in initiating chases. I think in a lot of these cases they could go to the guy's house at 6 am on Sunday morning impound the car and arrest him for fleeing a police officer.

As Seen on CNN

Danny Devito is trying to turn an embarrassing moment into a few bucks.
Devito appeared visibly intoxicated on ABC's "The View," and later blamed his drunken ramblings on about seven limoncellos he had during a rough night out with George Clooney.
The endorsement opportunities were obvious, so Devito and Harbrew Imports decided to get together to make danny devito premium limoncello.
Devito says his line will be "the best limoncello you ever tasted."

As Seen On CNN

A candlelight dinner, a bottle of wine and someone special...that may work for people.
But getting pandas to mate isn't quite so easy.
John Vause has the story of some unusual steps researchers in China are taking to put pandas in the mood:

NOTE: I strongly recommending clicking the above link and watching the story...the written words won't do it justice.

They're cute, playful, cuddly...but apparently not so passionate...so, researchers in China have found a way to get male pandas to put down their bamboo, get out of their trees and get in the mood

"We video tape pandas who mate successfully and play that that for pandas who don't know how to do it."

Yes, Panda Porn...the theory is simple...show pandas like Lu Lu, how it's done so he can make the most of the 3 days every year when females are ready to mate.

And its not just the visuals but also the sounds of panda lovin' that does the job.

Scientists here at China's Woolong Research center have found what's good on tape, is even better live...taking pandas who may be a little shy, to watch others who aren't.

Handlers also regularly swap panda partners...so each panda finds that some one special.

All of this has led to a baby panda boom here. 20 cubs like this cute little fella called Cie Doo were born here last year, more than ever before.

Jung Hemin, the park's director boasts his breeding program now has almost a hundred percent success rate.

But not everything has worked...they tried Viagra once - it proved just too much for your average bear.

"They stayed excited for way too long."

Even so, after teetering on the edge of extinction, the future for the giant panda is looking hopeful...and frisky.

The Mavericks Are Like Gloria

Because I think they got your number. Gloria! Glory, glory-uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

A lot of people are finding it hard to believe that the 67 win Dallas Mavericks are going to be eliminated by the 8th-seeded Golden State Warriors, but they are.
Golden State has owned Dallas over the past two years, going 9-2 against them in the regular season and playoffs.

The easy way to explain this would be to give all the credit to Don Nelson because he knows the Mavericks and is outcoaching Avery Johnson in this series. But they did go 3-1 against Dallas last year under Mike Montgomery.

I do think Nelson has figured out a way to stop Dirk who hasn't scored more than 23 points in any game this series.



You can also credit the Warriors fans who wearing wearing yellow "we believe" t-shirts have created a great playoff atmosphere. But they did win Game 1 in Dallas.



Maybe the best explanation for this surprising result is the resurgence of Baron Davis to good health and good spirits. He's played great in this series, scoring 33 each in Games 1 and 4. This reminds me of the epic battle he had with Tracy McGrady a few years back.



But in truth, the die for this series was cast many years ago, in a small Los Angeles private school. There Baron Davis met a kid named Cash Warren who would go on to have sex with Jessica Alba. And because Alba is ten times cooler than any other hot celebrity chick she and Cash were courtside for Game 4. Kate Hudson is also friends with Cash and Baron from high school and she too, was at the game, with Owen Wilson. Wilson is from the Dallas area but he's banging Kate Hudson so he probably didn't want to root too loudly and piss her off and get himself cut off.

This Freakin Guy

The amazing Robert Horry wrote another chapter to his "War and Peace"-esque book of postseason accomplishments.
With about 30 seconds left and San Antonio up 90-89, Horry spotted up in the right corner. Tony Parker drove the lane, dished to Horry, who made a three pointer, over the outstretched arm of Marcus Camby, to seal the game.

The Spurs now lead the Nuggets 3 games to 1, which means another first round exit for Melo, AI and the Freeds.

Michael Wins Again

Congratulations to Michael for following up his victory in tournament challenge with another impressive victory in Draft Forecast.
It was a difficult first round to predict with Brady Quinn throwing a monkey wrench into the works by falling from 3rd (where most people had him) to 22.
Michael nailed 6 of the first 8 picks dead on and that was enough for the victory.
I finished last, getting only one pick exactly right (Adrian Peterson).
The biggest surprise thoough was that the little blond kid figured out how to use a computer and actually finished second in our little group.
The overall winner, not coincidentally titled "never kissed a girl," got 12 of 15 picks right on the head. He's going to get a Hummer, definitely the first of his life.

The Emperor's New Room

After months of waiting, our sunroom remodeling project is finally complete. Almost. The contractor still has a few loose ends to tie up but the room is pretty much as it's going to look. And our furniture arrived today also, 4 - 6 weeks early which might have caused a problem, but we were able to fit it all in the living room while the work was being completed, so it actually worked out nicely.
It looks really nice in there and I'm looking forward to relaxing in there this summer with a beer, a book and big black lab.
But the room's new look may preclude Mrs. Poop from allowing us to play beer pong out there during this September's 3rd (or is it 4th, I don't think the wedding counts) annual Poopfest. But by that point she'll be 8 months and 3 weeks pregnant so she probably won't even let me have the damn party anyway.

Forget the Polar Ice Caps, The Roads Are Melting

A gasoline tanker crashed and burst into flames, literally melting a highway overpass in the Bay Area.
That's going to completely fuck shit up for this morning's commute and for the rest of the year before they can get this thing fixed.

Idol Arrested

Former American Idol finalist Jessica Sierra was arrested after she allegedly smashed a glass on some dude's head. Not just any glass, a heavy cafe glass.
Things got worse when the police booked her and found some cocaine on her.
Then things got even worse when she took this mugshot.

The NFL Draft is Poop

The Raiders fucked up, of course. They should have taken Calvin Johnson. The only reason not to was because they had Randy Moss. And then they traded Moss. It's always risky to plop a rookie quarterback onto a horrible team with no offensive line and no weapons. It's a recipe for failure. The trade of Moss wasn't so bad, they got nothing in terms of talent back but got rid of a big salary and a big headache.

I don't know why the Patriots were so desperate to fuck up their team chemistry with Moss after they had already added Donte Stallworth and Wes Welker through free agency. And they also drafted some dickhead from the U. Seems like they are getting away from what made them so successful.

The Browns had a great draft, getting the QB they wanted at 3, at 22. Not sure if they knew Quinn would fall that far but I doubt it was just plain luck. So many teams already have QBs entrenched or just drafted, so they obviously thought the number of potential suitors for Quinn was very limited. This is the Aaron Rodgers postulate. A QB expected to go at the top, slides past one team that was supposed to take him, then sinks like a stone.

I'm pleased with the Redskins choice of LaRon Landry. Teamed with Sean Taylor that should be an awesome duo of safeties. The Redskins biggest problem last year was the fact that they forced so few turnovers (bottom ten all-time, I think). You just can't win games when you are losing the battle of turnovers every week. Now, a lot of turnovers are luck (a tipped ball, a bouncing fumble) but if you can make your own luck, a good way to do it is with two hard hitting safeties.

Not sure what the Dolphins were doing with Ted Ginn at #9. But I always say this in the post-mortem of the draft. Where you take a guy is not important. If Ted Ginn is a really good player for them will people say "yes, but, they should have moved down and still got Ginn at 15 while adding a third rounder." No, all you need to do is pick a good player. If the Patriots had picked Tom Brady in the first round would it be a bad pick because they could have had him in the sixth? No, performance is the only tool for evaluation from this point on.

Nothing Beats an Old Jew

With their last pick in the Israeli baseball league draft, the Modi'in Miracle selects Sandy Koufax.
Koufax is 71 years old and retired more than 40 years ago. Miracle manager and former Mets World Series winner, Art Shamsky, did it as a tribute to Koufax.